Emma Specter in Vogue recently asked women whether they’ve found themselves “man-keeping” their boyfriends or husbands. The term, coined by Stanford researcher Angelica Puzio Ferrara, refers to women carrying the full weight of a couple’s social life and acting as their partner’s sole emotional outlet. With male friendships in steep decline—15% of men reported having zero close friends in 2021, compared to just 3% in 1990—many men now turn almost exclusively to their partners for support. That leaves women juggling their own needs while also scheduling social plans and serving as their partner’s confidante, sometimes to an exhausting degree.
For writer Kat Rosenfield in The Free Press, this dynamic is tied to a long cultural pattern. For decades, men were criticized as emotionally unavailable and trapped in “toxic masculinity.” Male-only spaces, from fraternities to civic clubs, were mocked as “bro culture.” Now that many of those spaces have eroded, men rely more heavily on women for intimacy and connection. The irony, Rosenfield notes, is that women once said they wanted men to open up—“just not only to us.”
Women, however, say the burden can be overwhelming. As Catherine Pearson reported in The New York Times, some women feel so drained by constantly supporting a partner’s social and emotional needs that they’ve chosen to remain single. Today, 61% of single men want a relationship, but only 38% of single women do, with many citing exhaustion from the emotional labor that relationships demand.
Commentator Jesse Singal suggests the issue is real, rooted in the collapse of male-oriented institutions like churches, bowling leagues, and veterans’ groups. But he argues that “man-keeping” is a dismissive label. Terms ending in “-keeping”—like housekeeping or beekeeping—usually refer to managing things, not people. Reducing men’s loneliness to a punchline, he says, obscures the fact that they’re grappling with a genuine social crisis.
‘Mankeeping’
The Unseen Labor That's Leaving Women Exhausted
What is 'Mankeeping'?
Coined by Stanford University researchers, 'mankeeping' refers to the invisible emotional and social labor women perform to manage their male partners' well-being. It's an extension of "emotional labor," where women are often expected to be the default therapist, social planner, and emotional support system, creating a significant imbalance in heterosexual relationships.
The Friendship Gap: A Root Cause
A primary driver of mankeeping is the "male loneliness epidemic." Research shows men often have fewer close, emotionally intimate friendships than women, leading them to rely heavily on their romantic partners for support that would otherwise come from a broader social network.
1 in 5
Men in the US report having no close friends.
61%
Of single men are looking for a relationship, compared to just 38% of single women.
The Unpaid, Invisible Workload
This imbalance translates into a long list of unacknowledged responsibilities that disproportionately fall on women. This isn't just about chores; it's about managing the entire emotional and social sphere of the relationship.
Mental Load Manager
Anticipating needs, remembering birthdays, and planning social events.
Emotional Support
Acting as the primary or sole confidante for stress, fears, and frustrations.
Conflict Mediator
Initiating difficult conversations and working to maintain harmony.
Social Secretary
Coordinating plans with friends and family for both partners.
Mood Regulator
Interpreting moods and preemptively managing potential displeasure.
Communication Coach
Helping partners articulate feelings they won't share with others.
The High Cost of Mankeeping
The constant output of emotional energy without reciprocation takes a significant toll on women's well-being, leading to a range of negative outcomes that can ultimately damage the relationship itself.
Moving Towards a Balanced Partnership
Addressing mankeeping requires a conscious shift towards shared emotional responsibility. It's not about women doing less, but about men doing more to manage their own emotional lives and contribute equally to the relationship's well-being.
Key Steps for Change:
- → Acknowledge and validate the existence of emotional labor.
- → Encourage men to build and nurture their own emotional support networks.
- → Practice open communication about the division of emotional tasks.
- → Set healthy boundaries to protect individual energy and well-being.