Sarah thought she was protecting her marriage when she told her husband their credit card balance was “around $3,000.” In reality, it was a crushing $8,500. She’s far from alone.
A new survey from Self Financial reveals that two out of three Americans with debt are hiding the truth from the people closest to them.
Americans Are Drowning in Debt — and Hiding It
The survey of 1,078 adults found that 83% of Americans are carrying debt, with an average balance of nearly $42,000. But when they talk about it, most people dramatically understate what they owe, downplaying their debt by an average of $6,565.
Many don’t just minimize — they actively lie or avoid the topic:
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28.1% admit they’ve lied outright about debt.
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20.8% downplays the real amount.
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17.4% avoid talking about it entirely.
Debt is heaviest among 27- to 42-year-olds, and for many, it’s not about reckless spending. The top causes are:
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Income loss or reduction – 45.5%
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Loans – 40.4%
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Medical expenses – 39.9%
A third of Americans with debt owe over $50,000, and most have even borrowed from family or friends, with the average loan hitting $1,744.
Why People Keep Debt a Secret
The leading reason is shame: nearly 30% said they hide debt because they’re embarrassed. Others said they want to avoid burdening others (19.6%) or being judged (17.3%).
Hiding debt comes with a heavy emotional toll:
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Embarrassment – 30.9%
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Anxiety – 22.4%
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Fear – 20.1%
This stress seeps into mental health, with many reporting depression (22.1%), constant worry (19.6%), and sleep problems (16.7%).
More than 60% of people in debt feel isolated, and men (66.3%) are more likely than women (59.2%) to feel cut off by their financial struggles.
Money Secrets Can Break Relationships
Hiding debt isn’t just stressful — it’s toxic for relationships. Nearly 73% of people with debt say it has hurt their relationships. This can show up as:
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Feeling insecure in relationships – 44.2%
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Arguments – 32%
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Avoiding friends or family – 30.9%
When it comes to secrecy, people are most likely to hide debt from:
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Friends – 53.8%
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Family – 38.8%
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Spouses – 36%
That last number is especially alarming. One in three Americans is lying to their partner about money, and two in five believe their relationship would end if the truth came out.
Suspicion runs both ways:
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60.3% believe a partner has hidden debt from them.
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63.3% think a partner has hidden expensive purchases.
Getting Out of Debt Is Harder Than It Looks
Most people in debt (85.6%) say they have a repayment plan. But nearly half (45.7%) struggle to stick to it.
The top obstacles are economic, not personal:
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High cost of living – 35.2%
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Low income or limited job opportunities – 25.8%
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Unexpected expenses – 23.1%
Older Americans have more success in paying down debt. Those 59+ stick to their plans 80% of the time, while 27- to 42-year-olds — the group carrying the most debt — struggle the most to follow through.
Survey details: Self Financial polled 1,078 adults in March 2025 via Amazon’s survey platform. The group was 69.3% ages 27-42, 55.5% female, and 42.9% male, which may affect how broadly the findings apply.