.jpg)
New boss (50M) called me (24F) “baby girl” and tried to override my hotel room preference on day 2 — am I overreacting?
Hi, I’m 24F and just started a new job at a small business (no HR). I’ve only met my boss in person three times.
Before I even started, he texted me:
“Good girl. Would hate for you to not be able to go! The trip this weekend was awesome but I kept wishing you were already with me so you could have the experience.”
On day 1–2, he called me “good girl” twice and then “baby girl.”
We were booking a work conference trip out of state (hours away). He had suggested maybe getting one room to save money, I clearly said I’d prefer two. When I called the hotel, they said only one room with a king bed was available. Before I could respond, he jumped in and booked it.
I told him later I was uncomfortable, and he said:
“You should’ve said something sooner.”
He eventually “fixed it” and booked two rooms.
Other employees, including his assistant and another manager, said the behavior was inappropriate but told me I’ll just need to keep reiterating my boundaries with him.
For context:
• He is married.
• I’ve known him less than a month.
• This is a small business with no HR.
• This job pays $4/hour more than my previous job and offers good learning opportunities.I’m torn between staying and enforcing boundaries, or leaving early because this is already happening on day 2.
Am I overreacting? Is this just awkward older-man behavior, or are these legitimate red flags?
Jobadvisor
First things first: You are not overreacting. In fact, your instincts are spot-on. What you’re describing isn’t just "awkward" behavior; it is a textbook display of predatory grooming and a massive breach of professional boundaries.
Here is a breakdown of why this situation is as serious as you feel it is.
The Red Flag Breakdown
The Language: Using terms like "good girl" and "baby girl" is infantilizing and overtly sexualized. In a workplace, this is a power play used to diminish your professional standing and test how much disrespect you will tolerate.
The "One Room" Tactic: This is a classic "test" of boundaries. By claiming there was only one room and booking it before you could object, he deliberately created a high-pressure situation to see if you would fold.
The Gaslighting: When he said, "You should’ve said something sooner," he was shifting the blame onto you. You did say something sooner—you told him you wanted two rooms before the call even happened.
The "Warning" from Colleagues: If the assistant and manager are telling you to "keep reiterating boundaries," it means they have seen this before. They are essentially telling you that he is a serial boundary-pusher and they have given up on trying to change him.
Evaluating Your Options
| Stay and Set Boundaries | Leave Now |
| Pros: Higher pay ($4/hr more), potential for skill-building. | Pros: Physical and emotional safety; preserves your mental health. |
| Cons: Constant hyper-vigilance; risk of escalation; no HR for protection. | Cons: Short-term financial stress; back to the job hunt. |
| Reality: You shouldn't have to "manage" your boss’s harassment as a part of your job description. | Reality: Red flags on Day 2 usually become nightmares by Month 6. |
My Take: Trust the "Day 2" Warning
The fact that this is happening on Day 2 is the biggest red flag of all. Usually, people are on their best behavior during the "honeymoon phase" of a new hire. If he is comfortable calling you "baby girl" and trying to share a bed with you 48 hours in, he is showing you exactly who he is.
In a small business with no HR, he is the law. There is no higher authority to appeal to if his behavior escalates—which it almost certainly will if he feels his current "advances" are being neutralized by your boundaries.
Immediate Next Steps
If you aren't ready to quit today, please protect yourself:
Document Everything: Keep a log (outside of work servers/devices) of every text, comment, and "accidental" touch.
Stop the Texts: Keep all communication on professional channels. If he texts your personal phone, reply only during work hours and keep it strictly about tasks.
The "Paper" Trail: If you must discuss the hotel incident again, do it via email. "To clarify our earlier talk, I want to ensure that for all future travel, separate rooms are booked as a standard requirement."
Quietly Resume the Search: $4 an hour is not worth your safety or your dignity. Start looking for your next role now while you still have the "new job" energy.
Told raise + title correction approved months ago — now HR says all comp frozen. How should I handle this?
Hi all — looking for advice on how to navigate this professionally.
Here’s the situation:
I’ve been working as a Software Engineer for about two years, but my HR system still listed me as a QA Tester. In late November / early December 2025, my manager noticed this, approached me about it, and escalated it to leadership and HR. This was manager-initiated (not something I requested), based on performance and role alignment.
At that time:
My manager told me he was advocating for me because of my performance and contributions, and that leadership agreed my compensation should reflect the work I’ve been doing.
My manager and VP Engineering agreed my compensation should reflect my actual role.
They initiated both a title correction and salary adjustment.
I was told this had been approved and that a third-party compensation analysis was used to determine market rate.
My manager shared that the proposed range was ~$115k–$120k (I’m in NY).
This was framed as a correction tied to my actual role and performance, not just a routine annual raise.
Then HR transitioned to a new person.
I followed up with the new HR contact in February 2026, and she told me:
My title had already been updated in December.
However, the COO has now paused all compensation adjustments until the next review period.
So now I’m confused:
I was told this was approved on multiple levels.
My title was corrected.
But the salary adjustment is suddenly frozen.
For additional context, my last review cycle was June 2024 and I received a small (~3%) raise then.
My questions:
Is this a normal corporate situation (budget override after approvals)?
How would you recommend following up with HR?
Should I ask for clarity on what “next review period” means (specific timing)?
Is it reasonable to ask whether this adjustment would be retroactive once unfrozen?
Trying to stay professional and collaborative — mainly looking for transparency around expectations and timeline.
Thanks in advance.
Jobadvisor
This is a classic "Corporate Bait-and-Switch," and while it’s frustratingly common, it is often a result of poor communication between departments rather than a personal slight. However, because this was a role correction (fixing a mistake) rather than a merit increase (a reward), you have much stronger leverage.
Here is how to navigate this without burning bridges.
1. Is this "Normal"?
Yes, but with a caveat. It is common for a COO or CFO to issue a "blanket freeze" that accidentally catches legitimate, pre-approved corrections in its net.
However, there is a distinct difference between a raise (increasing pay for the same job) and a reclassification (paying the correct rate for the job you are already doing). Your situation is the latter. HR has acknowledged the title was wrong; by extension, they are acknowledging they have been underpaying a Software Engineer at a QA Tester's salary.
2. How to Follow Up (The Strategy)
Do not treat this as a negotiation for "more money." Treat it as closing an administrative loop that was already finalized. Your best ally here is your Manager and the VP of Engineering—they already signed off on this, and they won't be happy that HR is undermining their authority.
The "Triad" Email Approach:
Send an email to HR, and CC your Manager. This forces HR to explain to your boss why his approved budget is being ignored.
"Hi [HR Name], thank you for the update on the title correction. Regarding the compensation adjustment, my understanding from [Manager's Name] and the VP of Engineering in December was that this was a role reclassification to align my pay with the Software Engineer title, which was finalized and approved prior to the current freeze.
Since the title change has already been processed in the system, I’d like to understand how we can ensure the pay alignment follows through as originally approved. Could we hop on a brief call to clarify the timeline?"
3. Key Questions to Ask
If they stick to the "frozen" narrative during a meeting, ask these three specific questions:
"What is the specific date for the 'next review period'?" (If they can’t give you a date, it’s not a freeze; it’s a cancellation.)
"Is this adjustment slated to be retroactive to December 2025?" (Since the paperwork was approved then, the company technically owes you the delta between the QA and SE salary for those months.)
"Is there an 'exception process' for role corrections versus merit raises?" (Most freezes have a "carve-out" for legal or clerical corrections.)
4. The "Paper Trail" Reality Check
Since you are in NY, check your pay stubs and the NY Salary Transparency laws. If your title is now officially "Software Engineer" in the HRIS system, but you are being paid significantly below the company's posted range for that role, you may have additional leverage regarding pay equity.
Summary Table: Your Leverage
| Point of Confusion | Your Counter-Argument |
| "Comp is frozen." | "This isn't a new request; it's an approved 2025 correction." |
| "Wait until June." | "My title was changed in December. Is the pay being backdated?" |
| "COO's orders." | "Does the freeze apply to administrative errors/reclassifications?" |
Me (24 male) and my little sister (16 Female) are homeless.
So , i been homeless with my baby sister for a minute now, & its been brutal to say the least.
Im trying to get a job after not being employed for months.
Ive already done the whole “call 211 and call shelters “ thing. I will say i hope i get a job soon because im honestly tired of this constant stress of not knowing where we’re gonna sleep every night. Or if we’re gona be outside or not. In 30 and 40 degrees. On top of having to deal with these crazy mood swings she has & her menstrual cycle (which she’s currently on right now stressing me the hell out) and having to scrape enough money to buy hygiene products for her and me. Its really stressful taking care of another human, everytime i want something to eat i have to think about both of us.
I feel like im literally raising a child that i didnt have & Its really tough. Just hoping i can find a stable job so i can provide for us. Im not trying to seem like im complaining because i love my sister , im just stressed out and exhausted and frustrated right now & I just really need some help , because honestly im not sure what to do next.
Jobadvisor
I am so sorry you are carrying this. At 24, you are essentially acting as a single parent in the most extreme circumstances imaginable. It is completely normal to feel exhausted and frustrated; loving your sister doesn't make the physical and mental toll of homelessness any less heavy.
Since 211 and the standard shelter system haven't provided a bridge yet, let’s pivot to high-priority, "boots on the ground" resources specifically for your situation (a young adult with a minor).
1. Immediate Support for Your Sister (The Priority)
Because your sister is 16, there are specific legal protections and resources available to her that are "fast-tracked" compared to the adult system.
McKinney-Vento Act: If she is supposed to be in school, contact the local school district’s Homeless Liaison. By law, they must help her stay in school and provide transportation. They often have "hidden" resources like backpacks, hygiene products (pads/tampons), and even food vouchers or clothing.
Youth-Specific Shelters: Standard adult shelters are often dangerous or won't take a 24M and 16F together. Look for Covenant House or local "Youth Crisis Centers." They focus on people under 21 or 24 and are much better equipped for her needs (and yours).
2. Hygiene and Food (Right Now)
Stop trying to scrape together cash for pads and soap. There are places that give these away for free:
Planned Parenthood: They often provide free menstrual products and basic hygiene kits if you walk in and explain the situation.
Sikh Gurdwaras: If there is a Sikh temple (Gurdwara) nearby, they offer Langar—a free, hot, nutritious meal to anyone, regardless of faith, every single day.
The "Little Free Pantry": Search for these in your area; they are like the "Little Free Libraries" but stocked with food and hygiene items.
3. Faster Path to Income
If you’ve been out of work for months, your resume might need a "bridge" job that offers immediate pay or housing.
CoolWorks.com: Look for "Entry Level" jobs with provided housing. These are often in National Parks or resorts. They hire quickly, and it gets you both a roof and a paycheck immediately.
Day Labor (PeopleReady / Wonolo): These apps can sometimes get you a shift within 24–48 hours. It’s grueling work, but it’s cash in hand for her supplies.
Job Corps: Since you are 24, you are at the cutoff age. They provide free housing, meals, and job training. It might be a way to stabilize both of you if they can accommodate your sister’s situation or point you to a sibling-friendly program.
4. Managing the Mental Load
You mentioned her mood swings and the stress of "raising a child you didn't have." That is Caregiver Burnout.
The "Oxygen Mask" Rule: You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you find a library or a cooling/warming center, take an hour where you aren't "on duty." Let her read or use a computer while you put on headphones and just breathe.
Aunt Bertha (findhelp.org): This is often more updated and specific than 211. Plug in your zip code and search for "Transit" or "Hygiene" specifically.
Summary Checklist for Tomorrow Morning:
| Action Item | Why? |
| Contact School Liaison | Gets her stabilized and provides free supplies. |
| Find a Gurdwara/Food Pantry | Saves your cash for emergencies instead of food. |
| Search findhelp.org | Finds smaller, local charities 211 might miss. |
| Apply for "Housing Provided" jobs | Solves the roof and the income problem at once. |
Is there a job out there where I can just grind out the hours/days without having to put in any mental or physical effort?
I don't really mean no effort but the absolute minimal effort possible, I assume it doesn't exist, I really don't care about salary.
I'm in my mid 40s and managed to blow the one break I've had in life a couple of years ago, out of nothing I landed a coding job with a friends firm (I've always done it as a hobby having started moding games in the early 2000s, I can learn anything fast but I've no formal trading to lean on going forward) that resulted in me having more money than I'd ever seen. I nuked that money over the course of a few months on some pretty abysmal investments and am back to square one.
By every measure my life has been a disaster in all areas and not just with money/career, I'm completely over everything at this stage, being inventive led nowhere, being hard working led nowhere, being friendly led nowhere, being unemployed led nowhere when I gave that a shot.
I think the last thing I have left going for me is my health and the only work I am able to find is putting that on the line too but only when I end up doing too many hours, these legs and joints don't respond to 80,000+ steps per week the way they used to.
As for the mental thing, everyone's definition of what mental and effort in combination means will be different, to frame the term from where I am at right now, the most excruciating bs I have to deal with in the work place is speaking to other people.
What sort of jobs are around for somebody who just wants to exist there for long hours and has no interest in anything beyond it?
Jobadvisor
I hear the weight in your words. When "being inventive" and "working hard" both end in a crater, the desire to just clock in, disappear into a task, and clock out isn't laziness—it’s a survival mechanism for burnout.
You’ve got a unique set of constraints: you want to avoid people, save your joints, and keep the mental "processor" at idle, but you have the advantage of being able to learn technical systems quickly.
Here are the paths that fit the "minimal effort, maximum existence" criteria for someone in their 40s who is "completely over it."
1. The "Ghost" Shifts (Overnight Security)
This is the gold standard for your criteria. Specifically, look for "Warm Body" Overnight Security at places like warehouses, construction sites, or corporate parks.
The Effort: You sit in a booth or a parked car. You might have to walk a perimeter once every two hours (not 80k steps, more like 2k).
The Social Factor: Zero. You might say "hello" to the guy you're relieving and "good morning" to the guy who replaces you.
The Grind: You can easily pick up 12-hour shifts. Because you have coding experience, you can spend the time on a laptop doing whatever you want—or absolutely nothing at all.
2. Data Entry / Transcription (The Technical "Zoning Out")
Since you can learn systems fast and likely have a decent typing speed from your modding days, high-volume data entry is a "brain-off" job.
The Effort: Purely digital. You sit, you type what you see, you listen to a podcast. No physical strain.
The Social Factor: If you find a remote role, it is 100% text-based. No "stand-up" meetings, no "innovative" brainstorming.
The Grind: You are a human conduit for data. As long as your accuracy is high, they will leave you entirely alone.
3. Night Auditor at a Small Hotel
Look for a 2-star or 3-star hotel.
The Effort: You run a few reports on a computer system (which you'll learn in a day) and fold some towels.
The Social Factor: You deal with the occasional late check-in or early checkout. Between 2:00 AM and 5:00 AM, you are effectively the only person awake in the building.
The Grind: It’s a 10:00 PM to 6:00 AM existence. It’s quiet, stationary, and requires about 45 minutes of actual "work" per 8-hour shift.
4. Commercial Cleaning (Night Shift)
Not "maid service," but Office Building Janitorial work.
The Effort: Vacuuming, emptying bins, wiping desks. It's physical, but it’s rhythmic and low-impact compared to warehouse picking.
The Social Factor: You are usually alone in a darkened office building. You wear headphones. You don't talk to a soul.
The Grind: It is the ultimate "mindless" grind. Your brain can be anywhere else while your hands move.
Summary Table: Which "Void" is for you?
| Job Title | Physical Toll | Social Drain | Mental Effort |
| Overnight Security | Very Low | Zero | Zero |
| Data Entry | Zero | Very Low | Low (Repetitive) |
| Night Auditor | Low | Low (Intermittent) | Low (Technical) |
| Night Cleaner | Moderate | Zero | Zero |
A Parting Thought
You mentioned you "nuked" your money and your life feels like a disaster. When you’re at square one, the best thing you can do is find a job that does not take anything from you. If a job takes your physical health or your remaining mental peace, it’s costing you more than it's paying you. The "Warm Body" security route is likely your best bet to just exist and rebuild your nervous system without the pressure of being "inventive" or "friendly."