The thought of job searching is making me so depressed, that I can't do it anymore. How do I get back up?
I've been at this for 18 months after being laid off and moving back home. But everytime I see an opening and application, I just can't bring myself to fill them out. I feel overwhelmed and defeated. I have not landed anything from a warehouse clerk to a content writing gig that I want. I have seven years of professional industry experience for the job I went to college for. When I was laid off 2 years ago, I waited at most a month and a half. After 750 applications, this feels like it'll go on for 2 years now with nothing.
I just freeze up and get depressed. I let these applications pass by because the process feels draining, more jobs are asking for more comprehensive data all at once. And I feel like since I'm being passed up for jobs I'm qualified or even overqualified to do, and that makes me even sadder. It really has taken a toll on me. I just want to finally get back out there working, make a living, and get my life back on track, but I just can't do this anymore. Anyone got any tips to help me out? I'm all ears. Thank you.
Jobadvisor
It's completely understandable to feel overwhelmed, defeated, and depressed after 18 months of job searching, especially when you have seven years of professional experience and aren't even getting bites for roles you're overqualified for. What you're experiencing is a common and valid reaction to a prolonged and challenging situation. It takes immense resilience to keep going, and it sounds like you've reached a point where you need to change your approach to protect your mental well-being.
Let's break down some strategies to help you get back on your feet and regain momentum.
Acknowledge and Address Your Feelings
Before diving back into applications, it's crucial to address the emotional toll this process has taken.
Validate Your Experience: What you're feeling is real and justified. It's okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, and exhausted. Don't try to push these feelings away; acknowledge them.
Prioritize Mental Health: Consider taking a short break from active job searching. Even a few days can help you reset. During this time, focus on activities that bring you joy or peace, no matter how small. This could be exercise, spending time in nature, pursuing a hobby, or connecting with loved ones.
Seek Support: You don't have to go through this alone. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist. A professional can provide coping strategies and help you navigate these difficult emotions. Many therapists offer virtual sessions, making it accessible from home.
1
Re-evaluate Your Job Search Strategy
Eighteen months and 750 applications indicate that something isn't working, and it's likely not your fault. The job market has shifted, and the application process has become more demanding.
Targeted Applications Over Volume: Instead of applying to everything, focus on quality over quantity. Research companies and roles that genuinely excite you and align with your skills and experience. When you apply, tailor your resume and cover letter specifically for each position. Generic applications often get lost in the shuffle.
Optimize for Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS): Many companies use ATS to filter resumes.
2 Ensure your resume contains keywords from the job description. Use standard formatting and avoid graphics or complex layouts that ATS might struggle with. You can use online tools to check your resume's ATS compatibility.Network, Network, Network: This is often the most effective way to find a job.
Reach Out to Your Connections: Inform former colleagues, managers, and professional contacts that you're looking for a new role. They might know of openings that aren't publicly advertised or can offer referrals.
LinkedIn is Your Friend: Update your profile, connect with people in your target industry and companies, and engage with relevant content. Join industry-specific groups.
Informational Interviews: Reach out to people in roles you aspire to and ask for 15-20 minutes of their time to learn about their career path and company. This isn't about asking for a job directly but building connections and gaining insights. These conversations can often lead to referrals.
Consider a Different Angle: You mentioned being overqualified for some roles. Could you be targeting positions that are a slight step up or lateral move where your experience is seen as an asset, not a reason to pass you over? Perhaps explore roles that leverage your core skills in a slightly different capacity within your industry.
Freelancing or Contract Work: While you're looking for a full-time role, consider taking on some freelance or contract gigs. This can help you:
Generate Income: Even a little bit can ease financial stress and improve your morale.
Stay Active: It keeps your skills sharp and shows prospective employers you're actively working.
Expand Your Network: Freelance clients can sometimes lead to full-time opportunities or referrals.
3 Look at platforms like Upwork, Fiverr, or industry-specific freelance boards.
Break Down the Process
The thought of an entire application can be daunting. Break it into smaller, manageable steps.
One Step at a Time: Don't think about "completing an application." Instead, think: "Today, I will update my resume for this specific job." Tomorrow: "I will write the first paragraph of the cover letter."
Set Small, Achievable Goals: Instead of "Apply to 10 jobs today," try: "Research 2 companies," "Tailor my resume for one job," or "Send one networking message."
Batch Similar Tasks: Dedicate specific times to resume updates, cover letter writing, or networking outreach. This helps maintain focus.
Reward Yourself: After completing a small goal, give yourself a small, non-job-related reward. This could be watching an episode of your favorite show, going for a walk, or enjoying a treat.
Reframe Your Perspective
It's easy to internalize rejection, but it's important to remember that it's rarely personal.
It's Not You, It's the Process (Often): Companies receive hundreds, sometimes thousands, of applications for a single role. Many rejections are due to automated filters, internal candidates, or subtle fit issues that have nothing to do with your qualifications.
Your Value is Not Defined by Your Job Search: Your worth as an individual and professional is not diminished by the current challenges in finding a job. You have seven years of valuable experience and skills.
Learn from Every "No": If you're getting interviews but no offers, ask for feedback (though it's rarely provided). If you're not getting interviews, your resume or cover letter might need tweaking, or your strategy needs adjustment.
Practical Next Steps
Take a Short Break: Seriously, step away for a few days to recharge.
Review Your Resume and LinkedIn Profile: Get objective eyes on them. Ask a trusted friend, former colleague, or a career coach to review them for impact and ATS compatibility.
Identify 2-3 Companies You'd Love to Work For: Start researching them deeply, identifying roles that genuinely fit your expertise and interest.
Connect with 5 People on LinkedIn: Start with former colleagues or people in your desired field. Send a personalized message.
Set a Realistic Weekly Goal: Maybe it's two highly tailored applications or five networking messages. Whatever feels manageable right now.
Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Be kind to yourself, celebrate small victories, and don't be afraid to ask for help. You've been through a lot, and it's okay to need a different approach to get back on track.
What feels like the most overwhelming part of the application process right now? Identifying that might help us pinpoint a starting point.
How to Stop Being Taken Advantaged of in the Workplace?
After being overworked, underpaid, picked on, singled out, undervalued, denied a raise because “money is tight”, and disrespected I decided enough is enough and I quit my job. Even though I was a high performer and I always got told they “appreciate me and that I exceed expectations”, that never translated to growth and a raise.
Well less than 24 hours later after quitting I see my position posted with a salary range that is 25% MORE THAN WHAT THEY WERE PAYING ME. And the requirements and job duties are less than what they had me doing so basically this person is getting paid MORE to do LESS than what I was doing and has LESS qualification requirements to meet.
I am pissed that they tried to gaslight me and make me feel like they valued me but just couldn’t pay me my worth because they obviously could but was taking advantage. The disrespect is real and I’m glad I quit and wish I quit sooner.
My gut told me that I was being played and I should leave several months ago but I stayed because I thought I was overthinking or just needed to work harder to prove my worth. But that was obviously bullshit. How to not be in this situation again? How do I get better aligned with my gut so I leave as soon as I pick up on disrespect and stop invalidating myself?
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you went through an incredibly frustrating and disrespectful experience, and it's completely understandable that you're angry. Realizing you were undervalued and manipulated like that is a tough pill to swallow, but quitting was a powerful step. You should be proud of yourself for trusting your gut when it mattered most, even if it took some time.
It's a common experience to second-guess yourself, especially when you're being gaslighted. Here's how you can develop a stronger sense of self-worth and ensure you don't find yourself in a similar situation again:
Recognize the Warning Signs
The first step is to become attuned to the red flags. You mentioned your gut was telling you something was off, and that's a crucial starting point. Here are some common warning signs that you might be undervalued or taken advantage of in the workplace:
Vague praise without tangible rewards: "We appreciate you," "You exceed expectations," or "You're so valuable to the team" are hollow compliments if they never translate into raises, promotions, or increased responsibilities that align with your growth.
Constant overwork with no end in sight: Regularly working long hours, taking on tasks outside your job description, and feeling perpetually exhausted are signs of an unsustainable workload.
1 Salary stagnation: If your responsibilities are increasing but your pay isn't, or if you find out new hires are making more for similar or less work, that's a major red flag.
Lack of transparency around compensation: If your company is cagey about salary bands or avoids discussions about raises, they might be hiding something.
Being singled out for difficult tasks without proper recognition: While it's good to be seen as capable, consistently being given the "dirty work" without commensurate rewards can be a sign of exploitation.
Dismissal of your concerns: When you bring up issues about workload, pay, or unfair treatment and your concerns are minimized, ignored, or even turned back on you, it's a form of gaslighting.
2 High turnover in your department or the company: If many people are leaving, especially high performers, it often points to systemic issues.
Your gut feeling: This is perhaps the most important. If something feels off, it usually is. Pay attention to that unease, anxiety, or sense of dread before work.
Strengthen Your Self-Worth and Trust Your Instincts
You know you're a high performer, and your previous employer's actions only confirmed your value. The key now is to internalize that value and act on it.
Document everything: Keep a running log of your accomplishments, positive feedback, and any instances where you feel undervalued or disrespected. This creates an objective record you can refer to when self-doubt creeps in.
Network strategically: Connect with people in your industry who are in similar roles or at companies you admire. Understand what fair compensation and reasonable workloads look like elsewhere. This gives you external benchmarks to counter internal gaslighting.
Practice self-compassion: It's easy to beat yourself up for "not seeing it sooner," but that's unproductive. Acknowledge that you were in a difficult situation and that you did the best you could with the information you had.
Set clear boundaries: Before you even start a new job, be clear about your expectations regarding workload, hours, and compensation. During the interview process, ask direct questions about work-life balance, opportunities for growth, and salary review processes.
Negotiate fiercely: In future job offers, negotiate your salary and benefits. Don't be afraid to ask for more. Companies often have wiggle room, and if they truly value you, they'll demonstrate it financially.
Listen to your body: Your gut feeling often manifests physically – tension, anxiety, fatigue.
3 When you feel these sensations in a work context, pause and ask yourself what they're trying to tell you.Journal your feelings: When you feel that internal nudge that something isn't right, write it down. Explore what specifically feels off and why. This can help you separate real concerns from irrational fears.
Have an exit strategy: Always be prepared to leave. This doesn't mean you're constantly looking for a new job, but having an updated resume, relevant skills, and a financial cushion gives you the freedom and power to walk away from toxic situations.
Don't invalidate your experience: When you feel disrespected, acknowledge that feeling. Don't try to rationalize it away or tell yourself you're "overthinking." Your feelings are valid, and they are often accurate indicators of your reality.
Moving Forward
You've already taken the most important step by leaving a harmful environment. This experience, while painful, can be a powerful catalyst for change. Use it to refine your understanding of what you deserve and what you won't tolerate. Your instincts were right, and the next step is to empower them to guide your decisions more quickly and confidently.
How do you plan to approach your next job search differently, now that you have this crucial insight?
My boss makes me feel bad for wanting a life outside work like is this normal??
Been at my current job for 3 years and they love the whole family thing while expecting 50+ hour weeks. Finally starting to set boundaries and honestly I started feeling guilty af about it. Like leaving at 5pm feels rebellious even though that's literally normal. Part of me knows I deserve better but the people-pleaser in me feels bad for not being available 24/7. Maybe it's time to find somewhere that actually respects boundaries idk like the family rhetoric hits different when you realize families don't usually expect you to sacrifice your mental health for their bottom line 💀
Like why do I feel bad for wanting to spend some personal time? Is this just corporate gaslighting or am I being dramatic because rn I'm questioning if wanting a life outside work makes me a bad employee and that seems... not right?
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you're in a really tough spot, and it's completely understandable why you're feeling this way. To answer your question directly: No, what you're experiencing is not normal or healthy, and you are absolutely not being dramatic.
The Unrealistic Expectation of Constant Availability
Your feelings of guilt for wanting a life outside of work are a clear sign that your workplace culture has skewed your perception of what's reasonable. This expectation of 50+ hour weeks and being available 24/7, coupled with the "family" rhetoric, is a common tactic used by some companies to extract more from their employees.
Here's why you feel bad and why it's not okay:
"Corporate Gaslighting": You hit the nail on the head. When a company creates an environment where personal time is seen as "rebellious" or where you feel guilty for not sacrificing your well-being, it's a form of manipulation. They are subtly (or not so subtly) making you question your own valid needs and making you believe that their excessive demands are the norm or even a sign of your dedication.
The "Family" Illusion: As you wisely pointed out, real families don't usually expect you to sacrifice your mental health for their bottom line. When a workplace uses "family" language, it often blurs professional boundaries, making it harder for employees to say no to unreasonable demands.
1 It creates a false sense of loyalty that can be emotionally draining.People-Pleasing Tendencies: Your natural inclination to be a people-pleaser is being exploited here. Companies that demand excessive hours often thrive on employees who find it difficult to set boundaries. Your guilt is a direct result of an ingrained desire to meet expectations, even when those expectations are detrimental to you.
Impact on Mental Health: Constantly feeling guilty, overworked, and like you're failing to meet impossible standards takes a massive toll on your mental health. This kind of environment leads to burnout, stress, and a diminished sense of self-worth outside of your job performance.
You Deserve Better
Wanting to spend personal time, pursue hobbies, be with loved ones, or simply rest does not make you a bad employee. In fact, employees who have a good work-life balance are often more productive, creative, and engaged during their working hours.
It's clear that your current workplace doesn't respect healthy boundaries. It might indeed be time to consider whether this is the right place for you long-term. Finding a workplace that genuinely values its employees' well-being and encourages a healthy work-life balance is crucial for your long-term happiness and professional growth.
Don't let their unhealthy culture make you question your fundamental right to a life outside of work. Your feelings are valid, and your desire for balance is healthy.