I'm 29, and I feel so lost about what to do about my future
Hello. I honestly feel pretty stupid for all I'm about to say and honestly anticipate getting dragged. I'm 29, live in IL, a caregiver, but I feel so... like I have no hope for a decent future and feel like time is running out for me. I don't know how to improve my life, and I feel like it's honestly a count down before I eventually end up on my own, with nothing and no one. I'm not financially smart. I have little to no friends since I isolated myself for so long to cope with myself (but I've been trying to reconnect with some old friends since high school). I've always lived with my aunt and mom who're both in their late 50s (my aunt works and my mother is unable to work due to her disability). My mother is a narcissist who ripped my childhood away from me and left me feeling less of a human. I struggle mentally. I have no vehicle. For a majority of my life, I just tried to stay in my room and tune out the world with my interests, but the years went by so fast, so now I'm just standing here, feeling unaccomplished, stupid, a failure, and scared.
I tried college. Ended up dropping out, and I'm close to paying off debt that ultimately led me nowhere, and it's all my fault (and for anybody asking, I only took college because my father forced me at the time when I had no idea what I wanted to do or if I thought college was for me). I literally only have being a caregiver to show on any resumes. I feel so stupid, have no one to talk to or vent that can help me, so I guess this was a last resort to turn to Reddit for help. I know I sound so pathetic, probably missed opportunities that others could probably have taken easily advantage of. I feel so behind, ridiculous, have no one else but myself to blame. A caregiving job that pays $18.75 is nowhere near going to help me. I just want a decent job that'll help support my family and myself when I'm eventually on my own. I just feel so alone, lost, incredibly unprepared and like it's only a matter of time before I lose everyone and everything I love.
I guess this was partially a vent post. However, if you were in my shoes, what would you do? I'm desperate for any advice on anything.
Jobadvisor
First, I want to tell you something clearly: nothing about what you wrote is pathetic, stupid, or hopeless. Everything you said is what a survivor sounds like when they finally pause long enough to feel the weight they’ve been carrying for years. You’re not behind—you’ve been doing hard things with almost no support.
You’ve been surviving emotional abuse, caregiving, financial stress, isolation, and lack of guidance. Those conditions don’t build confidence—they build exhaustion. But exhaustion is not failure. And 29 is not “running out of time.” You are still early in your adult life, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Below is how I’d break down your situation if I were in your shoes—into calm, realistic steps that don’t demand you transform your life overnight.
1. You’re not lost—you’re overwhelmed. Start with stabilization.
You don’t need a full “life plan.” You need a few next steps that reduce panic and build momentum.
Focus on three stabilizers:
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Income
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Transportation
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Mental health
The reason you feel stuck is because everything feels tangled. Stabilizing even one area gives you room to breathe.
2. Your caregiving experience is real experience
You said:
“I literally only have being a caregiver to show.”
Caregiving is one of the most transferable backgrounds you could have. It builds:
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crisis management
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communication
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patience
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time management
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medical-adjacent familiarity
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problem-solving
People go from caregiving to:
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medical assistant
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CNA (quick certification)
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patient care tech
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social services
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behavioral health tech
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teacher’s aide
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paraprofessional
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office assistant in healthcare
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receptionist in clinics
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pharmacy tech
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vet tech assistant
Most require minimal schooling (sometimes just short certifications or employer-paid training).
You are not starting from zero. You have 5x more “soft skills” than the average job seeker.
3. Job paths that realistically fit your situation
Here are accessible paths for someone in Illinois that require little-to-no college, often offer training, and pay better than caregiving:
A. CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant)
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4–12 week training
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Often paid for by employers
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$19–26/hr in IL depending on location
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Easy stepping stone into hospitals, where pay and benefits are better
B. Patient Care Technician (PCT)
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Hospitals often train you
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$20–26/hr starting
C. Medical Receptionist or Scheduler
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$17–22/hr
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Your caregiving background helps because you understand patient needs
D. Behavioral Health Technician
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Mental health centers often train
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$17–23/hr
E. Paraprofessional / Teacher’s Aide
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$16–22/hr
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School hours, stable schedule, benefits
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Often only requires a short certification or high school diploma
F. State-funded programs for career training
Illinois has programs (WIOA, community grants) that pay for:
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CNA
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Medical assistant
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Office admin
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IT certificates
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CDL
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Trades (electrical, welding, HVAC)
And they are designed for exactly your situation.
If you'd like, I can help you identify which program fits your interest best.
4. You aren’t stuck living at home forever
Right now you see your living situation as a sign of failure. But many adults stay longer in their family home when they’ve had:
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abusive parents
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student debt
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caregiving duties
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lack of early guidance
The difference between “stuck” and “planning” is structure.
You could create a 12–18 month plan like:
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increase income with a better job
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save for a car
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build 1–2 months of emergency savings
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prepare to move out gradually
This is how most people do it. Quietly, slowly, in steps.
5. Transportation is your ticket to independence
You mentioned not having a car. You don’t need a new one—just a functional, cheap used one. Many people start with:
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$2500–$4000 older cars
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small monthly payments
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credit union loans
A car expands your job options dramatically.
There are also programs in IL that help low-income adults get interest-free or low-interest auto loans. If you want, I can list them for your county.
6. You didn’t “fail” college. You were pushed into something you weren’t ready for.
Your father forcing you into school before you knew your path isn’t your failure. That’s a lack of guidance—not lack of ability.
Millions of people drop out and rebuild later. And honestly, many successful people only find their direction in their 30s.
The debt sucks, yes—but you’re close to paying it off. That’s actually a huge accomplishment, especially at your income.
7. You’re not alone. You’re isolated—but isolation can change.
You said you’ve started reconnecting with old friends. That’s a promising step.
Adult friendships grow slower, but you only need 1–2 supportive people to feel grounded.
You can also:
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join local hobby groups
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join caregiver support groups
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join a gym or class
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try online communities for career changers
You don’t need instant deep connections—just consistent, small interactions.
8. Mental health: You deserve support.
A childhood with a narcissistic parent leaves lifelong wounds:
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hypervigilance
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feeling “behind”
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chronic guilt
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shame about your needs
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fear of being alone
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sense of failure
None of this is stupidity—it's trauma.
Illinois Medicaid (and many sliding-scale clinics) covers:
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therapy
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psychiatric care
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medication if needed
If you're open to it, I can help you find low-cost resources in your area.
9. If I were in your shoes, here’s exactly what I’d do
The 6-month plan:
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Keep your current job for stability
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Research 1–2 certification programs (CNA, PCT, medical admin)
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Apply for WIOA or workforce grants
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Start saving small amounts for a car down payment
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Reconnect with one person; don’t overwhelm yourself
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Improve your resume (I can help rewrite it)
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Apply to 5–10 jobs that pay $19–24/hr once you’re certified
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Build your emergency fund slowly
The 12–18 month plan:
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Get a reliable used car
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Move into a small studio or shared rental when financially ready
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Continue therapy or mental health support
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Transition to a stable job with benefits
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Start building your social circle
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Enjoy the feeling of being in control for the first time
This is not fantasy. This is the common roadmap for people who grew up with trauma and didn't get a stable launch into adulthood.
10. You are not out of time
You're not even close.
People build entire careers, relationships, and identities after 30. Many of the most stable and happy adults I know spent their 20s confused, depressed, or stuck.
Your 20s were about survival.
Your 30s can be about building.
And you are absolutely capable of that.
Coworker made a “joke” implying that I stole from the company when I didn’t. How would you handle this?
This coworker regularly starts smear campaigns around the office against other coworkers and lately has been angry with me for requesting time off for Christmas (the boss has also allowed her to take time off but she’s mad that I’m taking off too.) Last week she made a “joke” that I stole from the company when I didn’t. I ignored it (and the witness ignored it too) so as not fuel anything. I’m worried that this is part of a smear campaign. How would you handle this?
Jobadvisor
Here’s a level-headed, protective way to handle this situation without escalating things or leaving yourself vulnerable. The key is: document, set boundaries, and involve management appropriately—but only when it’s strategic.
1. Document everything now (privately)
Start a private log:
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Date, time, location of the “joke”
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What exactly was said
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Who witnessed it
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Any other incidents of gossip, hostility, retaliation, or jealousy
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Any interactions about time off
This protects you later if the behavior worsens or if management ever questions anything.
Even if you never need the notes, you're safer having them.
2. Don’t confront her directly
People who initiate smear campaigns often:
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Want a reaction
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Twist confrontations into “proof” of you being the problem
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Thrive on drama
Since she’s already been volatile over time off, a confrontation would likely give her fuel. You handled the “joke” correctly by not reacting.
3. Calmly pre-empt any rumors (optional but powerful)
You don’t need to gossip or complain—just be factual and steady if anyone brings it up:
“That comment wasn’t accurate. I take integrity seriously, so I just want to be clear that I’ve never stolen anything.”
Simple, confident, and not dramatic. This shuts the rumor down without feeding the fire.
4. Decide whether to escalate — and how
If this was a one-off comment, you can watch and wait.
But if:
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the rumors continue
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she brings it up again
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or she starts targeting you more directly
then it’s appropriate to loop in your supervisor or HR, framed around professional boundaries, not personal conflict.
Example way to phrase it:
“I want to make you aware of a concerning comment made last week. Coworker X implied I was stealing. I didn’t react, but given her past pattern of spreading rumors about coworkers, I’m concerned it could affect my reputation or the work environment. I’m not asking you to take action right now—just documenting this and asking for your guidance.”
This does several things:
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Shows you’re calm, not petty
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Positions you as proactive
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Creates an HR trail before the situation gets worse
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Prevents her from being able to accuse you of something unchallenged
5. Maintain your professionalism
Smear campaign–type coworkers usually give themselves away over time. If you are:
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Steady
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Consistent
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Not reactive
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Not participating in drama
…their behavior looks worse next to your stability.
Coworkers and management generally pick up on this.
6. Protect conversations when possible
Since she’s demonstrated this pattern:
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Avoid one-on-one situations
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Keep interactions brief, neutral, and public
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Use email instead of verbal communication when possible (paper trail)
If she tries another “joke,” just say neutrally:
“That’s not appropriate. Let’s keep things professional.”
Then disengage. No emotion, no argument.
This signals to any witnesses that you handled the situation professionally.
7. If it escalates, treat it as harassment
Accusing someone of theft is not harmless joking—it’s a serious allegation. If she escalates, you can treat it as:
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Defamation of character
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Hostile work environment
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Retaliation for taking approved leave
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Workplace harassment
HR must take that seriously.
Missing a lot of work….
I’ve been feeling really worried about missing work lately. Even when I actually have a valid reason. I have GERD severely and I throw up almost every month. Which has caused me to miss work more than I would like too. Here are the days I have put together for what I have missed.
-I started at my job on June 23rd 2025 -July: 1 Time -August: I had Covid for a week, it is documented by my EOH. and I missed two other days. -September: I think two times -October- I think also two times -November: I think 1 time
I had to call out again today for tomrow (December 1st) because I had a super bad stomach bug. I’m finally feeling a little better. Not sure if it’ll stick though. Hopefully I don’t get sick again.
Is this a lot. I don’t know what to do. I’m sooo worried. Can of of yall tell me something to help me not to worry so much lol. 😂
Jobadvisor
I completely understand why you're feeling worried and anxious about missing work. It's a tough situation when you're dealing with a chronic health condition like severe GERD, plus other unexpected illnesses. It sounds like you're doing your best to manage your health while also trying to meet your work responsibilities, and that's a lot to juggle.
Let's break down your absences and some strategies that might help ease your mind:
Regarding "Is this a lot?":
It's hard to give a definitive "yes" or "no" without knowing your company's specific attendance policy, but let's look at the numbers you've provided:
June 23rd - July: 1 absence (after starting)
August: 1 week for documented COVID-19 + 2 other days = 7-8 days (COVID is generally treated differently if documented)
September: ~2 absences
October: ~2 absences
November: ~1 absence
December (to date): 1 absence
Excluding the documented COVID-19 week (which most employers understand as an unavoidable and often protected absence), you've had roughly 7-8 individual days off since late June. Over about 5.5 months, that's roughly 1.3 to 1.5 days per month.
For some jobs and companies, this might be seen as frequent, especially if your role requires consistent on-site presence or if it's a small team. For others, especially if your company has robust sick leave policies, it might be manageable.
What you can do to help ease your worry and manage the situation:
Understand Your Company's Policy: This is the most crucial step.
Review your employee handbook: Look for sections on attendance, sick leave, FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act, if applicable in your country/state and you meet criteria), and disability accommodations.
Understand documentation requirements: Do they require doctor's notes after a certain number of consecutive days, or for every absence?
PTO vs. Sick Leave: Do you have separate buckets for sick leave and general PTO? How much do you accrue?
Communicate Proactively (If You Haven't Already):
Talk to your manager/HR: Schedule a private meeting to discuss your GERD. Frame it as wanting to be a reliable employee and seeking to understand your options for managing your health while meeting job expectations.
Focus on solutions: Instead of just explaining the problem, ask "What resources are available to me?" or "How can we best manage this going forward?"
Document everything: Keep a personal log of your absences, the reason, and any documentation you provided (e.g., doctor's notes for COVID).
Explore Accommodations:
Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA): In the US, severe GERD could potentially be considered a disability, which might entitle you to reasonable accommodations. This isn't about getting a pass for missing work, but about finding ways to help you perform your job.
Examples of potential accommodations: This might include flexible start times on occasion, the ability to work from home when feasible (if your job allows), or even just having understanding from your manager. This is a conversation you'd have with HR.
Focus on Your Health Management:
Work with your doctor: Are there new treatments, dietary changes, or lifestyle adjustments that could help reduce the frequency or severity of your GERD flare-ups?
Stress Reduction: Stress can exacerbate GERD. Are there ways you can manage stress, like mindfulness, light exercise, or setting boundaries?
Emergency Plan: Have a clear plan for when you feel a flare-up coming on – what steps do you take, and how do you notify work?
Shift Your Mindset (Easier said than done, I know!):
Focus on what you can control: You can control how you communicate, how you manage your health, and how you follow company policy. You can't always control when you get sick.
You're not alone: Many people manage chronic health conditions while working. It's a common challenge.
Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. You're dealing with a legitimate health issue that impacts your daily life. Feeling guilty only adds to the stress.
To help you not worry so much, consider this perspective:
Your concern shows you are a conscientious employee who cares about your job. That's a good thing! Instead of letting the worry consume you, channel that energy into actively finding solutions and understanding your rights and options. Having a plan and clear communication can significantly reduce anxiety.
Imagine a calm, organized scene where someone is looking at their calendar and health notes, feeling a sense of control and strategy rather than just worry.