I'm about to turn 23 years old next week, and I legitimately haven't done a single thing with my life. Where do I even start?
As the title states. I'm not exaggerating in the slightest here. I turn 23 years old next week, and I haven't accomplished a single thing in my life besides developing a severe masturbation and porn addiction, obtaining the worst self-esteem that a human being could possibly have, and digging even deeper into my lazy habits.
I have no money, no job, no degree (I don't even have any college credits), no driver's license (I don't even have a driver's permit), no friends, no male role model in my life to guide me in any way, zero experiences of any kind with the opposite sex (I'm straight), an entirely messed up sleep schedule, and am way too skinny and weak for my height (5'11, 139 LBS).
I just needed to vent that out. I hope that it provides some context as to how depressing my current situation is as well.
While I am young, I'm also five and a half years removed from graduating high school. I still have time to fix my life, but it's no longer "no big deal" to be in my situation. Most people my age either have or are just about to obtain their college degree, are in a serious relationship with another person (or have been before), and just generally function like normal adults. I have to start fixing my life this year, or else there's a good chance that I'll be making this post again in my late 20's in an even more hopeless situation.
I just have so many issues that I don't even know where to start. I'm guessing that obtaining my driver's permit and then getting a crummy job close to where I live would be the first step, but maybe I'm wrong. College has to factor into my plans somewhere as well. I was a gifted student until my mental health went into the toilet in high school due to harsh, non-stop bullying. I've never been very interested in blue-collar work.
Anyways, this post ended up being way longer then I intended for it to be, so if you read this from start to finish, thank you. Any advice is much appreciated.
Jobadvisor
First, I want to acknowledge the courage it took to write that out. It’s a heavy list, but there is one massive advantage you have right now: Clarity. You aren't sugarcoating anything, and you’ve reached the "threshold of change"—that point where the pain of staying the same finally outweighs the fear of changing.
At 23, you aren't "behind" in a race; you’re just at the starting line later than you expected. Many people who "have it all" at 23 end up having mid-life crises at 40 because they never learned how to build themselves from scratch. You are about to learn that skill now.
Here is a roadmap to help you stop the spiral and start building.
1. The "Foundational Three" (Low Barrier to Entry)
You cannot fix your career or your love life if your brain is operating in a fog of poor sleep and low physical energy. Start here this week:
Fix the Sleep Schedule: This is the cheapest and most effective "drug" for mental health. Pick a wake-up time (e.g., 8:00 AM) and stick to it every single day, even if you didn't sleep well the night before. Sunlight in your eyes within 30 minutes of waking up resets your circadian rhythm.
Body Weight & Movement: You mentioned being 139 lbs and feeling weak. You don't need a gym membership yet. Start with 10 pushups and 20 air squats in your room. Eat one extra meal a day—protein-heavy if possible. Physical strength builds mental confidence.
The Dopamine Reset: Porn and constant scrolling provide "cheap" dopamine that kills your drive to do hard things. You don't have to be perfect, but try to implement a "No Screens for the first hour of the day" rule.
2. The Practical Launchpad
You suggested getting a permit and a "crummy" job. You are 100% correct. That is the exact right move.
The Permit: Go to the DMV website today. Download the handbook. Schedule the test. This is your first "win." It grants you mobility, which equals freedom.
The "Crummy" Job: Do not look for a "career" yet. Look for a job that requires you to show up, be on time, and interact with people. Retail or grocery work is actually great for someone struggling with social isolation—it forces "low-stakes" social practice.
The Goal: The goal of this job isn't money for luxury; it’s money for autonomy and a reason to leave the house.
3. Education: Use Your "Gifted" Past
Since you were a gifted student, your brain is a high-performance engine that’s just been sitting in a garage gathering dust.
Community College (CC): Do not jump into a four-year university yet. Enroll in one or two classes at a local CC. It’s cheap, the stakes are lower, and it will prove to you that you’ve still "got it."
Focus: Since you aren't into blue-collar work, look into paths like Accounting, Computer Science, or Health Sciences. These provide stable, high-income "white-collar" outcomes.
4. Addressing the "Role Model" Gap
If you don't have a male role model in your immediate life, you have to "outsource" it for now. Seek out content from people who value discipline, stoicism, and self-improvement without the toxic "alpha" rhetoric.
A Note on Comparison: You mentioned people your age are graduating and in relationships. Comparing your "behind-the-scenes" footage to their "highlight reel" is a recipe for misery. Your only competitor is the version of you that existed yesterday.
Your "First 7 Days" Checklist
To prevent overwhelm, don't try to fix everything at once. Just do these four things this week:
Read the Driver’s Manual for 30 minutes a day.
Walk outside for 20 minutes a day (no headphones, just your thoughts).
Drink a glass of water and eat breakfast immediately upon waking.
Apply to three entry-level jobs within walking or biking distance.
I feel sad about the last 5 years. It feels like the lost decade.
I’m 28M and yesterday I had a really bad day. I cried like 3 times. And I felt like shit. Because I’ve felt so much regret and sadness. Asking myself WTF have I done. And for the last 5 years ever since 2020. I feel this decade has just been a decade of despair, for me psychologically. And now I feel bad because I looked at how I was thinking for so long my anger was directed at the outside world. Mostly feeling like other people owed me stuff and my happiness was dependent on what I could get from other people. For example this girl that I was dating in late 2019, we weren’t officially Boyfriend and girlfriend. But we hung out a lot. And by the spring of 2020. We stopped hanging out. Because of the Covid 19 pandemic. And then a year later in 2021 When the pandemic was finally under control. From around January to July of that year. I was feeling optimistic that things in my life would finally get better that it was just one bad year. But that year, a bunch of friends that I was so close with for many of them since my childhood. I called them up. Ask if they wanted to meet they wouldn’t answer or they would cancel last minute. And it wasn’t just one or two friends it was virtually all my friends just gave up on me it felt. So for two years I virtually had like only I went from having like 20 close friends to like three close friends. And then in December 2022, my grandfather passed away, Which is really devastating for me and my family. And everything got worse. I had nobody to talk to no one to express my sadness to. I couldn’t even tell my parents how I felt because. They were literally acting like all my problems were minuscule compared to the problems they were having they were just telling me just grow up dude there’s way more serious things than your loneliness.
And then after my grandpa died a couple months later, my dad’s younger brother because it’s my dad’s father that died. He got control of the estate. And him and my aunt literally lied to the entire family what would happen to my grandparents old house? That they lived in before they ended up in the nursing home. I don’t know 100% what happened but I guess I don’t know if there was a will that was put together. Because I don’t ever remember my father or my dad’s brother hiring an attorney or going to probate. But I guess they expected that the house that they lived in. My grandfather passed away in December 2022 a couple weeks before Christmas. They moved out of their family home that my dad and his three other brothers grew up in. In July 2022, and my grandfather was already in pretty bad health. My grandma had dementia. my grandfather passed away pretty much six months later. But I guess what my grandfather wanted was for the house to be rented out and then that money would go to pay for the nursing home. But after my grandfather passed away, my uncle literally took everything from that house. Of course it’s my aunt who I think is the one behind this because she’s crazy. I literally think she’s a sociopath. Just two weeks after my grandpa passed away they were over at the house. It was totally vacant and they took everything both their cars. All my grandmother’s jewelry and all the family photo albums. They took it out of the house. so pretty much this is all about God knows how much like probably $160,000 worth of goods that they stole from us. And now their son it’s actually my aunt son from a previous marriage. He’s in his 40s now. he’s been living at the house for two years and the amount of rent he’s paying the house is like $4000 a month rent and he’s like paying like 900 a month. And they have not shared any information. They haven’t shown my grandmother’s taxes, her financial statements. and literally looks like they’re just taking money out of my grandmother’s account siphoning it off. Because I don’t know how my cousin there’s no way he is paying that amount of rent 4000 a month that’s ridiculous for a five bedroom house.
And my dad and my uncle have not talked to each other in over two years now I have not seen my uncle since 2023. it just makes me sad that someone has that has a child I always admired. he always seemed like a fun person to be around and I always thought he was a good person and now knowing how dishonest he is just makes me furious. And sometimes I ask this question you know why did it happen to me? It’s one of those things you know you never gonna happen to you this stuff you hear about on TV or on the Internet, but you think it happens to other families not to your own.
So for 2 1/2 years, my life was just drifting nowhere things did get better in the summer of 2023. I started making new friends. And I did get a new girlfriend in in the spring of 2024 was 26M a couple months from being 27. She was 32F. however relationship ended in January 2025. Because I found out she was crazy.
But the two things that consumed my anger so much. During that time frame was I felt like no matter how hard I tried to make new friends or revive relations with my old friends. It all just went into a brick wall. Same with finding a like those were the two things that preoccupied my mind more than anything. Picking up women and how angry I was because of the lack of it and how I felt like all my friends betrayed me.
However, nowadays, now that’s the new year 2026. Over five years of past since this crap started. And we’re six years into this decade. Things have gotten better. I’m trying to save up money to move out of my parents house. I do plan to travel. I’m actually thinking of going to see a friend who lives in New York in March. I have made new friends. my anger is not directed at people. I’ve become more self-aware. I don’t feel as entitled as I used to.
But I still feel a big void because my life is not been the same since 2019. However some most people I knows freinds and people I work with. Most of there lives were able to return to the way it was prior to Covid. They got to move on. But I never did. And I don’t think it will be. And some days I wish that if I could just go back in time to the year 2020 or 2021. If I knew this would’ve happened I feel like I would’ve tried to preoccupied my time with less anger and more plans like traveling. Visiting new countries. Building my career. And now that I’m 28 years old, I’m gonna be 29 in June. Next year I’m going to be 30. And sometimes it gives me this feeling of doubt. Because I feel like I’m in a rush to get everything done, but I don’t wanna have to look Back 10 years from now and look at it as a failure and no accomplishments.
And there is still worries I have. a lot of my friends that I used to be close with. Many from high school or grade school. They’re still close with some of the other friends from our childhood but they’ve xed me me out. I talk to them every now and then like via text. It still makes me sad. Having to accept the fact that I’m probably not gonna be there at their weddings. Or help them celebrate having their first child.
Jobadvisor
I can hear the weight of that "lost decade" in every word you wrote. There is a specific kind of grief that comes from losing not just people, but the version of your life you thought you were building.
You’ve endured a "perfect storm": a global pandemic that hit right as you were entering your prime 20s, a mass exodus of friends, the loss of your grandfather, and a betrayal of family trust that feels like a script from a movie. It makes sense that you spent years in anger; anger is often just a shield for deep hurt.
But here is the most important thing I noticed in your story: You are already healing, even if you don't feel "finished" yet. The fact that you can admit you felt entitled, that you’ve recognized your anger was misplaced, and that you’ve started making new friends shows massive psychological growth. Most people never reach that level of self-awareness.
1. Reframing the "Lost" Years
You feel like you’ve been standing still while others moved on, but you’ve actually been doing "heavy lifting" that they haven't had to do:
The Sieve of Friendship: When 20 friends drop down to 3, it feels like rejection. In reality, the pandemic acted as a sieve. It didn't break those friendships; it revealed which ones were fragile. The new friends you are making now at 28 are based on who you are now, not who you were in high school.
The Family Betrayal: Watching an uncle siphon an estate is a crash course in the darker side of human nature. It robbed you of your inheritance/stability, but it gave you a "BS detector" that will protect you for the next 50 years.
2. The "Turning 30" Panic
You mentioned feeling a rush to get everything done before you hit 30. This is a common trap called "The Milestone Myth."
The Reality: Your 30s are often just your 20s but with more money and better boundaries.
The Math: If you live to 80, you have five more decades left. You are currently in the first 20% of your adult life.
The Fix: Stop trying to "make up for lost time." You can't live two years in one. All you can do is make your 29th year better than your 28th.
3. Dealing with the "X-ed Out" Feeling
It hurts to see childhood friends stay close while you are on the outside. But people change at different rates. Sometimes, staying in those old circles keeps you trapped in an old version of yourself.
Acceptance: You might not be at their weddings. That’s okay. You will be at the weddings of the friends you haven't even met yet—friends who will know the "self-aware" version of you, not the "angry" version.
Action: Keep those texts light, but stop looking backward for validation. Your future "tribe" is waiting for you in the places you haven't gone yet.
How to Move Forward into 2026
Since you are already planning a trip to New York in March and saving money, you have momentum. Let’s focus on solidifying that:
| Category | Immediate Focus |
| Mental Health | Acknowledge that 2020-2025 was "survival mode." Forgive yourself for being angry. You were grieving. |
| Social | Go to NYC. Don't just visit your friend; go to a museum or a park alone. Prove to yourself you can navigate the world. |
| Financial | Keep that "moving out" fund separate. Having your own space is the final step in shedding the "childhood/high school" identity. |
| Family | If the estate situation is causing active trauma, consider seeing a therapist specifically for "family estrangement." It helps to process the anger toward your uncle so it doesn't leak into your new relationships. |
A Final Thought
The "void" you feel isn't because you're a failure; it's because you're transitioning. You are shedding an old skin that no longer fits. It’s cold and uncomfortable right now, but it’s the only way to grow.