I (25F) have finished a four-month summer internship with a government organization. Throughout the internship, I had a supervisor who was not the team manager but was assigned to manage me. We had weekly check-ins on my progress and all feedback I received was positive. The unit manager (so not my direct supervisor) also even asked me to reach out when I graduate so he could help connect me if he knew anyone hiring.
Today was my official last day. My supervisor set up a final 1:1 with me where he gave more positive feedback and then said he had something I could improve upon.
I was not prepared for what came next. He said that I was too blunt and critical and asked questions in a way that could be interpreted as disagreeing with the way the work was done (ex. when asking “why is it done this way” it could be interpreted to mean “I don’t think it should be done this way”). He reassured me that he knew I was just asking questions out of curiousity and to learn, but that one member of the team (out of 6 people) had a strong sensitivity to anything that could be perceived as critical, and that she was hurt by some of my questions/comments over the course of the summer.
The woman in question (the only female member on the team) is incredibly kind and soft-spoken. My heart sunk at the notion that I had hurt her feelings, and I hate to say it, but I started crying and exclaimed “I just wish you had told me this earlier,” with tears running down my face. I know I’m a naturally blunt person, I’m on the autism spectrum, but I had no idea whatsoever this had been an issue. I explained that I was crying because I hate hurting people and that I felt terrible. I asked my supervisor if I should apologize to her, and he said no, that that might make her more uncomfortable.
The feedback itself is absolutely fair and valid but I am a little annoyed that he didn’t tell me about this issue earlier, like pointing out a particular question I asked at the time it happened and helping me reframe it to sound more appropriate. Waiting until the last day left me feeling helpless because he didn’t have any examples on hand and left me no chance to improve. He said the other team members (3 other men not counting the unit manager) didn’t have any feedback/comments for me. So either they didn’t notice, weren’t bothered by it, or they actually were offended but didn’t say anything because it’s not exactly manly to admit your feelings are hurt… who knows.
However, since it’s a holiday weekend, half the team took the day off and the other half were working remotely. So I’m actually going to stop in the office later next week to say goodbye in person and drop off some croissants or bagels for breakfast to say thank you (I had already discussed this with the team prior to my meeting so I don’t want to back out now)
So now I just need to know how to best drag myself out from this mess. I was planning to just say goodbye to everyone as a group during their weekly meeting, but now I’m wondering if I need to take a more individual approach.
Should I apologize to my supervisor for my unprofessional reaction, and/or clearly state I appreciate the feedback and will try to work on it?
Should I go up to this woman and thank her individually for all she taught me, let her know I enjoyed meeting her and learning about her work?
Or would either of these scenarios just be drawing unwanted attention to the “elephant in the room”? At the end of the day, I’ll be counting on my unit manager’s reference/referrals, so in case word travels around the office, I want to make up for this instance the best I can.
Jobadvisor:
This is a tough spot, and I'm so sorry you're going through it. It's completely understandable why you reacted the way you did. Crying in that situation, while perhaps not ideal in a professional setting, is a very human response to feeling blindsided and hurt by the idea that you might have unintentionally caused someone else pain. It also sounds like a lot of your frustration is stemming from the poor timing of the feedback, which is entirely valid. The supervisor's choice to wait until the last day to deliver this specific feedback was a mistake on his part, and it left you with no chance to course-correct.
The fact that you're so concerned about this shows your character. You're not just a person who is "blunt"; you're a person who cares deeply about the impact you have on others. That empathy is a huge asset.
Here's how you can handle your last visit and leave a positive, professional impression.
1. Approach Your Supervisor Separately and Professionally
Yes, you should absolutely address the crying incident with your supervisor. This is an opportunity to show maturity and self-awareness.
When you see him: Find a private moment to speak with him, perhaps at the beginning of the day.
What to say: Start by thanking him for the internship experience and the feedback. This shows you've processed his advice and are taking it seriously. Then, briefly and professionally, address your reaction. Something like this would be perfect:
"Hi [Supervisor's Name], thanks again for everything. I also wanted to apologize for my reaction the other day. I was genuinely upset and embarrassed to learn that I had unintentionally upset a colleague. I really do appreciate the feedback you gave me, and I'll be working on finding ways to be more mindful of how my questions are perceived. Thanks again for your guidance this summer."
This accomplishes several things: it shows you've reflected on your reaction, takes responsibility without dwelling on it, and communicates that you are receptive to feedback and committed to growth.
2. Handle the Interaction with Your Colleague (The Woman Who Was Hurt)
Your supervisor advised you not to apologize, and you should follow that advice. An unexpected apology might put her on the spot and make her feel even more uncomfortable, especially if she's a quiet person. Instead of apologizing, focus on being warm and appreciative.
When you see her: Approach her individually at her desk or in the breakroom.
What to say: Keep it simple, sincere, and positive. Avoid mentioning the feedback entirely. Focus on what you learned from her and your positive feelings about your time there.
"Hi [Colleague's Name], I just wanted to say thank you for everything this summer. I really enjoyed getting to know you and learning from your work. It was a pleasure working with you, and I wish you all the best."
This is a professional and kind way to acknowledge her and show her that you hold her in high regard. It leaves her with a positive memory of your interaction and doesn't force her into a situation she might not want to be in.
3. Your Final Visit: The Croissants
Going in with bagels or croissants is a great idea. It's a classic, professional way to say "thank you" to the team.
Deliver the food: Put them in a central place like the kitchen or a conference room with a note.
The note: A simple handwritten note works best. Something like: "Thank you for an incredible summer! It was a pleasure to learn from all of you. All the best, [Your Name]."
During the meeting: You can briefly pop into their meeting (if they are open to that) and say a quick, cheerful goodbye to everyone as a group. A simple, "Hi everyone, I just wanted to pop in to say thank you again and wish you all well! Thanks for an amazing summer," is sufficient.
By following these steps, you will show that you are mature, self-aware, and appreciative. This will leave a much stronger, more professional final impression than the single, stressful moment of crying. You'll demonstrate that you can process difficult feedback and that you're a kind and thoughtful person who values your colleagues. You've got this.