Some of it is to control you, guilt you, or shrink you.
If you've ever walked away from "feedback" feeling confused or smaller, you're not alone.
The problem isn’t your performance.
It’s their manipulation.
7 toxic phrases disguised as 'feedback':
(and how to protect yourself)
1. Everyone thinks this about you...
↳ They're using fake consensus to isolate you
↳ Ask for a specific example, not vague opinions
2. You're not a culture fit
↳ Code for "we don't value differences"
↳ Request clear examples of misalignment
3. If you were really committed, you'd…
↳ Guilt-tripping you to ignore your boundaries
↳ Re-center the conversation on results, not pressure
4. Don't take this personally, but…
↳ A setup for a personal jab without consequences
↳ Keep it focused: What's the specific concern?
5. You're doing fine… for someone at your level
↳ A fake compliment that limits your growth
↳ Ask what strong performance really looks like
6. This is for your own good
↳ Control disguised as care
↳ Ask how it supports your growth or goals
7. That's just who you are
↳ A fixed mindset is used to avoid supporting you
↳ Ask what behaviours they'd like to see improve
Don't let disguised criticism define your worth.
You get to decide what helps you grow.