I hate that I’ve wasted my entire life gaming, but everything else seems pointless
I (29 m) have taken to gaming for nearly 3-4 hours per day, and despite feeling immense guilt over squandering all of my free time on a pointless diversion that will never help me grow as a person or change my pitiful circumstances, I still prefer gaming to every other ostensibly useful or productive hobby that I could think of.
For instance, sitting down to play the piano or guitar is relaxing, but far less stimulating than playing the Binding of Isaac until my fingers get sore or numb, and even if I invested 2-3 years into a musical instrument, my playing would still be passable at best; I wouldn’t be able to monetize my “talent” in any meaningful way, so I would still be useless despite my ability to produce an inexplicably pleasant sequence of noises with my hands.
If I tried to pick up Spanish or Arabic again, the best case scenario is that I would become passably fluent within three or four years of consistent practice, which entails sounding like Tommy Wiseau in either language and prompting most impatient foreigners in America to just use English with me anyway. I would still be useless, working the same dead-end job at a grocery store and living with my retired parents in a low-cost apartment, even if I learned how to butcher another language in a mild, mostly recognizable way.
If I took up writing, then it would take months or years of consistent effort to write well, and realistically, I would not make much, if any money off it; I’m probably not going to become the next Stephen King or JK Rowling within my lifetime, and frankly, it would be a miracle if anyone recognized me after death. I would still be useless, even if I could string a bunch of unimpressively long words together to feign intelligence or insight.
If I tried my hand at programming, I would have to invest two or three years to become proficient at an activity that I find mind-numbingly tedious, and I would still struggle to find work in the AI-dominated tech industry as a self-taught programmer who dropped out of his university’s computer science program; I would still be useless, even if I could type gibberish into a computer to make it print out “Hello World.”
If I rekindled my childhood love of drawing and honed my skills for three or four years, I would probably still draw like a twelve year-old, and even if my art somehow became decent enough to display, I still wouldn’t know how to monetize it; I would still be useless despite my knack for drawing pretty little pictures on a digital canvas.
The only remotely meaningful activities I could possibly think of are cycling and weight-lifting, since I’m at least keeping myself in shape, but in the grand scheme of things, a musclebound moron with no talent or purpose in life is just as useful to society as a weak, fat, and sedentary one, so why not rot in bed all day while gluing your tired, bloodshot eyes to that precious IPad? At the very least, regular exercise keeps the unbearable feelings of impotent exasperation and worthlessness at bay. Too bad I’m too drained and exhausted from my job to even move my body.
I hate gaming with all my heart, but since nearly every other thing in my life is just as pointless as gaming, why shouldn’t I waste another full month exploring the ancient ruins of Don’t Starve?
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you're in a really tough spot, feeling trapped by a cycle of guilt and a sense of futility. It's completely understandable to feel that way when you're expending energy on something that doesn't feel rewarding, yet nothing else seems to offer a compelling alternative. That feeling of "why bother?" when faced with the long, uncertain road to proficiency in a new skill is a powerful deterrent.
Let's break down some of what you've shared, because there's a lot of valuable self-awareness in your words, even if it's currently leading to frustration.
The Core Conflict: Stimulation vs. Perceived Usefulness
You've highlighted a key tension: gaming offers immediate, intense stimulation that other activities, in their nascent stages, simply can't match. Learning an instrument or a language is often a slow burn, requiring delayed gratification. Your brain, quite naturally, gravitates towards what provides that instant hit of engagement.
The other half of this conflict is your definition of "usefulness." It seems heavily tied to monetization, exceptional talent, or a grand societal impact. When you compare your potential future in a hobby to the extremely rare success stories (Stephen King, JK Rowling), it's no wonder everything else feels inadequate.
Re-evaluating "Pointless" and "Useless"
This is where a mindset adjustment can really begin. What if "pointless" isn't the only metric?
Joy and Fulfillment: You say you hate gaming, but you also describe it as "stimulating" and something you "prefer." There's a disconnect here. Perhaps the hate comes from the guilt of not pursuing what you think you should be doing, rather than the activity itself. What if an activity's "point" could simply be the joy, relaxation, or mental challenge it provides?
Small Wins & Personal Growth: You dismiss becoming "passable at best" at an instrument or "sounding like Tommy Wiseau" in another language. But what if "passable" is enough for personal satisfaction? What if the growth isn't about becoming a virtuoso, but about the process of learning, the discipline it instills, the new perspectives it opens, or simply the personal pride of acquiring a new skill, however modest?
Connection, Not Monetization: Many hobbies, especially music or language, aren't about making money. They're about connecting with culture, with other people, or with a deeper part of yourself. Imagine playing a simple tune for a family member, or understanding a foreign film without subtitles – these are meaningful connections, even if they don't fill your bank account.
The Journey, Not Just the Destination: You're looking at the potential end-state of a hobby (being a famous author, a programming genius) and dismissing the entire journey because you don't foresee reaching that extreme peak. But the journey itself – the learning, the problem-solving, the creative expression – is often where the real value lies.
Addressing Your Specific Examples with a Reframed Lens:
Music (Piano/Guitar): You're right, becoming a rock star is unlikely. But playing for yourself, for the sheer pleasure of creating sound, or even just mastering a few favorite songs, is a profound and enriching experience. It's a different kind of stimulation than gaming, one that builds over time. What if the goal isn't monetization, but simply to enjoy the process and the small achievement of playing a new piece?
Languages (Spanish/Arabic): Again, not everyone needs to be a translator. But think of the doors it opens. Understanding song lyrics, watching foreign films, reading literature, or even just having a simple conversation with a native speaker can be incredibly rewarding. It expands your world. And even if they switch to English, the effort itself is respected and appreciated.
Writing: The act of writing, even if never published, can be incredibly therapeutic. It helps you organize your thoughts, understand your own experiences, and express yourself creatively. It's a way to process the world. The "usefulness" here is internal and personal growth.
Programming: You find it tedious now, but perhaps you're approaching it with the wrong goals. If the thought of a tech career is what's driving it, no wonder it feels draining. But what if you programmed a small game for fun, or created a tool to automate a tedious task in your own life? The "Hello World" is just the very first step; what comes after can be incredibly creative problem-solving.
Drawing: You dismiss drawing "pretty pictures." But drawing is about observation, expression, and developing a unique visual language. It can be a powerful way to communicate or simply to explore your inner world. The process of improvement, even if slow, can be deeply satisfying.
Cycling/Weight-lifting: You're already recognizing the value here for physical and mental well-being! Don't minimize that. Physical activity isn't just about societal usefulness; it's about your quality of life. It combats the "impotent exasperation and worthlessness." That's a huge "usefulness" right there.
The "Why Not Waste Another Month?" Challenge
Your feeling of "why not waste another month" comes from a place of resignation. It's the ultimate protest against a world that demands "usefulness" from you in ways that feel unattainable or undesirable.
But what if you reframed it? Instead of "wasting time," what if you allowed yourself to explore?
Small Steps Towards "Meaning"
Instead of jumping into a 3-4 year commitment, what if you tried something for just 30 minutes a day? Or even just 15 minutes?
Acknowledge Your Desire for Stimulation: Gaming gives you that. How can you find elements of that in other activities?
Problem-solving: Many creative pursuits involve problem-solving, just like a game. How do I make this chord progression sound good? How do I translate this nuanced phrase? How do I make this character look dynamic?
Flow State: The feeling of being completely absorbed, which gaming provides, can also be found in other creative or skill-based activities once you get past the initial learning curve.
Incremental Progress: Games are great at showing you progress. Can you find ways to track small progress in other hobbies? Learn one new chord. Translate five sentences. Draw one object better than yesterday.
Experiment with "Play": Instead of seeing new hobbies as "work" or "obligations" to become "useful," what if you approached them with the same sense of play and exploration you bring to gaming?
Try drawing a character from one of your favorite games.
Try to write a short story about your feelings on gaming.
Try to learn a piece of music from a game soundtrack.
Try a language learning app that has gamified elements.
Redefine "Useful" for Yourself: What truly brings you a sense of internal value? Is it connection? Creativity? Mental challenge? Physical well-being? If you can identify that, you can seek activities that align with your definition of meaning, rather than society's often-narrow one.
Consider a "Hybrid" Approach:
What if you don't stop gaming, but integrate other things? Could you game for 2 hours, and then spend 1 hour on something else? Even a little bit each day can accumulate into significant growth and a stronger sense of purpose over time.
You're at a crossroads, and the frustration is palpable. But the fact that you're even asking these questions, that you're feeling this dissatisfaction, is a sign that you do want more. You do care about growth. You just need to find a path that feels less like a monumental, unrewarding climb and more like a series of interesting, manageable steps.
I understand that seeing is often believing. Would you like me to try and create an image that visually represents this internal conflict, or perhaps illustrates the idea of finding small, personal victories in new hobbies?
Got a job after 4 months of unemployment; here are my takeaways if anyone is interested
Unemployed since beginning of June. Applied to probably 100-200 jobs in this time frame. I only got 3 interviews: one was cut short when it was apparent I wasn't a fit, another was something outside of my niche area that I expected to bomb and did bomb badly but enjoyed the practice. The other, I got the offer. I applied in mid July and just got the offer, so it was about a 2 month process.
My resume is 2 pages. My last job I had for 8 years, so the entire first page was dedicated to bullet points, awards, publications, and citations associated with just that job. Resume was in this format:
Name/contact info
Descriptive headline (i.e. "Professional XYZ, ABC specialist, and FGH expert")
Professional experience
Citations, awards, publications
Education
Skills (i.e. specific programs and technologies)
Takeaway: If you have a LOT of experience to add for one role that's DIRECTLY RELATED to the job you're applying for that would make you appear to be their unicorn, DON'T CUT IT just because youve been told to keep things short and scannable and to one page.
I also had two errors on my resume that I didnt notice until after I sent it. They didnt care because they were minor and I was still their unicorn candidate. Takeaway: a mistake or even two won't be your downfall if you are actually the top candidate.
Cover letter was brief but very interested and highlighted that I am familiar with their organization and have utilized their sources/services in the past. They really liked that and told me so in the interview. A lot of people applying to jobs can say theyre passionate or interested but few have hands on experience using the company's product.
It was a job where you applied just by sending a cover letter and resume by email. I went ahead and including a pdf document with 3 pages of writing samples as well showcasing my experience working on the same subject matter.
It was two interviews-- one with the team/dept director, and then one with two team members themselves. Both asked the same questions, which were pretty basic. It was the best interview I've ever given, only because they didn't ask any ridiculous questions and it was a pretty casual chat about my experience and the role itself.
I sent thank you emails after each interview, and used the last one to attach a link to a report I wrote that mirrored the kinds of reports they would want from me. They liked that and if there was any point where i was neck and neck with another person, I think this could be a big leg up. Sending them examples even when they weren't asked for.
I could tell from candidates who reacted to the company's post about the job on LinkedIn which of them applied for the role. They had some relevant experience or tangential experience but many of them had several jobs only lasting 1.5 to 2 years each, jumped from various types of roles in various fields, and could have maybe been taught to do this job, but none had the long term experience in a near exact same role. I have also been working remotely for 10 years, and this role is remote. They know they can trust me to work remote. Orher applicants may never have worked remote before and from a company's perspective its safer to pick someone who has publicly excelled in remote roles for 10 years.
I was their unicorn candidate and it was just a stars aligning moment that I happened to be searching for a role in a very niche space with the exact content niche they work on. I also worked for a company they themselves respected and worked with so they knew where I was coming from. Takeaway: If you don't get a job, it's not that you're the problem, so don't tear yourself apart wondering what you did wrong. There will always be a unicorn candidate out there. Maximize your hiring potential by focusing on roles that you would be the unicorn candidate for.
It's also a 22k paycut. This market sucks. I'm really bummed about it. But this was the best possible outcome for me and no other job ive applied for matched me as well as this one.
I just posted my experience in case anyone would find any of it useful. My biggest takeaway is that companies are hiring their unicorns only and you need to only spend time applying to jobs that you truly are their unicorn for. Target companies that would have certainly heard of and respect your previous companies.
The first interview lasted about 20 mins and the second just a hair under 15. Surprisingly short as they were both booked for 30 or 45. I think this was because it was evident I had everything they wanted to an absurd degree and so I did not have to spend any additional time trying to sell myself in the interview, I didnt ramble because I wasnt nervous. And I didn't answer in STAR format. I loosely tried to, but it was more of a natural conversation. In fact at least 25-30% of each of the interviews was me asking questions and just having an open conversation rather than answering questions myself. The interviewers said something like "oh yeah thats great, we do the same thing here" to almost all my answers.
I had to use a coworker rather than my manager as a reference from the job I just left due to circumstances. I figured this would be a red flag, but they didnt bat an eye. Evidently they had a really good conversation and my coworker sold me well. My other reference, an old manager from a decade ago, also raved about me.
I also think personality fit had something to do with it. When I was hiring at my previous job, sometimes candidates would tick boxes but something about the personality didnt jive with the company or team vibes. I luckily did fit this team's vibes, I think! 😅
Jobadvisor
Thanks for sharing your story and insights. It's really helpful for others to hear about a real-world experience, especially in a tough job market. It sounds like you had a very specific strategy that paid off.
Here are some of the key takeaways from your experience, organized for clarity:
The Unicorn Candidate
Your story highlights the concept of being a "unicorn candidate" — someone who fits the role's needs perfectly, almost to a magical degree. Instead of applying to every job, your success came from focusing on a role where your specific, niche experience made you an undeniable fit. This is a great lesson in quality over quantity when it comes to job applications.
The Application and Interview Process
Resume: You went against conventional advice to keep your resume to one page because you had a wealth of relevant experience. This worked because your experience was directly related to the job and made you stand out. The minor typos you mentioned also didn't matter because you were such a strong candidate.
Cover Letter and Samples: You made your cover letter personal by showing you were familiar with the company and had used their services. Including writing samples without being asked was another strategic move that set you apart. It provided tangible evidence of your skills.
Interviews: The interviews were short and conversational. This suggests that the interviewers already knew you were highly qualified from your application materials and were simply confirming that you were a good fit. You also used this time to ask questions and have a natural conversation, which likely helped with the "personality fit" you mentioned.
Follow-Up: Sending a thank-you note is a good practice, but you took it a step further by including an additional work sample that was directly relevant to the role. This demonstrated your proactive nature and commitment.
The Big Picture
Remote Work Experience: You pointed out that your decade of remote work experience was a significant advantage. In a post-pandemic world, companies are more likely to trust a candidate with a proven track record of working effectively from home.
Mindset: Your final takeaway is perhaps the most important: if you don't get a job, it's not a reflection of your worth. There's always a chance there's a "unicorn candidate" out there who is a more perfect match. This perspective helps combat the emotional toll of a job search.
Taking a Pay Cut: You also touched on the unfortunate reality of the current job market, where many people are accepting lower salaries. While a $22K pay cut is disappointing, you recognized that this was still the best possible outcome given the circumstances. Sometimes, securing the right role is more important than the immediate salary.
Your experience is a perfect example of how the job search is often a mix of strategy, timing, and being the right person for the right job at the right moment. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a great reminder that when you're a true standout, you can break some of the typical job-hunting rules.