Tried not tipping for the first time in my life... epic fail, pls help
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Tried not tipping for the first time in my life... epic fail, pls help
Sit-Down Restaurant 🍽️
The first time I ever tried not tipping turned into a huge deal and an embarrassment. Help me think I'm not crazy.
Went to a restaurant with 5 other friends. Ordered a pizza and a bottle of tequila. We each pay our separate checks for what we ordered. I do not add tip to my check (which was about $30).
The waitress said to my friend that there's tip missing, but we assure our bill is fully paid. After a lot of argument my friend gives her an extra $10 and she goes away.
My other friend explains that in certain clubs and places where you can order bottles, tip is mandatory and they won't let you leave without it. I've never heard of this in my life.
I paid my friend back the tip he fronted for me but got into an argument with the guy next to me (former server) who said I'm screwing over servers by not tipping, where I said their employer should be the one paying their wage.
The whole thing kind of ruined the night and I will pretty much pay tip any time I'm with other people to avoid that kind of embarrassment and argument again unfortunately. Any advice?
Jobadvisor
Ouch. That sounds like a textbook "cringe" moment that sticks with you long after the tequila wears off. First off: you aren’t crazy. The logic that "employers should pay their employees" is fundamentally sound and is how most of the world operates.
However, in the U.S. (assuming that's where you are), there is a massive gap between logic and social reality. Here is a breakdown of what happened and how to navigate this without the mid-dinner drama.
1. The "Automatic Gratuity" Trap
Your friend was partially right, but likely for the wrong reason. It wasn’t necessarily because of the bottle of tequila.
The "Large Party" Rule: Most sit-down restaurants have a policy (usually printed in tiny font at the bottom of the menu) that parties of 6 or more are subject to an automatic gratuity (often 18-20%).
The Conflict: If your party had 6 people, that tip was likely legally considered part of the "bill," not an optional gift. When you didn't include it, the server saw it as an unpaid balance, which is why she didn't let it slide.
2. The Server’s Perspective (The "Tip Out")
Here is the part most people don't realize: Servers often have to "tip out" support staff (busboys, bartenders, hosts) based on a percentage of their total sales, not their total tips.
If your bill was $30 and you tipped $0, the server might have actually paid money out of their own pocket to the bartender to cover the "tip out" for that tequila you ordered.
This is why the former server next to you got heated—they see a $0 tip as a "tax" on their labor.
3. "Employer Should Pay" vs. Current Reality
You aren't wrong—the system is polarizing. But "protesting" the system by not tipping a specific server is like protesting high gas prices by driving off without paying the local station owner. It hurts the person at the bottom of the chain, not the corporate entity or the laws that allow "tipped wages."
How to Handle This Moving Forward
If you want to avoid the embarrassment but still feel weird about the math, try these "low-friction" rules:
Check the "Auto-Grat": Before you order, peek at the menu or ask, "Is there an automatic tip for a group of our size?" If yes, it’s just part of the price of the pizza.
The "Social Tax" Mindset: Treat the 18-20% tip as a mandatory tax in your head. If a $30 pizza is actually a $36 pizza in your mind, the "fail" never happens because you’ve already accounted for it.
Avoid the Debate at the Table: Arguments about labor economics are rarely won over half-eaten crusts. If you truly want to stop tipping, look for "No-Tipping" or "Service-Included" restaurants—they are becoming more common and they pay their staff a flat living wage.
Don't let one bad night define your social life. You tried a social experiment, it "failed" because the cultural stakes were higher than expected, and now you know the "cost of admission" for next time.
Mentally disabled coworker harassing me
I want to start this off by mentioning that I am a minor, and the person I am talking about is around 10 years older than me (though his mental age is closer to that of a child).
I recently got a job working at a fast food restaurant, where I met this coworker, Sam (not his real name). Sam has down syndrome, and very clearly struggles with social norms and workplace boundaries. In the beginning this wasn't an issue, I treated him like I would anyone else. He started complimenting my appearance a lot, calling me beautiful, pretty, etc. Then, he started saying he loved me in front of my coworkers. After that, I started becoming a bit suspicious that he might like me and his repeated comments started freaking me out. I decided to report him to my manager when I thought I overheard him asking one of my coworkers if he should ask me to his girlfriend.
Before reporting him, I wasn't sure if what I heard was right, but later that day I found out through one of my coworkers that he had actually asked that, and that he had said he had a crush on me to other people. I was very unsettled by this, and made even more uncomfortable than I already was.
After my manager talked to him, I didn't see him until two days later. I was anxious at the thought of working with him but decided to give him a chance since my manager had talked to him recently. He didn't make any more romantic advances towards me, but while we were alone at the front of the store (my manager was in the back, talking with someone else), he approached me and repeatedly said "[my name] is my friend, [my name] is my best friend," to which I responded "we are just friends" in an attempt to get him to leave me alone as I was severely uncomfortable around him and had been avoiding him and being generally cold to him the entire day. He then said "[my name] is not my girlfriend" in front of a costumer, and at that point I decided to go to the back with my manager and my coworker because I was genuinely incredibly uncomfortable. Later that same day, he started to "sing" my name, which is a thing he does with all of us, but when I asked him to please stop, he ignored me and kept on doing it.
At this point I don't feel comfortable with him talking to me or about me unless it's strictly about work. I don't want to be left alone with him because I'm scared of what he might say or do. What should I do? I'd rather not work with him at all, and I've kept a log of all the things he's said/done that have made me uncomfortable. He's never been directly inappropriate/sexual with me, the most he's done is touch my shoulder in a "playful" way to startle me and that was before the report. Any advice is welcome.
Jobadvisor
This is a heavy situation, and it is completely understandable why you are feeling anxious. Being a minor in your first job is already a lot to handle, but navigating a "crush" from an adult coworker—regardless of their developmental disability—adds a layer of complexity that you shouldn't have to manage alone.
First and foremost: Your comfort and safety at work are just as important as anyone else's. Having a disability does not give someone a "free pass" to make others feel unsafe or harassed.
Here is a breakdown of how to handle this professionally and firmly:
1. Shift Your Perspective on "Friendship"
In a workplace, you are not obligated to be "friends" with anyone. Because Sam struggles with social cues, your attempts to be polite or saying "we are just friends" might be interpreted by him as a green light to keep talking to you.
The Strategy: Switch to "Grey Rock" communication. Be polite but extremely boring. Short, one-word answers. Do not smile, do not engage in small talk, and do not offer personal information.
The Language: If he says "You are my best friend," you can say: "I am here to work, Sam. I need to focus on these orders now."
2. Set "Hard" Boundaries (Not Soft Ones)
Because Sam may not pick up on "vibes" or "coldness," you have to be incredibly literal. He isn't ignoring your feelings; he likely doesn't have the social tools to process them unless they are stated as a rule.
Instead of: "Please stop singing my name."
Try: "Sam, do not sing my name. It is distracting. Talk to me only about work tasks."
If he touches you: "Do not touch me. I do not like being touched."
3. Escalating to Management (The "Paper Trail")
You did the right thing by keeping a log. Now, you need to use it. When you speak to your manager again, frame it around workplace safety and productivity.
Be Specific: Don't just say he makes you "uncomfortable." Say: "Sam is continuing to make personal comments after being told to stop. He is singing my name to the point where I cannot focus on customers, and he is discussing our 'relationship' in front of guests. I no longer feel safe working alone with him."
Request a Schedule Change: Ask your manager if your shifts can be separated. As a minor, your employer has an even higher duty of care to ensure you aren't being harassed by adult staff.
Involve a Parent/Guardian: If you feel like your manager isn't taking you seriously because "Sam doesn't know any better," have a parent or trusted adult step in. Sometimes managers need to hear from another adult to realize this is a serious liability issue.
4. Understand the Legal/HR Side
In many regions, harassment is defined by the impact on the victim, not the intent of the harasser. Even if Sam "means well" or "doesn't understand," the fact remains that his behavior is creating a hostile environment for you. The company is legally required to address this.
Your Mental Health Check-in
It is okay if this job ends up not being the right fit because of this. No entry-level fast food job is worth your mental health or feeling "scared" every time you clock in. If management refuses to keep him away from you, it may be time to look for a environment where boundaries are better enforced.
Start date when relocating
Hi HR! I received a job offer on Friday that I will be accepting Monday. I will need to move across the country (1200+ miles) before I can start. I have been asked for my earliest possible start date. Is it unreasonable to request to start around mid-April? That would be around 7 weeks away, with Easter falling directly beforehand. I appreciate your insight!!
Jobadvisor
Congratulations on the job offer! Moving 1,200 miles is a massive undertaking, and HR professionals generally understand that "picking up your life" takes more than a weekend.
To answer your question directly: No, 7 weeks is not unreasonable at all for a cross-country relocation. In fact, for a move of that distance, 6 to 8 weeks is often the standard expectation. Here is how to frame this to your new employer so it sounds professional and organized rather than like you’re just "stalling."
Why 7 Weeks is Fair
When HR asks for your "earliest possible start date," they are looking for a date that ensures you arrive ready to work, not exhausted and surrounded by unopened boxes.
The Logistics: You need time to give notice at your current job (2 weeks), pack a household, hire movers, drive/fly 1,200 miles, and potentially find or close on a new home.
The Easter Factor: Mentioning the holiday is fine, but focus on it as a logistical bottleneck (e.g., "moving companies often have limited availability over holiday weekends") rather than just wanting a vacation.
How to Present Your Date
When you accept the offer on Monday, don't just give a date—give a brief "why" to show you’ve thought this through.
"I am thrilled to accept the offer! Regarding my start date, I have mapped out the logistics for my 1,200-mile relocation. To ensure I am fully settled and can hit the ground running, my target start date is Monday, April 13th (or whichever date fits your mid-April goal). This accounts for my resignation period and the cross-country transit time."
Strategic Considerations
Before you hit "send," keep these three things in mind:
Check the Relocation Package: If they are paying for your move, they may have a preferred timeline or a specific moving company they want you to use. This can sometimes speed up—or slow down—the process.
The "Remote" Compromise: If they seem desperate for you to start sooner, ask if you can do onboarding or remote work for the first week or two from your current location while the movers are in transit.
The Lease/Housing Gap: Most leases and home sales happen on the 1st of the month. If you are moving mid-April, make sure you have a plan for where you’ll sleep for those first two weeks!
Pro-Tip for Monday
If they push back and need you earlier, ask: "Is there a specific project or training milestone in early April that I should be aware of?" This shows you care about their needs while still maintaining your boundary.
