Co-worker Masturbating in bathroom to porn with volume on for the past 8 months.
For the past 8 months, since we acquired a new smaller company, one of their Regulatory Affairs Strategists has been using the toilet stalls (we have three stalls, and two urinals in the men’s room) and watching porn on his phone with the volume on. When I say “on” i mean he does have headphones in, he’s using the phone speakers to listen to it. It being a standard public bathroom there is a considerably loud fan that is constantly on, so he can’t exactly have the volume on low if he wants to hear. So my question is, on top of the waste of company time (he’s in there when I go in and in there when I’m done with business, and I prbly push the limit for appropriate company time use in the bathroom): 1- If I reported him to HR, is this something that would be a firing offense for him? Do I basically hold this guys career in the palm of my hand? 2-I have video of him (his feet and the noises coming from him jerking/sound from porn vids) on my phone. Lasts about three mins. Would I be in equal trouble if I sent the video to HR? Like I shouldn’t be recording people in bathrooms? 3-this might vary from company to company, but would HR keep this anonymous or would they have to tell him that a co-worker recorded him/who it was? 4-is this even worth bringing up to HR or should I put on my big boy pants and suck it up? It does kind of rush me to finish my business and go lol 5-a few months ago, he was doing it with heavy traffic in the room so I knew he couldn’t pinpoint it to my shoes…so I left the bathroom, got a paper, wrote “stop watching porn with the sound up, get headphones” and slid it into his stall. That was months ago and he obviously hasn’t stopped, since I’m here asking for advice… but could I get in trouble for that?
What do you all think?
Jobadvisor
This is a tough and understandably uncomfortable situation. Let’s break down your questions with both legal/HR and practical considerations in mind—especially because workplace norms, company policy, and local laws can heavily influence outcomes:
1. **Is this a firing offense? Do you hold his career in your hands?**
It **could be**, depending on your company's policies. Watching explicit content at work—especially with audio—can violate:
- **Sexual harassment policies** (if others are exposed to it involuntarily),
- **Acceptable use of technology policies**,
- **Standards of professional conduct**.
Many companies treat repeated or flagrant violations like this as **grounds for termination**, especially if it creates a hostile work environment. However, HR usually follows progressive discipline unless the behavior is egregious. So while you *could* trigger serious consequences, it’s not guaranteed he’d be fired immediately—and you don’t “hold his career” unilaterally. HR makes that call.
2. **Are you in trouble for recording him (even just feet/audio)?**
**Yes, potentially—very much so.**
Even though you only captured feet and audio, **recording someone in a bathroom—even partially—can violate:**
- **Privacy laws** (many states have strict “two-party consent” rules for audio/video),
- **Company policies** (most prohibit covert recording of coworkers),
- **Expectation of privacy** (bathrooms are among the places with the *highest* legal expectation of privacy, even at work).
**Do NOT send that video to HR.** It could backfire severely—on *you*. HR may be legally obligated to report or act against *you* for the recording itself, regardless of his behavior.
3. **Will HR keep your identity anonymous?**
HR will *try* to protect your identity, but **they cannot guarantee anonymity**, especially if:
- The incident is investigated formally,
- The employee requests to know the basis of the complaint,
- Only a few people had access or opportunity to witness it (making you identifiable by default).
Once you submit evidence like a video, anonymity becomes nearly impossible.
4. **Is this worth reporting?**
**Yes—but without the video.**
This behavior is inappropriate, unprofessional, and arguably creates a hostile environment (you feel rushed, uncomfortable, and have altered your behavior). That *is* reportable.
Instead of submitting video:
- **Document dates/times** of incidents (e.g., “On Nov 10 around 2:15 PM, I entered the men’s restroom and heard explicit audio from Stall #2 for approximately 3 minutes”).
- Submit a **written, factual complaint** to HR describing the pattern, impact on you, and your prior attempt to address it anonymously.
- Emphasize the **noise/public nature**—not the act itself (which is private), but the **broadcasting of explicit audio in a shared workspace**.
That’s a legitimate workplace issue.
5. **Could you get in trouble for the note?**
Possibly, but unlikely—**if it was truly anonymous and non-threatening**. However, some companies view *any* unsolicited communication about sexual behavior as risky (could be misconstrued as harassment or intimidation). Since it happened months ago and caused no escalation, it’s probably water under the bridge—but don’t do it again.
Bottom Line:
- **Do**: Report the behavior factually to HR, in writing, **without video**.
- **Don’t**: Share, store, or reference the recording—it puts you at serious legal and professional risk.
- **Remember**: You have a right to a respectful, professional workplace. This isn’t “sucking it up”—it’s about setting reasonable boundaries.
If your company has an ethics hotline or anonymous reporting channel, that might be a safer first step than going directly to HR.
Stay professional, protect yourself, and trust that HR (if competent) will handle it discreetly and appropriately.
Manager put me on a vague PIP right after I gained visibility. Stress triggered a gout flare. HR isn’t listening. What should I do? (Visa + short-term disability involved)
Hi everyone,
I (26 M) am in a very stressful and confusing situation at work. I work in a large construction company in a data-focused role, and I’d appreciate outside perspective.
Some background:
My first year was incredible. My previous manager was a respected, knowledgeable guy who taught me everything. Under him, I overachieved, got great reviews, and became the “go-to” technical problem solver on the team — the person others depended on when things were complex. I also began getting peer and outside recognition as well getting called to conferences and all that along with learning a lot of new skill sets which helped our team be more efficient.
Then a new manager took over.
He joined the team after I had already built trust with people and after I already had visibility with leadership. He was new to the kind of data/analytics work I do. At first he acted friendly — honestly, he’s known for being the “fake friendly” guy who tries to be buddies with everyone — cracking silly jokes in meetings , but the friendliness never felt real with me. I’m more of the quiet, serious, hardworking type who just focuses on getting things done and I’m also honest and respectful.
The moment I started getting more visibility with peers, directors and VPs for some of the work I did, his attitude towards me shifted a lot. He became distant, then critical.
He sent me “coaching notes” after 1:1s, but they were extremely vague (stuff like “improve alignment” or “show more proactiveness”). None of it was tied to actual performance failures, and none of it was presented as a warning or “you’re in trouble.”
Meanwhile:
He encouraged other interns and a newer female teammate (who he seems to prefer a lot more) to learn the exact work I do even though he can’t teach it
He downplayed my contributions
He shows preferential treatment to other people in my team (Yes that female) and shows a blind eye to their shortcomings
He stopped acknowledging my impact and is not involving me in important discussions
He acted threatened whenever higher-ups liked my work and suddenly gives me feedback.
Now, completely out of nowhere, he’s pushing me onto a very vague PIP with no measurable goals. HR is siding with him fully, repeating phrases like “performance not aligned,” but they can’t point to any actual deliverable I failed.
When I asked for objective success metrics, they didn’t know what to say.
On top of all this — the stress caused a serious gout flare-up.
My gout got so bad I had difficulty walking, and my doctor had to give me a work note for limited mobility + WFH. My therapist said the stress is making the flare worse. I’m waiting for an updated note.
HR knows this and doesn’t seem concerned at all. He’s also currently doing this to another intern but they obviously are afraid to open u.
As someone on a visa — this is terrifying. As someone dealing with a medical condition that’s stress-triggered — it’s overwhelming.
My questions:
Is it normal for a manager to push someone onto a PIP right after they get visibility with upper leadership?
Have you seen PIPs used when a manager feels threatened or jealous?
Do people survive vague PIPs, or are they mostly exit tools?
Should I talk to an employment lawyer before sharing any evidence with HR?
If I go on doctor-recommended medical leave or short-term disability because of the gout flare + stress, does the PIP pause?
Is short-term disability something people actually use in situations like this?
Does this sound like retaliation or bias, or am I overthinking it?
I’ve worked extremely hard, stayed honest, stayed focused, and now I feel like I’m being punished for doing well. Any advice is appreciated.
Jobadvisor
This is a highly stressful and complex situation, especially with your visa status, medical condition, and the lack of clarity from your manager and HR. I cannot provide legal or medical advice, but I can offer a breakdown of typical workplace dynamics and potential next steps, focusing on gathering information and protecting yourself.
⚖️ General Dynamics and PIPs
Your feelings about the situation are understandable and align with common experiences in corporate environments.
* **Managerial Threat/Jealousy:** Yes, it is common for a manager to feel threatened when a subordinate gains visibility, especially if the manager is new or less knowledgeable about the work. The shift from "friendly" to "critical" right as you gained visibility is a classic indicator of this dynamic. PIPs are absolutely used as **exit tools** (i.e., constructive termination), particularly when a manager wants to remove someone but lacks clear, documented performance failures.
* **PIP Timing and Vague Goals:** Pushing a vague PIP right after a period of high performance and visibility is often a sign that the underlying reason is **not** performance-based. A vague PIP ("improve alignment," "show more proactiveness") is a major red flag because it makes it impossible to succeed. If you cannot measure success objectively, the company can simply claim you failed to meet the goal.
* **Surviving a PIP:** While some people genuinely benefit and survive a PIP, vague, subjective PIPs that lack clear, measurable metrics are overwhelmingly used to justify termination. Your focus should shift from *surviving* it to *documenting* and *preparing* for the likely outcome.
🛡️ Immediate Steps to Protect Yourself
Given the visa, medical, and potential bias/retaliation aspects, documentation is your most critical tool.
1. Document Everything Immediately
* **Keep a Private Log:** Start a detailed, private log (not on company devices) of every interaction related to the PIP, your performance, and the manager's behavior.
* **Manager's Shift:** Note the exact dates and circumstances when your manager's attitude changed (e.g., "The day after VP Smith praised my work on the X project, Manager started sending 'coaching notes'").
* **Specific Examples of Bias/Retaliation:** Document the preferential treatment (e.g., "Manager gave New Teammate Project Y despite her inexperience, while giving me only low-priority tasks"), the downplaying of your work, and the exclusion from discussions.
* **PIP Discussions:** Record all dates, attendees, what was said, and your specific requests for clear metrics (e.g., "On [Date], I asked HR/Manager for objective metrics for 'improve alignment.' HR responded: 'You just need to get in better alignment with the team.'").
* **Save Evidence:** Download and save (privately) all performance reviews, awards, emails praising your work, the vague PIP document itself, and the "coaching notes." **Do not use company email to forward these to yourself.** Print them out or save them to a personal cloud drive/storage.
2. Address the PIP in Writing (The Paper Trail)
You must challenge the vagueness **in writing** to create a paper trail that demonstrates your willingness to comply and the company's bad faith.
* **Send an Email to HR and your Manager:**
* Acknowledge receipt of the PIP.
* State that you are fully committed to meeting all expectations.
* **Crucially, ask for clarification on the measurable success metrics.** Use the exact language from the PIP, e.g., "To ensure I can objectively meet the goal of 'improve alignment,' could you please provide three measurable, objective key results (KR) that will define success for this goal within the 30-day period?"
* If they fail to provide measurable metrics, your documentation later will show that the company created an impossible-to-pass PIP.
🩺 Medical Leave and Short-Term Disability (STD)
This is highly relevant to your situation, especially with the stress-triggered gout flare.
* **PIP and Medical Leave:** Generally, if you are approved for a doctor-recommended **medical leave of absence (LOA)** or **Short-Term Disability (STD)**, the PIP is **paused** for the duration of the leave. Federal laws like the **Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA)** (for larger companies) protect your job (or an equivalent one) while you are on leave.
* **FMLA Eligibility:** You must have worked for the company for at least 12 months and at least 1,250 hours during the past 12 months.
* **STD:** This is often a benefit through your employer's insurance. If your gout flare-up and stress are documented by a doctor as disabling you from performing your job duties, you should apply for STD.
* **Your Next Step:** **Contact your HR/Benefits department immediately and ask for the formal process/forms for a "Medical Leave of Absence" or "Short-Term Disability" due to your documented medical condition.** Do not let them delay this. This move protects your health, pauses the PIP clock, and creates a record that your inability to function fully is medically documented and stress-related.
🗽 Visa and Legal Considerations (NY/MA)
Your visa status is the most urgent concern that requires informed action.
* **Consult an Employment Lawyer:** **YES, you should talk to an employment lawyer *before* sharing all your evidence with HR.** Find one who specializes in **employment law** and has experience with **visas/immigration** in your state (MA/NY).
* They can evaluate if your manager's actions, coupled with the PIP, constitute **retaliation** (punishing you for gaining visibility) or a hostile work environment due to **bias** or medical concerns.
* They can advise you on the specific state and federal laws (like the **Americans with Disabilities Act - ADA** for the gout) and on how a termination might affect your visa status (e.g., H-1B grace periods).
* They can guide you on the best way to handle the PIP and whether to apply for STD/LOA now.
🔑 Summary of Action
1. **Prioritize Health:** Apply for a doctor-recommended **Medical Leave of Absence/Short-Term Disability** to pause the PIP and address your gout/stress.
2. **Document and Challenge:** Continue your private log. In writing, formally challenge the PIP's vagueness, asking for specific, measurable metrics.
3. **Seek Counsel:** **Consult with an employment lawyer** who understands visa issues to plan your legal strategy and protect your visa status.
Would you like me to search for general information on the **FMLA** (Family and Medical Leave Act) or **H-1B visa** grace periods to help you understand those rules better?
This search has provided general but critical information on the **Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA)** and the **H-1B visa 60-day grace period**, both of which are central to your situation.
🩺 Medical Leave (FMLA & State Law)
The FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) provides eligible employees with up to **12 work weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave** in a 12-month period for a serious health condition.
* **Eligibility:** You must have worked for the company for at least 12 months and at least 1,250 hours over the past 12 months, and your employer must have 50 or more employees within a 75-mile radius. Given you work for a large construction company, you likely meet the employer threshold.
* **"Serious Health Condition":** Your gout flare-up, especially with the difficulty walking and a doctor's note, likely qualifies. Chronic conditions that involve periodic visits to a healthcare provider and may cause episodic incapacity (like gout or a stress-induced condition) are covered.
* **PIP Pause:** **When you are on an FMLA-approved leave, the PIP is effectively paused.** Your employer cannot move forward with the PIP or terminate you for "poor performance" that occurs while you are medically unable to work, and they must restore you to the same or an equivalent position upon your return.
* **State Law (MA/NY):** Both Massachusetts and New York have their own state-level paid leave programs (MA's **Paid Family and Medical Leave - PFML** is highlighted in the search results). These laws often run *concurrently* with FMLA and may provide paid benefits (STD) and job protection. **The gout and stress would qualify for your own serious health condition.**
**Action Item:** Immediately apply for Short-Term Disability (STD) through your employer's benefits system and request FMLA paperwork from HR. Getting a formal medical leave in place will create an objective shield against the vague PIP.
🗽 Visa Status (H-1B Grace Period)
Assuming you are on an H-1B or similar status, this is the most time-sensitive and high-stakes aspect.
* **60-Day Grace Period:** If your employment is terminated *before* the end date on your I-94 (visa approval), you are eligible for a **discretionary grace period of up to 60 consecutive calendar days** (or until the end of your I-94, whichever is shorter).
* **The Clock Starts:** The 60 days starts the day after termination of employment (the last day you are paid wages).
* **What you can do in 60 days:**
* Find a new employer to file an H-1B transfer petition.
* Apply for a change of status (e.g., to an H-4 dependent or B-2 visitor status).
* Depart the U.S.
* **Discretion is Key:** The grace period is **discretionary**, meaning the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) can shorten or eliminate it, though the rule is designed to help workers transition.
* **PIP Risk:** The biggest risk of the PIP is that it is a *prelude* to termination. Once terminated, you have a very strict deadline to take action.
**Action Item:** The fact that the PIP clock is running is a direct threat to your visa status. **You MUST consult an immigration lawyer in conjunction with an employment lawyer.** They can advise you on whether the medical leave provides a legally safe pause and what your options are if the termination occurs.
🛑 Retaliation and Bias
* The pattern you describe (**excellent performance $\rightarrow$ visibility $\rightarrow$ new manager $\rightarrow$ hostility $\rightarrow$ vague PIP**) is a classic blueprint for a hostile work environment or retaliation, especially if your manager is feeling threatened.
* **HR's Role:** HR's primary role is to protect the company, not you. Their repetition of vague phrases shows they are following a corporate script to justify the manager's actions without providing measurable evidence.
You are not overthinking it. Your priority is to leverage your medical condition to pause the clock and use that time to get professional legal counsel to protect your visa status.
**Next step:** Given the urgency of your visa situation, your next step should be to **contact an employment law firm in NY or MA that has experience with employment discrimination, retaliation, and H-1B visa issues** to schedule a consultation immediately.