For the past eight years, I've worked in professional services, advising private equity firms and their portfolio companies as part of a business development team. More often than not, I'm the only woman in the room. The path to where I am today hasn't been straightforward, and I've learned invaluable lessons along the way, particularly about professional presence and appearance.
A Pivotal Early Experience
Fresh out of college in my first job, I made what seemed like a minor wardrobe choice on a hot summer day. I wore slacks paired with a tank top that showed my shoulders. A senior colleague walked past and said matter-of-factly, "Hey, Arielle, you can't wear that. Cover your shoulders." He didn't pull me aside or soften the message. He simply kept walking.
The humiliation was immediate and overwhelming. But looking back, I understand what he meant. It wasn't just about the dress code; it was about the unspoken rules of advancement in a conservative industry. While I could technically wear that outfit, doing so would limit how far I'd go professionally.
That direct feedback was rare. Most observations about women's appearance in the workplace happen behind closed doors, where the targets never hear them.
The Feedback Others Never Receive
Throughout my career, I've witnessed comments about female colleagues that they never had the privilege of hearing. I've listened to discussions about women not putting enough effort into their appearance and how it supposedly affected their professional trajectory.
During one interview process, after a candidate left the room, the managing director dismissed her candidacy entirely: "We couldn't hire her. Did you see her nails?" The candidate was exceptionally qualified, but her rainbow-colored nails became an insurmountable distraction in his eyes. I thought it was something that could be coached, but the damage was done. She likely walked away thinking she'd performed well, never knowing the real reason she didn't advance.
These experiences motivated me to use social media as a platform to help others, particularly women navigating formal, male-dominated industries. My goal is to spare them the humiliation I experienced and the silent judgments others face.
The Reality of Conservative Professional Environments
I work in an environment with high expectations where credibility and perception carry enormous weight, especially in the early stages of your career. The guidance I share stems directly from feedback I've received and adjustments I've made that helped me build trust, establish credibility, and advance professionally.
Managing Self-Imposed Pressure
My role requires substantial technical experience and isn't typically an entry-level position. From the beginning, I've felt pressure to present myself in a way that leaves no room for people to dismiss me based on superficial factors.
I couldn't change being the youngest person in the room or the only woman. I couldn't instantly acquire decades of technical experience. But I could control how I presented myself when I walked through that door.
Even personal choices like hair color became strategic decisions. I used to dye my hair blonde but returned to my natural brown for multiple reasons, with a significant one being my desire to eliminate any potential bias attached to hair color.
My Approach to Professional Attire
My wardrobe strategy is straightforward: mirror what men in my office wear. My typical outfit consists of a blazer with slacks. When entering unfamiliar situations, I default to a black or navy suit. Dresses and skirts rarely appear in these scenarios. At the office among familiar colleagues, I might opt for a more colorful suit. Jeans are reserved exclusively for Fridays, and even then, only occasionally.
As I've accumulated more experience and established my credibility, I've allowed myself slightly more freedom with colors, patterns, and accessories. But the foundation remains conservative and professional.
I also commit to a full face of makeup daily. Some days I don't feel like it, but looking well-rested and polished is one less thing to worry about during high-stakes meetings.
The Core Principle: Be Remembered for Your Words
A central theme in my content is simple: you don't want to be remembered for what you wore. You want to be remembered for what you said and the value you contributed.
This principle stands in stark contrast to some workplace trends on social media, like the "office siren" aesthetic that encourages women to appear overtly sexy at work with deliberately unbuttoned shirts and styled messy hair. I fundamentally disagree with this approach. I want to earn my position at the table through competence and contribution, not by being decorative.
Addressing the Pushback
Some people argue in response to my content that these standards exist because men have confined women to narrow expectations. I understand this perspective, but I see it differently.
In my industry, men wear blazers, dress shirts, slacks, and appropriate shoes every single day. They're not crossing any lines or pushing boundaries with their appearance either. The difference is that women have more clothing options available, which can paradoxically feel more restrictive when professional norms limit those choices.
From where I stand, the expectations are equal. Both men and women in conservative professional environments are expected to dress in ways that prioritize credibility and professionalism over personal expression.
This isn't about conformity for conformity's sake. It's about understanding the environment you're in and making strategic choices that serve your career goals. In industries where billions of dollars are on the line and relationships are built on trust and credibility, your professional presentation matters.
These choices have helped me succeed in a challenging field. They've allowed me to focus conversations on my expertise rather than defending my place in the room. And while I hope workplace cultures continue to evolve, I believe in equipping people with the practical knowledge they need to succeed in the environments that exist today, not just the ones we wish existed.