Ever not been hired because you lived too far away?
The hiring manager decided to pass on me just because my commute seemed to be hard in her eyes. I don’t understand how that could be a reason to not hire someone.
First I’m the one who has to deal with the commute. I understand what I’m getting into and will make it happen. Then the commute isn’t even that bad. I know lots of people who are in traffic for way longer and I’m glad that wouldn’t be me if I got hired at this place.
What are your thoughts about this?
Jobadvisor
That’s really frustrating—and completely understandable. You’re absolutely right that, as the candidate, you’re the one who gets to decide whether a commute is worth it. If you’ve assessed the situation and are confident you can manage it (or even thrive with it), it can feel unfair for a hiring manager to override that judgment.
That said, hiring managers often have legitimate (if sometimes misguided) concerns:
- **Retention risk**: They may worry you’ll burn out or quit once the reality of the commute sets in—especially if they’ve had that happen before.
- **Reliability**: In roles where punctuality or consistent attendance matters (e.g., client-facing, shift-based, or collaborative team environments), a long commute can be seen as a risk during bad weather, transit strikes, or emergencies.
- **Cultural fit or engagement**: Some managers assume long commutes reduce willingness to stay late, join after-work events, or fully engage with the team.
- **Hybrid/remote expectations**: If the role was advertised as hybrid but you live far outside the typical radius, they might question your ability to comply with in-office days.
That doesn’t mean their reasoning was fair or accurate in your case—especially if your commute is actually reasonable or you’ve clearly communicated your commitment. But from their perspective, they’re trying to minimize hiring risk, not necessarily judge your capability.
A few thoughts:
- **It’s not always about you**—sometimes it’s about their past bad experiences or rigid company policies.
- **You dodged a potential mismatch**—if they’re unwilling to trust your judgment on something you control, how might they handle other decisions?
- **For next time**, you might proactively address commute concerns: “I’ve looked into the logistics, and I’m fully prepared to make this work long-term. In fact, I see it as a manageable part of the role.”
It stings, but it’s likely more about their risk tolerance than your qualifications. Keep going—your self-awareness and willingness to own your choices are strengths, not weaknesses.
What to do if I'd rather *** than work full-time for the rest of my life?
22-year-old male, currently working a retail job.
I've had other part-time and full-time jobs in the past. All of my jobs have sucked, but my full-time jobs, for the brief periods that I held them, made me feel terrible. I was losing my will to live. Whenever my mind wasn't distracted by being on the clock, it was distracted with thoughts like "Is this it? Just misery and work for the rest of my life?"
I'm fortunate enough to be able to live with family and I have a decent amount of money saved up. For the time being, I can afford to work part-time, but I know that I'll have to go back to full-time eventually, and... I'd literally rather die. I know I would be miserable. I'm already not feeling great on the day-to-day as it is. 40 hours feels insane and outdated. I'm not rich, nor do I wanna feel like a leech by living off of welfare when I'm physically capable of working, so it doesn't seem like I have many options.
What are my options here besides misery and non-existence?
Jobadvisor
First—thank you for sharing this honestly. What you’re describing isn’t laziness or weakness. It’s a deep, human reaction to a system that often treats people like cogs in a machine, especially in entry-level or retail roles. Feeling trapped by the idea of 40+ years of soul-crushing work is more common than you think—especially among your generation, who’ve grown up watching burnout, climate anxiety, and economic instability unfold in real time.
The good news: **you don’t have to choose between misery and non-existence**. There *are* other paths, even if they’re not obvious right now. Let’s break this down.
---
### 1. **This isn’t about work—it’s about *what kind* of work**
You’re not rejecting work itself. You’re rejecting **meaningless, dehumanizing, inflexible work**—and that’s valid. Many people thrive in roles that offer:
- Autonomy (control over how/when you work)
- Purpose (you see the impact of your effort)
- Flexibility (part-time, remote, seasonal, project-based)
- Growth (learning, creativity, human connection)
Your retail and past full-time jobs likely offered none of those. That doesn’t mean *all* work is like that.
---
### 2. **You have more leverage than you think**
At 22, with savings, family support, and no dependents, you’re in a rare window of **low-risk experimentation**. Most people don’t get this chance later in life. Use it wisely:
- **Test different kinds of work**: Try freelance gigs (writing, design, tech support), seasonal outdoor jobs (national parks, farms), skilled trades (electrician apprentice), or mission-driven nonprofits. Even a 10-hour/week role in a totally different field can shift your perspective.
- **Explore “portfolio careers”**: Many people now mix 2–3 part-time roles (e.g., tutoring + driving + selling art online). It’s less stable but often more humane.
- **Look into “quiet” or “slow” careers**: Library tech, park ranger, community college admin, or union jobs often offer decent pay, benefits, and *actual* 40-hour weeks (no overtime culture).
---
### 3. **Challenge the “40-hour = normal” myth**
The 40-hour workweek was invented in the 1920s—and it’s increasingly outdated. In many countries (Netherlands, Germany, Scandinavia), part-time work is normalized *even for men*, with full benefits. While the U.S. lags, alternatives *do* exist:
- **Job sharing**: Two people split one full-time role (rare but growing).
- **Compressed weeks**: 4x10 hours, or 9-day fortnights.
- **Remote-first companies**: Often more flexible on hours if you deliver results.
Start looking for employers who advertise “flexible schedules” or “results-only work environments” (ROWE).
---
### 4. **Your mental health comes first—this is urgent**
You said: *“I was losing my will to live.”* That’s not just burnout—that’s a red flag. Please consider talking to a therapist (many offer sliding-scale fees) or at least a trusted mentor. This isn’t about “fixing” you—it’s about getting support to navigate a broken system without breaking yourself.
Also: **You are not a leech** for wanting humane working conditions. Welfare exists because capitalism fails people—not the other way around.
---
### 5. **Practical next steps (no pressure, just options)**
- **Map your “minimum viable life”**: How much do you *actually* need to earn monthly to survive? Could you hit that with 20–25 hours of better work?
- **Skill-build quietly**: Free/cheap resources (Coursera, Khan Academy, trade schools) can open doors to less soul-crushing fields in 6–12 months.
- **Talk to people in “weird” jobs**: Ask how they got there. Most people love sharing their path if you’re curious.
- **Read**:
- *“How to Not Always Be Working”* by Marlee Grace
- *“The Good Enough Job”* by Simone Stolzoff
- r/antiwork and r/leanfire (for balance—don’t doomscroll)
---
Finally: This feeling is a compass, not a life sentence
That voice saying *“Is this it?”* isn’t despair—it’s your values trying to get your attention. You’re not meant to suffer for 45 years just because “that’s how it’s done.” The world needs people who refuse to accept that.
You don’t have to have it all figured out today. Just take one small step toward work that doesn’t destroy your soul. The rest will unfold.
And if you ever feel truly hopeless: **please reach out**.
- U.S.: Text or call **988** (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
- International: [Find a helpline](https://www.befrienders.org)
You matter—far beyond your productivity.