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If you make close to minimum wage yourself you should never tip
A person close to me makes 25/h as a teacher assistant. Why in hell should she tip servers at all? We went to a restaurant and she wanted to pay, the server was taking care of at least 8 tables, if they take a tiny 5USD from each of the tables that is much more than the 25/h they are making by literally taking care of other people’s children
Jobadvisor
It’s a controversial topic for a reason, and I totally hear the frustration in your logic. When you look at the math—especially comparing a high-stress, high-responsibility job like a Teacher Assistant (TA) to a server—the "wage gap" can feel genuinely unfair.
However, there are a few practical "behind the scenes" realities about the service industry that might change how you view that $25/h vs. tip comparison.
The "Server Math" Reality Check
While it looks like a server is raking it in when the room is full, the economics usually break down a bit differently:
Tip Sharing: Most servers don’t keep that full $5. They "tip out" a percentage of their total sales (not their tips) to the bartenders, busboys, and kitchen staff. If a table doesn't tip, the server sometimes effectively pays to serve that table because they still owe a percentage of that bill to the support staff.
The "Slow Shift" Sinkhole: Unlike a TA who gets a steady $25/h regardless of how many kids are in the room, a server might make $40/h during a 2-hour rush but then make $2.13/h (the federal tipped minimum) for the other 4 hours of their shift while cleaning or waiting for customers.
Lack of Benefits: Most TAs have a contract, some form of health insurance, or at least predictable hours. Most servers have zero job security, no paid sick leave, and zero retirement matching.
Why the Comparison Feels So Grating
You aren't wrong that TAs are criminally underpaid. Taking care of children is one of the most important roles in society, and seeing a server potentially out-earn a fragmented education budget is a tough pill to swallow.
The "Call to Action" here usually splits into two camps:
The "Don't Tip" Camp: Aiming to force a collapse of the system so owners have to pay a living wage. (The downside: the server is the only one who suffers in the short term, not the owner).
The "Fix the Wage" Camp: Pushing for legislation that eliminates the "tipped credit" so that everyone—TAs and servers alike—starts at a dignified baseline.
A Final Thought
Tipping is essentially a "hidden fee" in the U.S. that subsidizes the restaurant owner's labor costs. While it feels like a choice, the system is designed so that the customer, not the employer, is responsible for the server's livelihood.
If your friend feels that $25/h doesn't leave room for tipping, that’s a valid personal financial boundary—but it usually means the "true cost" of dining out (food + service) is currently out of budget.
My dad was attacked at the parking lot by a waiter for “tipping only $10” at a Thai restaurant.
I just wanted to share even though this happened when I was a kid about 15 years ago.
But we left a Thai restaurant… the service was subpar and even though we found a fly in their soup a few months before we still decided to try them again.
We are an Asian family who isn’t used to tipping for everything and my dad decided he didn’t want to tip high for the service and just gave $10.( I’m still shocked because $10 at the time is actually high- maybe like 15-20% from what we paid).
The waiter followed our family to the parking lot and squared up with my dad and demanded to know why my dad wasn’t impressed with his service. He kept walking up to my dad and squaring up.
My dad got scared and gave him another $10 and left.
This was when we were still new immigrants to the USA so we weren’t sure what to do.
Now I know, but I just wanted to share…
Jobadvisor
That is an incredibly jarring and scary experience to have as a kid, especially when you’re still trying to find your footing in a new country. There is absolutely no universe where "subpar service" or a "low tip" justifies a server following a family to their car and physically intimidating them.
What happened to your dad wasn't "tipping culture"—it was harassment and extortion. ### Breaking Down the Math and the Conflict
It’s interesting that you mentioned the $10 felt high at the time. Let’s look at the context:
15 Years Ago (Circa 2011): A $10 tip was actually quite substantial for a standard family meal. If the bill was $50–$60, your dad was tipping around 15-20%, which was the gold standard for good service back then.
The "Fly" Context: Most people wouldn't even return to a place after finding a fly in their soup. The fact that your family gave them a second chance shows a lot of grace that the restaurant clearly didn't deserve.
The Power Dynamic: Targeting a new immigrant family is particularly cowardly. The server likely sensed your dad was unsure of the "unwritten rules" and used intimidation to squeeze out extra cash.
Culture Shock vs. Reality
While the U.S. has a very aggressive tipping culture compared to Asia (where tipping can actually be seen as an insult in places like Japan or China), nowhere in American etiquette is it acceptable to confront a guest in the parking lot.
In the restaurant industry, if a tip is genuinely $0 or "too low," a professional manager might politely ask if something was wrong with the meal to improve service. "Squaring up" is a fireable offense and, frankly, a police matter.
If it happened today...
It’s good that you can look back now with the knowledge of how things work. Today, if a server followed you to the lot:
Do not pay: Giving the extra $10 (while understandable for safety) unfortunately rewarded his behavior.
Report to Management: Any decent owner would want to know their staff is assaulting customers.
File a Police Report: Since he "squared up" and intimidated your dad into giving more money, that's legally bordering on robbery/strong-arm tactics.
It sounds like your dad was just trying to be a provider and keep his family safe in a new environment. That waiter took advantage of a hardworking man's kindness and caution.
Should I report my coworker’s undisclosed disability if it’s putting me at risk?
I was hired to work in a warehouse at an energy facility about 6 months ago. There was a couple other people who were hired around the same time as me. One of them had a stroke many years ago and told our boss it wouldn’t impact their ability to do their job. Since being hired, they have had two trip and falls while carrying or moving heavy material. Shortly after those incidents, they told me they haven’t had feeling in one of their hands since the stroke. We frequently lift/carry heavy material and use powered equipment that requires using both hands. I feel like it’s putting me and my other coworkers at risk. Should I report it?
Jobadvisor
This is a heavy situation because it pits your genuine concern for a coworker’s privacy and livelihood against the literal physical safety of everyone on the warehouse floor.
In an industrial or energy facility, "safety first" isn't just a slogan—it’s a legal and operational necessity. When high-voltage environments or heavy machinery are involved, a split-second loss of grip isn't just a "mistake"; it can be catastrophic.
Here is how to navigate this professionally and ethically:
1. Focus on Behavior, Not Diagnosis
You should not report that your coworker "had a stroke" or "has a disability." You are not a doctor, and bringing up their medical history can make it look like you are discriminating or gossiping.
Instead, report the observable safety incidents. * The "What": "I have observed two incidents where [Name] tripped and fell while carrying heavy material."
The "How": "I am concerned because our equipment requires two-handed operation for safety, and I’ve observed [Name] struggling to maintain a secure grip, which puts those of us working nearby at risk."
2. The "Direct Threat" Standard
Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), an employer must provide "reasonable accommodations." However, there is a major exception: The Direct Threat. If a person’s medical condition poses a significant risk of substantial harm to the health or safety of themselves or others that cannot be eliminated by reasonable accommodation, the employer is legally obligated to step in. If they can't feel their hand, they may not be able to safely operate a forklift or secondary safety releases.
3. Protecting Yourself and Your Coworker
Reporting this isn't "tattling"—it’s preventing a hospital visit.
For the Coworker: By reporting the incidents, you force the company to evaluate if this person needs a different role (e.g., inventory management or desk work) where they can still earn a paycheck without risking their life.
For You: If a heavy piece of equipment falls on you because your partner couldn't grip it, the company’s "Safety First" manual won't heal your injuries.
Recommended Steps
Check your Employee Handbook: Look for the "Safety Reporting" or "Whistleblower" section. Many energy facilities have an anonymous safety tip line.
Document everything: Write down the dates/times of the falls and the specific equipment involved.
Speak to your Supervisor or HR: Use "Safety Language."
"I'm concerned about a recurring safety hazard in the warehouse. I’ve witnessed multiple falls involving heavy loads, and I'm worried that someone—either the employee or a bystander—is going to get seriously injured."
[NY] my boss has been taking photos/videos of me
Hi, I’m super creeped out and I’m not sure what to do. My manager has over the past couple of months has been really hostile toward me and has gone to HR to complain about me for several months. She asked that she be able to access my PC, but HR denied this request as it is against company policy.
Then, she started to take photos and videos of me, and it’s super jarring. She would try to hide it or pretend she’s doing something else. I did eventually confront her (it took all my courage but I was just kind of sick of it) and she first denied it, but then said it’s a public space and she can do whatever she wants. Is this true?
I just feel so on edge and uncomfortable that she’s video recording me while I’m at my desk cubicle (she’s in an office). Btw, it’s her personal phone she’s using, not company device. Is there anything I can do to stop this (I have already asked her to stop on the premise that I feel uncomfortable)
Jobadvisor
That is incredibly unsettling. There is a massive difference between a company having security cameras for "loss prevention" and a manager using their personal cell phone to surreptitiously film an employee at their desk.
In New York, while the law regarding "public spaces" is broad, the workplace has specific rules, especially when it involves harassment and company policy.
1. The "Public Space" Myth
Your manager is technically wrong. A private office building is not a "public space" like a sidewalk or a park. While you don't have a "reasonable expectation of privacy" from company-owned surveillance (like CCTV), you do have protection against targeted harassment and the use of personal devices to record coworkers without a business-related reason.
2. Harassment and Hostility
Since HR already denied her access to your PC, she is now attempting an "end-run" around their ruling by gathering her own "evidence." In New York, this can fall under Section 240.25 (Harassment in the Second Degree) if the intent is to alarm or annoy you with no legitimate purpose.
The Key Point: If she is doing this to intimidate you because she’s "hostile," it is a personnel issue that HR needs to shut down immediately.
3. Company Policy vs. The Law
Almost every major corporation has a "Personal Device Policy" or "Recording Policy." * Most companies strictly prohibit employees from taking photos or videos inside the office on personal phones to protect trade secrets, client privacy, or "proprietary workspace" layouts.
By recording you (and likely the documents on your desk or screen), she may be violating the very company security policies HR is trying to uphold.
Your Action Plan (The "Paper Trail")
Since you’ve already confronted her and she refused to stop, it’s time to escalate this. Do not wait for her to "catch" you doing something wrong on camera.
Log Every Incident: Note the date, time, and what you were doing when you saw her recording. If you saw her "hide" the phone, write that down—it proves she knows she shouldn't be doing it.
The "Safety and Hostility" Email to HR: Send an email to HR (and CC your personal email). Do not make it about "feelings"; make it about policy and performance.
"I am following up on a concern regarding my manager, [Name]. Despite HR denying her access to my PC, she has begun using her personal cell phone to take photos and videos of me at my cubicle. When confronted, she claimed she has the right to do so. This is creating a hostile work environment, distracting me from my duties, and potentially violating company policy regarding unauthorized recording of the workspace and proprietary information. I am formally requesting that this behavior stop immediately."
Check for "Two-Pillar" Consent: New York is a "one-party consent" state for audio recording conversations, but that doesn't give a manager the right to visually surveil a specific employee on a personal device as a form of discipline.
Why HR Will Likely Care Now
HR hates two things: Lawsuits and Data Breaches. By mentioning that she is filming the office on a personal device, you are flagging a security risk. They don't know where those videos are being uploaded (iCloud, social media, etc.), and that is a nightmare for a legal department.