Most women have a story. The Queen Bee boss who hoarded opportunity. The colleague who quietly took credit. The mentor who never quite showed up. I have my own versions of these stories, and after nearly three decades coaching women leaders, I've stopped being surprised by them.
What has changed is how I understand them.
The women who don't support other women aren't villains. They're scared. And once you see it that way, everything about how you respond shifts.
The fear has a certain logic to it. When you've clawed your way up, sharing the ladder feels risky. Research from Stanford's Graduate School of Business found that women in male-dominated industries are more than three times as likely to view other women as competitors rather than collaborators. The system, not some character flaw, taught them to think that way.
But here's what the data also shows: that instinct is wrong. When women lift each other, they multiply opportunities — they don't divide them.
The Scarcity Trap
I once coached a brilliant executive who began quietly undermining a rising colleague in meetings. Not out of cruelty, but out of a quiet, gnawing fear — if that younger woman shone too brightly, would it dim her own light?
Once she recognized that fear was driving her behavior, she made a different choice. She started spotlighting her colleague instead. Her own reputation grew. Her opportunities expanded. That's the real equation at work: when she gains, we gain.
Four Ways to Actually Change Things
Knowing the theory isn't enough. Here's what it looks like in practice.
Give visibility. Shine a light on someone else, even when you want the spotlight yourself. It trades short-term attention for long-term influence, and people never forget who made them feel seen.
Give sponsorship. Put your reputation behind someone else's potential. McKinsey's 2025 research found that employees with sponsors are promoted at nearly twice the rate of those without.
Give credit. Share wins, even when recognition feels scarce. Generosity elevates your credibility far more than hoarding glory ever will.
Give encouragement. The word literally means to lend courage to another. It costs nothing and can change everything.
A friend of mine, Emma Belcher, was six weeks postpartum and drowning in self-doubt when she was invited to interview for her dream CEO role. She'd already decided to withdraw. The board chair — another woman — called her. No pep talk, no platitudes. Just four words: "You will sleep again." Emma said yes. Six years later, she's still in that role.
Somewhere in your orbit right now, a woman is waiting for a version of that phone call.
The New Math
This isn't soft, feel-good thinking. Women who actively support other women build stronger reputations, earn more promotions, and expand their organizational influence. The supposed trade-off — her gain, my loss — simply doesn't hold up.
Fear compounds. But so does courage. Every introduction made, every idea credited, every word spoken for someone not in the room slowly rewires the system that taught us to compete in the first place.
The old equation was one seat, many rivals. The new one is simpler: the more we back each other, the more seats we create.
Start with the woman right in front of you.