My intern said he was in love with me
My intern report (20M) and I (22F) are similarly aged, and share a lot of the same interests. So we have been hanging out of work playing video games - at this time, if he was coming back full time I would have suggested he have a different manager because we were like friends.
The night before I was supposed to give the return offer, he pulled me aside and told me he was in love and wanted to know how I feel. I said I didn't feel the same way because I'm gay, and in a relationship already, also I would try my absolutely hardest to never feel like that about my coworker or report. He was really sad and said he didn't know. I honestly felt so bad because I know what it's like to have a crush.
Retrospectively, this is probably where I fucked up by not being more explicit with my sexuality. I don't really bring this up with coworkers much but I have never hid my interests, and I wore pride items in the video games we played.
The next days after it was really awkward at work. I was delivering happy news about his return offer and he was extremely sad and honestly avoiding me, which he can't do because I'm his manager. Honestly, it felt like walking on egg shells and made me super uncomfortable.
Is this something to tell HR (the intern recruiters)? I am really thinking of telling them to let him only return to a different team. If he was to report to someone else on the team, we would still be working closely together. I don't want to cause any drama, but I don't want to feel this uncomfortable at work and I have to think about all my actions around him. If he were to return it would also be in a year, but I feel like it's still a bit strange. Pre-confession, I enjoyed having him on the team. and having him as a friend. I think this is something I'll always think about.
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you’re in a difficult position, and your instincts to involve HR are reasonable. Here’s how to think about it and what steps to take:
1. Why involving HR is appropriate
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Conflict of interest and power dynamics: He was your direct report. Even though he’s an intern and close in age, any romantic advance introduces a power dynamic that could be risky for both you and the company if not documented.
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Protecting yourself: Documenting the situation ensures there’s a record showing you handled this professionally, and it prevents misunderstandings later if someone misinterprets the dynamic.
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Future planning: If he returns as a full-time employee, HR can help ensure he’s on a different team or reporting to someone else to maintain a professional environment.
2. What to tell HR
Keep it factual and neutral. Focus on:
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That he expressed romantic interest while you were his manager.
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That you clearly stated you’re not interested and kept it professional.
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That it created discomfort and a challenging work environment for you after the confession.
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That for future rotations or employment, you believe it would be best for him to be on another team.
You don’t need to share your sexuality or personal details beyond what’s relevant.
3. Document the situation
Even if you don’t immediately escalate it to HR, write a timestamped note or email to yourself with:
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The date/time of the confession.
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What was said.
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Your response.
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How it affected the work environment.
This is for your protection in case it ever comes up in a formal context.
4. Managing the aftermath
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Keep interactions professional and limited to work topics.
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Avoid additional socializing outside work.
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If he returns, insist HR or his manager create clear boundaries, likely placing him under a different supervisor.
5. About your “mistake”
You didn’t actually do anything wrong by not disclosing your sexuality sooner. Employees are not required to share personal details to prevent others from having crushes. The key thing is that once it crossed into a work boundary, you handled it by rejecting him and maintaining professionalism.
If you want, I can draft a sample message to HR that’s professional, clear, and avoids unnecessary drama.
Do you want me to do that?