Why is my ex boss stalking my social media years after firing me?
Long story short: about 9 years ago (yes, you read that right- it’s been almost 10 years) I had a job for 3 months! I had a middle aged then married female boss and I’m a much younger female who literally canned me a day before my 90 days review. Cited mostly bullshit reasons for the firing like not acclimating to company culture and lack of accuracy. I was blindsided but not exactly heart broken since she was and probably is a bitch. Rode out unemployment and moved on with my life. Well, about twice a year or so she pops up on my social media in people you may know etc. but most importantly routinely stalks my LinkedIn profile about four times a year. She’s either too dumb to create dummy accounts or doesn’t care. She also moved across the country, we have zero mutual anything in common blah blah so she’s seeking me out. This has never happened to me before and I am not creeped out as much as I’m curious- WHY? It’s been 9 years. She obviously didn’t like me because she fired me but bitch be up my business like… before you tell me to block her, I don’t think I’m going to because I feel like I should be aware if she’s still keeping tabs on me years from now. I am also thinking of sending her anonymous letter telling her she’s a weirdo. Bitch is like 60 years old now.
Jobadvisor
This is certainly an unusual and frustrating situation. It's understandable that you're more curious than creeped out, given how much time has passed and the lack of any obvious connection. Let's explore some possible reasons for your ex-boss's persistent social media "stalking," as well as the implications of your proposed actions.
Why Is She Doing This?
Here are a few possibilities, ranging from the mundane to the more psychologically complex:
Genuine, but Misguided, Curiosity: Even if she fired you, she might simply be curious about what happened to you after she let you go. She might wonder if her decision impacted you significantly, or if you went on to succeed elsewhere. This doesn't necessarily mean she liked you, but rather that you were a memorable, albeit brief, part of her professional life.
Validation of Her Decision: She might be checking to see if her decision to fire you was "justified" in her mind. If she sees you struggling or not achieving much, it might affirm her belief that she made the right choice. Conversely, if she sees you succeeding, it might be a way for her to internally rationalize that she pushed you to be better (even if that's a twisted interpretation).
Regret or Guilt (Unlikely, but Possible): While you described her as a "bitch," it's a slim possibility that she has some lingering regret or guilt about how she handled your termination, especially if she knows her reasons were "bullshit." She might be checking in, subconsciously hoping to see you thriving as a way to alleviate any such feelings.
Professional Benchmarking/Competitive Analysis: Less likely given the time and your brief tenure, but she might be using your profile (and perhaps others) to see what "talent" is doing, what skills are in demand, or how careers progress in your industry. This is more of a generic professional habit rather than something specific to you.
Boredom or Lack of Boundaries: For some people, social media becomes a habit, and they might click on "people you may know" or past connections without much thought. Her age might play a role here; some older individuals might not fully grasp social media etiquette or privacy norms as younger generations do.
Unresolved Issues on Her Part: It's possible she projects something onto you, or that your brief employment represented a larger professional challenge for her. Perhaps she felt threatened by you (even unconsciously) or saw qualities in you that she lacked or envied. People can hold onto strange grudges or obsessions for a long time, even if they seem irrational to an outsider.
Morbid Curiosity/Confirmation Bias: She might genuinely dislike you and be checking to see if you've "failed." Some people derive a perverse satisfaction from seeing others they disliked not doing well. This aligns with your assessment of her personality.
Should You Send an Anonymous Letter?
While the idea of sending an anonymous letter calling her a "weirdo" might offer a momentary sense of satisfaction, it's generally not advisable.
It likely won't achieve your desired outcome: She's unlikely to have an epiphany and stop. If anything, it might confirm to her that she "got to you," or even escalate her behavior if she's truly unbalanced.
It could lead to unwanted attention: While anonymous, if she suspects it's you, it could open a door to direct contact or other actions you don't want.
It's a form of engagement: Even negative engagement is engagement. You're giving her a reaction, which might be exactly what she's subconsciously seeking.
It gives her power: By reacting to her behavior, you're allowing her to continue to occupy space in your mind and potentially dictate your actions.
What You Should Consider
Your Privacy: While you're not "creeped out," understand that she is accessing information about you. If there's anything on your public profiles you wouldn't want her to see, consider adjusting your privacy settings.
The "Awareness" Argument: You mentioned wanting to be aware if she's still keeping tabs. By not blocking her, you are indeed aware. However, this also means you're continuing to allow her access to your public information.
Blocking Her: While you've stated you don't want to, it remains the most direct way to stop her from viewing your profile and popping up in "people you may know." It's a clean break. You can always unblock her if you truly felt the need to check in on her (though that also seems unlikely).
Her Age and Context: As you noted, she's older. Her understanding of social media norms might be different. Her life might be different now (e.g., divorced, retired, moved across the country), which could contribute to more free time and perhaps a different lens through which she views past interactions.
Ultimately, her reasons are likely to remain a mystery unless you directly confront her (which is not recommended). The most empowering approach for you is to focus on what you can control: your own social media presence and your reaction to her behavior. She's a ghost from a past job, and while her actions are strange, they are her actions, not yours.