My boss has started to send me emails about extremely minor behavioural issues, I think they’re trying to get me fired and I don’t know why? What do I do?
I got a new boss about a year ago, I had to train them in the technical side of things. A few months into their leadership, I had an injury that required surgery and thus I had to work from home.
They were extremely accommodating and friendly. Infact, at the start they talked about promotion and helping me with that.
When I returned to working in person, everyday we were in together they’d harass me about not using aids (it’s minor and I don’t need to use it all the time as it’s muscle pain I have), right in front of other colleagues.
A month after returning we had a performance review where they grilled me about several different things.
They didn’t complain about my work but it was an extremely negative meeting. I felt like I was being verbally attacked (not cursing but just constant criticism). I left the meeting thinking they hated me.
Since then, every piece of work they have without fail something negative to say. May that be the font of the title or the colour of the text being one shade out. (It’s always very trivial things). Such to the extent I go into a meeting thinking “what are they going to complain about this time”.
They also go into my work and edit it without telling me.
When we do have in person meetings, they don’t respect my request for privacy. In our last meeting they made sure to go somewhere where many people would hear them grilling me.
In the last two weeks they have started to send me emails about very, very, very puerile things such as me not saying hello when they greeted me (I was wearing headphones and did not hear them - I am not convinced they actually said hello.)
This approach comes across as premeditated as all of these emails come exactly two days after each “incident”.
Now, every meeting we have they send me an email about behavioural things that I have done to them. Again, always very trivial, for example, looking at my phone quickly during a meeting (they timed this) or walking too fast. I am concerned that they wait to send these emails and do not address their complaints in person. That to me suggests they’re not looking for a resolution (to a very minor slight that they perceive).
I am at my wits end with this. I am a very quiet person, I have never been rude to them, I do my work and everything they ask me to do. They have been in a pickle several times because they do not posses the same level of technical knowledge so I have had to rescue them so to speak.
I do not know where this is coming from, but I am now convinced they are building a case to fire me or put me on a PIP. I am now very wary of them and am doing everything I can to make sure I am not in the office on the same day as them.
This person literally puts the fear of god in me. I am literally scared to speak to them, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and I don’t know what to do. I do not want to be around them as they are very rude to me. In the most recent meeting they responded with constant sarcasm and eye rolls.
When I do speak to them I am constantly thinking of my behaviour. Everytime I receive one of those emails my heart drops and I want to cry.
I feel that I am being bullied, and that they’re trying to get me fired. I don’t know why.
I don’t know what I did to elicit this. I have no friends at work and feel that they are trying to ruin my career. I don’t know who I can trust or who I can speak to about this as I do not know if this is a way to push me out.
I do not speak to this manager unless I need to and I managed for a few months in the in between period with no manager.
I can’t sleep, and I can’t stop thinking about this. I want to defend myself but I don’t know what to do, so I have been ignoring their behavioural emails. I am concerned that they are trying to paint me as this combative, non corporative person.
Unfortunately they’re friendly with the senior staff who will only hear their side of the story. In a tribunal situation I don’t feel that I would be taken seriously, I feel that they would automatically listen to them due to their grade.
I have never experienced anything like this before. I had a great working relationship with my previous manager. I have spent time trying to wrack my brains to see if there is anything I have done on them to warrant this and I can’t think of anything.
I have tried to get through to ACAS on multiple occasions but can’t?
What is the best approach to handle this?
Jobadvisor
This is an incredibly difficult and stressful situation, and it sounds like you are experiencing workplace bullying. It's completely understandable that you are feeling anxious, scared, and unable to sleep. Your feelings are valid, and you are right to seek help.
You are describing a pattern of behavior that is common when a manager is attempting to create a paper trail (the trivial emails) to justify a negative performance review or termination (like a PIP). This is often done to manage someone out of the business, and it is a form of psychological harassment.
Since you've had trouble reaching ACAS, let's focus on the immediate steps you can take to protect yourself and build your own case.
1. Document Everything Immediately
The single most important thing you can do right now is to keep a detailed, objective record of every incident. Do not rely on memory.
Create a Private Log: This should be kept outside of your work computer (e.g., in a personal notebook or on a personal encrypted drive).
For Every Incident, Record:
Date and Time: Exactly when the incident or email occurred.
What Happened: A factual, objective description. (e.g., "Manager sent email criticizing the font of the title on the quarterly report." or "Manager grilled me about not using my walking aid in front of [Name of Colleague].")
Who Else Was There: List any witnesses.
Your Response: If you responded, what did you say/do?
Impact: Briefly note how the incident made you feel or affected your work (e.g., "Felt verbally attacked," "Had to spend 3 hours reformatting for no reason").
Save All Emails: Forward all the critical/negative emails to a personal email address for safekeeping. This includes the trivial behavioral emails.
2. Formalize Your Communication
Your manager is using email to build a case against you. You need to use email to defend yourself and create a record that shows you are trying to resolve issues constructively.
Do Not Ignore the Emails: Ignoring the emails plays into their narrative that you are "non-cooperative."
Respond Professionally and Factually: For the trivial behavioral complaints, respond calmly and briefly, two or three days after they send theirs (mimicking their delay) to show you are being thoughtful.
Example Response (To the "not saying hello" email): "Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I sincerely apologize; I had my headphones on and genuinely did not hear you greet me. Please know I have the utmost professional respect for you, and it was an unintentional oversight."
Example Response (To the "looking at phone" email): "Thank you for the feedback. I briefly checked my phone at $\[Time]$ to confirm a logistical detail for another client meeting. I will ensure my phone is put away completely for the duration of our meetings going forward."
Respond to Work Edits: If they edit your work without telling you, send a brief, factual email: "I see you made changes to $\[Document Name]$ on $\[Date]$. Could you please clarify the specific reasons for the change from $\[Original Text]$ to $\[New Text]$ so I can ensure consistency in future reports?"
3. Seek Internal and External Support
You cannot go through this alone.
Internal (HR/Senior Staff)
Since you are concerned the manager is friendly with senior staff, start with Human Resources (HR) or a similar department (People Operations).
Raise a Grievance: You need to initiate a formal process. Ask for a meeting with HR to raise a formal grievance about workplace bullying and harassment.
Focus on the Pattern and Health Impact: Present your case as a pattern of unreasonable and excessive criticism that is impacting your health and ability to perform your job. Use your log (see point 1) to provide specific examples and dates.
Highlight the Trivial Nature: Point out that the criticism has nothing to do with the quality of your actual work, but rather on things like font, color, or perceived minor behavioral slights that are only addressed via delayed, official-looking emails (which suggests a malicious intent to create a paper trail).
Mention the Disability Harassment: Do not forget to include the public harassment about your required use of aids. This may cross the line into disability discrimination/harassment, which is a very serious offense for a company.
External (ACAS / Legal Advice)
Keep trying to reach ACAS (Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service). They offer free, impartial advice on workplace disputes and employment law in the UK.
ACAS: This is your primary external resource. They can guide you on the formal grievance process and your legal rights regarding bullying, harassment, and disability discrimination.
Legal: If you have access to a union or an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) through work, they may offer free or reduced-cost legal consultation.
Summary: What to Do Next
Start your Private Log Today: Document every incident (emails, meetings, verbal comments).
Raise a Formal Grievance with HR: Schedule a meeting with HR immediately to report workplace bullying and harassment, using your log as evidence.
Keep Trying ACAS: This is crucial for understanding your rights under UK law.