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Is It Too Late to Change My Life at 31?
I’m 31 years old and I feel like I wasted a lot of my 20s due to poor planning, youthful mistakes, and taking on jobs that weren’t related to art. Before my 20s, I did take an art path and was interested in it, but I didn’t pursue formal studies until now. My family was very, very against me pursuing a career in the art industry, so I didn’t follow this path earlier.
During my 20s, I struggled a lot with mental health, low-paying jobs, and periods of depression that sometimes made me become a hermit. Even during those depressed, hermit years, I still drew occasionally, though not at a professional level. I really didn’t have a father figure or a mentor to guide me and help me navigate life properly, which made it even harder to figure out how to live my life the right way. I’ve tried therapy and seeing a psychiatrist (I’m starting to realize I’m not severely depressed — just mild depression that needs guidance and help in life choices and goals). Honestly, part of me sees the psychiatrist more like a business model loop — I’d keep going back, they’d give me meds, and the cycle repeats (to be honest, I didn’t take the medication). I feel like those approaches only help so much in the long term. What I really want now is to crack out of my shell and start living a life with purpose.
At the moment, I don’t have much in savings, which is why my plan includes working for 6 months to 1 year to save money for a course. My target is around 10,000–13,000.
Here’s the course plan:
The school I’m considered, which my family views as fairly new and is skeptical about. The course I really want is focused on concept art and illustration (around 10,000 ), which aligns with my dream. During the course, my main focus will be to build a professional portfolio strong enough to get work in the industry, not just to earn a diploma.
Getting this diploma is also a stepping stone to apply for a work visa in Japan or any other country in general in the future.
There’s also a 3D art course offered by the school. My family thinks it would make me more hireable, but honestly I don’t enjoy 3D work — I want to focus on 2D/concept art. I see 3D more as a branching skill, not my passion (my whole family is very, very against me taking the art path or even migrating out of the country).
After finishing the course, I plan to find work and continue improving my portfolio.
The school offers an exchange/residency program in Japan if I am selected — it’s about a 1-month career exchange, which could give me exposure to Japanese studios and work culture.
Another side goal for this year is to study Japanese and reach at least N3 level, which will help me in the future for both work and life in Japan.
I know this field is competitive and I’m starting later than most people. My family also says I’m too late to start this path. They often argue with me, bringing up their life experiences and stories of people who tried to migrate but failed to get PR, others who failed job interviews despite having degrees or years of work experience, or cases where credentials from private schools were not recognized in the industry. They tell me I’m too self-centered for thinking this way and that it will take years to do all of this, only to bang my head against a wall and end up with more failure.
Every time I talk to them, they bring up my past failures — giving up halfway, failing exams, forsaking study, or “not being capable.” They argue that I should give up on this dream and focus on “practical” paths. They also say that even if I work and get a diploma, pursuing the art industry or even chasing a market-aligned diploma is a mistake. They insist that AI, tech, or other technological fields are what I should pursue to survive in the world, and that I’d be “dumb” to chase art or anything that isn’t seen as high-demand tech.
On top of that, my sister’s boyfriend comments that I’d be foolish to give up on citizenship when I’m older. He became a PR here and often shares stories of people in their 50s or 60s coming to work but not being able to attain PR. Most of the stories he mentions involve people without formal study credentials. I’m unsure if their lack of credentials, work ethic, or other factors is why they failed to get PR at an older age, and it makes me anxious about planning long-term.
Basically, they all spend a lot of time trying to convince me to give up on this dream and take a more “secure” path. I don’t know whether this constant negativity is normal family concern or toxic behavior.
For the diploma, the school has two intake options: July or November. I’m unsure whether I should aim for July (start sooner but with less savings) or November (more time to save and prepare).*
*I feel like I want to get the diploma as soon as possible because I feel very far behind in life.
I need real human advice regarding how to deal with family negativity like this. They constantly bring up their own life experiences, examples of people failing at migration, PR applications, work interviews despite good degrees, and cases where private school credentials weren’t recognized. Every conversation feels like they’re trying to convince me that my plans will fail and that pursuing my goals is self-centered. I’m trying to step out of depression and pursue meaningful goals, but I don’t know how to filter their criticism without letting it derail me. How do you set boundaries, keep motivation, or process this kind of negativity while chasing a big life change?
My main question is simple but very important to me:
Am I too late to change my life and make this dream happen, even starting at 31, after struggling mentally and professionally in my 20s and without much savings?
I’d also strongly appreciate it if anyone who’s like me — in their 30s, with mental trauma or past struggles — could share: what did you do to crawl out of it and overcome it when starting a new life? Any genuine, practical life advice to get through the process of changing your life would be amazing.
Finally, I would eventually like to migrate out of my current country and live in another country if possible.
Any real-life experiences, advice, or encouragement would mean a lot.
Thank you.
Jobadvisor
First, let’s clear the air: 31 is not even close to "too late." In the creative industry, 31 is actually a common age for a "second act." You have the maturity that 19-year-olds lack, and you've already tasted the "practical" life and realized it’s not for you. That hunger is a competitive advantage.
However, you are fighting a two-front war: one against your own history of depression and one against a family that is using your past to anchor you to a future you don't want.
1. The Family Dynamic: Concern or Toxicity?
What you are describing is a mix of projected fear and narrative trapping. Because they saw you struggle in your 20s, they have written a "character" for you in their minds: The one who fails. When you try to change, it threatens their worldview and makes them anxious, so they try to "save" you by pulling you back into the "safe" (but miserable) box.
Filter the "Noise": Your sister’s boyfriend and your parents are citing anecdotes, not data. People fail at PR or jobs for a thousand reasons (bad timing, poor portfolios, lack of soft skills). Their failures are not your destiny.
The "Information Diet": Stop sharing your dreams with people who only use them as target practice. If they ask about your plans, give boring, vague answers ("I'm just working and saving right now"). You don't need their permission to pursue this, so stop asking for it via these "debates."
Boundaries: When they bring up your past, say: "I understand you're worried based on my 20s. I’m focused on who I am now. I’m not looking for advice on this right now, but I’d love to talk about [neutral topic]."
2. The Art Career & Japan Goal
The Concept Art world is notoriously "merit-first." A diploma is nice for a visa, but the portfolio is the only thing that gets you the job.
2D vs. 3D: Your family is right that 3D is "more hireable," but they are wrong that you must do it. However, in modern Concept Art, many 2D artists use 3D (like Blender) as a base to speed up their workflow. Don't see it as a separate career; see it as a power tool for your 2D work.
The Visa Reality: To move to Japan, you usually need either a University Degree (in any subject) or 10 years of professional experience. If this private school diploma is a "Vocational Degree" (Senmon Gakki), it can count. Verify the accreditation of the school specifically for Japanese visa requirements before spending $10k.
July vs. November: Go for November. If you have a history of depression and "giving up halfway," the biggest gift you can give yourself is financial breathing room. Starting in July with zero savings will create high-intensity stress that could trigger a depressive episode. Spend the extra months self-studying Japanese and drawing daily to prove to yourself you can stick to a routine.
3. Overcoming the "Hermit" Cycle
You mentioned you didn't take the meds and feel the psych is a "business loop." Whether you use meds or not, you need a System of Accountability.
The 30-Year-Old Advantage: You know your "tells." You know what it feels like right before you slip into a hermit phase. Write down your "early warning signs" and create a protocol (e.g., "If I don't leave the house for 2 days, I must call a friend/mentor").
Micro-Wins: Your family calls you "self-centered" and "incapable." Counteract this by hitting small, undeniable goals. Reach N5 Japanese. Complete a 30-day drawing challenge. These aren't for them; they are "receipts" for your own brain to prove you are changing.
Real-Talk Summary
You aren't "behind" in life; you were just in a long "loading screen." Many of the best concept artists (like those at Blizzard or Nintendo) didn't "find their hand" until their 30s.
Your plan for the next year:
Work and Save: Aim for the November intake.
Go Stealth: Stop discussing your art/Japan goals with your family.
Skill Up: Start a free online curriculum (like Proko or Drawabox)
now. Don't wait for the school to start being an artist. Language: Get to N4/N3. It’s the best way to show you’re serious about migrating.
Am I an idiot for wanting to quit my high paying job?
I (28M) am strongly considering quitting my remote software job to move across the country from Denver to Chicago. It pays 185k TC, I work very few hours, and it’s honestly one of the best possible gigs you could ask for on paper. But my days feel miserable. I hate not having any community, I hate not feeling ambitious towards anything, I basically wake up and sit in my room wiggling my mouse and playing video games for 8 hours every day of my life, occasionally going to a coffee shop to get real work done. It’s become extremely depressing. The mental energy it takes when I need to actually pump out work is extremely high because I feel so disconnected from the work that it’s become hard to get anything done. I don’t know how to get out of this rut, and I’m afraid that I’m about to throw away a good thing for nothing. But I feel like I need to live in a city with a community, with a better dating scene, where the social life isn’t entirely skiing and snowboarding. Plus, 4 of my 5 closest friends are relocating in the next month. But my job won’t let me relocate without a “strong business case”.
Am I an idiot for going down this path?
Jobadvisor
You are not an idiot, but you are currently experiencing a very specific, high-altitude version of "Golden Handcuff Rot." At $185k with "very few hours," you have achieved the Silicon Valley dream, but you’ve discovered the nightmare hidden inside: Total lack of friction. Without a community, a commute, or a challenge, your life has become a sensory deprivation tank. Of course you’re depressed—human beings aren't wired to "wiggle a mouse" and play video games in isolation for years on end, regardless of the paycheck.
Here is a grounded, peer-level reality check on your situation.
1. The "Strong Business Case" Strategy
Before you set $185k on fire, let’s talk about that relocation policy. Companies often use "strong business case" as a deterrent, not a hard "no."
The Angle: Don't tell them you're lonely. Tell them Chicago is a major tech hub with a central time zone that allows better overlap with East/West coast teams.
The Leverage: You are a high-value asset. If you truly are ready to quit, you have total leverage. * The Move: Request a meeting. Say: "I’ve realized that for my long-term productivity and mental health, I need to be based in Chicago. I’d like to make this work within the company, but if the 'business case' isn't there, I understand—I’ll need to start looking for a role that allows me to be based there." Often, when a company realizes a $185k engineer is about to walk, the "business case" miraculously appears.
2. Denver vs. Chicago: The Social "Why"
You’re right about the Denver "Peter Pan" syndrome. If you aren't into the I-70 ski grind, the social scene feels very narrow.
Chicago offers a dense, neighborhood-centric life where you don't need a car, the dating pool is massive, and the "community" is built into the sidewalk.
The Risk: If you move to Chicago and keep the same "wiggle the mouse" habits, you will just be depressed in a flatter, colder city. A move only works if it’s paired with a lifestyle design change (e.g., joining a boxing gym, a run club, or a professional meetup).
3. The "Ambitious" Void
The reason work feels "extremely high energy" when you actually have to do it is Executive Dysfunction caused by boredom. When you don't care about the mission and your brain is under-stimulated, a simple Pull Request feels like climbing Everest.
Logic Check: If you quit without a plan, that $185k safety net vanishes. In the current 2026 tech market, finding another "chill" $185k role isn't a guarantee.
The Audit: Have you considered taking that "extra" time your job gives you and pouring it into a side project, a startup, or even a grueling physical goal? Sometimes ambition needs to be jump-started outside of the paycheck.
The Verdict: Don't Quit, Pivot.
You aren't an idiot for wanting to leave a miserable situation, but you would be an idiot to quit before testing your leverage.
The "Standard Operating Procedure" for your situation:
Call their bluff: Force the Chicago move. Tell them you're moving and ask how to make the "business case" work.
The "Working Vacation": Spend two weeks in an Airbnb in Chicago now. Work from a high-end Coworking space (like WeWork or Industries) there. See if the environment alone fixes the "mouse-wiggling" depression.
Secure the bag elsewhere: If they say no to Chicago, do not quit. Start interviewing for Chicago-based or "Remote-First" (not "Remote-with-Caveats") jobs. Use your current "chill" hours to grind LeetCode or system design.
Leaving tech for a simpler life?
Hi, I am 24 (almost 3 YOE) and i want to leave tech. I am a SWE in Boston area and tbh I just can't handle it.
I leave every day so drained and lately I've been having to work overtime to not fall behind. We are constantly in "emergency mode" even though it 100% does not matter if we deliver later. We always have to cut corners instead of doing a good job so that we can deliver faster. Also all my coworkers are so AI pilled and I don't use AI because I don't like it and it goes against my morals (environmental and also I feel like it's making everyone dumb).
It's funny because I do actually like coding, but not engineering. That is something I realized pretty recently. I like making a nice website in react or an elegant piece of software in Java or Python, but most of this job is deployment, messiness, specs, devops stuff, and dealing with a million systems I don't understand and don't want to understand. I honestly hate the culture of people bragging about how they code/learn new technology stuff in their spare time.
I think I am not actually cut out for the engineering part of this job basically. But that just doesn't cut in in 2026. I am really depressed and I can barely get through a day at work without crying (and sometimes I cry when I'm not at work because I hate it so much). This is really embarrassing because I know I'm so privileged, but idk what to do from here.
I would love to take a pay cut to work something less technically and cognitively demanding. I would love to have no long term projects and the constant need to "upskill" in my spare time.
I want to stay in Boston though which is obviously expensive. I am a frugal person though (single, not planning on ever having kids, no car, etc).
Some other things is that I don't want to work in the trades (ie plumber, etc) since I'm really bad with my hands and I don't drive.
BaristaFIRE would be the dream and although I have a good amount of money saved, it's not nearly enough for something like that yet.
I am saving up for a down payment on a small place in Boston/Somerville/etc (I found 1 bedroom places for 400-500k total which is way less than I had expected).
What should I do? I am good with people and things like customer facing roles don't bother me. I like talking to people and I am great with kids.
I'm willing to get a master's if I need. I obviously need benefits/health insurance and I also want to make at least 60-65k a year or so.
For now I'm staying in my tech job but the only thing keeping me going is knowing that I can leave.
Jobadvisor
It’s not embarrassing to feel this way. The "golden handcuffs" of tech can feel very heavy when the day-to-day reality—cutting corners, "emergency mode," and a culture of constant upskilling—is crushing your mental health.
Since you are frugal, single, and okay with a salary in the $60k–$75k range, you have more options in Boston than the average person. You are in a unique position: you have the technical literacy that most people lack, but the "people skills" that most engineers struggle with.
Here is a breakdown of paths that fit your criteria:
1. High-Value "People + Code" Roles
These roles use your 3 years of SWE experience but remove the "engineering" pressure (DevOps, architecture, 24/7 on-call).
Technical Support Engineer (Tier 3): You aren't building the system; you're helping customers solve specific bugs. It’s "puzzle-solving" with clear boundaries. Once you clock out, the queue belongs to the next shift.
Implementation Specialist: You help new clients set up a software product. It’s mostly React/API work and talking to people. No long-term "vague" projects—just a checklist to get the client live.
Solutions Architect / Sales Engineer: Don't let the title scare you. In many companies, this is a "demo" role. You write small, elegant scripts or UI mockups to show what’s possible, then hand the "messy" engineering to the dev team.
2. Education & Mentorship (The "Kid" & People Factor)
Since you mentioned being great with kids and liking the "elegant" side of code:
Computer Science Teacher (Private/Charter): Schools like Commonwealth School or Buckingham Browne & Nichols in the Boston area often hire people with industry experience. Salaries for teachers with a few years of experience in MA often start around $60k–$70k.
Instructional Designer / Curriculum Developer: Companies like EdX (2U) or local ed-tech startups need people who can write coding exercises in Python/Java without needing to manage the underlying server infrastructure.
Higher-Ed IT / Academic Computing: Working for Harvard, MIT, or Tufts is notoriously "slower" than the private sector. You get incredible benefits, a 35-hour work week, and a mission-driven environment.
3. The "Lower Cognitive Load" Pivot
If you want to move away from the screen entirely but stay in the $60k range:
University Admissions or Student Advising: These roles at Boston-area colleges pay exactly in your $60k–$75k sweet spot. They are social, structured, and come with great health insurance.
Library Technical Services: If you’re willing to get an MLIS (Master of Library and Information Science), you can work in digital archives. It’s "coding-adjacent" (metadata, databases) but at a librarian’s pace.
Financial Reality Check: Boston on $65k
Is it doable? Yes.
Housing: If you’re saving for a $400k–$500k condo, a $65k salary might make the mortgage approval tight if you don't have a massive down payment. However, if you're "frugal with no car," you can live comfortably in a Somerville/Cambridge group house for $1,200–$1,500/month or a modest studio for $2,100.
The "BaristaFIRE" Bridge: Since you have savings, you could treat a $65k job as your "active income" while your tech savings continue to compound in the background.
Suggested Next Steps
The "Safety Valve" Search: Look at Higher-Ed jobs (Harvard/MIT/BU). Their "Software Developer" roles are often just "maintaining a few websites" rather than high-stakes engineering. It’s a perfect halfway house.
Informational Interviews: Reach out to one person on LinkedIn who is a "CS Teacher" or "Implementation Specialist" in Boston. Ask them: "Do you have to work weekends or do DevOps?"
The Master's Option: If you want to work with kids/schools, look into the Harvard Graduate School of Education (HGSE) or Lesley University. They have programs specifically for career-switchers into education.