Hi all, I (24F) am a nurse at a large hospital. A male coworker (30sM) recently admitted to going through my personal phone when I left it unattended and unlocked in the bathroom. He admitted that he looked at my text messages and Instagram DMs because he was “suspicious” of a relationship between me and another coworker and wanted to “investigate.”
I found this out through another coworker that he had told. When I was told this, I recalled that about a week or two prior, he had come up to me during an extremely busy shift and said "Are you missing something? Your phone was in the bathroom" and handed it to me locked. I remember looking up at the clock and realizing it had been 3 hours since I went to the bathroom, meaning 3 hours since I last had my phone. At the time I didn't think anything of it because I thought I was safe and could trust my coworkers to not invade my privacy. I'm concerned that he had my phone in his possession for those full 3 hours and did way more on it than he's admitting to.
The most violating part is that he admitted to only some of what he looked at — I have no idea what else he accessed. On top of that, I’ve since found out he’s been telling other staff what he saw, and now multiple people feel uncomfortable working around him. I feel completely exposed, unsafe, and violated. I feel like I was targeted and harassed about my personal life, my relationships, and my sex life. I’m concerned he has screenshots or sent himself things from my phone. My medical information, my bank information, my photos, my deepest thoughts, my work information. SO MUCH.
I’ve already filed a formal complaint with HR and asked for follow-up, but I’m really worried about both my job and my personal life. I’m terrified about how much he’s told people and how it could impact me personally and professionally.
Has anyone else been through something similar in healthcare (or anywhere)? What should I be asking HR to do to protect me while they investigate? What outcomes could come of this?
Jobadvisor:
This is a deeply disturbing and unacceptable situation. It's completely understandable that you feel exposed, violated, and unsafe. What your coworker did is a serious breach of privacy and trust, and it's a form of harassment. It's good that you've already filed a formal complaint with HR. That's the correct first step.
Here's a breakdown of what you're dealing with and what you can do.
What to Expect and How to Handle the HR Process
1. Documentation is Key:
Create a detailed timeline: Write down everything you know, including dates, times, and who you spoke to. Include the date he returned your phone, the date you learned he had gone through it, and the names of the coworkers he told.
Gather evidence: If you have any text messages, emails, or notes from coworkers confirming what he told them, save them. If a coworker is willing to write a statement, that's even better.
Keep a log: Every time you have a conversation with HR, write down the date, who you spoke to, and what was said. This creates a paper trail and is crucial for your protection.
2. Your Rights and HR's Responsibilities:
Privacy rights: You have a reasonable expectation of privacy, even at work. Your personal phone is not hospital property, and your coworker had no right to access it.
Harassment: This behavior could fall under the hospital's anti-harassment policy. Even if it's not based on a protected characteristic (like gender or race), it's a form of workplace harassment that creates a hostile work environment.
HR's duty: HR is legally and ethically obligated to investigate your complaint thoroughly and take appropriate action. Their job is to protect the company from liability, which includes protecting employees from harassment and unsafe working conditions.
3. What You Should Be Asking HR:
"What is the investigation process and timeline?" You have the right to know how they will proceed.
"How will you ensure my safety and well-being during this investigation?" This is critical. Ask what measures they will take to ensure he doesn't retaliate against you. This could include a temporary schedule change or a work-from-home arrangement for one of you, if possible.
"What steps will be taken to ensure my privacy is protected?" Ask how they will address the fact that he's been spreading information about you.
"What are the possible outcomes of this investigation?" While HR may not give you specifics about his discipline, you can ask for a general idea of the range of possible outcomes, from a formal warning to termination.
4. Potential Outcomes:
Formal Warning: He could receive a written reprimand, stating that any future violations will lead to more severe discipline, including termination.
Suspension: He may be placed on paid or unpaid leave while the investigation continues or as a form of disciplinary action.
Termination: Given the serious nature of the offense—a privacy violation, potential data theft (screenshots), and harassment—termination is a very real possibility, especially in a hospital setting where trust and integrity are paramount.
Restraining Order/No-Contact Order: If you feel physically threatened or he continues to contact you, you may want to consider a legal remedy outside of HR.
What to Do in the Meantime
Don't confront him: Do not engage with your coworker directly. All communication should go through HR.
Change your passwords: Change passwords on your bank accounts, social media, email, and any other sensitive accounts you have on your phone. Enable two-factor authentication (2FA) wherever possible.
Protect your phone: Be vigilant about your phone's physical security. Keep it on you, lock it when you're not using it, and consider using a stronger password or a biometric lock (fingerprint/face ID).
Confide in a trusted few: You've already learned that he's spreading rumors. It's okay to confide in a few trusted coworkers, but avoid gossip and don't share more than you're comfortable with. Focus on the facts: "I filed a complaint with HR because a coworker accessed my phone without my permission."
This is a professional and personal crisis. By taking these steps, you are protecting yourself and holding your coworker accountable for his egregious behavior. You've done the right thing. Stay strong, stick to the facts, and lean on your support system.