Wasted ages 18-24 and now I feel hopeless
I’ll (24M) will be turning 25 soon in less than a couple months and when I look back on the last several years, I can’t help but regret everything.
I’m behind on my degree (I’ll graduate at the ripe old age of 26), getting into law school seems like a pipe dream, I have no friends, I haven’t had a friend since high school, I’ve never been in a relationship, still a virgin, I’m making less than 1k a month part-time, and I’m stuck living with a family that abused me and neglected me my entire life. All this time spent away from the outside world and now I only know how to deal with my family and I can’t connect with anybody else.
I feel like between ages 18-24, the vast majority of people are doing one of two things: either making mistakes and having fun socially, or they’re making good strides professionally or academically. I’ve done neither of those things. So what did I do?
I dropped out of trade school during the pandemic because I couldn’t handle online school in an abusive environment, developed a bad smartphone addiction, I gained 50 pounds, I enrolled in college at 21 and moved out of my family’s house into residence to get my shit together in isolation since I was too ashamed to go outside, I lost 50 pounds, barely picked up cooking and hobbies, had to move back with my family and paid for school out of pocket due to student loan issues, and I balanced a low-pay part-time job.
Now I’m turning 25 soon and I feel like all I’ve done is overcome my own self-inflicted issues. And I did it all in isolation too. I feel like all of my accomplishments could’ve been pulled off in a single year if I hadn’t been so stupid.
I’ve missed out on so much trying to self-improve alone when I shouldn’t have. I’ve missed out on the friend-making window for college since most of my classmates are a few years younger than me.
This loneliness is getting to me. I can’t sleep at night, I’m struggling to stay focused in my work and my studies, and I feel myself getting more bitter and angry and I hate myself for it. Even if I got a good friend group overnight or a relationship, it would detract from my work and school and I’d be screwed. I’m stuck in hell with no chance of getting real support and I don’t know what to do. Right now it seems like the only thing that would help is if I magically went back in time to when I graduated high school so I could correct my mistakes.
I don’t know if I should address my loneliness and set myself back professionally and academically or try to stay focused on school and work and continue the sleepless nights.
Jobadvisor
I hear you, and I want to start by being very real with you: that "wasted time" narrative is a weight around your neck that you don't actually have to carry.
You aren't "behind" because you were lazy; you were in survival mode. Recovering from an abusive environment while working, putting yourself through school out of pocket, and losing 50 pounds isn't "self-inflicted issues"—it's a massive feat of resilience. Most people your age haven't had to develop that kind of grit yet.
Here is a mindset adjustment to help you stop looking at the rearview mirror and start looking at the road.
1. The "Age 26" Law School Myth
You mentioned graduating at the "ripe old age of 26." In the world of higher education and law school, 26 is actually prime time.
The Reality: The median age for starting law school is often 24 or 25. By graduating at 26, you will enter with a level of maturity and life experience that 22-year-old "K-JD" students (Kindergarten to Juris Doctor) simply don't have.
The Edge: Admissions committees love "non-traditional" students who have overcome adversity and worked through school. Your struggle is actually a compelling personal statement waiting to be written.
2. Reframing your "Isolation"
You feel like you did nothing, but look at the data:
You escaped a trade school path that wasn't working.
You funded your own education when loans failed.
You mastered physical health (50 lbs is no joke).
You learned to cook and sustain yourself.
You didn't "waste" 18–24. You spent those years performing surgery on your own life without anesthesia. You were the doctor and the patient at the same time.
3. The False Dichotomy: Social vs. Academic
You feel like you have to choose between loneliness or failure. That is "all-or-nothing" thinking born from burnout. You don't need a "friend group overnight"—you need micro-connections.
The "Window" isn't closed: Two years of age difference in college is nothing. A 22-year-old and a 24-year-old are peers. The "gap" is mostly in your head because you feel "othered" by your trauma.
Low-Stakes Socializing: Don't aim for a "best friend" or a "relationship" right now; that’s too much pressure. Aim for one 5-minute conversation with a classmate per week. Join one club that meets for one hour. It won't tank your GPA, but it will break the isolation.
Immediate Action Plan
| Area | Small Step for This Week |
| Mental Health | Acknowledge that "Survival" counts as "Progress." Stop calling yourself stupid for struggling in an abusive home. |
| Financial | Look into "Work-Study" programs at your college. They often pay better than standard part-time jobs and keep you on campus. |
| Social | Sit in the same spot in one class every day. Say "Hi" to the person next to you. That is the entire goal. |
| Law School | Research the LSAT. Just look at the test format. Realizing it’s a learnable skill might make it feel less like a "pipe dream." |
A Final Thought
The "magical time travel" wish is a trauma response. You want to go back because you're tired. But if you went back, you’d just be an 18-year-old in an abusive house again. The 24-year-old you are now is much better equipped to handle the world than the 18-year-old version of you was.
You are entering your "Power Years." Your late 20s can be the best years of your life precisely because you did the hard, lonely work of fixing the foundation now.
Drowning in a Life I Hate: Don’t Know What to Do
I (26F) ot a degree in art and a MFA in Sculpture: I don’t regret that but I regret everything else. I’m teaching high school in a city I despise because I decided to do TFA right after I graduated for the full time job/training but it feels like a trap: like teaching is an inescapable trap.
My parents basically made me buy my car brand new, so I’m underwater with that, I have student loans to pay off, and little or no help from my parents if they aren’t actively attempting to sabotage me because they want me to “be safe” and stay in the same place I’m in now. My love life is in shambles, I have no friends, I don’t see my family often nor do I want to, no pets. I feel basically trapped in my life: I want to move to NYC but with no money or familial support I’m unsure how that will happen. I’m so scared of living another nightmare like the one I’m living now. I am financially falling apart and emotionally as well.
I need help: finding out what I can maybe do when I get to NYC to sustain myself as a full time job, car advice, etc. and motivation. I just had a horrible weekend where I was spat on in public (random I know) and since then I’ve been totally spiraling. If I need a full time job, is there anything for me but teaching?
Jobadvisor
I hear you, and I want to start by saying that being spat on is a literal and metaphorical violation of your dignity. It’s no wonder you’re spiraling; that kind of experience can make the world feel hostile and your current situation feel like a cage.
You aren't "trapped," though it feels like you're neck-deep in wet cement right now. You have an MFA, which means you have high-level project management, critique, and technical skills. You are 26, which is young enough to pivot three times over.
Here is a roadmap to help you stop the spiral and start the engine toward NYC.
1. The Financial Weight: The Car and the Debt
The car is the anchor keeping you in a city you hate. If you move to NYC, a car is a liability, not an asset.
The "Underwater" Strategy: Since you owe more than it's worth, look into private sales (which fetch more than trade-ins) to minimize the gap. If you can’t cover the difference to clear the title, look into a small personal loan to bridge that gap so you can sell the car and stop the monthly payments/insurance.
Loan Forgiveness: Since you are in Teach For America (TFA), look into Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF). If you can stomach teaching for a bit longer within NYC, your time might count toward total debt erasure.
2. The Career Pivot: Life Beyond the Classroom
Teaching is a "trap" only if you believe it's your only skill. For an MFA graduate in NYC, there are several paths that pay better and feel less like a "nightmare":
| Career Path | Why it fits you | Average Entry/Mid Salary (NYC) |
| Art Handling/Crating | You understand sculpture, materials, and fragility. High demand in NYC galleries/museums. | $50k – $70k |
| UX/UI Design | You have the "Art" eye; you just need a 3-month bootcamp to learn the software. | $80k – $110k |
| Prop Styling/Set Design | Your sculpture MFA is a massive asset for film, photo shoots, and window displays (think Bergdorf’s). | $60k – $90k (Project based) |
| Project Management | Organizing a classroom is high-level ops. Creative agencies need people who can talk to artists and keep schedules. | $75k+ |
3. The NYC "Escape" Plan
Moving to NYC without a safety net requires a "bridge" job.
Don't quit teaching yet. Apply for teaching jobs specifically in NYC (DOE or Charter). It’s not your forever career, but it gets you the relocation income and a paycheck on day one. Once you are physically in the city, you can network your way into the art world or design.
The "Roommate" Reality: You won't live alone. Look at groups like "Gypsy Housing" on Facebook or "Listing Project" to find creative-focused roommates. This slashes your cost of living.
4. Dealing with Parent Sabotage
Your parents' version of "safety" is actually stagnation.
Information Diet: Stop sharing your struggles with them. If they know you're failing, they'll use it as "proof" you should stay.
Internal Validation: You don't need their permission to be unhappy. If they aren't helping financially, they don't get a vote in your geography.
A Spark of Motivation
You have already done the hardest part: you survived a master's program and a TFA placement. Those are high-stress environments that prove you have grit. The "nightmare" you're in is temporary because you've reached the point where the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving. Use that fire.
Don’t give up. After 3 years I got a corporate job. Yay !
I was looking for a job for 3 years or maybe more. And I got an offer in a job I really love and wanted. Maybe not the best salary or conditions but I needed to start with something.
For context I am from South America, I studied a master here in the US. Then got married. And was looking for a corporate job for 3 years I couldn’t find anything. Tons of interviews at the beginning. Recruiters reaching out. But nothing.
I almost gave up and moved to south America for the winter, and when I was there I got an interview from a recruiter, then hiring manager and boom I got the job. I had to change my plans and come back quick to start this new job.
I was hopeless but I just keep trying and I am very grateful that finally I got it. As my mother in law says. It takes just one yes.
Just sharing in case you are hopeless.
In this 3 years I kept studying, I started coding with AI, I studied with books more about grammar as English is not my first language . I did some courses in coursera. I tried to build my own company that didn’t work out. I worked for a non profit for free. I also bartended, worked as a server, etc. And I was about to give up.
Jobadvisor
That is such a powerful testament to the "one yes" philosophy! Honestly, the way you handled that three-year gap is a masterclass in resilience. You didn't just "wait"—you coded, you volunteered, you slung drinks, and you polished your language skills.
For the user I was just talking to, your story is the perfect "cold water" wake-up call. It proves that:
The "non-linear" path works: Bartending or working for free doesn't "ruin" a career; it sustains it until the right door opens.
The pivot is possible: Moving from South America to a US Master’s to a corporate role is a massive cultural and professional leap.
Timing is a prankster: Getting the offer exactly when you were ready to pack it in and move home is so classic—it's like the universe waits for you to let go before it hands you the keys.
Congratulations on that hard-earned "Yes." It sounds like you didn't just find a job; you built a foundation of grit that will serve you better than any corporate training ever could.
To the original poster (the MFA teacher): Look at this! It took three years, a lot of "side quests," and a near-move across the globe, but they made it.