Manager “hearted” a video of coworkers burning my goodbye gift — how would HR view this?
Hi everyone, I recently left my job as a school bus driver. On my last day, I brought cupcakes for my coworkers with a thank-you note on the box which said “thanks for being awesome coworkers -signed my name”. A few days later, one of the drivers (driver A) recorded a video of the box — with my handwritten note — being burned. He then shared the video in the new official school bus group chat that includes all the bus drivers except me now since I quit, my manager, and the Transportation Director. I got word of this happening from another driver.
The part that concerns me most is that my former manager reacted to the video with a heart emoji in the chat — essentially approving it. Driver A also happens to live on the property of another coworker, Driver B, who once told me I could only say “yes ma’am/no ma’am” to the manager and implied I’d be fired if I didn’t comply. Driver B is also dating the manager, and I don’t think that they’re allowed to be.
Basically, to sum up what happened, I called out the manager one day for her toxic management style. The next day, she only doubled down on her unprofessional treatment of me… and sent Driver B to talk to me, implying that I would be fired if I didn’t comply. After all of this happened, I knew I needed to put my two weeks in.
Jobadvisor:
What a completely awful situation. It's understandable why you're upset about this, and you're right to be concerned about your former manager's involvement. It's a shocking lack of professionalism.
To address your core question: how would HR view this? The short answer is, not well. Here's a breakdown of the key issues and how an HR department would likely perceive them.
Hostile Work Environment and Retaliation
From an HR perspective, this incident could be viewed as creating a hostile work environment, even if you are no longer employed there. The burning of your thank-you note and gift is a deliberate act of hostility. When the manager "hearted" the video, they are essentially endorsing this hostile act. This action, particularly in light of your previous confrontation with the manager about her management style, could be interpreted as retaliation.
Retaliation is a major red flag for HR. It's when an employer takes an adverse action against an employee for exercising a legal right or, in this case, for speaking up about a workplace issue. The timeline you described—you called out the manager, were subsequently harassed by her and a coworker, and then a video of your gift being burned was endorsed by the manager—would suggest a pattern of retaliatory behavior.
Unprofessional Conduct and Lack of Judgment
The manager's actions demonstrate a severe lack of professional judgment. Managers are expected to be leaders who set a positive example and foster a respectful and professional workplace culture. By "hearting" the video, your former manager did the exact opposite. This behavior is unprofessional and could be a breach of company policy. HR would likely see this as a sign that the manager lacks the necessary skills to manage people and a significant liability to the company.
Potential for a Broader Investigation
If you were to file a formal complaint with HR about this, they would likely look at the bigger picture beyond just the video. Your account of the manager dating a subordinate (Driver B), and that same subordinate acting as the manager’s enforcer, is another serious issue. Relationships between a manager and their direct report are almost universally against company policy due to the potential for favoritism and conflicts of interest. The fact that this individual was used to threaten you would make the situation even more serious. HR would likely launch an investigation into the manager's conduct, the relationship with the subordinate, and the overall hostile atmosphere you described.
While you are no longer employed there, you still have a right to address this. You could choose to file a formal complaint with the district's human resources department. They may want to hear your full story, and you could provide the information you’ve outlined here, including the video and the manager’s reaction, as well as the details about the relationship between the manager and Driver B.
Why do you have to be the most outgoing person to get a fricking job?
I've read that 50-80% of job offers are earned via networking. I've tried my hand at networking, but it doesn't seem like anything I do is good enough. I will relate to people and try to make jokes, but none of that makes much of a difference. I've done this in various professional settings.
I'm first gen low-income, so I don't have the connections of friends of friends or friends of family. I am trying completely on my own.
I've followed up after job fairs where recruiters tell me to apply online and use them as a reference to let them know I applied. I don't know if it means anything, but these are people who seem impressed with my resume and go out of their way to give me their individual contact information at job fairs. In my emails I'll remind them of a joke or detail we shared in common to hopefully jog their memory about who I am. I've read enough of the job attainment research to know that details like this matter so I focus really hard on being friendly and relatable (not taking it too far, obviously). Building rapport is a main focus when I go to networking events. I bring copies of my resume (polished to meet professional formatting). I've not heard back from anyone.
I've even gone as far as cold calling and asking politely if I could shadow or intern even in a small capacity. I don't really know if it will lead to anything, but even just to get a response so hopefully someone remembers me if my name comes up or I see a role that pops up at a company.
None of this is working. I'm trying to stand out, trying to be personable, but it's hard. I've always been a high-achiever, but I'm shy and soft-spoken so it takes a lot for me to put myself out there. What's more is I don't know how to keep putting on this show of being a gregarious person when I'm broke and tired. I just want a job that lets me afford my own needs. I make $2.33/hr before tips as a server and I have a bachelor degree cum laude with experience and a portfolio. I'm trying hard to network even though I don't have the network others have due to being first-gen and low-income.
I don't know what else to do???
(Yes, I've used paid resources and free resources, including public resources whether through the state or staffing agencies.)
Jobadvisor:
This is an incredibly frustrating and exhausting situation, and it's completely understandable why you feel this way. It's easy to look at the statistics about networking and feel like you're failing, especially when you're putting in so much effort without seeing any results. Your feelings of being tired, broke, and having to "put on a show" are completely valid. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, but the results just aren't there, and that's not your fault.
It's important to remember that networking isn't just about being the "most outgoing person." It's more about building genuine, long-term relationships. While it may feel like a performative act right now, the most successful networkers often succeed because they build trust and are remembered for their skills and character, not just a flashy personality. Your goal isn't to be the life of the party; it's to be a memorable, competent, and reliable person that others want to help.
Shift Your Mindset From "Selling Yourself" to "Seeking Advice"
The traditional approach to networking can feel a lot like a one-way street where you're asking for something. This can be intimidating and can put people on the defensive. Instead, try reframing your outreach.
Focus on learning, not landing a job. When you reach out, don't ask for a job or an internship directly. Instead, ask for advice. For example, you could say, "I'm really interested in the work your company does and am trying to learn more about the industry. I would appreciate it if you could spare 15 minutes to share some advice on how someone with my background could break into this field."
Show your genuine interest. This approach is less transactional. People are often happy to give advice, especially about their own careers. This allows you to build a relationship without the pressure of an immediate ask. It's a great way to learn about the company culture and specific roles, which will make you a much stronger candidate later on.
Ask smart, specific questions. Prepare thoughtful questions that show you've done your research. For example, "I read about your recent project in [mention specific project]. What was the biggest challenge your team faced, and how did you overcome it?" This shows you're not just another person looking for a job—you're genuinely curious and interested in their work.
Optimize Your Follow-Up and Outreach
Your current follow-up strategy is strong, but there are a few tweaks you can make to increase your chances of getting a response.
Make it easy for them to respond. When you follow up via email, use a clear subject line that will jog their memory, such as "Following up from the [Name of Job Fair] - [Your Name]." Keep your email brief and to the point.
Include your resume as a PDF attachment. Even if you told them you applied online, attach your resume to the email. This allows them to quickly share your information with a hiring manager without having to hunt for your application in a database.
Track your interactions. It can be overwhelming to keep track of everyone you meet. Use a simple spreadsheet or a notes app to log the names of people you meet, the company they work for, the date and place you met them, and any personal details you discussed (like the joke you made or a mutual interest). This will help you keep your follow-ups personal and organized.
Look at Other Avenues Beyond Networking Events
You're already trying cold-calling, which is a big step. Here are a few other options to explore:
Informational Interviews: This is a formalized version of the "seeking advice" approach. You can reach out to people in roles you're interested in and ask for a brief conversation to learn about their career path. This is a low-pressure way to expand your network.
Connect on LinkedIn: After meeting someone at a job fair or a networking event, or after a cold call, send them a personalized connection request on LinkedIn. A simple note like, "It was great to meet you at the [Job Fair]! I'd love to connect and follow your work," is often enough.
Leverage your university's career services and alumni network: As a recent graduate, your school's career center is still a valuable resource. They often have dedicated staff who can help with networking strategies, and they may have a hidden network of alumni who are eager to help current or recent graduates. Many universities also host their own alumni networking events.
Remember, your resume and portfolio already show that you're a high-achiever. You don't have to be the most outgoing person in the room. You just need to be persistent, strategic, and willing to learn. Don't give up on yourself—your hard work and determination will pay off.
What does your ideal job look like, and what companies would you love to work for?
I already feel I wasted my youth at 25
During my teens I was having social anxiety due to constant bullying. Also eveloped depersonalization/derealization. Never had friends in high school or university. Also had to study remotely for a few years due to COVID-19, then for my last year due to war.
Got on antidepressants in early 20s and it took a lot of work to feel normal again.
My current living situation is damp - i'm stuck in Ukraine, can't flee bc i'm a male of draft age, living in rural village because it's way safer than a big city cause we don't get bombed usually but it's so boring here. All I do is work, do chores and play video games at spare time.
I never had relationships, never had true friends, barely experienced socialization, never experienced with drugs, never partied, haven't ever traveled to other countries.
I feel like war will either never end or end when I'll be even older so I'm super depressed over my life.
Jobadvisor:
This is a heavy load you're carrying, and it's completely understandable why you feel this way. The circumstances you've described—the bullying, social anxiety, depersonalization/derealization, the isolation from COVID-19, and now the war and your current living situation—are all incredibly challenging. It's not a wonder you feel like you've missed out on so much.
The feeling of having "wasted" your youth is a common one, especially when you've faced so many obstacles that kept you from having what you might consider a typical young adult experience. The key is to reframe how you look at this time in your life. Instead of seeing it as "wasted," try to see it as a period of survival and resilience. You've navigated some extremely difficult situations, and that has given you a unique kind of strength.
Shifting Your Perspective
1. Acknowledge Your Resilience: What you've endured is significant. Getting on antidepressants and doing the work to feel "normal again" is a huge accomplishment. So is surviving the past few years with war and the threat it poses. Give yourself credit for that. You've been in survival mode, and you did what you needed to do to get through it. That's not a waste; that's a testament to your strength.
2. Redefine "Wasted": The idea of "wasted youth" often comes from a comparison to a societal ideal—partying, traveling, and constant social engagement. But life isn't a race with a checklist. Your experiences are different, but they are not less valuable. Your journey has been about building internal strength and stability. Those aren't things you get from a party or a trip abroad; they're things you build in the quiet moments, facing down your own challenges.
3. Recognize That Your Life Isn't Over: You're 25. That might feel old when you're comparing yourself to a past you wish you had, but it's incredibly young in the grand scheme of things. The life experiences you feel you've missed out on are still very much available to you. While the current situation is restrictive, it's not permanent. When the war ends or circumstances change, you will have the opportunity to have these experiences. The key is to be ready for them when that time comes.
Actions You Can Take Now
While your current situation is limiting, there are still things you can do to enrich your life and prepare for the future.
1. Cultivate "Micro-Experiences": You may not be able to travel to another country, but you can explore your local area. Walk a different path, visit a nearby village, or find a hidden spot. These small adventures can break the monotony and make you feel more engaged with your surroundings.
2. Connect Online (in a Meaningful Way): The gaming you do is a form of social connection. Can you find a community or group to play with regularly? Look for online forums, Discord servers, or groups centered around your hobbies, whether that's gaming, reading, or something else. These connections can be just as real and valuable as in-person ones, especially right now.
3. Build New Skills: Use this time to learn something new. This doesn't have to be a major career change. Maybe you've always wanted to learn a new language, how to draw, or how to program. There are countless free resources online. This can give you a sense of purpose and accomplishment beyond work and chores.
4. Plan for the Future: Think about what you want to do when the war ends. Research countries you want to visit, jobs you might want to pursue, or skills you need to build. Having a plan can give you a sense of hope and something to look forward to, turning your feelings of despair into a focused energy.
Your feelings are valid, but they don't have to define your future. You've already overcome so much. You have the resilience to not just survive but to thrive when the opportunity arises. This period is a chapter in your life, not the whole book.