Should I stay remote for 95k or go in-person for 155k?
I am stuck between 2 jobs! There is so much nuance and I just can’t figure out the best option for my family.
Job #1: 95k current job. Remote. Started off rough but is fine now. Not in my specialty but good enough? Some room for growth but slow. Own house in LCOL blue city and red state.
Job #2 155k, not remote but in my specialty. Management, so would open up more opportunity? Would require big move to HCOL blue city and blue state.
Other info: school aged children, husband has 50k job in current state and nothing lined up in new state but would offset childcare costs by staying home until school starts. Then would attempt job hunting. We’d rent our house (already have renters we trust lined up) so could keep in case we hate it. Would rent in new city in good school district for about 2700.
Please! Help! We’ve been waffling foreverrrrrr!
Jobadvisor
This is the classic, high-stakes trade-off between lifestyle/stability and career acceleration/money. You are smart to be waffling because there is no single right answer, only the one that aligns best with your family's priorities right now.
The core of the decision is to move beyond the difference in salary and focus on the difference in Net Wealth Growth and Quality of Life.
Here is a breakdown to help you analyze both jobs against the factors that matter most.
⚖️ A Deep-Dive Comparison
| Factor | Job #1: Remote (LCOL) | Job #2: In-Person (HCOL) |
| Salary | $95,000 | $155,000 (+$60,000) |
| Financial Buffer | Higher. Already own a house, low monthly bills, two incomes ($145k total). | Potentially Lower. Need to factor in increased taxes, HCOL expenses, and $2,700 rent. Temporarily one income ($155k). |
| Career Trajectory | Slow growth, not specialty. Good enough, but potentially a career "plateau." | High potential. Management role, in your specialty, opens doors for future $180k+ roles. |
| Housing Stability | Highest. You own the house, rent it out for cash flow, and have a guaranteed "escape route" if you hate the move. | Low. You are renting in the new city, increasing your monthly fixed costs significantly. |
| Taxes & State | Red State / Blue City. Lower state income taxes (likely). | Blue State / Blue City. Potentially higher state and local income taxes. |
| Family Stability | Highest. Kids stay in school, husband keeps his job, no major upheaval, less work/life stress from no commute. | Lower (Short-Term). Major move, kids change schools, husband must quit, you lose remote flexibility. |
| Husband's Career | Stable $50k income remains. | Must quit. Potential long-term benefit of managing childcare, but risk of extended unemployment. |
💰 The Financial Reality: The Hidden Costs of $155k
A $60,000 raise sounds enormous, but you must first calculate how much of that is simply going to the Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA).
1. The Real Monthly Take-Home Difference
| Factor | Remote ($95k) | In-Person ($155k) | Difference |
| Gross Monthly Income | $7,917 | $12,917 | +$5,000 |
| Estimated Monthly Tax Cut | ~$2,000 - $2,500 (estimate) | ~$3,500 - $4,500 (estimate) | +$1,500 - $2,000 |
| Estimated Net Monthly Increase | +$3,000 - $3,500 |
This $3,000 - $3,500 per month is your actual money to spend/save. Now, let's look at the new expenses:
2. The New Expenses (COLA)
| New HCOL Expense | LCOL Cost | HCOL Cost (Estimated) | Monthly Increase |
| Rent | $0 (Mortgage Covered by Renters?) | $2,700 | +$2,700 |
| Commuting (Gas, parking, wear/tear, insurance) | $0 (Remote) | $200 - $500 | +$350 (Mid-point) |
| Higher Taxes/State Fees | +$200 (Estimate) | ||
| HCOL General Expenses (Groceries, dining, entertainment, higher sales tax) | +$300 (Estimate) | ||
| Husband's Lost Income | $50,000/12 | $0 (Temporary) | -$4,167 |
The True Cost Analysis:
Financial Gain (One Income): Net Monthly Increase $\approx \$3,500$
Financial Loss (One Income): Rent + Commuting + HCOL $\approx \$3,550$
CONCLUSION: On a single income basis, the $155k job, after accounting for HCOL and rent, is likely financially worse or completely flat for your first few months, especially with your husband's $50k income temporarily gone.
💡 The Real Decision Point: Career vs. Family Risk
The move is not about the money now; it's about the Risk/Reward balance.
1. The Argument for $155k (Job #2): Career Acceleration
Long-Term Payoff: This job is a catapult. A management role in your specialty at $155k is a huge resume builder. In 2-3 years, you could move to $180k+ or get another promotion, cementing your high-earner status.
Specialty/Fulfillment: You will be doing work that is engaging and in your career path, addressing the "good enough" feeling of your current role.
The Husband's Potential: If your husband finds a job equal to or better than his old $50k job in the new HCOL area, your combined income will be significantly higher than before, and the financial stress will vanish.
2. The Argument for $95k (Job #1): Stability & Low Risk
Predictability: The current life is stable. You know the costs, the commute is zero, the schools are known, and both incomes are secure. This is invaluable with school-aged children.
Flexibility: You have maximum flexibility to manage school events, sick days, etc., without the pressure of an office-based management role.
Guaranteed Savings: Every dollar saved in your LCOL area is worth significantly more than a dollar saved in a HCOL area. You are building equity in your home and have a higher savings rate relative to your expenses.
My Recommendation
Since you have school-aged children and the financial analysis shows the $155k move is financially neutral (or slightly negative) in the short term, the decision hinges on RISK TOLERANCE.
If you are unhappy and feel your career is stalled in Job #1: Take Job #2. The loss of the husband's income is offset by the childcare being covered temporarily. Renting out your current home is a brilliant low-risk hedge. You are buying a career trajectory and quality of life for your family (the Blue City/Blue State social/political factor also seems to be a draw).
If you are content and value stability above all else: Stay at Job #1. The certainty of two incomes, no moving stress, and owning your home beats the financial headache of starting over. However, you must demand more money.
Critical Follow-Up Action for Job #1:
Before you decide to stay, use the $155k offer as leverage. Schedule a meeting with your current manager and ask for a raise to $115k - $120k. Say: "I have received an offer in my specialty, which is a management role at $155k. While I value the remote work flexibility here, my current salary is significantly below market value, even for this remote role. To commit my long-term future to this company, I need a new compensation structure of $120k."
The final answer is: Take the risk for the career path and the quality of life, but only if you have a 6-month emergency fund to cover your husband's unemployment period.
What is your risk tolerance for your husband's job search? (e.g., How long could you comfortably afford the $2,700 rent on just your $155k salary?)
Friend got fired. Employer is saying she stole product
My friend was working at an ice cream shop where the owner told them from day 1 they can take any ice cream left home at the end of the day. Well, the owner went on vacation and when she came back fired my friend who was left in charge claiming she had stolen 150 dollars worth of ice cream and that she committed time card theft. My friend is devastated and scared as she is threatening to press charges. Now, my friend is underage and the owner was buying her and other underage employees white claws. Is there anything we can do to fight it if I tell them about the alcohol? This is in Denver colorado
Jobadvisor
This is a very serious situation for your friend, and it is understandable that she is devastated and scared. Since the employer is threatening to press criminal charges and your friend is a minor, it is crucial for her to seek professional legal guidance immediately.
I am an AI, not a lawyer, and I cannot provide legal advice. The information below is for general awareness of the laws in Colorado.
🛑 Most Important Next Step
Your friend needs to consult with an attorney who specializes in employment law and/or criminal defense in Colorado. Because the employer is threatening to press charges, this situation has both civil (employment) and potentially criminal implications.
Do not have your friend talk to the employer, owner, or police without an attorney present.
Do not sign any documents or agreements from the employer.
Do not admit to anything or post about the situation online.
Gather evidence (see below).
⚖️ Analysis of the Situation (Denver, Colorado)
1. The Allegations: Theft and Time Card Theft
"At-Will" Employment: Colorado is generally an at-will employment state, meaning an employer can typically fire an employee for almost any reason, or no reason at all, as long as it's not an illegal reason (like discrimination or retaliation for exercising a protected right). Firing someone for suspected theft, even if unproven, is often permissible in at-will employment.
Verbal Permission: Your friend's defense against the theft accusation rests on the owner's initial verbal permission to take leftover ice cream.
Action: Your friend needs to document this permission in detail (who said it, when, if anyone else heard it). If other employees were given the same permission, their statements could be crucial.
Time Card Theft: The employer also accusing her of time card theft adds a layer of complexity and should be documented and addressed by her attorney.
Employer Deductions: Colorado law states that an employer must file a report with the proper law enforcement agency to make a deduction from wages to cover a shortage due to theft by an employee.
2. The Alcohol Issue (Employer Furnishing Alcohol to a Minor)
This is a significant factor. In Colorado, it is a Class 2 Misdemeanor for an adult to sell or furnish alcohol to a minor under 21 years of age, with penalties including potential jail time and/or fines.
How it can help your friend:
Negotiation Leverage: The information about the illegal activity (furnishing alcohol to a minor) could be leverage for your friend's attorney to negotiate with the employer to drop the theft and time card accusations and the threat of pressing charges.
Whistleblower/Retaliation: While Colorado is an at-will state, employees generally have protections against being fired (retaliation) for reporting the employer's illegal activity. If the employer is threatening charges because your friend might expose the illegal alcohol sales, that could constitute illegal retaliation.
Action:
The illegal activity could be reported to the proper authorities (like the police or the Colorado Department of Revenue's Liquor Enforcement Division). However, this should only be done after consulting with an attorney to ensure it is handled in a way that best protects your friend's interests.
📋 Steps to Take Now
Consult a Lawyer: This is the most critical step. Look for a Colorado employment law attorney who also handles issues for minors, or a lawyer who can address both the employment termination and the threat of criminal charges. Many attorneys offer a free initial consultation.
Document Everything (Evidence): Your friend should write down everything she remembers, including:
The exact wording and context of the owner's permission to take ice cream.
The names and contact info of any employees who can corroborate the permission or the alcohol sales.
Details about the termination (who, when, what was said exactly).
Details about the alcohol (who bought it, when, where).
Check for Wages Owed: Your friend is entitled to all wages earned, including her final paycheck, which must be paid timely. She can file a wage claim with the Colorado Department of Labor and Employment (CDLE) if she doesn't receive her final wages.
Would you like me to search for the contact information for the Colorado Department of Labor and Employment or resources for finding a Colorado employment law attorney?