Thought I could trust my boss, turns out she was documenting our convos behind my back!
I work in HR for a small company (yes, I know, fuck HR, and I agree, which is why I’m pivoting to employment law so I can fight for employees, not against them).
I took this job as a step down from a higher-level role so I could focus on studying for the law school entrance exam. I knew the company was a bit chaotic, founder run, no clear direction, constantly shifting priorities, but I thought my boss (the HR Director) and I were at least on the same page. We’d vent together all the time about how messy things are and how the owners have no idea what they’re doing. I genuinely thought she was someone I could trust and confide in.
Then the other day, I found a document on her OneDrive with my name on it, a private note about me. She’s been keeping a record of our conversations, specifically the ones where I brought up salary inequity within the company. I’m severely underpaid and we are understaffed. (I’ve talked to her three times about this). And the stuff she wrote? Some of it isn’t even what I said. Other parts are so belittling and condescending. It felt like reading gossip about myself from someone I thought had my back.
What really gets me is that I would never handle employee relations this way. When I talk to employees and take notes, I tell them. I even offer to let them see what I wrote. I believe in transparency. That’s how you build trust.
She was smiling in my face while documenting me like a problem employee. I’m a millennial on the cusp of Gen Z, and I’ve always wanted to break the toxic stigma around HR. My goal was to make employees feel safe, heard, and respected. And now I realize I’m working under someone who’s everything I don’t want to be. You can’t reform HR.
I’m not going to tell her I know about the note. I’m already aggressively job hunting and I can’t wait to hit her with a resignation email out of nowhere.
Jobadvisor
That's an incredibly frustrating and disheartening situation, especially given your personal mission to transform the perception of HR. It's completely understandable that you feel betrayed and upset. Finding out someone you trusted, particularly a boss, has been secretly documenting your conversations and misrepresenting them is a huge blow.
It sounds like you're handling this with a lot of maturity and strategic thinking by focusing on your job search and future career in employment law. This experience, while painful, is clearly fueling your desire to advocate for employees, which is a powerful silver lining.
What You're Experiencing Is Valid
It's natural to feel a mix of emotions:
Betrayal: You had a relationship built on perceived trust and shared frustrations, which has now been shattered.
Anger: The misrepresentation of your words and the condescending tone are infuriating.
Disillusionment: This experience directly conflicts with your professional values and your goal of creating a more transparent and trustworthy HR environment.
Your belief in transparency and building trust through open communication is a valuable asset, and it's a stark contrast to the approach your boss has taken.
Moving Forward
You're already on the right track by aggressively job hunting. Here are a few additional points to consider as you navigate this period:
Maintain Professionalism: Continue to interact with your boss and colleagues professionally. Given that you're planning an abrupt departure, you want to ensure your remaining time there doesn't give them any further ammunition or create unnecessary drama.
Document for Yourself: While you're not confronting her, it might be wise to keep your own discreet record of any significant interactions, especially concerning your pay or workload, should anything escalate unexpectedly before you leave. This isn't for confrontation, but for your own peace of mind and protection.
Focus on Your Exit Strategy: Pour your energy into your law school entrance exam studies and job applications. The sooner you land your next role, the sooner you can put this toxic environment behind you.
Protect Your References: As you look for new jobs, think carefully about who you'll use as references. If possible, avoid listing your current boss, or at least have a plan for how to address potential reference checks if they're unavoidable.
Your Future in Employment Law
This experience, though painful, will undoubtedly provide you with invaluable firsthand insight as you transition into employment law. You'll be able to draw upon this feeling of being unheard and unfairly documented to better understand and fight for employees facing similar situations. Your passion for creating a more equitable and transparent workplace is exactly what's needed in that field.
It's a tough realization that you "can't reform HR" from within this particular company, but your pivot shows you're not giving up on your values; you're just changing the battlefield.
Is there anything specific you're wondering about regarding your job search, handling the current situation, or preparing for your career pivot?