Is it okay to turn down a promotion if you’re just too burnt out to handle it?
I’ve been at my job for three years now. Last week my manager offered me a team lead position more pay, better title, but double the workload. On paper it sounds great. In reality, I’m exhausted.
The last year has been a blur of late nights, back to back deadlines, and picking up slack for people who left. I’ve barely taken any vacation, and my weekends are mostly recovery time. When the promotion came up, my first reaction wasn’t excitement it was dread.
I love the people I work with, but I don’t trust myself to take on more right now without breaking something inside me. I get home most nights, reheat dinner, and just sit in silence trying to shut my brain off. Sometimes I’ll play music beside me before bed but not always. If I turn this down, will that mark me as unambitious? Or is it okay to admit that timing matters and that saying yes to the wrong thing can backfire?
Jobadvisor
That is an incredibly tough spot to be in, and I want to say right upfront: It is absolutely okay to turn down a promotion because you are burnt out.
Your well-being is the most critical asset you have. Sacrificing your mental and physical health for a title and more money is a classic short-term gain for a long-term, possibly career-ending, loss. The dread you feel is your body and mind screaming a warning—you should listen to it.
Here’s a breakdown of the risks, how to approach the conversation, and how to manage the fallout.
Risk Management: Is This Unambitious?
Your fear of being "marked as unambitious" is valid because it's a common, if inaccurate, corporate fear. However, you can manage this perception by how you handle the refusal.
| The Risk (Negative Perception) | The Reframe (Positive Reality) |
| Unambitious/Lazy: You're not willing to take on more responsibility. | Self-Aware/Responsible: You know your limits and won't accept a role you can't perform at your best. Accepting the role and failing would be far worse. |
| Uninterested: You don't value the company or your career growth. | Strategic/High-Standards: You are dedicated to sustainable growth and are signaling that you only want to move up when you can do so successfully. |
| Indecisive: You're wavering when a great opportunity presents itself. | Proactive: You're addressing your current bandwidth issues before they lead to failure or a negative impact on the team you'd be leading. |
The bottom line: It’s far more professional and strategic to turn down a promotion now than to accept it and then perform poorly, leading to failure or a need to step down later.
How to Talk to Your Manager
The key is to refuse the role, but not the growth. You need to make it clear that your "no" is about timing and capacity, not a lack of interest in the future.
1. The Immediate "Thank You" and Pause
Start by expressing genuine gratitude and stressing that you need a little time to respond fully.
"Thank you so much for this incredible offer, I'm truly honored that you see that potential in me. I need 24 hours to review the full scope and responsibilities to give you the respectful and thoughtful answer this opportunity deserves."
2. The Conversation (Focus on Capacity, Not Burnout)
When you meet with your manager, avoid the word "burnout," as it can sometimes be interpreted as "unable to cope." Instead, use terms that are more focused on strategic bandwidth, capacity, and current team strain.
Here is a script you can adapt:
"I've thought a lot about the Team Lead position, and I am incredibly grateful and excited that you offered it to me. However, after reviewing the scope, I have to respectfully decline it for the time being."
The Explanation (Proactive & Strategic):
"To be honest, the last year of picking up the slack for open roles and hitting back-to-back deadlines has been taxing. To take on a Team Lead position, which demands a clear strategic mind and energy to mentor others, I wouldn’t be able to dedicate the full 100% of my best effort right now. I know the new workload is significant, and I believe it would be a disservice to the team and to the company to take the role when my current bandwidth is already maxed out."
The Path Forward (Commitment to Future Growth):
"I want to be very clear: I am absolutely interested in becoming a Team Lead in the future. To get there, I need to know: What steps can we take in the next six months—like hiring for the open positions, redistributing some of my current workload, and taking a dedicated vacation—so that I am in the optimal position to take on this leadership role when it comes up again?"
Key Takeaways from the Conversation:
You sound responsible: You’re protecting the company from your potential failure.
You sound ambitious: You explicitly state you want the role later and ask for a plan to get there.
You open a dialogue: You’re not just saying no; you’re asking for relief and a development plan.
What to Demand Now
Since your manager is willing to promote you, they value you immensely. This is your moment of maximum leverage to ask for what you need to recover. Do not let this opportunity pass without asking for relief.
Request a Recovery Plan:
Mandatory Time Off: Explicitly tell your manager you need to take a minimum of one full week (5 days) of vacation in the next 4-8 weeks to recover your energy. Commit to a date and book it immediately.
Workload Redistribution: Ask for a plan to permanently offload one or two major, recurring responsibilities that have contributed most to your exhaustion, especially those that were "picking up slack."
Hiring/Support: Bring up the need for relief staff or filling the open positions so the current team strain is reduced for everyone.
You are not being weak by declining the promotion; you are being strong and strategic by protecting your long-term career. Take that time you need to reset.
Once you’ve had a chance to absorb this, what feels like the hardest part of having this conversation with your manager?
Leaving due to toxic work environment, need advice on how to send my letter of resignation
Hey there everyone! Like the title says, I'm leaving due to a terribly toxic work environment after I reported a higher up (LA) for sexual harassing their direct report. The "investigation" by the executive team found it to be a mutual relationship...despite tons of evidence on her end. My identity was not kept confidential and LA found out it was me that reported him.
Months of constant disrespect and humiliation has caused me to preserve what self respect I have left and I have finally decided to leave due to an incident that recently occurred with LA. The lack of support from anyone on the leadership team has made me realize that nothing will change. It doesnt help that my boss told me that "they will fire me before they fire him, he's too valuable to the organization."
Due to this incident, I have been on PTO since yesterday and wont be back in the office until Monday. Only issue is my boss will be on PTO all of next week. I wanted to give her my resignation letter in person and will not wait until she returns.
Advice needed: should I give her a call tomorrow and let her know I'm leaving and will be sending the letter via email or should I just send the email to her and HR?
TIA for your help.
Jobadvisor
I'm so sorry you've had to endure such a toxic and hostile environment, especially after doing the right thing. The lack of support and the executive team's response are appalling. You are making the best choice for your well-being, and you should be proud of yourself for preserving your self-respect.
Given the circumstances—your manager being on PTO, the clear lack of support, and the direct threats you've received—you should prioritize protecting yourself and creating a clear paper trail.
Strategy for Submitting Your Resignation
In this situation, the priority is to be professional, firm, and strategic. Do not call your manager. Calling her gives her an opportunity to manipulate you, argue, or try to talk you out of it without a record.
The Recommended Action: Immediate Email to Multiple Parties
Send your resignation email today or tomorrow morning with the following recipients:
Your Boss (the primary recipient).
HR (Human Resources).
Your Boss's Boss (The next person up the chain of command).
The email is your official notice, and the paper trail is your shield.
Why Email is Best:
Documentation: An email provides an indisputable record of the date you submitted your notice and to whom. This is crucial in a hostile environment.
Professionalism: It adheres to standard business practice for formal communication.
Safety: It prevents an uncomfortable, potentially hostile, and unproductive phone call with a manager who has already shown she doesn't support you.
Crafting Your Resignation Letter
Your letter should be brief, professional, and non-emotional. Do not use the letter to air grievances, mention the sexual harassment, or detail the toxic environment. You need to provide the required notice and nothing more.
Here is a template you can use:
Subject: Resignation - [Your Name]
Dear [Manager's Name], [HR Contact Name], and [Manager's Boss's Name],
Please accept this email as formal notification that I am resigning from my position as [Your Job Title] at [Company Name]. My last day of employment will be [Date - usually two weeks from the date you send the email].
I have appreciated the opportunity to develop my skills during my time here.
I am available to assist in a professional transition of my responsibilities before my departure. Please let me know how you would like me to handle my remaining duties and company property.
I wish the company all the best in its future endeavors.
Sincerely,
[Your Signature]
[Your Phone Number]
Managing the Aftermath
1. Be Prepared for an Immediate Dismissal
Given your boss's threat ("they will fire me before they fire him"), be prepared for the possibility that the company will accept your resignation and ask you to leave immediately (i.e., waive your two-week notice). This is common when an employee gives notice in a sensitive situation.
If they waive the notice, do not go back to the office. Ask them to mail your final paycheck and your personal belongings.
If they ask you to work the two weeks, work only as much as is absolutely necessary. Do not go above and beyond.
2. Prepare Your Out-of-Office (OOO) Message
Since you are sending this while on PTO, make sure your email OOO is set up, and keep it simple:
"Thank you for your email. I am currently out of the office on leave and will not be checking email. I will return on [Monday's Date]."
3. The Exit Interview (Optional)
If HR schedules an exit interview, you have the right to politely decline it. If you choose to participate, keep your feedback high-level and focus on facts, not emotion.
Low-Risk Answer: "I've chosen to pursue a new opportunity that aligns more closely with my career goals."
High-Risk Answer (Only if you feel safe): "My decision to leave was directly influenced by the company's handling of my harassment report, the toxic culture that resulted, and the lack of support from leadership."
For your own peace of mind, it's often better to say nothing and just focus on your next chapter.
Congratulations on taking this step. You've handled an incredibly difficult situation with integrity.
Colleague berated for requesting 3 hours of time for a funeral.
A colleague of mine, Penny, found out a very close family friend passed away last week. She visited him in the hospital a few weeks ago. This past Tuesday, she was informed of visiting hours on Thursday afternoon. She initially requested an hour or so to attend just that, thinking there may not be a funeral or at least not sure if there would be a delay for the funeral itself.
Yesterday afternoon, Penny was notified about the funeral taking place this coming Friday. Penny updated our boss, Reba, that she would like to take 2pm to 5pm on Friday instead. Penny’s counterpart was out of office on vacation this week, which would have left no designers in our department.
Recently, Reba made a point to remind our team that at least one person for every facet of our department has to be in the office on any given day. For example, if there are two people in graphic design, at least one person needs to be online/in office. This was due to one of two CRM associates taking a day off with 1-days notice while her counterpart was also out of office. One internal task, a newsletter, was sent out one day late because of this.
When Penny got in today, she was called first thing by Reba. Penny described it as being “reamed out.” She was told that the “details didn’t line up, and that after the discussion this past week about coverage, this is leaving the team in a tough position.” Penny relayed that Reba actually laughed in disdain before asking “well, what’s your plan, then?” And demanded a list of projects, their status, and what happens if someone needs something urgent in the last 3 hours of Friday. Penny consulted with our project manager and determined that she could wrap up any projects due by the end of the week by the end of day TODAY (1 pressing, and it has already been completed). She’s actually ahead of the game by miles at this point.
When provided with the project status list, Reba responded with sentiments like “you could sign on after 5, but it would be moot. I don’t think you understand the priorities here. Also, send me a link for the obituary.”
Our department is small - 10 people, including the director. I’m seething and livid at the way this woman treated a junior employee who has always been reliable, efficient, and consistently a pinch hitter. Reba is notoriously harsh, and had just recently given one of our other colleagues, a senior manager, a hard time when her mother died. Reba complained about how annoying it was to have that death happen when it did. I’m seething and livid at the way this woman treated a junior employee who has always been reliable, efficient, and consistently a pinch hitter.
Is there any recourse for this behavior from our director?
Jobadvisor
This is an absolutely appalling situation, and your anger on Penny's behalf is completely justified. Reba's behavior is cold, unprofessional, and deeply lacking in basic human empathy.
It sounds like you work for a leader who is prioritizing a rigid, unrealistic coverage rule over the basic humanity and well-being of her staff.
Here is an analysis of the situation and potential paths forward.
1. Legal and Policy Analysis (NY)
Bereavement Leave Laws
New York State Law: Currently, NY State law does not mandate paid or unpaid bereavement leave for private-sector employees. This means that, legally, the company is bound only by its own internal policies, not a state-mandated minimum.
Company Policy: The key here is to check the company's official Employee Handbook or PTO/Leave Policy.
If the policy grants paid/unpaid time for a funeral of a family friend: Reba is actively violating company policy, which is a clear HR issue.
If the policy only covers immediate family (and excludes family friends): Reba is within the letter of the policy (though still a terrible manager). Penny would be using standard PTO, which Reba must approve unless there's a demonstrable business necessity for denial.
The "Demonstrable Business Necessity" Test
In a case like this, an employer can deny a PTO request if it causes an undue hardship or a disruption that can't be covered.
Reba's Argument: Her argument is that Penny's counterpart is out, leaving the department with no coverage, which violates her recent rule. The precedent (a newsletter delay) is her justification.
The Counter-Argument:
Penny is requesting only three hours, not a full day.
Penny has proactively cleared her work and has no outstanding pressing deliverables before she leaves.
The actual loss is zero or minimal, especially compared to the importance of the event. Reba's rigid rule is arbitrary when applied to a genuine emergency or sensitive life event.
The request to see the obituary is a clear line of questioning that suggests a lack of trust and potential hostility.
From a professional standpoint, Reba's actions were heavy-handed and excessive, even if technically legal.
2. Recourse and Actionable Steps
There is no formal legal "recourse" for general verbal abuse or a lack of empathy, but there are channels to address a hostile work environment and inappropriate professional conduct.
Option A: Formal Complaint to HR (The Direct Approach)
This is the most direct path, but it carries the risk of retaliation (even if illegal).
What to Report: The complaint should focus on hostile and unprofessional conduct, not just the PTO denial.
The Humiliation: Being "reamed out" over the phone, especially in a manner that was described as laughing in disdain.
Lack of Professional Trust: The demanding tone, and specifically, the request for a link to the obituary, which implies she does not believe Penny.
Pattern of Behavior: Mention the incident where Reba complained about the other colleague's mother's death, which demonstrates a pattern of callousness toward sensitive personal matters.
How to Support Penny:
Document Everything: Encourage Penny to write down a detailed, date-stamped, objective log of the Tuesday discussion, the Thursday "reaming out" phone call (word for word, if possible), and Reba's final email response.
Offer to Be a Witness: If Penny decides to go to HR, you can offer to provide an account of Reba's pattern of behavior (the senior manager incident, her general harshness, the rigid rule enforcement). Do not do this unless Penny requests it.
Option B: Addressing the Director (Reba's Boss)
If your department director (Reba) reports to an executive, you or Penny could try an appeal up the chain.
The Angle: Frame the issue as a retention risk and a culture problem that is hurting team morale and productivity.
What to Say (If You Decide to Speak Up): "Reba's recent treatment of Penny, including ridiculing her request for a few hours to attend a funeral and demanding proof, has created a highly demoralized environment. We are concerned this kind of leadership is actively driving away good, reliable talent like Penny, and it poses a serious risk to our team's stability."
Option C: The Quiet, Collective Exit (Long-Term Solution)
Given that Reba's behavior is a known issue, the most effective solution is often collective. The most powerful way to address a toxic manager is to remove the good employees who are keeping the department running.
Your Role: Continue to be supportive of Penny. Let her know that her co-workers see how she was treated and are disgusted by it.
The Reality: The fact that a senior manager was also treated poorly when their mother died suggests the executive leadership is either unaware or tolerates Reba's toxicity.
Your Own Choice: Start using this incident as a data point in your own personal risk assessment. If this is how the company treats its reliable "pinch hitters," then there is no loyalty to you either.
What Penny Should Do Immediately
Take the Three Hours: Penny should take the time off regardless of Reba's emotional manipulation. She should send a final, professional email stating: "Per my request for time off from 2pm to 5pm on Friday, October 11, I have completed all projects due this week and submitted my status list. I will ensure all personal property is accounted for and my computer is locked before I leave."
Do Not Sign On After 5 PM: Penny should not sign on after 5 PM. That was an emotionally manipulative request from Reba that is designed to punish her.
Prioritize Self-Care: Advise her to focus on the funeral and ignore Reba's toxic behavior for the rest of the week. Reba's ridiculous demand for an obituary link has no place in a professional workplace.
You cannot change Reba, but you can support your colleague and ensure her dignity is preserved. You are a great colleague for standing up for her.