I'm 3 months into my new job and someone already made a complaint to VP of HR
hello, unsure if this is the right flair to use. I was hired as a HR Communications specialist at the end of this past September. I have been loving my role so far, as well as the people and the office environment. I am a 33f if that matters.
Recently, on Friday Dec. 19 my manager's manager, who is the VP of HR, pulled me into her office to inform me that a complaint had been made against me by an employee who works in the Procurement office. Since being hired, I have not interacted on any level with anyone in Procurement, in person or via email/IM.
I was informed by the VP of HR that an employee in Procurement was irritated about my sense of urgency for a task I was trying to execute for a loose deadline when I went into the Procurement office looking for supplies, and this person was also irritated by an off-hand comment I made in the moment about wanting to do a good job and that this task was assigned to me by the COO's EA and I didn't want to upset the COO & EA by doing a bad job / ruining the paint on the walls (the task was to adhere cardboard posters by command strip or putty to the walls). According to th VP of HR, he called me crass.
I have a good relationship with the VP, as she is my manager's manager (previously stated). She admitted she vouched for me to this Procurement employee but because he was adamant about filing this complaint, she had to follow protocol and "investigate" me to get my side of the story. She reiterated it must be a perception issue on his end, as she understood where I was coming from.
Now I feel I have an office "enemy" with this person and I am insulted they called me crass without knowing who I am or my personality since we do not interact at all.
Tomorrow, Monday Dec. 22 I have to either send this employee an email or speak to him in person to smooth it out but I am wondering how to handle this situation as I do believe it is utterly ridiculous and made a mountain out of a molehill. I don't see any of my words or actions as being crass. I pride myself on being friendly and professional so this has eaten away at me all weekend. TYIA
Jobadvisor
What you are experiencing is unpleasant, but it is not career-ending, uncommon, or an indicator that you have done something egregious. From an HR and organizational dynamics perspective, this is best understood as a perception-based interpersonal complaint, not a conduct issue. The VP of HR’s framing already signals that.
Your objective now is risk management and reputation protection, not winning an argument or proving the complaint was “ridiculous.”
Below is a structured way to think about this, followed by a practical recommendation and a sample email you can use if you choose the written route.
Key points to ground yourself first
This was handled correctly by HR
Even weak or subjective complaints must be logged and acknowledged.
The VP explicitly told you she believes this is a perception issue and vouched for you. That matters.
This is not about intent
HR complaints are almost never about what you meant.
They are about how behavior landed, particularly across departments with different cultures (Procurement vs. HR/Comms is a classic mismatch).
You do not have an “enemy”
You have a colleague who escalated instead of addressing discomfort directly.
That is frustrating, but it does not automatically make them adversarial—especially if you handle this cleanly.
Your response is now on record
How you approach this resolution will matter more than the original interaction.
Recommended approach
Choose calm, brief, and neutral
Whether email or in person, your tone should be:
Professional
Non-defensive
Forward-looking
Explicitly collaborative
You are not:
Explaining your personality
Justifying urgency
Referencing the COO or hierarchy again
Critiquing the complaint process
Seeking validation or apology
What you are doing:
Acknowledging that your approach may have come across differently than intended
Expressing interest in a functional working relationship
Closing the loop
Email vs. in-person
Email is often safer in situations like this because:
It creates a clean, documented resolution
It prevents emotional leakage
It allows the other person to save face
If HR gave you the option, email is entirely appropriate.
Sample email (professional, neutral, and sufficient)
Hello [Name],
I wanted to follow up regarding our brief interaction last week. It was brought to my attention that my sense of urgency and comments at the time may have come across differently than I intended.
That was certainly not my goal, and I apologize if my approach caused any frustration. I value working respectfully across teams and want to ensure smooth collaboration going forward.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I appreciate your understanding.
Best regards,
[Your Name]
This email does three important things:
It acknowledges perception without admitting wrongdoing
It does not debate facts
It closes the issue
If you speak in person instead
Keep it under 60 seconds. A script you can internalize:
“I wanted to follow up briefly. I understand my urgency and comments may have come across poorly, and that wasn’t my intention. I appreciate you flagging it, and I want to make sure we work smoothly going forward.”
Then stop talking.
Silence after that is fine.
Final reassurance
The VP of HR already contextualized this in your favor.
You are early in your tenure; minor perception mismatches are common.
Handling this calmly and professionally will increase, not decrease, leadership confidence in you.
One complaint does not define you—your response does.
Boss changing my time clocking in and out
My schedule everyday is 8-3 sometimes i will be working a little bit past 3 and will not get to clock out until maybe 3:15 or 3:20 but my time card somehow always shows me clocking out at 3:00 on the dot. I asked my coworkers who sometimes end up staying a little longer than I do and she said hers is also saying she clocked out 3:00 on the dot but she was still there and working. Is this allowed I feel like it is not fair even if it is 20 extra minutes but that time will add up on my paycheck and it is getting taken away. Should I say something?
Jobadvisor
Short answer: No—this is generally not allowed, and yes, you should address it.
From an employment and wage-and-hour perspective, what you are describing is commonly referred to as “time shaving.” In most jurisdictions—certainly under U.S. federal law (FLSA) and many state laws—it is illegal for an employer to alter time records to reduce paid hours actually worked, even if the amount seems small.
Below is a clear, structured way to think about it.
Why this is a problem
You must be paid for all hours worked
If you are working until 3:15 or 3:20, that time is compensable.
Employers may discipline employees for unauthorized overtime, but they cannot refuse to pay for it.
Rounding rules are limited
Some systems allow neutral rounding (e.g., to the nearest 5, 10, or 15 minutes).
Rounding must benefit employees and employers equally over time.
Always rounding down to 3:00 is not neutral and is typically unlawful.
Pattern + multiple employees = higher risk
The fact that your coworker is experiencing the same issue suggests this may be a systemic practice, not an error.
That significantly increases the employer’s exposure and the seriousness of the issue.
“It’s only 15–20 minutes” is not a defense
Wage law does not recognize “small amounts” as acceptable.
Over weeks and months, this adds up—and regulators know that.
What to do next (practical and professional steps)
1. Start documenting immediately
Keep your own record:
Actual clock-in and clock-out times
Dates you worked past 3:00
Screenshots of timecards if possible
Do this quietly and consistently.
2. Raise it neutrally first (recommended)
Assume good faith initially. This protects you and creates a record.
You can say or write something like:
“I’ve noticed that when I work past 3:00, my timecard still shows me clocking out at exactly 3:00. I wanted to check whether there’s a system setting or rounding rule I should be aware of, since I want to make sure my hours are recorded accurately.”
This is:
Non-accusatory
Fact-based
Difficult to dismiss
3. If the answer is dismissive or confirms the practice
If you are told things like:
“We don’t pay past 3:00”
“It’s only a few minutes”
“Everyone does it”
That is a red flag.
At that point, escalate to:
HR
Payroll
Or both, preferably in writing
4. If HR does nothing
If the practice continues:
You may file a wage complaint with your state labor department or the U.S. Department of Labor.
Retaliation for raising a wage issue is also illegal in many jurisdictions.
You do not need to threaten this—just know it is an option.
Important reassurance
You are not being petty.
You are not wrong to question this.
Wage theft often happens in small increments specifically because people feel uncomfortable speaking up.
Handled professionally, raising this issue reflects good judgment, not troublemaking.
27m and I can’t afford to go to college or live on my own. I’m so depressed. What’s the point.
Honestly it’s been a rough ride. I never really came back from losing everything during covid. I had a 4 year relationship with the girl who I thought was my soulmate. Everything deteriorated and fell apart so quickly. It ended so badly that I couldn’t even recognize her or myself by the end of it.
I dropped out of community college because I can’t maintain working full time and school. I’ve been living with family again after failing at living on my own and failing in my attempts at romantic relationships ever since. I don’t want to take out loans but I feel like I don’t have any options. I can’t live like this. This isn’t living. I’m still in debt. I don’t have many friends. I love music but I don’t see myself making a career out of it. What I do want to go to school for doesn’t make any money really and wouldn’t be worth the loans (marine biology). I feel so worthless, I just disassociate when I’m not thinking about suicide.
I look at old pics of myself and I used to be so full of life. I can’t even join the military bc I have a bad knee. This also limits how many jobs I can even do without a degree so I’m starting to feel like that’s the only option. I was so gifted as a kid and I don’t even know what happened. All the doubt and insecurity creeping in until I’m not sure about anything anymore. I have no idea how to fix this. I have no idea what to do with my life. I’m so fucking depressed. I want to find something that makes me feel alive again.
Jobadvisor
I hear how heavy this is for you. Losing a long-term relationship, your independence, and your sense of self all at once is a massive trauma. It makes perfect sense that you feel like you’re just "existing" rather than living. When you’ve been told you were "gifted" as a kid, the pressure to have it all figured out by 27 can feel like a suffocating weight.
You aren't a failure; you are someone who has been hit by a series of high-impact life events without a safety net. Let’s try to break this down into smaller, more manageable pieces so you can find a bit of air.
1. Immediate Mental Health Support
Before looking at careers or degrees, we have to address the "disassociating" and the dark thoughts. When you’re in a deep depression, your brain literally cannot see the solutions that are right in front of you.
Crisis Resources: If you are feeling unsafe right now, please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (in the US) or text HOME to 741741.
Low-Cost Therapy: Since money is tight, look into Open Path Collective or local university clinics that offer sliding-scale therapy. Getting your head above water emotionally is the prerequisite for any career move.
2. The Career/Education Catch-22
You’re right that taking on massive debt for a field like Marine Biology is a high-risk move if you’re already struggling. However, you don't have to choose between "nothing" and "soul-crushing debt."
The "Adjacent" Path: If you love Marine Biology, consider Trade Certifications in Water Quality Management or Wastewater Treatment. These jobs are stable, often government-funded (benefits/pension), don't require a 4-year degree, and involve the science of water and environment.
The "Knee-Friendly" Skills: Since physical labor is limited, look into CompTIA A+ certifications or Google Career Certificates. They are low-cost, can be done at your own pace, and can get you into an office/remote entry-level role ($45k–$55k) much faster than a degree.
Employer-Paid Tuition: Many companies (like Starbucks, Amazon, or Target) offer 100% tuition coverage for specific online degree programs. It’s a grind, but it’s a way to get the degree without the debt.
3. Reclaiming Your Identity
You mentioned you love music but don't see it as a career. That is okay. In fact, it might be better that way.
Music as a Lifeline: When we are depressed, we stop doing the things that make us "us." Don't pressure yourself to monetize music. Use it as a tool to stay grounded. Whether it's playing, writing, or just listening—let that be the one place where you don't have to "succeed."
The "Old Version" of You: It’s painful to look at old photos, but that person isn't gone; they’re buried under a lot of grief. You don't have to "fix" everything at once. You just have to find one small thing today that makes you feel 1% more like yourself.
A Small Step Forward
Right now, the big picture is too overwhelming. Let’s shrink the focus.