For years, survival in tech seemed to hinge on two things: writing great code and shipping fast. But as layoffs reshape the industry and AI transforms workflows, another metric is quietly rising to the top:
Likability.
That’s right—your relationships, reputation, and trustworthiness may now be as important as your technical output. And for some, they may be more important.
At least, that’s what many veteran tech workers are seeing on the inside.
The New Reality: Impressing “Upper Upper Management”
“There is an increased focus on pleasing the boss as well as ‘upper upper management,’” says Soubhik Dawn, a nearly 20-year tech veteran and founder of Upplai, an AI resume and cover letter platform.
Some workers are calling it showmanship:
-
polishing slide decks for VPs
-
volunteering for last-minute errands
-
staying visible in front of decision-makers
And for those who do it well, the rewards can be disproportionate. A small project can lead to “recognition like crazy,” Dawn says.
Competence still matters. But likability has become the tie-breaker—and sometimes the lifeline.
“The Most Important Skill to Survive”
One senior engineer put it bluntly:
“Being likable is a more important skill than computer programming, or system design, or algorithms.”
He’s learned this the hard way. In past roles, he worked himself into burnout trying to please every manager by taking on too much. He thought raw output was the path to safety. Instead, it backfired.
The lesson?
He should have invested more in relationships.
Because today, getting along with higher-ups has become “the most important skill to survive.”
And it’s not just socializing. Dawn says likability often shows up as dependability: doing what you say you’ll do, owning mistakes, and flagging issues before they blow up.
In other words: trustworthiness.
Warmth Before Competence: Why Trust Matters More Than Ever
Amy Cuddy, social psychologist and former Harvard Business School professor, has studied workplace perception for decades. She says that in uncertain environments—which is exactly what tech is today—people default to evaluating warmth first, competence second.
Warmth includes traits like:
-
reliability
-
openness
-
trustworthiness
And in times of instability, warmth dominates.
“What people are calling likability right now is actually a proxy for trustworthiness,” Cuddy says. “And trust is historically low.”
That trust shapes how leaders view talent.
If colleagues don’t trust you, your competence can actually become a threat.
But if they do trust you, your ideas travel farther.
Her core point:
“Trust is the conduit of influence.”
No matter how brilliant your insights are, they don’t matter if no one’s willing to hear them.
Where Likability Matters Most (and Least)
Tom Chi—who’s worked at Google, Microsoft, and Yahoo, and is now a VC partner—says the importance of likability depends heavily on your role.
In jobs with clear performance metrics, like engineering or data science, your output still speaks for itself.
As he puts it:
“It’s actually relatively straightforward to tell whether you’re adding a lot to the team.”
And the tech world has always tolerated its “brilliant jerks”—those hypercompetent, socially abrasive outliers who deliver enough value to get away with it.
But in roles centered around cross-functional collaboration—product management, design, customer-facing work—likability is essentially part of the job description.
“That’s what merit looks like in that type of role,” Chi says.
Still, he cautions: being too focused on likability can be dangerous. If you prioritize being liked over being capable, “you’re in for a bad ride.”
But Inside Big Tech? Likability Feels Like Survival.
For some workers, the message is simple:
“Does everyone like you? That’s how you survive in Big Tech right now.”
As AI increases output, layoffs create fear, and trust erodes in uncertain workplaces, the social layer of work has become more important. Not in the shallow “be fun at happy hour” sense—but in the deeper, universal sense of being someone others feel safe relying on.
Whether this shift is healthy or not, it’s real.
And in this new tech landscape, code might get you hired—but likability might keep you employed.