I want to change my life but I feel mentally and physically stuck
I don’t know where to start. I’m in my early 20s and on paper my life looks “fine.” I have an apprenticeship, a job, people who care about me. But internally I feel completely off.
I feel sluggish almost all the time. Low energy. Low drive. Like I’m moving through mud. Even when I want to change, I don’t follow through. I procrastinate. I escape into games or my phone. I stay up too late. I sabotage my own mornings. Then I feel guilty and disappointed in myself. It’s not that I don’t have ambition. I actually want a lot from life. I want to build something of my own. I want to be disciplined. Fit. Mentally strong. Reliable. I want to wake up and feel sharp instead of heavy. But right now I feel scattered and inconsistent. My room gets messy. My routines fall apart. I tell myself “tomorrow I’ll fix everything” and then tomorrow comes and I’m the same person again.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m just lazy. Other times I think I might be depressed. I don’t feel deeply sad 24/7, but I do feel flat, overwhelmed, and behind in life. It’s like I know what I should do but there’s a wall between knowing and doing. I’ve tried big resets. New routines. Dopamine detox. Motivation videos. Planning systems. It works for a few days, maybe a week, then I slide back.
What I’m struggling with most:
Waking up consistently Keeping my environment clean Managing energy and focus Staying disciplined long term Not escaping into distractions
I don’t want to waste my 20s drifting.
If you were in this place and managed to turn it around, what actually helped? Not hype advice. Real steps. What do you do when you want to change but feel mentally tired all the time?
I’m open to honest feedback.
Jobadvisor:
It sounds like you are experiencing "Functional Freeze." On the outside, you’re hitting your marks (apprenticeship, job), but internally, your nervous system is stuck in a low-power mode because it’s overwhelmed.
When you feel like you’re "moving through mud," your brain isn't being lazy; it’s likely over-stimulated and under-recovered. You are stuck in a cycle of Shame → Grandiose Planning ("Tomorrow I fix everything") → Failure → Escape.
To turn this around, you have to stop trying to "fix everything" and start lowering the bar until you can actually clear it. Here is the "Real Steps" manual for when you are mentally exhausted.
1. Kill the "Big Reset" Mentality
The "Dopamine Detox" or "New Life Monday" approach is actually sabotaging you. It creates a massive spike in pressure, which triggers your brain to seek escape (games/phone) the moment things get hard.
The Rule: If a habit takes more than 5 minutes of willpower, it’s too big for right now.
The Reality: You don’t need a 2-hour morning routine. You need to stand up when the alarm goes off. That’s it. That is the only "win" you need for week one.
2. Physical Energy: The "Sharp vs. Heavy" Problem
If you feel heavy and sluggish, it’s often a physiological feedback loop.
The Phone at Night: Your brain isn't resting; it's being pelted with blue light and micro-stimuli. This makes your "sleep" low quality, leading to the "heavy" feeling.
The "One-Room" Rule: If your room is messy, your brain treats that visual clutter as a "To-Do" list it can’t finish, which drains your battery.
Action: Don't clean the room. Pick one surface—your bedside table or your desk. Keep only that surface clear. It’s your "island of sanity."
3. Managing the "Wall" (Executive Dysfunction)
The "wall between knowing and doing" is real. When you look at a messy room or a big project, your brain sees 1,000 steps.
The Hack: Give yourself permission to do a "half-assed" job.
Don't "clean the kitchen." Just wash three forks.
Don't "workout." Just put on your shoes and walk to the mailbox.
Why? Most of the "mud" is the friction of starting. Once you move for 30 seconds, the mud thins out.
4. Categorizing Your "Escapes"
Video games and scrolling aren't the problem; they are the symptom. You use them to numb the guilt of not being "perfect."
The Adjustment: Stop calling it "laziness" and start calling it "unregulated stress." * When you feel the urge to hide in your phone, ask: "What am I avoiding right now?" Usually, it's a 5-minute task or an uncomfortable thought. Acknowledge it, do 2 minutes of the task, then go back to the game guilt-free.
Comparison of Mindsets
| Old "Stuck" Mindset | New "Progress" Mindset |
| "I'm going to fix my whole life tomorrow." | "I'm going to win the first 10 minutes of today." |
| "I'm lazy and have no discipline." | "I am over-stimulated and need smaller targets." |
| "I failed my routine, I'll start next week." | "I slipped up. I'll do a 5-minute 'reset' right now." |
| "I need to feel motivated to start." | "Action creates motivation; I'll start for 2 minutes." |
The First Real Step
You mentioned you sabotage your mornings by staying up late. This is called "Revenge Bedtime Procrastination." You stay up because it's the only time you feel in control of your life.
Quarter life crisis
I’m 24 and I hate my life. I have so much doubts about the future. I used to want to be a cardiologist. I used to have a very bright future. I used to be very intelligent.
I finished high school 9 years ago and I’m now a software engineering interne. I don’t even like coding.
And to make matters worse, AI is probably going to take over my job anyways.
How did I get here ? I don’t know the way forward. I loved sciences. I have a pharmacy tech degree. I researched medical fields I can go back to and the pay seems to low and I feel like I’m going to hate my life even more if I do. But if I move forward with software engineering, how good is AI going to get before there’s no job left for me. I don’t know what to do.
Jobadvisor:
I hear you, and honestly, what you’re feeling is a rite of passage that feels a lot more like a rite of exhaustion. At 24, you aren’t "behind"—you’re just in the messy middle of recalibrating.
You mentioned you "used to be" intelligent and "used to have" a bright future. I’ll be the peer here: You didn't lose your brain cells; you just lost your momentum. Working in a field you dislike (coding) while mourning a dream you left behind (cardiology) is enough to make anyone feel like they've dimmed.
Let’s look at your path with a bit more clarity and a little less "impending doom."
1. The AI Elephant in the Room
The fear that AI will delete software engineering is loud right now, but the reality is more nuanced.
The Shift: AI is excellent at writing boilerplate code, but it’s mediocre at system architecture, security, and understanding complex human business needs.
The Outcome: Software engineering isn't disappearing; it’s evolving into Software Orchestration. You’ll spend less time typing syntax and more time managing the AI that does.
The Catch: If you already hate coding, "orchestrating" it might not feel much better. Don't stay in tech just because you're afraid—but don't leave just because you think the industry is dying. It’s not.
2. Bridging the Gap: The "Third Option"
You love science, you have a Pharmacy Tech degree, and you’re learning software engineering. You are currently positioned perfectly for HealthTech or Bioinformatics.
Instead of choosing between "Low-pay Medical" and "Soul-crushing Coding," look where they intersect:
Bioinformatics/Computational Biology: Using code to analyze biological data (genomic sequencing, drug discovery). This is pure science and highly technical.
Health Informatics: Managing the massive data systems hospitals use.
Clinical Systems Analyst: Bridging the gap between doctors and the software they use.
3. The Cardiology "Ghost"
You mentioned wanting to be a cardiologist. Why did that stop? If it was because of the 10+ years of schooling, that’s a valid reason. But if you still crave the clinical environment, look at Physician Assistant (PA) programs or Cardiovascular Technologist roles.
Note: PAs often make six figures, involve high-level science, and require significantly less schooling than an MD.
Reality Check Table
| Path | Pros | Cons |
| Software Engineering | High pay, remote flexibility, AI tools make work faster. | You currently hate it; constant "up-skilling" required. |
| Pharmacy/Medical (Lower Level) | Familiarity, "safe" from AI automation. | Often lower pay, high physical/mental burnout. |
| HealthTech / Biotech | High pay, utilizes your science brain, "future-proof." | Requires combining two hard skill sets. |
How to find your way forward:
You feel stuck because you’re looking at your life as a series of "wasted" years. They weren't wasted; they were data collection.
Stop the "I'm not smart anymore" narrative. You’re a software engineering intern with a pharmacy degree. Most people couldn't do either.
Separate the "Job" from the "Identity." You don't have to love coding to use it as a tool to get back into the sciences you actually enjoy.
Audit the "Low Pay" fear. Is $70k in a science field you love actually worse than $110k in a job that makes you want to crawl out of your skin?
Late 20s been sheltered, in rut for 9+ years, stuck in a loop.
Yes, it's been 9 years since I began feeling this way. I'm a 27-year-old female, and those years have actually been more than just 9. I wasn't doing much with my life during that time. A lot of it has to do with being sheltered from childhood into adulthood, especially as an only child. I didn't have friends or socialize growing up because my parents disapproved of them (and their parents), and this applied even to my cousins at times.
Now, my parents have tried to get me involved in activities like art, ballet, and tennis—things that I was genuinely interested in. However, I would cry a lot, and once the programs ended, I never wanted to return due to experiences of bullying, not fitting in, or feeling different, as well as being too quiet. I also felt like I never had a say in anything. I changed schools six times, and I wanted a standard diploma instead of an advanced one. People have told me I would never make it to college with a standard diploma. When I expressed that I didn’t want to go to college, I faced a lot of shame for my choice. Mind you, I graduated high school with a 1.4 GPA, so my only option is to attend a community college in my area. However, once again, people told me that I would never succeed if I pursued an art degree.
Throughout my life, I have just been listening to others, either choosing not to follow their advice or regretting it when I did. Now, as an adult, I find myself in a similar situation. I have no job, no degree, and no driver's license (only a permit, as I'm waiting for a driving instructor). My parents now tell me to "go do something," "go somewhere," or "go outside," but I often respond with, "Where?" I also have a lot of fears about being alone. Although I'm 27, I look much younger—people often mistake me for a 16-year-old. Because of this, even my family members sometimes treat me like a teenager, and strangers often speak to me in a condescending tone.
In the past, I did have a seasonal job that lasted only three months, where I worked at the front desk of a city camp and had experience in a library warehouse through volunteer work. Other than that, I spend my days at home, trying to find a remote job, which is difficult. Finding in-person employment is also challenging due to transportation issues and my parents' schedules. On top of that, I have to help take care of an autistic child (little cousin we have custody of them due to other issues). With all of this—eating, sleeping, and having no friends to talk to (not even cousins, as they have their own lives)—I feel like I’m stuck in a never-ending loop.
Jobadvisor
It takes a lot of courage to admit you’ve been "looping" for nine years. That self-awareness is actually the first crack in the cycle. Being sheltered isn’t a character flaw; it’s a set of circumstances that stalled your development of autonomy.
When you’ve been told what to do (and what not to do) for 27 years, your "decision-making muscle" has atrophied. You aren't lazy or incapable—you’re essentially learning to walk at an age when everyone expects you to be running marathons.
Here is a breakdown of how to shift your mindset and start breaking the loop.
1. Reclaim Your Narrative
The "16-year-old" problem is a psychological trap. If you look young and people treat you like a child, you might subconsciously act like one to meet their expectations.
The Mindset Shift: Stop asking "Where?" when your parents tell you to go out. That is a child’s response looking for permission or direction. Start saying, "I’m going to the library for two hours," even if you just sit there and read a graphic novel.
The Goal: Move from reactive (waiting for instructions) to proactive (setting your own tiny schedule).
2. Address the "College vs. Art" Debate
A 1.4 GPA is not a reflection of your intelligence; it’s a reflection of your checked-out mental state during those years.
The Reality Check: You don't need a degree to work in art, but you do need a portfolio and discipline. However, community college is a fantastic "third space" to practice being an adult away from your parents.
The Action: Stop listening to people who say an art degree is "useless." For someone in a 9-year rut, the subject matter is less important than the structure. If art gets you out of the house and around people, it is functionally useful.
3. Micro-Steps for Autonomy
You feel overwhelmed because you’re looking at the "Mountain of Adulthood" (Job + License + Degree + Social Life). We need to ignore the mountain and look at the boots.
| Area | Smallest Possible Step |
| Transportation | Get that license. It is your primary key to freedom. If you are waiting on an instructor, spend 15 minutes a day watching driving route videos in your city to build confidence. |
| Employment | Stop looking for remote jobs for a moment. Remote work is isolating and keeps you in the house (the "loop"). Look for part-time, entry-level roles within walking/biking distance or on a bus route—even if it's just 10 hours a week. |
| Social | You mentioned the library warehouse. Libraries are low-pressure environments for "quiet" people. Volunteer there again or attend a library event. It builds a bridge to the world without the "bullying" atmosphere of high school. |
4. The "Caregiver" Trap
Caring for an autistic relative is noble, but it can also be used as a "productive excuse" to stay stuck. It gives you a reason to stay home, but it doesn't build your future.
Set Boundaries: Ensure your parents know that your "office hours" (for job hunting or studying) are non-negotiable. You cannot be the primary solution for someone else's childcare while you are trying to build your own foundation.
The Mindset Adjustment
You’ve spent years being a passenger in your own life. It feels safe, but it's making you miserable. To break the loop, you have to be willing to be "bad" at things. You might fail a driving test, or get a C in an art class, or feel awkward at a job. That is okay. Failing at something you chose is better than succeeding at something someone else forced on you.
Important Note: At 27, your GPA and high school "reputation" matter zero percent to the real world. You are a blank slate the moment you walk out the door.