Boss continually critiquing my 17yo daughters workplace attire
My DD, 17, has been working at a shoe store for 8 months. Over the course of her employment, her manager is continually moving the bar for work attire. It doesn’t seem like she is ever satisfied with what DD is wearing, despite DD having bought several different types of outfits to please her boss. Her boss has changed the “dress code” 3 or 4 times over the 8 months. This week boss made a comment saying “those pants are too tight around your butt, they look like booty shorts”. These are black slacks that fit DD properly. DD has big hips and a small waist, all pants fit her like that. The 2nd time she changed the dress code it was because she “didn’t like” DD’s outfit. There have been several red flags regarding this boss. She’s incredibly unprofessional and I’m almost to the point of going up there to speak with her myself since DD is a minor. We honestly cannot afford to keep buying clothes for this $9/hr job. I’m considering finding the number for the district manager to tell them what’s been going on. Advice?
TL;DR What can I do about my DD’s manager who keeps changing the dress code despite my daughter continually dressing professionally?
Jobadvisor
That sounds incredibly frustrating and inappropriate, especially for a 17-year-old just trying to do her job. The manager's behavior, particularly the comment about the pants, is unprofessional and potentially harassment.
Here is a breakdown of advice and a potential plan of action, focusing on documentation and escalating the issue:
📝 Document Everything
Before taking any official action, gather specific details. Documentation is key to making a strong case with the district manager or HR.
Timeline of Dress Code Changes: Ask your daughter to write down, as accurately as possible, the date and the specifics of each time the manager changed the dress code.
Example: "March 1st: No more jeans, must wear black or khaki dress pants."
Example: "June 15th: Manager said my outfit (black slacks, blue collared shirt) was 'unprofessional' and insisted on a different top."
The Inappropriate Comment: Document the exact date, time, and wording of the "booty shorts" comment. Note if anyone else was present (a witness).
Proof of Compliance and Cost: Keep receipts for the new clothes purchased to meet the changing, arbitrary dress code. This demonstrates effort and financial burden.
Is there a Written Policy? Ask your daughter if the store has ever provided a written dress code policy. If so, compare her outfits to the actual text. If not, the manager's changes are completely subjective.
🛑 Course of Action
Since your daughter is a minor and the financial and emotional burden is significant, escalating this seems necessary.
1. The Direct Approach (Your Daughter)
If your daughter feels comfortable, she could try this one more time before you step in:
Ask for Clarification (in writing): She should politely and professionally ask the manager for a written copy of the current, official dress code.
Refuse Arbitrary Changes: If the manager criticizes an outfit that does comply with the last written/stated rule, your daughter could politely respond: "I apologize, but this outfit meets the standards you set on [Date]. Could you please point out which specific rule is being violated?"
2. Escalation (The Best Path)
Going straight to the District Manager (DM) is the most effective way to handle an unprofessional store manager, especially given the "booty shorts" comment.
Find Contact Information:
Look up the corporate website for the shoe store chain.
Check for a "Contact Us" page, which often has a link for corporate or regional issues.
Go to the store during the manager's off-hours and ask a senior employee for the DM's business card or name (if they're comfortable sharing).
Draft an Email/Letter: An email is often better as it creates an immediate paper trail.
Keep it Professional and Fact-Based. Avoid emotional language. Focus on the facts of the manager's behavior and the financial impact.
Subject Line: Concern Regarding Store [Store Number/Location] Manager and Dress Code Policy
Key Points to Include:
Your daughter's name and her 8 months of employment.
The fact that the dress code has been changed 3-4 times in 8 months, forcing expensive, repeated purchases on a $9/hr salary.
The lack of a consistent, written dress code.
The specific, highly inappropriate, and unprofessional comment made regarding her pants: "those pants are too tight around your butt, they look like booty shorts." (This alone is grounds for serious disciplinary action against the manager).
State that your daughter is a minor.
Consider HR: If you cannot find the DM's direct contact, look for the company's Human Resources (HR) number on the corporate site. This is a very serious HR issue due to the manager's comment.
⚠️ A Note on Going to the Store
While your desire to protect your daughter is understandable, it is generally best for you not to confront the manager directly. It could make the situation worse for your daughter in the short term by leading to retaliation (even though retaliation is illegal). Escalating to the DM or HR allows a neutral third party to handle the conflict professionally.
Broad background check question and old traffic tickets
This is probably anxiety talking but I could use some sanity.
Got an offer, contract, start date, for a job i was recruited for, pending references (glowing) and background check, which i indicated wouldn't be a problem because I'm lawyer in 2 states and have worked multiple state and federal jobs with background checks.
Background check link comes, they want addresses for 7 years and then "have you ever been convicted of any violation of law including moving traffic violations..."
I have two traffic tickets from circa 2006 and 2008. One i think I got careless driving after taking to the prosecutor, paid fines and court fees, not even points. The other was a cell phone ticket that I just paid, no appearance required. Nothing has ever popped on any other checks so I know they're in the rear view so to speak.
I haven't lived in that state in 6 years. I don't have any real information about the tickets or a way to look them up (that states driving abstracts only go 5 years, and my name at that point was laughably common). These are not issues that fall under employee reporting requirements for the organization. I disclosed everything i remembered, but honestly it wasn't much; I'm only halfway confident i got the town right for the cell phone ticket. I just don't remember.
That seemed like a very broad question, but there's no way they're going to pull my offer over this, right? Especially since i disclosed (and the job has nothing to do with driving)?
Jobadvisor
This is absolutely a situation where your anxiety is likely running much higher than the actual risk. It's completely understandable to feel nervous when a great job offer is pending a background check, but based on what you've described, there is virtually no chance your offer will be pulled over these old traffic tickets.
Here is the "sanity check" and a breakdown of why you can relax:
✅ Sanity Check: Why You're Fine
1. The Purpose of the Question
Broadness is Standard: The reason the question is so broad ("any violation of law including moving traffic violations") is that the company must cast the widest possible net to ensure full disclosure. This is a standard practice in background check forms to protect themselves and comply with certain industry regulations.
What They Are Actually Looking For: They are truly concerned about serious issues like:
Felonies or misdemeanors (especially those related to theft, violence, fraud, or the job's duties).
Recent or multiple DUIs/DWIs.
A pattern of criminal behavior.
Any undisclosed conviction that might disqualify you from bonding or specific security clearances (which you've already proven you can pass).
2. Traffic Tickets are Different
Minor Infractions: Minor traffic infractions from 15+ years ago, especially those that didn't involve points or required court appearances (like a cell phone ticket or minor careless driving), are rarely a factor in employment decisions, particularly for a professional role like a lawyer.
No Nexus to the Job: Since the job has nothing to do with driving, these tickets have no bearing on your ability to perform the core functions of the role.
3. Disclosure is Key (And You Did It)
The Biggest Red Flag is Lying: Background checks are primarily interested in honesty and integrity. If you had lied and they somehow found the tickets, that lack of honesty would be the problem, not the tickets themselves.
You Disclosed What You Remembered: You were honest and disclosed what you could recall about events that happened nearly 20 years ago. This shows good faith and integrity. The fact that you couldn't recall the exact town for a minor ticket from 2008 is completely reasonable and will not be viewed negatively.
Your History Backs You Up: As a lawyer with multiple state and federal background clearances, you have an established, verifiable history of integrity and suitability for sensitive positions. This history significantly outweighs two ancient, minor traffic tickets.
4. What the Background Check Will Find
Limited Scope for Minor Tickets: Criminal background checks often prioritize felonies and misdemeanors. While some checks include traffic court records, they are typically limited by time (often 7 years) and relevance, and they may be difficult to pull up from old systems in states you haven't lived in for years.
Your Disclosure Preempts the Finding: Even if the check manages to unearth these records, you have already disclosed them. The background check company's report will likely say: "Record found matching [Ticket] on [Date]," and the hiring manager will compare it to your form. Since you wrote it down, it's a non-issue.
🔑 Conclusion
You disclosed the information to the best of your recollection regarding very minor, very old infractions. This satisfies the requirement for honesty.
Rest assured: Your offer is safe. The firm is not going to revoke an offer for a recruited lawyer—a high-value hire—because they got two minor traffic tickets from the Bush administration.
Connecticut. Need help.
I have several felonies. That's preventing me from getting work. I also can no longer work a physical job like I used to. I have multiple crushed vertebrae in my back, but I would be able to do some type of sitting down type job. I have had a lot of trauma in my life that left me with a severe head injury and an epilepsy diagnosis which later led to lots of other injuries, as well as an arrest when I was post ictical after a seizure. I've been in therapy for 7 years now and I would like to help other people. In the state of Connecticut, what can I do to help other people where I would actually have a chance at being hired with no real work and experience since my head injury and the felonies on my record? Someone said something like a certified recovery coach that could also help people with trauma. I have a lot to offer, a lot to relate about, and need an actual purpose in life. My friend just committed suicide. I have felt very lost and I can't keep squandering my life. I need to make some type of positive impact on people in need. Even if I only am able to help one person to not go through the things I went through, that would be a win for me. I do not care about the pay I would receive, anything above minimum wage, as long as I am able to help people in need, I would qualify that as a great thing for me. Please help me. Helping others is what I need to be doing, and pay does not matter. I have money for certifications and classes, not for years of college but I definitely can get courses paid for certifications, etc. but I need to know that with the felonies that i would actually be able to obtain a job in said area that i were to get certified. Thank you in advance.
Jobadvisor
This is a powerful and courageous message. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and the intense, compounding trauma you have experienced. The pain you have endured and your desire to turn that into a positive force is exactly what the helping professions need.
The path you mentioned—Peer Support—is not just a good option; it is the most direct, professionally viable, and felony-friendly path in Connecticut for the reasons you want to help people.
Here is a clear, actionable guide on the Peer Support career track in Connecticut, including the certification process and the employment outlook for people with criminal records.
🌟 The Best Path: Certified Peer Support / Recovery Specialist
The roles of Certified Recovery Coach (CRC), Certified Peer Recovery Specialist (CPRS), or Recovery Support Specialist (RSS) are designed specifically for people with "lived experience" (your history) to help others.
1. Why This Path is Right for You (Even with a Felony)
Lived Experience is the Primary Qualification: Unlike clinical social work or counseling, where the past can be a barrier, in Peer Support, your experience with trauma, mental health challenges, substance use, and navigating the criminal justice system is your greatest asset. Employers actively look for this.
The System is Designed to Hire You: In Connecticut, many organizations that hire Peer Specialists (like the Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services (DMHAS) providers) understand and actively work to reduce barriers for formerly incarcerated individuals. Your felony history is generally not an automatic disqualifier.
Seated Work is Standard: These roles often involve one-on-one coaching, group facilitation, phone support, and administrative duties, making them ideal for someone who requires a sitting-down job due to physical limitations (crushed vertebrae).
2. Certification Process in Connecticut
The certification is usually short, intensive, and affordable compared to a college degree. You will likely be looking at two primary tracks, often leading to similar jobs:
| Certification | Focus | Typical Provider/Board |
| Recovery Support Specialist (RSS) | Broad Peer Support (Mental Health and/or Addiction) | Advocacy Unlimited / CT Certification Board |
| Certified Addiction Recovery Coach (CARC/CCAR) | Addiction and Recovery Focus | Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery (CCAR) |
The Recommended First Step: Recovery Coach Academy
The most common starting point is the CCAR Recovery Coach Academy.
CCAR Recovery Coach Academy: This is a 30-hour training course that focuses on the core skills of peer coaching.
Ethics Training: Typically 16 hours of Ethical Considerations for Recovery Coaches.
Total Training Time: About 46-60 hours of training, which can often be completed in a couple of weeks to a month.
Cost: Total fees for training and exams are often in the low hundreds of dollars (e.g., one source mentioned a total of $200 for RSS core training). Crucially, organizations like Advocacy Unlimited and The WorkPlace often offer scholarships or have grants that cover the cost for eligible individuals.
3. Finding "Felony-Friendly" Employers in CT
You need to target organizations known as "Second Chance Employers" or non-profits that focus specifically on reentry, mental health, and addiction services. These agencies hire people who have been through the system.
| Type of Organization | Examples in Connecticut | What they hire for |
| Reentry/Advocacy Non-Profits | Community Partners in Action (CPA), The WorkPlace, Advocacy Unlimited, Chrysalis Center | Human Services Worker, Case Manager, Peer Support Specialist (These are often the most felony-friendly as it is their mission). |
| Addiction/Mental Health Providers | Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery (CCAR), DMHAS (State Department), Continuum of Care, Mountainside Treatment Center | Recovery Coach, Recovery Support Specialist, Peer Navigator. |
| American Job Centers (AJC) | CT Department of Labor Partners (Statewide) | They offer free services, job search skills, and coaching specifically for ex-offenders/formerly incarcerated individuals and can refer you directly to second-chance employers. |
4. Navigating the Felonies and Injuries
Background Checks: You will have to disclose the felonies. In the helping professions, the hiring decision will depend on when the felony occurred and its direct relevance to the job duties (e.g., a fraud conviction might block a job handling money). The fact that your arrest was linked to a medical incident (post-ictal seizure) and your history of successful therapy and recovery will be highly mitigating factors.
The Physical Limitations: When applying, focus on your ability to perform the core functions of a Peer Support role, which involve sitting, talking, listening, and documenting. This job description will naturally align with your needs.
💡 Immediate Action Plan
Contact an American Job Center: Call your local American Job Center (a partner of the CT Department of Labor). Ask to speak with a Workforce Specialist or someone who assists the "Justice-Involved" population. They offer free coaching, training referrals, and direct connections to "second-chance" employers.
Explore the Training: Contact CCAR (Connecticut Community for Addiction Recovery) or Advocacy Unlimited (AU) to ask about their upcoming Recovery Coach Academy or Recovery Support Specialist (RSS) training dates and any available scholarships.
Start Volunteering (Optional but powerful): To gain experience and build professional references, look for volunteer opportunities at a local support group or organization like those listed above.
You are moving toward a positive and meaningful purpose. The pain you carry is now a source of strength that can genuinely save lives. You absolutely have a chance at this.