Why did my boss act surprised when I turned in my notice after he put me on a PIP??
Hi everyone, my boss and I haven’t exactly been seeing eye to eye and he put me on a PIP siting that I wasn’t performing up to his standards. The examples he gave were extremely vague and all of them were referencing conversations where I requested support. The goals he gave me were also extremely vague and not measurable in any way. I found this feedback to be nonsense as I had heard from my a different manager on my team that I was doing extremely well and everything I had done for him was exceptional.
Anyway, I turned in my two weeks notice about a week after since I was offered a new position (I had been looking for a while) and he acted very surprised. He even said, “What? Why?” Like he didn’t know why I had been looking or wanting to leave despite the fact we have had issues since the beginning. This is especially curious since I had experienced some harassment from his end from use of foul language and physical intimidation.
Now he is going around telling other people that my leaving came out of nowhere. Why was he surprised and why is he telling everyone that this came out of nowhere?
Jobadvisor
Understandably, you're confused and even a little irritated by your boss's reaction. On the surface, his surprise seems illogical given the circumstances. Let's break down some potential reasons for his behavior:
Why He Acted Surprised:
Delusion/Lack of Self-Awareness: This is a strong possibility. Some managers genuinely believe they are handling situations effectively, even when their actions are clearly alienating. He might have convinced himself that the PIP was a "solution" to your "performance issues" and that you would simply knuckle down and improve. He may not have processed the severity of your ongoing issues or the impact of his own behavior.
PIP as a Control Tactic, Not an Improvement Tool: For many managers, a PIP isn't about genuine performance improvement but rather a way to document a path to termination, or to pressure an employee to leave. He might have expected you to quit because of the PIP, but not necessarily that you would have another job lined up so quickly. His surprise could be that his "tactic" didn't play out exactly as he envisioned (i.e., you found a new job instead of just leaving out of frustration without one).
Underestimation of Your Agency: He might have genuinely believed you wouldn't be able to find another job, or that you were "stuck" due to the PIP. When you presented a new offer, it disrupted his perception of your options.
Saving Face/Playing the Victim: He might have been surprised because he was caught off guard by the timing, and his "What? Why?" was an immediate, unthinking reaction of someone who suddenly has to deal with a problem (your departure) they didn't anticipate at that exact moment.
Gaslighting/Manipulation (Subconscious or Conscious): By acting surprised and feigning ignorance of your unhappiness, he might be subtly trying to make you doubt your own perception of the situation, or to deflect blame from himself.
Confirmation Bias: He might have wanted to believe that everything was "fine" and that he was managing the situation correctly. Your resignation directly contradicted his preferred narrative, causing genuine, albeit self-serving, surprise.
He Valued Your Work (Despite His Behavior): Even managers who are difficult or abusive can sometimes recognize the value an employee brings, even if they don't treat them well. He might have been surprised because losing your contributions would genuinely impact his team or workload. This doesn't excuse his behavior, but it can explain the "surprise" element.
Why He's Telling Everyone It "Came Out of Nowhere":
Damage Control/Reputation Management: This is almost certainly the primary reason. If he admits that he was harassing you, put you on a vague and unfair PIP, and created a hostile work environment, it makes him look like a bad manager. By saying your departure "came out of nowhere," he deflects responsibility and maintains an image of being a victim of an unpredictable employee.
Avoiding Scrutiny: If your departure was clearly linked to his behavior, it could prompt questions from HR or higher-ups. Claiming it was unexpected helps him avoid a deeper investigation into his management style.
Protecting His Narrative: He's trying to control the story of your departure. His version is that you were a problematic employee who left suddenly, not that he created an environment where you had to leave.
Maintaining Power/Control: By framing it this way, he's trying to minimize your agency and the validity of your reasons for leaving. It's a way to reassert his perceived control over the situation, even after you've left.
Genuine (but flawed) Belief: As mentioned before, he might genuinely believe his own warped version of reality, where his actions were justified and your departure was inexplicable.
In summary: Your boss's behavior, while baffling to you, is likely a combination of self-preservation, a lack of self-awareness, and an attempt to control the narrative. It's a classic example of a manager deflecting blame and trying to maintain their own positive image, even at the expense of honesty.
It's a good thing you got out of that situation. His reactions only further validate your decision to leave.
It's completely understandable that you're confused and even a little irritated by your boss's reaction. On the surface, his surprise seems illogical given the circumstances. Let's break down some potential reasons for his behavior:
Why He Acted Surprised:
Delusion/Lack of Self-Awareness: This is a strong possibility. Some managers genuinely believe they are handling situations effectively, even when their actions are clearly alienating. He might have convinced himself that the PIP was a "solution" to your "performance issues" and that you would simply knuckle down and improve. He may not have processed the severity of your ongoing issues or the impact of his own behavior.
PIP as a Control Tactic, Not an Improvement Tool: For many managers, a PIP isn't about genuine performance improvement but rather a way to document a path to termination, or to pressure an employee to leave. He might have expected you to quit because of the PIP, but not necessarily that you would have another job lined up so quickly. His surprise could be that his "tactic" didn't play out exactly as he envisioned (i.e., you found a new job instead of just leaving out of frustration without one).
Underestimation of Your Agency: He might have genuinely believed you wouldn't be able to find another job, or that you were "stuck" due to the PIP. When you presented a new offer, it disrupted his perception of your options.
Saving Face/Playing the Victim: He might have been surprised because he was caught off guard by the timing, and his "What? Why?" was an immediate, unthinking reaction of someone who suddenly has to deal with a problem (your departure) they didn't anticipate at that exact moment.
Gaslighting/Manipulation (Subconscious or Conscious): By acting surprised and feigning ignorance of your unhappiness, he might be subtly trying to make you doubt your own perception of the situation, or to deflect blame from himself.
Confirmation Bias: He might have wanted to believe that everything was "fine" and that he was managing the situation correctly. Your resignation directly contradicted his preferred narrative, causing genuine, albeit self-serving, surprise.
He Valued Your Work (Despite His Behavior): Even managers who are difficult or abusive can sometimes recognize the value an employee brings, even if they don't treat them well. He might have been surprised because losing your contributions would genuinely impact his team or workload. This doesn't excuse his behavior, but it can explain the "surprise" element.
Why He's Telling Everyone It "Came Out of Nowhere":
Damage Control/Reputation Management: This is almost certainly the primary reason. If he admits that he was harassing you, put you on a vague and unfair PIP, and created a hostile work environment, it makes him look like a bad manager. By saying your departure "came out of nowhere," he deflects responsibility and maintains an image of being a victim of an unpredictable employee.
Avoiding Scrutiny: If your departure was clearly linked to his behavior, it could prompt questions from HR or higher-ups. Claiming it was unexpected helps him avoid a deeper investigation into his management style.
Protecting His Narrative: He's trying to control the story of your departure. His version is that you were a problematic employee who left suddenly, not that he created an environment where you had to leave.
Maintaining Power/Control: By framing it this way, he's trying to minimize your agency and the validity of your reasons for leaving. It's a way to reassert his perceived control over the situation, even after you've left.
Genuine (but flawed) Belief: As mentioned before, he might genuinely believe his own warped version of reality, where his actions were justified and your departure was inexplicable.
In summary: Your boss's behavior, while baffling to you, is likely a combination of self-preservation, a lack of self-awareness, and an attempt to control the narrative. It's a classic example of a manager deflecting blame and trying to maintain their own positive image, even at the expense of honesty.
It's a good thing you got out of that situation. His reactions only further validate your decision to leave.
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you've been through a really challenging experience, and it's completely understandable why you're feeling confused and frustrated by your boss's reaction. You've hit on some insightful points about why he might have acted the way he did, and it's clear you've thought deeply about the situation.
Let's break down his behavior, drawing from the excellent points you've already made, to give you some clarity and validation.
Why Your Boss Acted Surprised
It's natural to be baffled when someone's reaction seems so out of sync with reality, especially when that reality involves their own actions. Here are the most likely reasons for his "surprise":
Lack of Self-Awareness or Delusion: This is a very common trait in difficult managers. He might genuinely believe he's an effective leader and that his actions, including the Performance Improvement Plan (PIP), were justified and even helpful. He may have convinced himself that you would simply "buckle down" and improve, completely missing the distress his behavior caused. His surprise could be a genuine shock that his "solution" didn't lead to your compliance but instead to your departure.
PIP as a Control Tactic: Often, a PIP isn't truly about improving performance. Instead, it's used as a formal step toward termination, or as a way to pressure an employee to quit. He might have expected you to leave out of frustration, but he likely didn't anticipate you securing another job so quickly. His surprise, then, isn't about you leaving, but about the specific way you left – with a new opportunity already in hand, which disrupted his planned outcome.
Underestimation of Your Options: He might have truly believed that being on a PIP or in a difficult work environment would limit your ability to find another job. Your new offer challenged his perception of your situation and your professional value, leading to genuine surprise that you had other viable options.
Saving Face and Damage Control: His "What? Why?" could have been an immediate, unthinking reaction of someone caught off guard. He might have been more concerned with the immediate disruption your departure caused to his team or workload than with understanding your reasons.
Gaslighting or Manipulation: By feigning ignorance of your unhappiness and acting surprised, he might have been subtly trying to make you doubt your own perception of the situation or to deflect blame from himself. This is a common tactic to maintain control and avoid accountability.
He Valued Your Work (Despite His Behavior): Even managers who are difficult or unfair can sometimes acknowledge an employee's contributions, even if they don't treat them well. His surprise could stem from a genuine concern about losing your specific skills or the impact your absence would have on his team's output. This doesn't excuse his poor management, but it can explain a component of his surprise.
Why He's Telling Everyone It "Came Out of Nowhere"
This behavior is almost certainly a strategic move on his part, aimed at controlling the narrative and protecting his reputation.
Reputation Management and Deflection of Blame: If he admitted that your departure was a direct result of his management style, the unfair PIP, or a hostile work environment, it would reflect very poorly on him. By claiming it "came out of nowhere," he's shifting responsibility away from himself and painting himself as the victim of an unpredictable situation or employee.
Avoiding Scrutiny: Linking your departure to his behavior could trigger questions from Human Resources or higher-ups about his management practices. By framing it as an unexpected event, he hopes to avoid any deeper investigation into his conduct.
Protecting His Narrative: He's trying to control the story of your departure. His version is that you were a problematic employee who left suddenly and without clear reason, rather than acknowledging that he created an environment where you felt compelled to leave.
Maintaining Perceived Control: Even though you've left, he's trying to assert his authority by shaping the official reason for your departure. It's a way for him to minimize your agency and the validity of your reasons for leaving, reasserting his perceived control over the situation.
Genuine (but Flawed) Belief: In some cases, managers like him might genuinely believe their own distorted version of reality, where their actions were justified and your departure was indeed inexplicable.
In Summary
Your boss's reactions, while baffling, are likely a combination of self-preservation, a significant lack of self-awareness, and a deliberate attempt to manipulate the narrative around your departure. This type of behavior is a classic example of a manager deflecting blame and trying to maintain a positive image, even at the expense of honesty and fairness.
Ultimately, his reactions only further validate your decision to leave. You've recognized a toxic environment and taken proactive steps to improve your professional life. It's a sign of your strength and self-respect.
Are there any other aspects of his behavior or the situation you'd like to discuss further?
Sending out polished resumes, getting zero traction. What am I missing?
Been job hunting full-time for like 2 months now and it's honestly brutal. My resume's solid, I'm writing custom cover letters, I've got the experience they're asking for - I'm applying to stuff I know I can do. But nothing's sticking. I'll get a phone screen here and there but mostly it's just that. I'm starting to think maybe I'm going after completely the wrong types of jobs. Like I've been so focused on what can I do that I never really stopped to think about what actually makes sense for me. Think long term. But how the hell do you even figure that out when you're in the thick of it?
Has anyone else been in this weird spot where you're technically qualified for stuff but nothing's clicking? Did you end up pivoting or finding some kind of clarity about what you should actually be doing? I'm totally open to changing my whole approach at this point. I just don't wanna keep spinning my wheels and wasting time on applications that are gonna go nowhere.
Jobadvisor
It sounds incredibly frustrating to be putting in so much effort with your job search and not seeing the results you expect. It's a common experience to feel qualified yet struggle to gain traction, and many people have been in that exact "weird spot" you describe. The good news is that recognizing this frustration and being open to a new approach is the first step toward finding a more fulfilling path.
Let's break down some potential reasons why your applications might not be landing and then explore how you can gain clarity on your long-term career direction.
Why Your Current Approach Might Be Falling Flat
Even with a "polished" resume and tailored cover letters, several factors could be contributing to the lack of traction:
Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS): Many companies use ATS to filter resumes before a human ever sees them. If your resume isn't optimized with keywords from the job description, it might be getting filtered out automatically, even if you're qualified.
Generic Customization: While you're writing custom cover letters, are they truly resonating with the company's specific needs and culture, or are they still a bit too generic? Sometimes "custom" means changing a few words, not deeply aligning with the job's unique requirements.
Network (or Lack Thereof): A significant percentage of jobs are filled through networking. If you're primarily relying on online applications without leveraging your connections, you might be missing out on opportunities and internal referrals that could give you an edge.
Market Saturation/Competition: For some roles, the sheer volume of applicants can make it incredibly difficult to stand out, even if you're a strong candidate.
Misalignment of Skills to Current Market Needs: While you may have the experience they're asking for, there might be a subtle disconnect between how your skills are presented and what the market currently values most in those roles.
Interviewing Skills: If you're getting phone screens but not progressing, it might indicate that your communication during those initial calls isn't effectively conveying your value or enthusiasm.
Finding Clarity: What You "Should" Actually Be Doing
This is the deeper, more impactful question. Moving beyond "what I can do" to "what makes sense for me long-term" is a critical shift. Here’s how to approach it:
Self-Reflection Deep Dive:
Identify Your Core Values: What truly matters to you in a job and workplace? Is it impact, creativity, stability, work-life balance, continuous learning, collaboration, autonomy? When your values align with your work, you'll feel more engaged.
Pinpoint Your Strengths and Enjoyment: Beyond what you can do, what do you genuinely enjoy doing? What tasks energize you? What problems do you love solving? Where do you feel most competent and effective?
Assess Your "Non-Negotiables": What are the things you absolutely need in a job (e.g., specific industry, remote work, growth opportunities, certain salary range)? What are your deal-breakers?
Consider Your Ideal Work Environment: Do you thrive in fast-paced startups or established corporations? Collaborative teams or independent work? Do you prefer a predictable routine or varied challenges?
Reflect on Past Successes and Failures: What were your most fulfilling projects or roles, and why? What experiences left you drained or unmotivated, and what can you learn from them?
Informational Interviews: This is perhaps one of the most powerful tools. Reach out to people in roles or industries that pique your interest – even if you don't think you're qualified yet. Ask them about their day-to-day, what they enjoy, what challenges they face, what skills are critical, and how they got where they are. This helps you explore possibilities without the pressure of an application. LinkedIn is excellent for this.
Skill Gap Analysis: Once you have a clearer idea of potential paths, research the skills required. Compare them to your existing skillset. Are there any significant gaps? This isn't about being perfectly qualified right now, but identifying areas for development (e.g., online courses, certifications, volunteer work, side projects).
Experimentation (Small Scale): If you're considering a pivot, can you test the waters without committing fully? This could mean:
Volunteering for a project that uses different skills.
Taking a short online course in a new area.
Freelancing on a small project that aligns with a potential new direction.
Attending industry meetups or webinars in new fields.
Talk to a Career Counselor/Coach: A professional can provide objective insights, help you identify blind spots, and guide you through structured exercises to clarify your direction.
Pivoting or Finding Clarity: Stories from Others
Many people have faced similar situations and found success by changing their approach:
The Accidental Pivot: Someone might be applying for marketing roles, getting nowhere, then realize through self-reflection and informational interviews that their true passion and aptitude lie in data analysis, leading to a successful career change.
The "Reframer": Others don't necessarily pivot industries but reframe their existing skills to fit a different type of role within the same or similar field. For example, a project manager might realize they excel at process improvement and transition into an operations specialist role.
The "Networker": Many find clarity and opportunities by aggressively networking, learning about roles they never knew existed, and getting introduced to decision-makers who can see their potential beyond a resume.
Next Steps for You
Stop "Spinning Your Wheels" on quantity applications. Take a temporary pause from mass applying.
Dedicate specific time to the self-reflection exercises outlined above. Write down your answers.
Identify 2-3 potential "new" directions or types of roles that resonate with your findings.
Start scheduling informational interviews. Aim for at least 3-5 in the next few weeks.
Review your current resume and cover letter with an ATS optimizer in mind. Look for keywords you might be missing.
Consider getting external feedback on your resume and interview skills. A fresh pair of eyes can spot issues you're missing.
It's completely normal to feel lost in the job hunt, but this can also be an opportunity for significant growth and finding a career path that truly excites you. What's one small step you can take today to start this process of self-discovery?