My daughter applied to 14 colleges for next fall.
Accepted: 9
Deferred: 3
Waitlisted: 1
Rejected: 1
The one she’s dwelling on?
The rejection.
Not the nine schools that said yes.
And if we’re honest… most adults aren’t much different.
Our brains are wired to hold onto negative experiences more tightly than positive ones. Psychologists call this the negativity bias. It’s the tendency for setbacks to carry more psychological weight than wins.
It shows up everywhere in our careers.
You receive strong performance feedback, but replay the one critical comment.
You land multiple interviews, but obsess over the role you didn’t get.
The brain is trying to protect you by scanning for threats so you can avoid future harm.
Helpful for survival but not always for perspective.
Here’s what I told my daughter (what I often remind the professionals I work with):
One no does not outrank multiple yeses.
But you do have to train your brain to see them:
1/ Count the evidence accurately
➨ Do not let one outcome rewrite the full story. Patterns matter more than single events.
2/ Name what went right
➨ Where were you competitive?
What strengths were recognized?
Progress leaves us clues.
3/ Give yourself a timeline to feel the disappointment. Then move on.
➨ You don’t have to rush past the emotion; just don’t let it move in.
4/ Stay future-focused
➨ Often, the opportunities we initially overlook become the ones that grow us the most.
A single decision rarely determines a life trajectory.
Careers (college journeys) are shaped by how we respond.
P.S.: For those navigating a professional or academic disappointment right now, do not let one closed door make you blind to the many that are open.