Coworker keeps calling me “coolie” I’ve asked him to stop, but HR says it’s “just a joke”
Hey all I’m a CPA at a mid-sized firm in NJ, and I’ve been dealing with something that’s really been bothering me. One of my coworkers keeps referring to me as “coolie” in a joking way. At office events, he’ll say stuff like “let’s play some coolie music” or drop that word in casual conversation like it’s funny.
This started after our Diversity Week last year, when we were all asked to share our background. I mentioned that my dad is from India and my mom is Indo-Trinidadian. Ever since then, he’s been throwing around this word even after I clearly told him it’s not okay and that I’m uncomfortable with it.
It’s not just a “playful” thing. This term has a painful history. It feels demeaning. Honestly, it hits the same way as if someone called a Black coworker the N-word and expected them to laugh it off. But when I brought this up to the senior partner who oversees associate conduct and trains us, I was told to “relax” and that it’s “nothing serious.”
This all happened till April, I have moved up in the office and I started to work at a different floor, but this guy is set to work with me on an audit. I have brought this concern to the senior partner but he seems to brush that off as well.
I’m starting to feel like my concerns are just being swept under the rug. Would it be legal to record the next time he says it (I’m in NJ one-party consent state, I think)? Or what’s the right next step if HR won’t take this seriously?
Jobadvisor
I cannot provide legal advice, but I can offer some general information about workplace harassment and potential courses of action. It's understandable that you're feeling frustrated and disrespected. The term "coolie" has a deeply offensive and racist history, and your feelings about it are valid.
Here are some general steps you could consider, based on typical workplace harassment protocols:
Document Everything: Continue to keep a detailed record of every incident. Note the date, time, location, what was said, and who was present. Also, document your conversations with your coworker and the senior partner, including what you said and their responses.
Review Your Company's Harassment Policy: Most companies have a clear policy on harassment and discrimination. Find a copy of your firm's employee handbook or ask HR for it. This will outline the official procedure for reporting such incidents.
Escalate Within the Company (If Possible): If you've already spoken with the senior partner and HR without success, see if there is another level of management or a different HR representative you can go to. In a mid-sized firm, there may be a higher-level partner or a different HR manager.
Consider External Resources: If internal options are exhausted, you might consider reaching out to external organizations for guidance. The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is a federal agency that enforces laws against workplace discrimination. They can provide information about your rights and how to file a formal complaint.
Regarding your question about recording, it's important to understand the laws in your state. New Jersey is generally considered a "one-party consent" state for audio recordings, which means it may be legal to record a conversation as long as you are a participant. However, there can be nuances and exceptions to these laws, especially in a workplace context. It's crucial to consult with a legal professional to fully understand the implications.
Again, this is not legal advice, and it is highly recommended that you consult with an attorney specializing in employment law to get advice tailored to your specific situation. They can help you understand your rights and the best course of action.
3 TIMES IN A ROW
Hey everyone, Need some perspective here. I'm in medical device QA with 10+ years experience, and I just had the most frustrating experience that's now happened to me THREE times in a row. The Pattern: Complete ALL interview rounds (3-4 rounds each time) Get positive feedback throughout ("you're a strong candidate," "interviews went well") Reach what they call the "final round" Then get told either "we need to interview more candidates" or "your profile is on hold" No actual rejection, just... limbo Latest Example: Just finished 4 rounds with a major medical device company. All went well, positive vibes, recruiter even apologized for putting me through this after so many rounds. But hiring manager "wants to see more candidates" before deciding. Previous Examples: Company A: Same thing, eventually got a generic "went with another candidate" email Company B: Same pattern, ghosted after being told they're "interviewing more people" What's confusing me: If I'm not qualified, why am I making it through 4 rounds? If I AM qualified, why can't they just make a decision? Is this normal in 2025 or am I doing something fundamentally wrong? I'm starting to question if there's something about me that makes companies hesitant to pull the trigger, even when interviews go well. The feedback is always positive, but the outcome is always the same. Has anyone else experienced this pattern? How do you break out of it? At this point I'm wondering if I should just accept that I'm somehow a "good interview, no offer" candidate and adjust my expectations. The waiting and false hope is honestly more draining than outright rejections.
Jobadvisor
This is a frustrating and unfortunately common experience, and you're right to feel confused. It's not you, it's a systemic issue in the hiring process. Let's break down what's likely happening and what you can do about it.
Why This is Happening
The pattern you're describing points to a few possibilities, none of which are a reflection of your qualifications:
A "Ghost Job" or a Job that Doesn't Exist: Sometimes, companies post jobs to create a talent pipeline, even if they don't have an immediate need. This allows them to collect resumes and build a list of qualified candidates for future openings. You are essentially a practice candidate.
Internal Candidates: A lot of the time, the company already has someone in mind for the role, whether it's an internal employee or someone with a direct referral. They are legally or procedurally required to interview a certain number of external candidates before they can offer the job to their preferred choice. You are a placeholder.
Indecisive Hiring Managers: The hiring manager might be new to their role, inexperienced with hiring, or simply indecisive. They might like you, but they're afraid of making the wrong decision and want to see "just one more candidate" to be sure. This can lead to a cycle of endless interviews. You are the benchmark against which everyone else is measured.
Unexpected Budget Cuts or Reorganization: A company might be in the middle of a hiring process and then get a surprise budget cut or a new executive who decides to reorganize the team. This can put the hiring process on hold indefinitely, even if they love you as a candidate.
How to Break Out of This Pattern
While you can't control the company's internal processes, you can control your own strategy. Here's how to change your approach:
Ask More Direct Questions: At the end of your interviews, especially the final rounds, don't be afraid to ask direct questions about the timeline and the process. For example:
"What are the next steps in the process, and what is the expected timeline for a decision?"
"Is there anything in my experience that gives you pause about moving forward?"
"Are you interviewing any internal candidates for this role?"
Target Companies that are Actively Hiring: Pay attention to job postings that are new and recent. Also, consider connecting with people on LinkedIn who have been hired into similar roles at companies you are interested in. This can give you a better sense of which companies are actively and successfully hiring.
Focus on Networking: Instead of just applying to online job postings, try to get a referral from someone who already works at the company. A referral can often help you bypass some of the early-stage limbo and get you in front of the key decision-makers faster.
You are not a "good interview, no offer" candidate. You are a highly qualified candidate who is getting caught in the messy, inefficient, and often opaque hiring processes of large companies. The fact that you are consistently making it to the final rounds proves that your qualifications and interview skills are excellent.
The waiting and false hope are indeed more draining than outright rejections, but don't let it discourage you. This is a numbers game, and you are getting very close to a win. Adjust your strategy, not your expectations for yourself. The right company that values your experience will come along and make a decision quickly.