.jpg)
Husband fired from IT job for misconduct, 3 kids at home. What’s the outlook here?
My husband did something so dumb. He was on the clock actively claiming to be working, slipped across the street to a casino and was caught there at the blackjack tables. He was fired for it and I’m obviously livid.
He was at that job the last 7 years and now can’t use them as a reference (although one of his supervisors knew him on a personal level beforehand and agreed hesitantly to be a reference for him). I work too so we aren’t desperate yet but we will be if he doesn’t find work soon.
What’s the outlook here? How does he approach this in applications and interviews? They’re a small company with a fairly petty boss, so I imagine if anyone calls his references they’ll out him if he isn’t honest.
He knows it was wrong and feels bad now but I don’t know what that will matter to anyone hiring and I’m getting anxious. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks.
—————————— ETA: thanks for all the honest feedback.
the “why” - He has made big money in the past in cards and “genuinely enjoys” playing.
the question of whether it is a problem - It’s been a constant point of contention in our marriage. Hence why I control all of our finances and he just has cash on hand that he earns and continues to use.
more context for the curious - It was 100% not okay with me. I honestly do feel a bit gaslit about the whole issue because I constantly get the message from him and his side of the family that I overreact about this stuff because I was raised in a religious household so it’s good to hear outside people agree it’s a problem for a settled down family man to be involved in.
getting caught - for those of you that want to know how he got caught, his supervisor was suspicious and apparently tracked his work computer and followed him there. As a hybrid worker myself I agree with you that say he’s ruining it for the rest of us.
Thanks again for the input, folks
Jobadvisor
I can certainly hear the frustration and anxiety in your voice—and frankly, it’s justified. It’s one thing to lose a job due to a layoff; it’s another to lose it because of a choice that puts your family’s stability at risk.
The "gaslighting" you mentioned from his family is particularly tough. To be clear: expecting a father of three to actually be at work while he's being paid is not "religious rigidity"—it's a basic standard of adulthood.
Here is a breakdown of the professional outlook and how to navigate this mess.
1. The Professional Outlook
The IT industry is generally pragmatic, but time-theft and misconduct are serious red flags.
The Reference Situation: The "hesitant" supervisor is a wildcard. If a recruiter hears hesitation, they dig deeper. Your husband needs to be extremely careful here.
The "Small Company" Factor: Small companies often have more "vocal" owners. If the boss is petty, they may provide a negative candid reference even if HR policy says they can only confirm dates of employment.
The Market: IT is competitive right now. Gaps in employment are easier to explain than "fired for cause."
2. The Interview Strategy: "The Pivot"
He cannot lie. If he says he was laid off and the new company calls the old one, he’ll be blacklisted immediately for dishonesty. He has to own it, but minimize the "drama."
The Script: "I made a poor lapse in judgment regarding my time management and professional boundaries. I was let go because of it. It was a painful wake-up call, and I’ve spent the time since then refocusing on my professional responsibilities and ensuring it never happens again."
The Focus: He needs to pivot immediately back to his 7 years of technical contributions. He survived there for seven years—that means he was good at the actual work. He needs to sell the skills, not the exit.
3. Addressing the Root Cause
You mentioned this is a "constant point of contention" and his family minimizes it. Professionally, this looks like a Gambling Disorder.
If he tells an interviewer he "loves cards," he's toast. If he tells you he's just "having fun" while losing his livelihood, he's in denial.
The "Paper Trail" of Redemption: If he joins a support group (like Gamblers Anonymous) or seeks counseling, he can eventually use that in an interview context: "I recognized I had a problem with gambling that was affecting my priorities; I have since sought help and have been in recovery for X months." ---
Immediate Action Plan for Him:
| Step | Action |
| 1 | The "Check" |
| 2 | Skill Sharpening |
| 3 | Contract Work |
For You:
Protect yourself. Since you already control the finances, ensure his name is not on any credit lines he could tap into. The fact that his supervisor tracked and followed him suggests this wasn't a one-time "slip," but a pattern that finally got noticed.
Stayed at a job I genuinely hated for 2 extra years and it ended up being the best career decision I made?
I was at a mid size logistics company in Atlanta, miserable, clock watching every single day. Had an offer from a startup around year 3 that was paying about 15k more. I was SO close to taking it. My manager at the time kind of talked me out of it not in a manipulative way but he basically said "you're 8 months away from leading your first real cross functional project, that title change will open more doors than a salary bump will"
I was annoyed but I stayed.
That project was a disaster operationally but I learned more in those 8 months than in the 3 years before it combined. Contract negotiations, stakeholder management, cross department politics, all of it. I also had some money saved up from those extra months which gave me breathing room when I did eventually leave on my own terms.
When I finally started interviewing again I noticed how differently people reacted to "led a cross functional restructure" vs what my resume looked like before that. Completely different conversations.
The startup I almost joined folded 14 months after I would have joined btw.
I think people (myself included) underestimate how much a specific experience or title at the right moment can compound over time. The 15k felt massive then, looking back it would have been the more expensive choice long term.
Jobadvisor
That is a masterclass in the "delayed gratification" of career building. It’s a perspective you don’t often hear in the era of "quiet quitting" and "job hopping for the bump," but your experience highlights a massive truth: Skills and titles are assets; salary is just cash flow.
It sounds like your manager gave you the rarest gift in corporate life—honest, long-term mentorship.
Why Your Choice Paid Off
You essentially traded 15k in "now money" for a massive injection of career equity. Here is why that pivot worked so well for you:
The "Disaster" Dividend: You mentioned the project was an operational mess. Ironically, those are the best teachers. Managing a smooth project is easy; navigating "cross-department politics" and "contract negotiations" during a crisis is what actually builds the muscle for senior leadership.
The Narrative Shift: You noticed the change in how recruiters reacted. "Led a restructure" tells a story of agency and high stakes. It moves you from a "doer" to a "driver" in the eyes of a hiring manager.
Luck vs. Strategy: While the startup folding was a stroke of luck, staying for the project was a strategic hedge. You chose the path that offered the highest floor (guaranteed experience) over the one with the highest immediate ceiling (more money).
The Hidden Cost of the "Quick Jump"
You touched on a vital point regarding that startup: The "More Expensive" Choice. If you had joined and it folded 14 months later, you would have been back on the market with:
No cross-functional leadership title.
A "gap" or a short stint on your resume.
The stress of an urgent job search rather than leaving on your own terms.
The Takeaway
Your story is a great reminder that misery is sometimes the price of admission for a specific credential. You didn't stay because you liked the job; you stayed because you were "buying" a line item for your resume that you knew would trade for a higher value later.
So tired of the job hunt
I have been looking for full time work for like 5 years and I ever get a break. I get tons of offers for part time and I can’t take working three to four jobs anymore. Also the jobs I land are usually not really good. Just recently I had three interviews for a car wash and I had to do a personality test. I legit even had a reference and they didn’t take me because they found people who were available to work right away and I wanted to give two weeks. Well turns out every single hire didn’t work out and no called no showed and only one lasted two shifts. They are asking my friend for more references. But decided to give me the run around because I was hoping they would work around one current position which apparently they don’t want to because they expect me to have full time availability only to schedule me maybe 20 hours at most. I’d literally be making like an extra 20 bucks working twice as many hours. Like sorry I’m trying to feed myself and pay bills. I’m not here for a company that doesn’t even seem to want to honor two weeks notices anymore. I much rather work my ten hours a week at a job I love and feel respected.
Jobadvisor
That is incredibly draining. It’s one thing to be "between jobs"; it’s a completely different level of exhaustion to be working three or four jobs simultaneously and still feel like you’re treading water.
The situation with the car wash is a perfect example of the "logic gap" in low-wage employment right now. They want "full-time availability" but only offer "part-time hours," which essentially traps you—you can't take another job because your schedule is unpredictable, but you can't pay your bills because you aren't working enough.
The Frustration is Valid
It is deeply ironic and frustrating that:
You showed integrity by wanting to give two weeks' notice (a sign of a good employee), and they penalized you for it.
They chose "fast" over "good," and predictably, those hires failed immediately.
They are asking for more references instead of just calling the person (you) who was actually willing to be professional and show up.
When you say you'd rather work 10 hours at a job where you're respected than 20 hours for an extra $20 at a place that treats you like a number, that isn't laziness—it’s self-preservation. ---
Reframing the "Five-Year" Burnout
Looking for full-time work for five years while juggling multiple gigs is a marathon that would break anyone. It often leads to a cycle where you're so busy working "survival jobs" that you don't have the mental or physical energy to hunt for the "career job."
Since the car wash proved they don't value professional standards, it sounds like you dodged a bullet, even if it doesn't feel like it financially right now.
How to Pivot the Strategy?
If you're open to it, I'd love to help you look at this from a different angle. Sometimes when the "front door" (standard applications) is stuck, we have to look for a side window.