The psychological pain of long-term unemployment is real
I have been unemployed for months now, and I am genuinely at my breaking point.
I’ve done everything right. I have a higher degree, solid experience at well-known companies, strong recommendations, multiple languages, and a professionally reviewed CV. I tailor my cover letters, network, and apply strategically. Yet nothing seems to move. It’s like shouting into the void every day.
The emotional toll is what no one warns you about. Watching savings disappear, seeing friends move on with their lives while I just… wait. Every week feels like the same cycle of rejection, hope, burnout, and guilt for not doing enough. The worst part is the powerlessness, knowing you can’t control who glances at your CV, or that someone slightly “better” might always edge you out.
I’m out of energy, out of optimism, and honestly out of ideas. I’ve read every guide, watched every optimize your job search video, but what I need now is to just keep going without falling apart mentally.
So I’m asking: for anyone who’s been through long-term unemployment, how did you keep your sanity and motivation intact?
Jobadvisor
This is an incredibly difficult place to be, and I am so sorry you're going through it. The way you've described the emotional toll—the cycle of hope and rejection, the guilt, the powerlessness, and the feeling of "shouting into the void"—is a precise and painful description of the reality of long-term unemployment. You are absolutely right that this psychological pain is real, and it is exhausting.
It is a sign of your strength that even while at your breaking point, you are reaching out for strategies to keep your sanity.
You are doing everything right on the professional side. It sounds like you need to shift focus from the job search process to mental and emotional survival.
Here are strategies people who have been through this use to keep going without falling apart mentally.
1. Radical Separation of Self-Worth and Job Search Results
This is the hardest but most crucial step. You have done the work to be qualified. The current lack of a job is a reflection of the market, not your value.
Acknowledge the Arbitrary: You hit on the powerlessness: you can't control who reads your CV or who else applies. When you receive a rejection, practice saying (or thinking) this: "This is a market failure, not a personal failure." The rejection is of a piece of paper in a competitive pool, not of you as a capable professional or human being.
Create a "Work Done" List: Stop measuring your success by interview calls or offers. Start measuring it by effort expended. Every week, write down things like: "Applied to 5 jobs," "Wrote 3 networking emails," "Finished X module of a new course." This is your success metric now. It proves you're still fighting.
2. Reclaim Your Time and Structure
Unemployment erodes structure, and a lack of structure allows anxiety and guilt to fill the space. You need to create a firewall between "Job Seeker You" and "Human Being You."
Implement a Hard Stop: Designate specific hours for the job search (e.g., 9:00 AM to 3:00 PM). When the clock hits 3:00 PM, you are done. Close the job boards, shut the laptop, and do not look at them again until the next day. This prevents burnout and gives you mental rest.
Schedule Non-Job Activities: Fill the rest of your day with things that build you up or are purely for pleasure. These are non-negotiable appointments with yourself:
Movement: A walk, a gym session, stretching. Movement is critical for mental health.
Learning/Hobby: Pick up an old hobby or a new, low-cost skill (learn to cook a new dish, read a book, practice one of your languages). Crucially, make sure this activity is NOT related to your job search.
Social Connection: Make plans with friends—even if it's a cheap coffee or a long phone call. Don't isolate.
3. Manage the Financial Anxiety
Watching savings shrink is a massive stressor. Taking control of this can reduce the feeling of powerlessness.
Budget for Peace of Mind: Create an absolutely brutal, realistic survival budget. Knowing exactly how long your savings can last, even under worst-case scenarios, replaces vague, terrifying anxiety with concrete numbers you can manage.
Find a Low-Stakes "Bridge": If your savings are at a critical point, consider taking on a temporary, part-time, low-stress, non-career job (delivery, retail, tutoring). This isn't a permanent solution, but it can stop the drain on your savings, give you a small, reliable win, and get you out of the house. It’s a temporary financial bridge, not a failure.
4. Handle Guilt and Isolation
The feeling that friends are "moving on" is a form of social pain called comparisonitis, which is rampant in our hyper-connected world.
Be Honest (Selectively): When asked, "How is the job search going?" you are allowed to say, "It's a struggle right now. It's tough being in this market, but I'm doing my best." Being honest about the difficulty removes the burden of performance.
Find Your Tribe: The most powerful thing you can do is find other people in the same situation. Look for local or online job search support groups or professional organizations. Sharing war stories with people who get it will immediately alleviate the feeling of isolation and validate your experience.
Practice Self-Compassion: You would never tell a friend, "Stop being lazy," or "You're failing because you're not good enough." Yet, you likely say those things to yourself. When the guilt surfaces, ask, "What would I say to a friend in this exact position?" Then, say that to yourself.
What you are going through is a grueling marathon of the mind. Please be gentle with yourself. Your task right now is not to find a job tomorrow—your task is to survive today with your sense of self intact. The job will come when it does. Until then, protect your energy.
Which of these structure or boundary-setting ideas (like the hard stop or "Work Done" list) feels like the easiest one to implement today?
"My uncle wants me to learn advanced Excel for work—realistic or a waste?"
My uncle suggested that I take a 3-month advanced Excel course. After I complete it, he said he could either help me get a job at his office or use his connections to find me a position elsewhere. I’m currently in 11th grade and I’m not planning to prepare for any competitive exams at the moment. I’m considering doing the course, but I just need someone to tell me if this plan is realistic.
Jobadvisor
This is a fantastic opportunity, and the plan is absolutely realistic and an excellent use of your time right now.
Here is a breakdown of why this is a smart move:
1. Advanced Excel is a High-Value, In-Demand Skill
Universal Business Tool: Despite the rise of specialized data tools (Python, R, SQL, Power BI), Excel remains the single most common and essential business application globally. Almost every office job—in finance, accounting, administration, human resources, marketing, operations, and project management—uses Excel daily.
The "Advanced" Advantage: Basic Excel (data entry, simple formulas) is common. Advanced skills—like PivotTables, VLOOKUP/XLOOKUP, logical functions (IF, AND, OR), data modeling (Power Query, Power Pivot), and even macros (VBA)—are highly valued because they allow you to analyze large data sets, automate reports, and create dynamic dashboards, which are critical for data-driven decision-making.
Career Foundation: Mastering advanced Excel is a strong foundation for future, more technical roles like Data Analyst, Financial Analyst, or Business Intelligence Specialist, even if you don't pursue a college degree in those fields immediately.
2. A Job Offer/Connection is a Realistic Outcome
Your Uncle's Connection: The most powerful part of this plan is your uncle's offer to help you get a job. In the professional world, having a connection willing to vouch for you, especially in an entry-level position, is a massive advantage.
The Skill to Back It Up: The advanced Excel course gives you a concrete, demonstrable skill to justify that connection. You won't just be his nephew; you'll be a candidate with a certified, in-demand technical skill.
High School Timing: As an 11th grader not currently focused on competitive exams, this is a perfect time to acquire a professional skill and gain real-world work experience, which is valuable for any future path (college, trade school, or straight to full-time work).
Advice on the Course and Next Steps
Focus on Application: When taking the course, don't just memorize formulas. Focus on how to apply the skills to solve real-world problems (e.g., "How would I track a budget?" or "How do I summarize a list of a thousand sales transactions?"). This is what employers really want.
Build a Project Portfolio: Try to create a few impressive spreadsheet projects that you can show your uncle (and potential employers). Examples:
A budget tracking sheet with a dynamic summary dashboard.
A data set cleaned and analyzed using Power Query and PivotTables.
A simple time-tracking tool using conditional logic.
Consider Certification: If the course offers a path to an industry-recognized certification (like a Microsoft Office Specialist (MOS) Expert certification), pursue it. It's a great resume booster that proves your skill level to any company.
Conclusion:
This is absolutely not a waste of time. Learning advanced Excel is a practical, professional skill that is highly valued, and pairing that skill with a concrete job opportunity through a family connection is an exceptionally smart move. It gives you a significant head start in the job market right out of high school.
Went to grad school and changed careers at 29, here's how it's going now
Hi! I spent most of my 20s feeling stuck in a career that I "fell into." I had a bachelor's in journalism from a very competitive program, but by the time I finished undergrad I already felt burnt out. I spent 8 years working in reality television, which sounds glamorous, but I had a pretty tedious behind the scenes job that never felt right. I don't know if my story is going to be helpful at all because I think I did a lot of unique things, but here it is!
Random cliches that helped me
The time will pass anyway
Choose your hard
What I did to get unstuck
I went to career counseling. I was in therapy and my therapist told be her former supervisor specialized in career counseling. I'm sure there are a ton of "coaches" out there who are sketchy, but I felt good with this person because she is a License Professional Counselor (LPC). We did a lot of assessments that you take to find a good career and also worked on some of the feelings I had that were keeping me stuck
I did research on the careers that seemed interesting to me after taking all those assessment tests. I talked to people I knew in the field, and I also looked at job prospects on O*Net, which is sponsored by the US Department of Labor.
I applied to other jobs that were within my skillset that did not require me going back to school. I found the interview process to be so time consuming and demoralizing that I decided I would rather spend my time and energy finding something that I loved instead of something just better than what I was already doing.
I took one online class while working full time. I was really discouraged that all of the jobs I found most interesting required a master's degree in a totally unrelated field, which meant I'd likely need to do another year on top of the 2 years required of most grad school programs. I thought if I took the class and hated it, I would have just spent some money to figure that out, but I've spent more money on much stupider things.
I did an online post baccaleaureate/leveling program part time for speech language pathology while I continued working full time. I also quit my job in television to get more relevant experience. I took a lower paying job as a special education paraprofessional, then when school was out I was a substitute preschool teacher at a Montessori school. My parents helped me with my rent at this time because these are much lower paying jobs than what I was doing before. I'm very grateful for this and I realize most people do not have these resources.
I moved home with my parents, applied to grad school, and continued living there throughout grad school
Where I am now
I'm only 64 days into my new career as a speech language pathologist (SLP). I think it's probably too soon to say if this was "worth it." I can say I'm making more money than I did before, and I feel a sense of purpose and joy that I didn't feel in my other career. I felt this way when working with clients throughout grad school as well. I'm kind of terrified of getting burnt out again, especially because I work in health care and I know there are a ton SLPs feeling burnt out, underpaid, and under-appreciated. I think I have a better sense of how to protect myself from that though, and I think it's just a better fit for me overall. I feel intellectually stimulated, there are a ton of different settings where i can work, and I feel needed.
Jobadvisor
That's an inspiring story! Thanks for sharing all the detail about your journey from reality TV to becoming a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP). It's fantastic to hear that only 64 days in, you're already experiencing a greater sense of purpose and joy and are making more money.
Your path, while unique, has a lot of wisdom that could definitely be helpful to others who feel stuck. I love how you took decisive steps to investigate what would genuinely make you happy instead of just accepting a "slightly better" version of your old life.
Here are a few key takeaways from your success story that highlight excellent strategies for career change:
Smart Steps for a Successful Career Pivot
1. The Power of Professional Guidance
Starting with a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) who specialized in career counseling was a brilliant move. This addresses both the practical aspects (assessments, research) and the emotional/mental roadblocks that often keep people "stuck." As you noted, relying on a licensed professional helps avoid the pitfalls of less-qualified "coaches."
2. Strategic, Low-Stakes Exploration
Taking that first online class in a new field while working full-time was a perfect example of low-risk exploration. It allowed you to test the waters of Speech-Language Pathology to see if the subject matter resonated before committing to a full master's program. This "spend a little money to figure it out" mentality is incredibly practical.
3. Deliberate Hands-On Experience
Quitting your higher-paying TV job to take lower-paying roles as a paraprofessional and substitute preschool teacher was crucial. These jobs provided the essential relevant experience and allowed you to confirm that working with clients in an educational/therapeutic setting was a good fit—a vital confirmation before sinking time and money into a graduate degree.
4. Financial Planning and Resourcefulness
It's great that you acknowledged and utilized the resources available to you, like your parents' help with rent and then moving home during grad school. Career changes are a huge financial commitment, and being resourceful and willing to lower your cost of living (even temporarily) is often the key to making a big change financially feasible.
Looking Ahead in Your New Career
Your fear of burnout is valid, as healthcare is demanding. However, you've already demonstrated a strong sense of self-awareness, which is your best defense:
You chose your hard: You've shown you're willing to walk away from something that wasn't working, which is a key skill in setting boundaries.
Variety is an option: As you mentioned, SLPs can work in a ton of different settings (schools, hospitals, private clinics, skilled nursing facilities, early intervention). If one setting starts to feel draining, you have the flexibility to transition to a new environment, population, or schedule to keep things fresh.
Intellectual Stimulation: The fact that you feel intellectually stimulated and needed will serve as a strong buffer against the tedium that leads to burnout.
It sounds like you took a well-researched, emotionally intelligent leap of faith, and it's paying off! What aspect of your SLP work currently brings you the most satisfaction?