Will I regret going from a 6 minute commute to a 3 hour commute as a new parent to make more money?
Currently I have a job that is a 6 minute round trip commute. I took the job because I am a new parent and my partner can sometimes be far away from home. I used to work in a city and my average commute time is 1:20 one way (by train) on a good day.
My new job is a bit of a disappointment. I make 84k and I pay about 900 dollars a month to health insurance. By the time I pay for day care there is not much left. When I interviewed for the job I knew the salary but I did not realize how bad the health care coverage is. I have been thinking about going back to my old job because I left on good terms. The current position is somewhat demanding and the retirement package is not great. My new senior colleagues think I should return to my former employeer because of the retirement package. I only have 13 years with that company and need to make to 17 years for full retirement benefits which is 30 years of service.
My old job was stressful. It is almost like working in an ER. The pay was better. I was at 110k and essentially free health insurance , and stronger 401k. I am considering reaching out to my old boss. He would be delighted to take me back. But there have been mornings where my daughter needs me at 6:50 am and I can make it to my new work on time!! I could never do this with my previous situation. I would be on a 5:57 or 6:22 am train by then….
But then I think how I will not be present for my child. Wake up at 5:30 a.m and at the earliest be home at 4 for 3 out of 5 days. There will be a few late nights where I will get home at 7. Due note I work only 180 days a year for both jobs.
It would be a lot of pressure on my husband if I go back to my old job. I would need to help him by getting a helper in the morning. He has now recently moved his business to be more local. So now I am the one with the long commute.
My husband supports my decision if I go back to my old job. At the end of the day I feel like my decision comes down to money. I have nothing left and I cannot save for retirement. I do not ask my partner for money and he has offered to cover the health insurance.
Am I crazy to go back to my long commute for better pay and a stronger team? I miss having financial freedom. Also, I do have a side hustle that brings in 600 a month and I still feel like I am drowning in bills. Is it worth the loses to be near my family? We cannot move closer to my previous job.
Jobadvisor
This is a classic "quality of life vs. financial security" dilemma, made much more intense by the transition into parenthood. You aren't crazy for considering this, but you are weighing two very different types of "costs."
On one hand, you have the financial cost of staying (drowning in bills, poor retirement); on the other, you have the relational/physical cost of leaving (missing mornings, 3-hour commute, high stress).
Here is a breakdown of the factors to help you decide if the "math" of the commute actually works out.
1. The Financial Reality Check
The jump from $84k (minus $11k in health insurance) to $110k (with free insurance) is a massive swing.
Current Net Gain: You are essentially making $73k after health premiums.
Old Job Net Gain: $110k plus a significantly better 401k match and 4 years away from a lifetime pension/full retirement.
That is roughly a $37,000 per year difference in take-home value, not including the retirement benefits. If you are "drowning in bills" now, that $3k+ extra per month is the difference between chronic stress and breathing room.
2. The "Hidden" Cost of the Commute
A 3-hour round trip 180 days a year is 540 hours a year spent on a train.
The Childcare Gap: If you go back, you mentioned needing a "helper" in the morning. Subtract the cost of that helper and the train tickets from your $37k raise. Does the remaining number still feel "life-changing"?
The Exhaustion Factor: Working an "ER-style" stressful job and then sitting on a train for 90 minutes before getting home can make the time you do spend with your daughter lower quality because you are depleted.
3. The Retirement Milestone
You mentioned you need 4 more years to hit the 17-year mark for full retirement. This is perhaps your strongest argument for going back.
The "Short-Term Sacrifice" Strategy: Could you go back to the old job with a strict 4-year exit plan? If you can secure your retirement for life by gutting out four years of commuting while your daughter is young, it might be worth the trade-off.
4. Why You Feel Like You're "Drowning"
Even with your husband offering to pay for health insurance, you feel the need for financial independence.
The Independence Trap: You mentioned not wanting to ask your partner for money. While admirable, if his business is now local and thriving, refusing his help while you take on a 3-hour commute to "save" the family's finances might be a pride-based decision that hurts the family unit's time together.
Comparison Table
| Feature | Current Job (6 min) | Old Job (3 hour) |
| Net Salary | ~$73k (after health) | $110k (free health) |
| Retirement | Poor / 401k only | Full Pension (4 years away) |
| Daily Stress | Demanding but local | High-stress / "ER" pace |
| Family Time | High (mornings & evenings) | Low (missed mornings/late nights) |
| Financial State | "Drowning" | Financial Freedom |
A Potential Middle Ground?
Before you quit, consider if there is a third option. Since you are in a "senior" position and your old boss would be "delighted" to have you back:
Negotiate a Hybrid Schedule: Could you do the old job 3 days a week and work from home 2 days? Or work 4 days a week for slightly less pay?
The "Buy-In" Approach: Accept your husband's offer to cover the health insurance for 6 months while you look for a third job—one that is local like your current one but pays better.
The 4-Year Sprint: Go back to the old job, but only until you hit that retirement milestone. Hire the morning help guilt-free using the pay bump.
The Bottom Line: You aren't choosing between a "good" and "bad" job; you are choosing between financial health and time wealth. If the current job makes you feel like you'll never be able to retire, the 6-minute commute is just a luxury you can't currently afford.
Did anyone here start college "late"? I am thinking of going to college at 28 years old.
The title sums it up. Did anyone here start college "late"? What did you study? Are you working in your field of education now? Am I being immature for feeling old?
Jobadvisor
Short answer: you are not late, and you are not immature. You are exactly on a very common path that just doesn’t get talked about enough.
Longer answer, grounded in how this actually plays out in real life:
Starting college at 28 is extremely normal. In the U.S. and many other countries, the “18–22 straight through” student is no longer the majority. Millions of students start in their mid-20s, 30s, 40s, and beyond. Community colleges, trade programs, online degrees, and even four-year universities are filled with people who took time to work, raise kids, deal with health, serve in the military, or simply figure out what they wanted before committing.
What matters much more than when you start is why you’re starting now.
People who begin later tend to:
Take school more seriously
Waste less money switching majors
Have clearer goals
Graduate at higher rates
And use their degrees more effectively
An 18-year-old is often guessing. A 28-year-old usually isn’t.
As for “did it work out?” — yes, constantly.
You will find:
Nurses who started at 30
Engineers who started at 27
Teachers who started at 35
Therapists who didn’t start until their 40s
Lawyers who worked retail through their 20s
Most people do not end up in the career they thought they wanted at 18. Many people who went “on time” actually lost years in the wrong major, burned out, or are now stuck in fields they don’t want. Starting later often avoids that.
About feeling old in class:
That feeling is emotional, not rational. You are comparing yourself to teenagers because that’s who colleges market to. But in the real world:
28 is young in the workforce
28 is young in a career
28 is young in terms of lifetime earnings
If you graduate at 32, you will still have 30+ years of working life ahead of you. That is not “late.” That is barely the beginning.
You are not immature for feeling this way. You are reacting to a social myth:
“If you didn’t have it figured out by 22, you failed.”
That myth is false — and it quietly ruins a lot of people who believe it.
How to deal with jealous coworker without making things worse?
I started a new job recently and I’m dealing with a coworker who seems weirdly fixated on me.
We’re in the same department, both women in our late 20s, so I assumed we’d get along fine. From day one, though, she’s been openly hostile. She wouldn’t answer basic questions even though she was instructed to help, would greet everyone except me, and generally acted like I didn’t exist.
Over time it escalated into little digs. Comments about my nationality (I’m Brazilian), my degree (I have a foreign JD and practiced law in my home country), and even my appearance. I ignored all of it and kept things professional.
Yesterday she crossed a line. She waited until we were alone and said, “You do know that everyone thinks the way you dress is ridiculous, right?”
For context: my last job required a very formal dress code, so I own a lot of business clothes. I usually wear tailored trousers and silk blouses. Nothing extreme. No blazers, no suits. I blend in just fine and have actually been complimented on my wardrobe before.
I finally snapped and replied, “You know that even if I showed up in sweatpants you’d still find a way to be jealous of me, right?” Then I walked away.
I know it was unprofessional.
Should I report this to HR, especially given the comments about my nationality and degree? Or should I pretend nothing happened and just document things privately in case it escalates?
Jobadvisor
You’re in a tricky situation, but based on what you’ve described, there are clear, constructive ways to handle it without making it worse. Let’s break it down carefully.
1. Assess the Behavior
From your description, your coworker’s behavior includes:
Exclusion/ignoring you (social isolation at work)
Undermining or insulting comments (about nationality, education, appearance)
Direct personal attacks (the dress comment)
These are not minor annoyances; they fall under workplace harassment and discrimination, especially since nationality and professional qualifications are being targeted. That makes it HR-relevant, not just a personality clash.
2. Document Everything
Before taking any formal step:
Write down dates, times, locations, and exactly what was said or done.
Include witnesses if any, and note how you responded.
Keep emails or messages that could support your account.
Documentation is key. HR or management will want specifics, not general complaints.
3. Decide on Your Immediate Strategy
You have two non-exclusive paths: direct professional boundary-setting and formal reporting.
A. Professional Boundaries
Stay calm and neutral; avoid sarcasm or reactive comments in the future. Your “snap” was human, but responding emotionally gives her more fuel.
Use short, factual responses if she comments again:
“I’m here to focus on my work. Let’s keep this professional.”
Avoid humor or retaliation.
Do not try to reason about her feelings or motivations. Jealousy is not your responsibility.
B. Reporting to HR or Management
Given the repeated personal attacks and the references to your nationality and degree, HR should know.
Present your documentation clearly: “I want to report repeated behavior that feels discriminatory and hostile.”
Frame it factually: focus on actions, not assumptions about intent.
4. Maintain Professionalism
Continue doing your work competently; let your performance speak for itself.
Avoid discussing her behavior with other coworkers, which can escalate tensions or look like gossip.
Stay visible in your work, but in a professional way that doesn’t give her opportunities to criticize you.
5. Consider Allies
If there’s a trusted manager or mentor, you can mention the behavior in a non-accusatory way to seek guidance.
Sometimes, having someone aware of the dynamic outside HR helps prevent misrepresentation of the situation.
6. Red Flags to Watch
Escalation to threats or sabotage
Retaliation after reporting
Attempts to isolate you from projects or promotions
If any of these happen, escalate to HR immediately.
Summary Recommendation:
Keep calm, document everything, and avoid engaging in personal retaliation.
Report to HR—the nationality and professional qualification comments cross a line into discrimination.
Continue to set professional boundaries without emotional responses.
This isn’t about “pretending nothing happened”; it’s about protecting yourself while remaining professional.