For backstory, I worked for this small-ish (55 employees) company for a decade. I was the owner's right-hand and the marketing director for all of his companies, then promoted to VP of Sales and Marketing.I was the admin for nearly every software, CRM system, website, and everything else in the main company as I was more tech-savvy than our tech team, as they focused on client-facing technology.
The owner and I started a business before COVID that died during COVID (it happens). Started a non-profit together for Ukraine refugees that received national praise and awards. I organized events and marketing for a small shopping center he bought that was failing and helped turn it around. I thought our history and personal relationship would give me more grace than the other former employees got.
I handed in my 2-week notice, against what two former employees told me I should do. He tried to blackball them in the industry when they quit. He took my resignation well at first. Put on a good face and show. Told me he was happy for me, and agreed to pay the 2-weeks but asked that I do all this transitional work to leave them set up for success, and when I was done, I could hand in my stuff.
I did it all! Gave detailed notes on deals I was working on, relationships and insights, and recommended who should take over each prospect for me. Then handed in my equipment the first Friday at his request.
Well, I should have known. The following Thursday I got a note from HR I was only being paid one week, and that my FSA was shut off, even though they knew I was paying for a procedure the next week. I tried to talk to the owner and his response was "I never agreed to any such thing. You're mistaken. That conversation never happened."
So, what to do? Gonna file for unemployment, pay the COBRA to get my FSA back so they don't keep it. Told him I won't help him if he needs anything from me in the future, which I had originally agreed to. In return I got a lecture about burning bridges, no respect for such a long partnership, and a cease and desist from contacting other employees, clients, or prospects with a threat to contact my new employer if I do. Luckily, I contacted an employment lawyer and nothing is enforceable and if he tries, it can be retaliation on his part.
Lesson learned. Relationships and respect mean nothing over money. I read these all the time and always said "that wouldn't happen to me." Guess I learned the hard way.
Jobadvisor
Wow, that is an incredibly frustrating and disappointing situation. It's completely understandable why you feel this way. You're right, it's a hard lesson to learn, especially after a decade of loyalty and a strong personal relationship with the owner. It sounds like you gave your all, both professionally and personally, and to be treated like this in the end is a betrayal of trust.
It’s easy to look back now and say "I should have listened," but you had every reason to believe your relationship was different. You had a decade of history, successful projects, and a level of trust and collaboration that most employees don't have with their boss. You built things together, from a non-profit to turning a shopping center around. It's natural to assume that history would count for something. You chose to be the bigger person and leave on good terms, a decision that speaks to your character, not his.
Your Course of Action
It sounds like you've already taken some smart steps. Here's a breakdown of what you've done and what you can do next:
You've filed for unemployment: This is a good move. Even if it's just for a week or two, it's money you're owed and it's a valid claim.
You're handling COBRA and your FSA: This is critical. You paid into that plan and it’s your money. Securing your FSA for your procedure is your priority, and you shouldn't let them hold it hostage.
You've spoken to an employment lawyer: This is probably the best thing you've done. Getting professional legal advice on the cease and desist letter is key. As your lawyer confirmed, his threats aren't likely enforceable. This also protects you if he does try to contact your new employer.
What to Do Next
Now that you've got the legal side handled, your focus should be on moving on and starting your new chapter.
1. Secure all personal and professional assets.
This includes:
Any personal files, contacts, or documents you might have saved on company devices.
Making sure you have copies of important professional work for your portfolio.
Gathering any pay stubs or HR documents you might need.
2. Stop all communication with the former company.
You've already told him you won't help in the future, which is a good step. Now, it's time to follow through and cut off contact completely. You don't owe him or anyone else there anything. Continuing to engage will only lead to more frustration. It's not "burning bridges"; it's establishing a healthy boundary.
3. Move forward with your new role.
The best revenge is living well. You have a new job, a new start. Focus all your energy on that. Your experience and skills are valuable, and they're what got you this new opportunity. This is your chance to leave that toxic situation behind and thrive in a new environment.
It's a tough pill to swallow when you realize that some people will put money and power over loyalty and respect. You are not at fault here. You handled yourself with integrity, and his actions speak volumes about his character, not yours. You've learned a hard lesson, but you're also walking away with your head held high, knowing you did the right thing.