A 36-year-old mother of three shared on Reddit’s “Am I the A------?” forum that she’s facing tension with her 37-year-old boyfriend after declining to join his family’s ski vacation due to financial constraints. The couple, together for three years, shares a 1-year-old son. The woman also has two daughters from a previous relationship—one in college and a 9-year-old.
Financial Dynamics of the Relationship
The woman works from home in a corporate finance job, earning $24 per hour, while her boyfriend earns $50 per hour, doubling her income. He covers the mortgage on their shared home, while she pays for household expenses and groceries. They maintain separate finances, covering their own car, insurance, and phone costs. Their son stays home with her, eliminating childcare expenses. Despite searching for a higher-paying job for a year, she hasn’t found one.
The Ski Trip Dilemma
The boyfriend’s family invited them to a week-long trip to a prominent ski resort in February. The woman would need to cover airfare and expenses for herself and her 9-year-old daughter, while her boyfriend would pay for himself and their son. Lodging costs approximately $150 per night, and she’d also need to rent snowboarding gear for herself and her daughter. After reviewing her budget, she realized the trip would push her into credit card debt.
She explained to her boyfriend that she and her daughter couldn’t afford to go, citing additional upcoming expenses like their son’s December birthday, Christmas, and her daughter’s birthday shortly after. Despite her efforts to save, these priorities take precedence.
Boyfriend’s Reaction and Fallout
Her boyfriend reacted with frustration, refusing to speak to her and insisting she could “start saving now.” She countered that her savings are allocated for the holidays and birthdays. The financial disparity is stark—his family members earn six-figure incomes, while she struggles to balance her obligations.
Community Support and Perspectives
Reddit commenters supported her decision, emphasizing that she shouldn’t jeopardize her finances. One wrote, “If you can’t afford it, you don’t go.” Another suggested that if her boyfriend truly wanted her to join, he could offer to cover her costs, noting that sharing a child makes it a worthwhile investment. A third commenter urged the couple to reevaluate their relationship, pointing out that her boyfriend’s separate financial approach might indicate a lack of full commitment.
The woman’s choice reflects her prioritization of financial responsibility and her children’s needs, highlighting the challenges of navigating a relationship with unequal incomes and separate finances.