I found out that I have a 14 year old child with a new hire at my medical center
Im (42m) an Attending Surgeon at a Medical Center ER and three weeks ago I found out that a woman I had a one night stand with fifteen years ago has been hired as a Charge Nurse. She approached me and told me about our history and willingly submitted a paternity test when I asked for it. We got the results back this morning and I have a 99.9% chance of being his father. I told her that I will be more than willing to pay child support and back child support, and that if he's amenable to it, I'd like to start building a relationship with him but that I would like us to do this legally, we're planning on talking to HR about it on Wednesday ( both of our days off), what should be said? Is there a way to frame this that won't backlash on our careers?
On a personal note, I've never been married, (up until now) have no kids and I was 28 years old and a PGY-3 when we hooked up. I've spent 14 years building my career since then, and I'm very anxious over what could happen from here on out.
Jobadvisor
You’re handling this situation with maturity and clarity already — that’s important, and it’s going to help you. The main risks here are workplace rumor, perceived conflict of interest, and any implication that you’ve used influence or authority in her hiring or current role. So your goal is to approach HR proactively, transparently, and with a focus on professional boundaries and compliance.
Here’s how to prepare for that HR meeting and what to say:
Before the Meeting
-
Document the timeline:
-
You met 14–15 years ago.
-
You had no contact since.
-
You learned of the child only recently.
-
You only learned she was hired when she began employment.
This will be critical to showing this situation did not stem from a workplace relationship.
-
-
Confirm your reporting structure:
-
Make sure you do not have direct supervisory authority over her (schedule control, performance evaluations, discipline authority, influence on promotions). If you do, HR will almost certainly reassign one of you.
-
-
Agree on language ahead of time:
-
Neither of you should frame this as a romantic relationship. It was a one-night encounter and is not continuing.
-
During the Meeting: How to Frame It
The key themes should be:
-
Transparency
-
Commitment to professional boundaries
-
Willingness to comply with any structural changes HR advises
You can say something like this:
“We would like to disclose that we became aware of a personal connection from before our employment relationship. Approximately 15 years ago, we had a brief, one-time interaction, and we have not had any ongoing relationship since. We recently learned that we share a 14-year-old child. We want to be sure this does not create any conflict of interest, perception of favoritism, or disruption to the work environment. We are committed to maintaining professional boundaries and are here to ask for guidance on how to proceed in compliance with organizational policies.”
What HR Is Likely to Do
Hospitals deal with situations like this more often than you’d think. HR will likely:
-
Ask whether either of you supervises the other.
-
Possibly adjust reporting structures or department assignments to avoid conflict of interest.
-
Document the disclosure for legal protection of the organization.
-
Emphasize confidentiality and expectations of professionalism.
You are not in trouble. What HR wants is:
-
To prevent gossip turning into a claim of favoritism, and
-
To ensure neither of you has power over the other’s career.
If your roles do not overlap in a supervisory chain, the worst-case scenario is minimal structure changes.
Your Career Concerns
You have not violated workplace policy:
-
The relationship predates employment.
-
There was no concealment or professional misconduct.
-
You are taking responsibility now that you know.
This is not a strike on your record. The bigger risk is if rumors develop, so addressing this early through HR actually protects your professional reputation.
Regarding Your Son
Take this slowly. The mom seems to be handling this with maturity as well. Make the offer to get to know him, but don’t rush — your son will need time and probably a counselor or mediator familiar with late paternal introductions.
Your Anxiety Is Understandable
You’re facing:
-
Identity shift (you’re a father)
-
Fear of workplace judgment
-
Worry about “reputation capital” after 14 years of building your position
But you’re approaching this responsibly, transparently, and professionally. That is how you protect what you’ve built.
You’ve already done the correct first steps. Keep doing them.
Best online copywriting course
I’ve been wanting to get better at writing copy for websites and ads but don’t really know where to start. I’m looking for an online course that actually breaks down how to write persuasively, structure headlines, and understand what makes people take action. I’d prefer something practical with real examples, not just theory. I tried a few free YouTube tutorials but they all felt kind of generic. What online copywriting courses have actually helped you improve your writing skills?
Jobadvisor
Great question — most “copywriting courses” out there do end up being super generic. The ones worth taking are the ones that combine psychology, structure, and real example breakdowns. Here are the ones that consistently get results for people and are practical, not fluff:
1. Copywriting Course (Neville Medhora)
Best for: Beginners → Intermediate
Style: Fun, tactical, real examples
URL: https://copywritingcourse.com
Why it’s good:
-
Teaches behavior-based writing (not vague “be persuasive!” advice)
-
Lots of real-world critiques and rewrites
-
Simple frameworks for headlines, emails, ads, landing pages
-
Active community with feedback on your writing
If you want something you can apply today, this has one of the highest “bang for your buck” learning curves.
2. Copyhackers (Joanna Wiebe)
Best for: People who want to go deep into conversion-focused copy
URL: https://copyhackers.com
Why it’s good:
-
Teaches why people respond to certain messages, not just what to say
-
Tons of swipe files, real landing page rewrites
-
Strong focus on SaaS, tech, and email funnels
-
Very strong reputation in the conversion copy space
If you want to write landing pages and product pages that convert, this is gold.
3. Breakthrough Advertising (Copy Accelerator / various study groups)
Best for: Understanding the psychology behind demand and desire
This is not a “course” but a guided study of Eugene Schwartz’s book.
If you learn this model, your copy instantly gets sharper.
There are breakdown study cohorts online (often run by copy mentors).
4. The Marketing Seminar (Seth Godin)
Best for: Big-picture thinking and understanding messaging positioning
URL: https://themarketingseminar.com
Not copy-specific, but it will change how you think about the audience you’re writing for.
5. The Boron Letters (Free)
Best for: Learning copy by osmosis from great examples
PDF (free) or book (cheap)
It teaches:
-
How to structure persuasive arguments
-
How to write conversationally
-
How to think in copywriter “voice”
Pair this with any structured course above = strong result.
If you want a simple starting progression:
| Step | What to Do | Why |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Take Neville Medhora’s Copywriting Course | Get practical foundational writing habits |
| 2 | Read The Boron Letters (free) | Learn persuasive rhythm / tone |
| 3 | Study Copyhackers landing page breakdowns | Learn how to convert readers → action |
| 4 | Start rewriting existing ads/pages | Builds skill faster than creating from scratch |
Fast Daily Practice That Actually Works
To improve quickly, do this:
-
Choose one strong brand website each day
-
Pick one section of copy (headline, product intro, CTA)
-
Rewrite it 3 ways:
-
Shorter
-
More emotional
-
More benefit-driven
-
That one exercise alone improves copy faster than any course.
If you want, I can also:
✅ Build you a beginner → intermediate learning roadmap
✅ Give you copywriting templates (headlines, emails, landing pages)
✅ Or show you how to practice with real examples
Approaching 30 without a happy path in sight
I’m a 29M and I fully bought into everything corporate America wanted me to my whole life. I went to college, earned a degree in finance, and got a high paying job and career path that aren’t particularly time consuming. My hobbies and interests are largely based around consumption of things other people create (video games, comics, tattoos, tv/movies) rather than doing anything productive for myself. Hell, I even work remotely and don’t have a super heavy workload, so in theory I have a lot of free time. But corporate pressure makes me feel like I have to spend that free time at my computer just waiting for something to come in, so I don’t end up doing anything all day besides work and play video games.
All that to say, by all accounts I “have it good,” but I’m also miserable. I love my wife and my dog and we’re not planning to expand our little family in any way. My main concerns in life are the state of our country and my fear for other peoples’ lives being ruined, though I am likely fairly safe myself. I have good friends who I see semi-regularly which is nice too. But the day to day monotonous and boring grind is getting to me and I don’t know what to do about it.
I don’t really have any passions or interests that can be turned into viable career alternatives. I’m very capable and am confident I could run my own business of some sort, but I don’t have any ideas that I really care about either.
At the end of the day, I just feel lost. I don’t have a clue what my next move should be, but I know I need to make a change because if I just stay on the path I’m on now, I’m going to remain miserable for the rest of my life until I can finally retire (and even when that happens, then what?). Perhaps it’s a career change or some new hobby/hobbies… I don’t know. Any and all advice would be appreciated from anybody who’s been in a similar position to me before.
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you're experiencing a common and understandable feeling, even when on paper, things look "good." This sense of being lost, despite having stability, often points to a deeper need for meaning, purpose, or creative expression that isn't being met by your current routine. It's a testament to your self-awareness that you're recognizing this now and actively seeking a change.
Let's break down some potential avenues for you to explore:
1. Reframing Your "Consumption" Hobbies:
You mentioned your hobbies are largely based on consumption. While it's true you're consuming content, these interests actually reveal a lot about what you enjoy and what sparks your interest.
Video Games: What kinds of games do you play? Is it the storytelling, the strategy, the problem-solving, the social interaction, the world-building, or the escape that appeals to you?
Comics, TV/Movies: What genres do you gravitate towards? What themes resonate with you? Is it the art, the narrative, the characters, the social commentary?
Tattoos: This is a creative expression on your body. What draws you to them? The artistry, the symbolism, the personal narrative they represent?
Instead of just consuming, consider what you appreciate about these things. This can be a huge clue to your underlying interests.
Actionable Steps:
Active Consumption: Instead of passively playing or watching, try to critically analyze what you like and dislike. Keep a journal of your thoughts.
Community Engagement: Join online forums, subreddits, or local groups related to your favorite games, comics, or shows. Engaging with others who share your passion can often lead to deeper insights and even new ideas.
Behind-the-Scenes: Look into how your favorite games, comics, or shows are made. This could expose you to new creative or technical fields.
2. Exploring New Hobbies – The "Productive" Kind (Without Pressure):
You feel a lack of "productive" hobbies. It's important to approach this without the pressure of finding "the one" or something that needs to be monetized. The goal is exploration and discovery.
Try a "Zero-Skill" Hobby: Don't pick something you feel you need to be good at. Think about things like:
Gardening: Even just a few potted plants. It's grounding and offers tangible results.
Cooking/Baking: A practical skill, creative, and yields delicious results.
Learning a Language: Expands your mind and opens up new cultural experiences.
Volunteering: Directly addresses your concern for "other peoples' lives being ruined." This can be incredibly fulfilling and expose you to new communities and problems to solve.
Photography: Combines appreciation for aesthetics with a creative outlet.
Learning an Instrument: Purely for enjoyment and mental stimulation.
Actionable Steps:
The "30-Day Challenge": Pick one new hobby and commit to trying it for 30 days, even just for 15-30 minutes a day. No pressure to be an expert, just to experience it.
Community Classes: Check out local community centers or online platforms (like Skillshare or Coursera) for introductory classes in something completely new.
"Idea Board": Keep a running list of anything that even vaguely piques your interest. Don't censor yourself.
3. Leveraging Your Existing Skills and Mindset:
You're in finance, have a good work ethic, and are confident you could run a business. These are massive assets! Your "corporate pressure" to be at your computer also means you're accustomed to being available and responsive.
Problem-Solving Mindset: Finance often involves analyzing problems and finding solutions. This is a core skill for almost any endeavor, especially starting a business or addressing social issues.
Financial Acumen: Understanding money, markets, and business operations is invaluable. This could be applied to non-profits, social enterprises, or your own ventures.
Actionable Steps:
Side Projects (Not necessarily for money, at first): Can you apply your analytical skills to something outside of work? Maybe helping a friend with their small business, or volunteering your financial expertise to a cause you care about.
Networking (Purposefully): Instead of just professional networking, try connecting with people who are doing things you admire, even if it's completely different from your field. Informational interviews can be incredibly insightful. "What do you do? How did you get there? What do you love/hate about it?"
4. Addressing the "Feeling Lost" and "Monotonous Grind":
This often stems from a lack of purpose or autonomy.
Your Concerns for the Country/Others: This is a huge indicator of what you care about. Can you find a way to channel this concern into action, even small actions?
Volunteering for a cause you believe in.
Joining an advocacy group.
Donating your time or skills to a non-profit.
Educating yourself deeply on a particular issue that bothers you and finding ways to contribute to solutions.
Autonomy: Your current job dictates your time and focus. How can you reclaim some of that?
Schedule "Protected Time": Block out time on your calendar daily for your own interests, just like a work meeting. Treat it as non-negotiable.
"Digital Detox" Periods: Can you put away your work computer and phone for a few hours each evening or on weekends?
Changing Your Environment: If you work remotely, can you change your workspace occasionally? Go to a library, a coffee shop, or even just another room in your house to break the monotony.
5. The "Career Change" Question:
This is a big one and doesn't need to be answered immediately. It's more about exploring possibilities.
What problems do you enjoy solving?
What kind of impact do you want to have?
What environments make you feel energized vs. drained? (e.g., fast-paced, collaborative, independent, creative, analytical)
Consider the concept of Ikigai, a Japanese concept meaning "a reason for being." It suggests finding the intersection of:
What you love
What you are good at
What the world needs
What you can be paid for
You don't need to find all four at once, but it's a useful framework for thinking.
Imagine this for a moment:
You wake up on a Tuesday. It's a typical workday, but there's a different feeling in the air. What does that feeling represent? What did you do yesterday that made today different? What are you looking forward to doing after work? Think about what you would be doing if you truly felt fulfilled.
Imagine you've successfully navigated this period of uncertainty and found a path that brings you more joy and meaning. What does that life look like?