Coworker won't stop asking me about my finances and its getting really uncomfortable
So this has been going on for like 3 months now and I dont really know if this is something I should bring up to HR or if Im just being too sensitive.
Theres this woman in my department (we're both analysts) who has become obsessed with asking me personal finance questions. At first it was normal stuff like "oh did you see they changed our 401k match" or whatever but now she literally corners me and asks things like how much I have saved up, what my rent is, if I bought my car outright or if Im financing it. Last week she asked me if my girlfriend helps pay my bills which honestly felt so invasive.
The weird part is she frames it like shes trying to "help" me or give advice but I never asked for any of this. She keeps saying stuff like "you seem like you have your life together I bet you have a nice emergency fund" and then just stares at me waiting for an answer. When I mentioned I had some money saved for a trip she literally asked me the exact amount.
I've tried changing the subject, giving vague answers, even told her once that I dont really like talking about money stuff but she just laughs it off and says "oh we're all adults here." My manager sits in a different area so he hasnt witnessed any of this.
Is this something HR would even care about? I dont want to seem dramatic but its making me dread running into her. She also does this thing where she'll bring it up in front of other coworkers like "oh anon is so good with money" which just makes me feel weird
Jobadvisor
You are not being too sensitive. What you are describing is repeated, unwanted inquiry into your personal life after you have already signaled discomfort. That crosses from awkward collegial conversation into inappropriate workplace behavior.
A few important points to ground this:
1. This is not normal or acceptable workplace conduct
General discussion about benefits (401(k) changes, open enrollment, etc.) is common and appropriate. Persistent questioning about:
Your savings balance
Your rent and car financing
Whether your partner helps pay your bills
Exact dollar amounts
is not appropriate in a professional setting—especially after you have said you do not like discussing money.
The fact that she:
Continues after being deflected
Laughs off your boundary
Presses for specifics
Brings it up in front of others
makes this a pattern, not a misunderstanding.
Intent (“I’m just trying to help”) does not outweigh impact.
2. HR would likely care—this falls under harassment / boundary violations
Most HR departments would categorize this as:
Repeated unwanted personal questions
Disregard for stated boundaries
Creating an uncomfortable work environment
It does not need to be sexual or overtly hostile to be taken seriously. A key HR standard is whether the behavior is:
Unwelcome
Repeated
Disruptive to your ability to work comfortably
Your situation meets all three.
3. Before going to HR, one clear, explicit boundary is advisable (if you feel safe doing so)
You have hinted and deflected, but HR will often ask whether you clearly told the person to stop. If you are comfortable, the next step is a direct, unambiguous statement such as:
“I want to be clear—I’m not comfortable discussing my personal finances at work. Please don’t ask me about that anymore.”
Do not justify, soften excessively, or debate. If she laughs it off or continues afterward, that strengthens your position significantly.
If you do not feel comfortable saying this directly, that is acceptable—you can still escalate—but HR may suggest mediated intervention.
4. Start documenting now
Keep a private, factual log including:
Date and approximate time
What was asked or said (verbatim if possible)
Where it occurred
Whether others were present
Your response
This is not overkill; it is standard self-protection. Documentation shifts the conversation from “feelings” to observable behavior.
5. Consider looping in your manager first—or HR directly
You have two reasonable paths:
Option A: Manager first
Appropriate if you trust your manager
Frame it as a workplace comfort issue, not a personal conflict
Example framing:
“I’m having repeated unwanted conversations about my personal finances with a coworker. I’ve tried setting boundaries, but it’s continuing and making me uncomfortable. I’d like help addressing it.”
Option B: HR directly
Appropriate if you prefer confidentiality or neutrality
Especially reasonable given the duration and repetition
Either option is legitimate. This is not “dramatic,” and you are not asking for punishment—you are asking for the behavior to stop.
6. What HR intervention typically looks like
In most cases, HR will:
Speak to her privately
Instruct her to stop discussing personal finances with you or others
Frame it as professional conduct guidance
It does not usually escalate unless the behavior continues.
7. You are not obligated to disclose or “play along”
You are under no professional or social obligation to:
Answer personal financial questions
Explain why you are uncomfortable
Accept “advice” you did not request
Her public comments (“anon is so good with money”) are also inappropriate because they spotlight you without consent.
This is a reasonable issue for HR or management, and you have already given more grace than required. Set one clear boundary if you can, document everything, and escalate without guilt if it continues. Your discomfort is valid, and a professional workplace should respect personal boundaries.
Negotiating Salary for a promotion?
I interviewed for a promotion that is one grade level above where I’m at currently. I was offered the promotion, but I’m wondering if I should negotiate for a higher salary.
My compa-ratio was already 105%, so I was already above the midpoint for current grade level. I was hoping for a 10-15% raise. The new position is only one grade level above my current role. Offer was for an ~8% increase putting my compa-ratio at 101% for the new grade level.
Additionally, this is a newly created role. I expect there to be additional responsibilities to stand up this role, create new workflows and processes, etc. I was expecting a higher raise to account for this.
I’m extremely excited for this opportunity and will accept the promotion either way. Should I attempt to negotiate compensation though? How should I approach negotiating given I’m an internal candidate gaining a promotion?
Jobadvisor
Congratulations on the promotion! Being offered a newly created role is a massive vote of confidence—it means they trust you not just to do the work, but to build the framework for how that work gets done.
The short answer is: Yes, you should negotiate. Because you are an internal candidate, the "social cost" of negotiating is much lower than people fear, provided you approach it as a partner rather than an adversary. Here is how to navigate the compa-ratio shift and the "new role" complexity.
1. Understand the "Internal Math"
Your company’s offer of 8% is likely a standard HR "internal promotion" cap (many companies default to 7–10% for a one-grade jump). However, there are two strong data points in your favor:
The Compa-Ratio Drop: You went from 105% (highly proficient/valued in the previous role) to 101% (entry-level proficiency for the new role). You can argue that since you are already a high performer, you shouldn't be "reset" to the midpoint of the new grade.
The "Pioneer" Tax: Because this is a newly created role, you aren't just stepping into a seat; you are a founding architect. You are saving the company money and time by building the workflows that future hires will use.
2. The Negotiation Strategy
Since you’ve already decided to accept the role regardless, you can negotiate with low pressure and high gratitude. This protects your reputation while still advocating for your value.
The Narrative:
"I am thrilled about this opportunity and ready to dive in. However, looking at the 8% increase, I was hoping for something closer to 12-15% to reflect the unique nature of this being a newly created role. Beyond the daily tasks, I'll be designing the workflows and processes from scratch, which adds a layer of strategic delivery to the position."
3. Key Leverage Points
If they push back saying "this is the max for the grade," try these pivots:
The "Performance Review" Bridge: If they can't hit 12% now, ask for a formal salary review in 6 months (rather than 12) once the workflows are established.
One-Time Bonus: If the base salary is "locked" by HR grades, ask for a one-time "sign-on" or "retention" bonus to bridge the gap for the first year.
Non-Monetary Perks: If the cash is truly fixed, ask for a professional development budget or a more flexible schedule while you're in the "setup" phase of the role.
Tips for Internal Candidates
Keep it Collaborative: You still have to work with these people on Monday. Frame the request as: "How can we get closer to X? I want to make sure the compensation aligns with the added scope of building this department."
Acknowledge the Grade: Don't ignore the compa-ratio. Say: "I appreciate that this puts me at 101% of the new midpoint, but given my history of high performance (105% previously), I’d like the new salary to reflect that I’m hitting the ground running, not starting from zero."
28M bipolar. Just dropped out of school. Again. I am beyond lost.
28M, bipolar, 5x college dropout, still live with my parents, never had a job
I'll try my best to keep this short. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder at six (yes, six) and bipolar disorder 2 at 15. My life has been hell ever since. I went to three different high schools before finishing online. I have horrible social anxiety and have never really had any friends. My grades were shit, but I guess I did well enough on the ACT to get into a state school. I started, and I actually did reasonably well for my first two years.
I won't go into detail because we'd be here forever, but things got BAD. My grades plummeted and eventually I had to withdraw. This was 2018. Since then, I've enrolled and eventually dropped out 5 times at an absolute joke of a commuter school closer to home.
Anyway, I'm very close to completing the degree, but given the fact that I've just had to drop out yet again, it seems like it's time to move on from trying to finish. It's a sunk cost.
Otherwise, I have no skills that come to mind. I know there are some things I can try to learn, and I'm more than open to ideas. My biggest interests are reading, writing, fishing, camping, and photography. The latter is not a viable career path, and I don't know of any skills that align with those interests that I could pick up, but I'd love to be proven wrong.
I just don't know where to turn. I truly do not care about stopping my degree so close to finishing if I could just find something that doesn't actively make me more miserable. I don't need to be rich. I don't need much. I don't need much space, and the chances that it'll ever be more than just me living there are slim to none, so I guess that helps in regard to cost of living?
I just have no idea where to go. I'm miserable, and I feel like a complete failure. If you'd have told me that this was where I'd be 10 years ago, I would have just killed myself. No doubt in my mind.
And that's exactly gonna happen if I don't find something that gives me a glimmer of hope. I know I'm giving y'all almost nothing to work with here, and I apologize for that. But I feel the walls closing in like I never have before. I need help.
Jobadvisor
I hear the weight in your words, and I want to start by saying that what you are feeling—that "walls closing in" sensation—is an incredibly common physiological response to the specific type of burnout that comes with bipolar disorder. You aren't a failure; you are someone who has been trying to run a marathon with an invisible 50lb pack on your back for 22 years.
The fact that you’ve tried 5 times to finish that degree shows a level of persistence most people don't have. But it’s okay to stop. Sometimes "moving on" isn't giving up; it's a strategic pivot to save your life.
Here is a path forward that works with your brain, not against it.
1. The "Low-Social, High-Environment" Job Pivot
Since you have social anxiety and love the outdoors, fishing, and photography, look for "solitary" or "technical" roles where your value is based on the result you produce, not how much you talk to people.
| Job Idea | Why it fits you | Barrier to Entry |
| Night Security/Grave Shift | Zero social interaction. You can read, write, or study in the quiet. | Usually just a short certification course. |
| Parks/Groundskeeping | You are outside, moving, and usually working solo or in a tiny crew. | Low. High school diploma is usually enough. |
| Data Entry/Transcription | Very repetitive and predictable. No "customer service" mask required. | Low. Remote options exist. |
| Stocking/Warehouse (Night) | No customers. Physical work can sometimes help ground bipolar energy. | Low. |
| Medical Records Specialist | Purely administrative, detail-oriented, and behind a screen. | Often requires a short certificate, but no degree. |
2. Leverage Your "Sunk Cost"
You said you are "very close" to finishing. Don't think of those credits as a degree you failed to get; think of them as currency.
The Associate's Degree: If you haven't already, check if your credits qualify you for an Associate's Degree right now. Many people "stop out" of a Bachelor's but have enough for an Associate's. Having that on a resume can help with the "never had a job" hurdle.
The "General Studies" Exit: Ask the registrar if you can "package" your existing credits into a general degree without taking more classes.
3. Creating a "Glimmer" of Hope
If you enjoy writing and photography, you have a natural aptitude for Content Management or Technical Writing.
The Plan: Instead of a 4-year degree, look at a 3-month Technical Writing Certification. Tech writers take complex info and make it simple. It's high-paying, often remote, and involves almost no "selling" or "public speaking."
The Hobby Outlet: Use your photography and fishing as your "sanity anchor." If a job is just a paycheck that allows you to buy better gear or travel to a new lake, it has served its purpose.
4. Important Reality Check
You mentioned feeling like a "failure" because you live with your parents at 28. In the current economy, and especially for someone managing a chronic health condition, this is a strategic advantage. * Because your overhead is low, you don't need a "career" right now. You just need a low-stress anchor.
Even a 15-hour-a-week job at a library or a plant nursery would be a massive "win" for your confidence right now.
Your Immediate Next Step
If you are in a crisis or the "walls closing in" feeling gets physical, please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (in the US) or text HOME to 741741.