How to cope with feeling behind
Hello, I’m 24 yrs old and I feel behind compared to other people I know in my personal life. It’s gotten to the point that I don’t feel comfortable meeting someone new because I know they’ll judge me. I know there are other people that have it worse than me, but I just want to know how to cope with the feeling.
I haven’t achieved much and I’ve never worked a job that pays good. I’m still dependant on my parents as I’ve never had a good paying job, only shit ones that pay shit wages. I know I still have some hope but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel like shit.
Thanks in advance.
Jobadvisor
It's completely normal to feel this way. Many people, especially in their 20s, experience the feeling of being "behind" in their personal or professional lives. It’s important to remember that this feeling, while painful, is not a reflection of your worth or potential.
Here are a few ways to help you cope with this feeling and shift your mindset.
Challenge the "Behind" Narrative
The idea of being "behind" implies a single, universal timeline for everyone, which simply isn't true. Everyone's path is unique. Instead of comparing your life to others, try to reframe your perspective:
Focus on Your Own Timeline: Your life isn't a race. The pace at which you achieve things is your own. Success isn't about being the first to get a "good job" or financial independence; it's about building a life that feels meaningful and secure to you.
Identify Your Wins: You might not think you've "achieved much," but you have. Maybe you've learned a new skill, supported a friend, or navigated a difficult situation. Take a moment to acknowledge the small victories you've had. These aren't insignificant; they're the building blocks of your life.
Recognize the Highlight Reel: When you look at others, you're often only seeing their successes—the "highlight reel." You don't see their struggles, their setbacks, or their insecurities. The things that make you feel "behind" are often the things they're hiding.
Take Action, One Step at a Time
While mindset is crucial, taking small, tangible steps can help you build momentum and confidence.
Define Your Next Step: You don't have to figure out your entire career path right now. What's one small thing you can do today? It could be updating your resume, searching for jobs in a field you're interested in, or spending an hour learning a new skill online.
Think About Skills, Not Just Jobs: Instead of focusing on getting a "good-paying job," focus on acquiring skills that will eventually lead you there. You can get these skills through online courses, volunteer work, or even by taking on projects that interest you. What skills are needed for the jobs you want?
Look for a Better "Shit Job": A "good-paying job" doesn't have to be your first big break. Look for a job that, even if the pay isn't great, offers you more valuable experience, a better work environment, or the opportunity to develop skills you want.
Find a New Community
Feeling judged by others is a huge source of anxiety.
Connect with Others: Look for online forums, local groups, or even just friends who are also trying to navigate their career paths. Sharing your experiences and hearing others' stories can make you feel less alone.
Practice Self-Compassion: You deserve the same kindness and understanding you would give to a friend. Instead of judging yourself for not being where you think you "should" be, try to be patient and encouraging with yourself.
Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to feel like shit sometimes. The fact that you're seeking advice and want to improve is a huge step in itself. Remember, your worth isn't tied to your bank account or your job title. You are in control of your life and you have the power to change it, one small step at a time.
Is there a specific area—like finding a job or building new skills—that you'd like to focus on first?
How do I move forward?
Hi, I'm a computer science student and I just started my degree this year. The only reason I chose this major was because 5 years ago, everybody was talking about how many jobs there will be in this industry and being the eldest child, I wanted to be able to support my parents as quickly as possible. So I let go of things I was actually interested in (psychology being one of them). This was a big thing for me because I have never liked computers or the tech industry in general. But I decided to give it a shot because I was sold this idea of security and stability in life if I got the skills. Cut to this year, now that I have started my degree, everybody is talking about layoffs and AI. To add onto that, I am stuck at a university that's very academically challenging. So not only do I have to constantly study a field that I hate, but now I also can't see a stable future with it. I feel stuck. I can't switch to psychology because
I would still have to face unemployment
My parents don't think it's "practical"
I don't know if I want to actually work in the industry or just study it. Any advice?
Feeling stuck and questioning your path is tough, especially when you're working hard in a field you don't love. It's understandable to feel this way, given the current tech landscape and the pressure you're under. Let's break down your situation and find a way forward.
Reassessing Your Path
First, take a moment to acknowledge your feelings. It's completely valid to feel frustrated and uncertain. It's important to separate the fear of the unknown from the dislike for the subject.
The AI and Layoff Fear: While AI is a hot topic, it's not a direct threat to the entire computer science field.
1 Instead, it's changing the landscape. The demand for skilled programmers who can work with and manage these new tools is still high. The tech industry, like many others, goes through cycles of boom and bust.2 The skills you're learning—problem-solving, logical thinking, and data analysis—are highly transferable and valuable across many industries.3 Think of your degree as a foundation; the specific job you get doesn't have to be a stereotypical "coder" role.Your Dislike for Computer Science: This is a more critical issue. The academic challenge is one thing, but a fundamental dislike for the subject is another. It's worth exploring if there are specific areas within computer science that you find more tolerable or even interesting. For example, some people dislike coding but enjoy data science, UX/UI design, or human-computer interaction (HCI), which have stronger ties to psychology.
Exploring Your Interests
You mentioned an interest in psychology. This is a great starting point. Your parents' concerns about it not being "practical" are common, but the reality is that psychology is a broad field with many career paths beyond traditional therapy.
Combining Your Interests: You don't have to choose between computer science and psychology. Consider how these two fields can intersect. Human-computer interaction (HCI) is a perfect example. It's a field that studies how people interact with computers and seeks to design user-friendly technology. This area requires a deep understanding of human behavior, cognition, and psychology. This could be a way to leverage your computer science skills in a field you genuinely enjoy.
Practical Psychology Careers: Psychology can lead to careers in market research, UX research, data analysis, organizational psychology (working with companies to improve workplace culture), and forensic psychology. These roles often offer good salaries and stability.
Immediate Steps You Can Take
Look for Crossover Courses: Check your university's course catalog. Are there any classes on HCI, cognitive science, or even an introductory psychology course you can take as an elective? This will help you see if a career in psychology is something you'd enjoy, and it will give you a chance to see how the two fields can be combined.
Talk to Professionals: Use platforms like LinkedIn to find and reach out to professionals who have a computer science degree but work in fields that interest you. Look for people in UX research, product management, or data science. Ask them about their career path and how they use their skills. This can provide valuable insights and show you that there's not just one path.
Find a Mentor: A professor or an older student you trust could provide guidance. Explain your situation to them and ask for their advice. They may have a deeper understanding of the university's resources and how to navigate your curriculum.
Reframe Your Mindset: For now, focus on doing well in your current courses. Think of it not as a path to a career you hate, but as a way to acquire a solid set of problem-solving skills. These skills will be a significant asset no matter what you end up doing.