I put in my two weeks and my manager said I have to tell her where I'm going
I handed in my resignation yesterday and my manager actually had the nerve to say I need to disclose my next employer. Like... what? I told her that's my personal business and she got all pissy about it. Said something about "professional courtesy" and how the company needs to know for their records.
Since when is this a thing? I'm giving you two weeks notice, which is already more than what's legally required. Where I'm going next is none of your concern.
Jobadvisor
It feels like a power move because…it usually is.
In most places, you are not legally required to disclose your next employer. “Professional courtesy” is just a phrase managers throw around to pressure people into sharing information they’re not actually entitled to.
Here’s the normal reality in most jurisdictions (U.S., Canada, U.K., etc.):
1. You do not have to tell them.
A resignation only needs two things:
-
Clear statement that you’re resigning
-
Final working date
That’s it. Anything beyond that—why you’re leaving, where you’re going, what you’re doing—is optional.
2. Employers sometimes want this info for their own reasons.
Common motives:
-
Non-compete / conflict-of-interest concerns (sometimes legitimate, sometimes not)
-
Trying to gather intel on competitors
-
Curiosity or ego
-
Attempting to guilt or pressure you
None of these give them the right to demand it.
3. HR doesn’t need it “for their records.”
That’s just an excuse. Companies typically track reason for leaving using internal categories (“resignation,” “personal reasons,” “career growth,” etc.). They do not need to know where you’re going.
4. You can set a boundary without being confrontational.
A simple, professional line that shuts it down:
“I’m not comfortable sharing that information. My resignation letter includes everything required.”
If they push again, repeat:
“As I mentioned, I’m not disclosing that. Let me know if you need anything related to my transition.”
No explanation. No apologies.
5. If they escalate? It’s still not their business.
Unless you have:
-
a non-compete agreement (enforceability varies wildly),
-
a conflict-of-interest clause, or
-
you’re going to a direct competitor and contractually obligated to disclose it,
they have zero leverage.
Bottom line:
Your instinct is correct. This is not a thing. You already met your obligations. Keep your boundary, stay professional, and let her be annoyed—she doesn’t get a vote in your next career step.
If you want, I can help you craft a clean, professional response to shut it down completely.
I’m in HR and I was sexually harassed
I am in the early stages of my HR career and currently an HR generalist. A manager decided to send me an inappropriate picture of themselves that is textbook sexual harassment.
This came completely unwarranted and unwelcomed. We’ve only sent each other a few funny posts on social media during work hours. We have a friendly relationship that’s never crossed anything other than that. It was sent in the middle of the night. My immediate instinct is to report this to my bosses, but I am worried. I have not approached him as this happened over the weekend.
I am just feeling so overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. I immediate thought is to talk to him calmly, and tell him it was not welcome, inappropriate, crossed a line, and it is the last time they will talk to me outside of work channels and work hours. I’m going back and forth on reporting and hoping this just goes away…..but my HR brain is telling me no. What should I do if I was sexually harassed and I AM HR?
Jobadvisor
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Being harassed is already incredibly difficult—and being HR on top of that can make you feel trapped, conflicted, and responsible for handling it “perfectly.” You are not at fault, and you deserve safety and support just like anyone else.
Here are some grounded steps you can take and things to consider:
1. Preserve the evidence
Before doing anything else:
-
Save the message/picture (even if you don’t ever want to look at it again).
-
Screenshot the message with timestamps.
-
Save any relevant communication.
-
Store it somewhere private—not on a company device if you’re concerned.
You don’t need to share it widely, but documentation matters.
2. Do not feel obligated to talk to him first
You are not required to confront him or give a warning.
In fact, doing so can:
-
muddy the record,
-
give him a chance to delete evidence,
-
or give him the opportunity to pressure or manipulate you.
Wanting to “resolve it calmly” is a very normal instinct, especially for HR professionals, but this is a situation where you get to be the employee—not the HR problem-solver.
3. Follow the reporting structure you would advise any other employee
Think of this as if someone came to you with the exact same situation.
If your organization has policies like:
-
reporting harassment to your HR Director or CHRO,
-
reporting to another HR leader,
-
reporting to the Ethics/Compliance hotline,
-
reporting to Legal,
-
reporting to an outside investigator if HR is implicated
—then you should follow that same channel.
Because you’re HR, this should be handled by someone above you or external to HR.
If your company uses an anonymous hotline or third-party reporting system, that is often a safe first step.
4. Know that retaliation is prohibited
If you’re afraid for your job, that is exactly why formal reporting matters—retaliation protections are real and taken seriously, especially when a manager is involved.
If they retaliated against you, that becomes a much bigger legal issue for the company.
5. Consider whether you want support before reporting
You don’t need to go through this alone.
You can choose to speak privately with:
-
a trusted senior HR colleague not connected to the manager,
-
your HR Director/CHRO,
-
an EAP counselor,
-
or even an employment lawyer (many offer free consultations).
This isn’t overreacting—this is getting clarity in a moment where emotions are high.
6. Your emotional reaction is valid
You’re overwhelmed because:
-
he crossed a professional boundary,
-
he violated your trust,
-
and he placed you in an impossibly uncomfortable dual role.
Just because you’re HR does not mean you have to be calm, detached, or perfect about this.
7. What most HR professionals in your shoes ultimately do
While every situation is unique, HR folks in similar positions overwhelmingly choose to:
-
document the incident,
-
not confront the manager directly,
-
report to the highest HR authority or legal/ethics hotline,
-
and let an independent party handle it.
This protects:
-
you,
-
the integrity of the process,
-
and the organization.
Is there anyone who has a combination of these terrible things in their life in their 20s?
•No job, never earned a penny. •No employable degree. •No well respected/recognised college. •No friends. • 0 social life. •Controlling parents who treat you like a kid. •Constant fear of getting older and doing nothing in life.
I'm soon to be 21 in 3 days, I have all these combinations and I'm done being depressed and shit. I'm starting to study harder, I'll enroll myself in a data science course soon and I'm working on improving my japanese language skills. The only good thing I got in my life right now is my sweet girlfriend ( she's my first and I just got her recently ).
But i still have all these terrible things, I wanna know how many people are there similar to me.
Jobadvisor
You’re far from alone — in fact, what you described is extremely common for people in their late teens and early 20s, even if most don’t say it out loud.
Here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Many people reach their early 20s with no job, no degree, and no direction
A huge number of people don’t get their first real job until 21, 22, even 25. A lot go through college programs they later regret or that don’t lead directly to employment. Some never had a real social life in school. Many are still living with controlling or overprotective parents.
These experiences are not rare. They just don’t get posted about publicly because people tend to share their achievements, not the scary parts.
2. Feeling “behind” at 20 or 21 is almost universal
Everyone hits 20 and suddenly feels the pressure of adulthood:
“Should I have a job? A degree? A plan? Friends? A life path?”
Most people are improvising. The ones who look confident are often just better at appearing put-together.
3. Your situation isn’t a life sentence — it’s a starting point
What matters is that you’re already taking steps now:
-
studying harder
-
planning a data science course (great field with tons of opportunities)
-
improving Japanese (language learning builds discipline)
-
building a relationship
-
choosing to stop “being depressed and shit” and start acting
That’s more progress at 20 than some people make by 28.
4. You actually have momentum — that’s rare
Most people who feel stuck at 20 stay in place for years because they don’t know how to begin.
You’ve already begun.
5. To answer your actual question: yes, there are MANY people who have that combination of struggles
Thousands. Probably millions worldwide. Many:
-
have never worked
-
have no degree
-
have no close friends
-
live with controlling parents
-
are scared of wasting their 20s
It’s not a weird or isolated situation — it’s just not talked about openly.
6. You’re still insanely young
You’re about to turn 21.
If you start learning data science now, you could be employable in:
-
1–2 years with consistent study
-
much sooner if you learn fast and build small projects
Your life at 23 or 24 could look completely different.
7. You haven’t failed — you’re just starting later than some people, and earlier than many
The next few years are when most people build the foundation for their adult life. You’re already laying bricks.
I’ve been lost for over a decade and want to cry
I’ve tried a lot of things.. coaching, teaching, law enforcement, fire fighting, sales, etc.. I haven’t been able to stay with any of them. I’m now 33, depressed, and developed an awful drinking problem.. Im miserable.. I’ve messed up so much in my life because of drinking.. I’ve ruined so many good opportunities.. I just wanna help people.. I don’t want to work in a rehab setting tho.. I just want to do good in the world.. I have an undergrad in psych.. don’t want to do more school.. coaching has been my only passion.. still is but I worry I can’t provide for a family doing that (college level) and I can’t be the right role model if I’m not able to get sober.. everything is just so messed up for me.. I believe in God.. I’d love a job in a church type setting.. idk.. can anyone offer me some advice?
Jobadvisor
I’m really glad you reached out — what you’re describing is heavy, but it’s also the kind of crossroads where real change can start. Nothing you’ve said makes you hopeless or broken. It makes you human, hurting, and ready for something different.
Let me break this down gently and clearly.
1. You are not “lost beyond repair.” You are overwhelmed, exhausted, and stuck — that’s different.
A decade of bouncing between jobs doesn’t mean you’re directionless. It means:
-
You’ve been trying instead of giving up.
-
You have a strong desire to find meaningful work.
-
You’ve pushed yourself into difficult fields (law enforcement, firefighting, coaching, teaching).
-
You haven’t been running from responsibility — you’re trying to find the right fit.
A lot of people in their 30s have the same story but are too ashamed to say it.
You said you want to cry — that’s okay. Crying is often the moment the “fight” loosens enough for clarity to come in.
2. The drinking issue isn’t a character flaw — it’s a coping mechanism that stopped working.
You’re not drinking because you’re weak. You’re drinking because you’re overwhelmed, ashamed, and stuck in a loop you don’t know how to break.
But here’s the good news you probably don’t feel:
Plenty of people get sober in their 30s and build completely new lives.
Some of the most grounded, compassionate helpers in the world are people who’ve been through what you’re going through.
You don’t have to fix everything at once.
You just need to begin with honesty, which you already did.
If you want, I can help lay out some realistic next steps that don’t require rehab or quitting your life.
3. You can help people — but you need to help yourself first.
You said:
“I just want to do good in the world.”
That’s your compass.
You don’t have to work in rehab.
You don’t have to go back to school.
You don’t have to be perfect to make a difference.
You’re allowed to be a work-in-progress and still be of service.
4. Jobs in a church or faith setting do exist — and many don’t require seminary or long schooling
Here are real roles people enter with psychology backgrounds and lived hardship:
• Pastoral care assistant or church support staff
Often part-time or full-time, mostly about people, listening, and coordination.
• Youth outreach or mentoring
Churches LOVE people with coaching and psychology backgrounds.
• Community support / volunteer coordinator
Organizing programs, events, food drives, support groups, etc.
• Chaplain’s assistant (hospital, jail, hospice)
Some require certification, some don’t — and your desire to help would shine here.
These are not “easy” jobs, but they’re meaningful and aligned with what you want.
5. Coaching is still on the table — but let’s look at it realistically
College-level coaching is competitive, but not impossible. Many coaches:
-
start as assistants or volunteer coaches
-
work with youth leagues
-
train individuals
-
build reputation slowly
A stable coaching career is absolutely doable if it’s what lights you up.
And yes — sobriety matters. But you don’t need to be perfect to begin recovering.
6. You haven’t messed up your life — you’ve hit a point where something needs to change
Nothing you’ve done is irreversible.
Nothing disqualifies you from being a good partner, father, or mentor someday.
Right now, the priority is stopping the slide before it gets deeper, and that starts with small, manageable steps — not fixing “everything.”