Attending a wedding is a joyous occasion, filled with celebration and love, but it often comes with a lingering question: what should you give the happy couple, and how much should you spend? With travel booked, outfits chosen, and RSVPs confirmed, the final task of selecting a wedding gift can feel like a daunting hurdle. The debate over how much to spend—whether on a registry item or a cash gift—sparks endless discussions online and among etiquette experts. While traditional guidelines offer some direction, they often fall short in addressing the complexities of modern weddings, varying budgets, and personal relationships. This essay explores the nuances of wedding gift-giving, offering practical advice to strike a balance between thoughtfulness, financial sensibility, and social expectations.
The Evolution of Wedding Gift Traditions
Historically, wedding gift etiquette has been guided by rules rooted in the idea of reciprocity. One long-standing suggestion is that guests should aim to cover the cost of their dinner, ensuring the couple recoups the expense of hosting them. Other traditions include doubling the gift amount when bringing a plus-one or giving more generous gifts to close family members compared to acquaintances. However, these guidelines are not without flaws. Estimating the cost of a wedding meal is a guessing game, as couples rarely disclose per-plate expenses. According to The Knot, the average catering cost per person at a wedding is $80, but this figure varies significantly based on location, venue, and other factors. As Emily Forrest, head of communications at Zola, aptly notes, “An invitation isn’t a bill.” This sentiment underscores a shift away from rigid rules toward a more flexible, personalized approach to gift-giving.
Financial Considerations and Modern Realities
The financial burden of attending a wedding extends far beyond the gift itself. Zola’s 2025 data reveal that attending a local wedding costs an average of $593, while out-of-town weddings can set guests back a staggering $1,314 due to travel and accommodation expenses. With 33% of weddings requiring air travel, it’s no surprise that guests often face tough choices about how much they can afford to spend on a gift. Additional costs, such as new outfits or participating in wedding-weekend activities, further strain budgets. For many, these expenses necessitate a reevaluation of traditional expectations. Etiquette experts emphasize that guests should prioritize their financial comfort when deciding on a gift. “The most important thing is showing up in the way that feels good for you,” Forrest advises.
To provide some clarity, Zola and The Knot offer data-driven insights into average wedding gift amounts in the U.S. In 2025, Zola reports that the typical gift ranges between $100 and $150, while The Knot notes an average of $150, with close friends and family spending around $160 and more casual connections giving closer to $140. Zola’s “very loose” guidelines suggest spending $75-$100 for acquaintances or distant relatives, $100-$150 for friends or relatives, and $150-$200 or more for close friends, family, or wedding party members. Guests bringing a plus-one are encouraged to increase their gift by 50%-100%. MarketWatch’s reader poll aligns with these figures, with most respondents spending $100-$200, though a significant portion opt for $100 or less.
Creative and Thoughtful Alternatives
While these figures provide a helpful benchmark, the true essence of a wedding gift lies in its thoughtfulness. Financial constraints, such as job loss or high travel costs, can limit a guest’s ability to give a costly present, but creativity can bridge the gap. Wedding experts and real-life stories highlight the value of personalized gifts that carry emotional weight without breaking the bank. For instance, a graphic designer on Reddit shared how they designed save-the-date cards and invitations for a bride as their gift, a gesture that was both meaningful and cost-effective. Another guest, a graduate student traveling long-distance, crafted a homemade Dungeons & Dragons board game expansion for the couple. These examples illustrate that gifts need not be expensive to be cherished.
Zola and The Knot offer practical tips for budget-conscious gift-giving. Shopping the couple’s registry for affordable items is a great way to stay within budget while ensuring the gift aligns with their preferences. Pooling resources with other guests to purchase a larger registry item can also make a big impact without straining individual finances. Alternatively, personalized gifts—like a heartfelt letter paired with a small keepsake—can resonate deeply. A MarketWatch commenter echoed this sentiment, noting, “In this economy, it’s the meaning behind the gift that counts—sometimes a heartfelt letter and a small keepsake are more valuable than something expensive!”
Setting Boundaries and Budgets
To avoid financial strain, experts recommend proactive planning. Lauren Kay, executive editor at The Knot, suggests setting a wedding-season budget at the start of the year, especially for those anticipating multiple invitations. Tracking expenses for travel, outfits, and gifts can prevent overspending. For those facing financial hardship, Forrest offers a refreshing perspective: “If it’s getting too expensive to give a gift—or attend the wedding in general—it’s OK to stay home.” Declining an invitation when it’s outside one’s financial comfort zone is a valid choice, and couples are likely to appreciate the honesty.
The Heart of the Matter
Ultimately, the value of a wedding gift lies not in its price tag but in the intention behind it. Couples invite guests to share in their joy, not to fulfill a financial obligation. As Kay eloquently puts it, “At the end of the day, couples invite you to their wedding because they love you, not because of how much you spend.” Whether it’s a modest registry item, a heartfelt homemade gift, or a generous cash contribution, the best gifts reflect the giver’s relationship with the couple and their ability to give. By prioritizing thoughtfulness and financial sensibility, guests can celebrate love without compromising their own well-being, ensuring that the gift-giving experience is as joyful as the wedding itself.