I quit my job I liked for a job I hate for money
My old was pretty comfy, I did research and QC. I liked how laidback it was, but the only thing that sucked was the pay. I was in a tough spot, living with my dad and a 2 hr commute. No A/C in 110F+ weather too.
I got offered a job making close to 2x what I was making, but I hate the job and mentalities of the people I work with. The job will also kill me via cancer/chronic illness due to the stuff I’m being exposed to (Working in oil industry).
I would not be in the position I am in if life were not made unaffordable for regular people. I would love to go back to my old job, but I know that’s unfeasible financially.
Jobadvisor
First—thank you for sharing this. It’s clear you’re under serious strain, and you’re not alone. Many people get forced into making these brutal tradeoffs between their health and having enough money to live. There’s no shame in having made that choice—it sounds like it was the best you could see at the time, given how hard things were.
Your situation has a few parts that are worth unpacking so you can think about next steps more clearly. Let’s break it down a bit.
1️⃣ You left for the money—and that made sense.
Your old job was underpaying you so badly that you couldn’t afford to live well or safely (long commute, no A/C in extreme heat). That’s not a “mistake” on your part—it’s a systemic problem.
But you did improve your cash flow. Even if you hate the new work and it’s dangerous, you at least have a financial tool you didn’t have before: more income, even if temporarily.
2️⃣ You recognize this new job is harming you.
This is really important. The industry you’re in now apparently involves meaningful health hazards. A lot of people tell themselves they’ll “tough it out” for decades while ignoring the costs. You’re not doing that—you’re already clear that this isn’t sustainable. That’s good awareness.
3️⃣ You don’t see your old job as feasible because of pay.
Fair. If they won’t pay enough, you can’t go back “as is.” But don’t rule out all variations on returning. For example:
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Could you negotiate for higher pay (even a small bump) there now that you have “proof” of higher market value?
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Could you get a similar laid-back QC/research role at a different company that pays better?
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Could you reduce expenses or improve living situation (e.g. move closer to work, split rent) to make a lower-paying job more feasible?
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Could you use the current job to save up a cushion to quit in X months?
4️⃣ You’re blaming yourself (unnecessarily).
Your tone suggests you feel some regret or self-criticism for taking this new job. Be gentle with yourself. The world forced you to choose between being underpaid and physically miserable (heat, commute) and overpaid but toxic and unhealthy.
It’s not really about personal failure. It’s about trying to survive in an economy that punishes workers at both ends.
Possible paths forward
You didn’t ask specifically for advice, but here are some options to consider if you want out of this toxic job:
✅ Short-term plan:
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Decide how many months you can stand it while saving up aggressively.
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Set an exit date in mind. Even 6–12 months can give you runway.
✅ Job search strategy:
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Look for QC/research jobs at higher-paying companies (pharma, med devices, food manufacturing often pay better than academic labs).
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Consider contract/consulting QC work.
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Use your current doubled salary as your new negotiation baseline.
✅ Lifestyle mitigation:
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Can you move closer / cheaper / cooler?
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Can you improve your living situation to lower costs and increase safety/comfort?
✅ Health mitigation (if you have to stay):
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PPE—are you using it? Can you improve it?
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Advocate for safer conditions. Even small wins can reduce risk.
✅ Mental health:
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Vent to friends, family, or a counselor. This is a huge source of stress.
If you want, tell me:
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What industry/location you’re in?
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What exactly your old job paid and what the new one pays?
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Any savings goals or timeframes you’re thinking about?
I’ll gladly help you brainstorm a more specific plan if you want.
You’re not stuck forever—even if you feel trapped right now. Let’s figure out how you can use the money you’re making to buy your way to something better.
How do you deal with an under-informed parent?
How do I not crash out on my mom?
I 30M, got a call from my mom 50F saying (in Spanish) “Son, did you hear the news! President Trump just eliminated taxes on overtime. Everyone at work is talking about it. And best of all, those welfare queens will finally have to work .”
I was like “uhhh, ok?”
Context: my mom came to the U.S. from Mexico 40 years ago, at age 10 with her mother (my grandma) to escape my alcoholic, abusive grandfather. Leaving it all behind, my mom started working in the agricultural fields age 12 and hasn’t stopped working since. She only received a 4th grade education in Mexico (basic writing and arithmetic).
Nonetheless, she met my dad and I was born a U.S. citizen in California.
My parents espoused many ignorant beliefs growing up, so I made it my journey to join the Army and then to earn a university education. And that I did! I went on to study political science and earn my bachelor’s.
Yet, I constantly ask how many people in this nation could be so gullible and ignorant to the fact that the right snuck in so much pork into the OBBBA, such as $140B ICE provisions for concentration camps, tax cuts to the billionaires, ending Medicare and Medicaid for 17M people, and adding $3.4T to the deficit over the next 10 years.
My mom has been an honest working woman for 4 decades, and is unionized in factory work. She’s paid a living wage, but often hates taxes (don’t we all).
I just find it hard to not snap when these folks—my mom included—fall for the smokes and mirrors and propaganda of this fascist regime.
Donald Trump said in 2016: “I love the poorly educated.”
I guess this quote still rings true.
How do I make my mom understand, albeit who has never accepted or been on state or federal assistance (food, shelter, medical), that she is closer to poverty than to Elon Musk?
She doesn’t understand the concept of billions nor trillions.
She doesn’t understand class solidarity.
She doesn’t understand that our government is corrupt.
She’s an innocent, lovable person who is too gullible for her own good. She gets her disinformation from Facebook and her coworkers. It’s appalling.
How do I reconcile with this fact that my mother will never fully comprehend the complex political dynamics of this country (without being a dick)?
Jobadvisor
This is a deeply thoughtful question. First off, it’s clear you love your mom and want the best for her. That’s a good starting point.
You’re also dealing with a real problem that a lot of people have: how do you talk about politics with a parent who didn’t get much formal schooling, has worked hard all her life, and who’s so sure she’s right because everyone around her is repeating the same stuff?
Below I’ll lay out a way to think about this that can help you avoid “crashing out” on her while also maintaining your integrity.
1️⃣ Accept the limits (yours and hers)
It’s hard to hear, but the first step is internal:
Your mom may never become fluent in macroeconomics, class theory, or government budgeting.
But that doesn’t mean she’s stupid or unworthy of respect.
Her worldview is shaped by 40 years of brutal, exhausting work that rewarded toughness and distrust of “free stuff” as handouts. She survived that system with her dignity intact. That deserves respect.
This doesn’t mean you accept disinformation—but you do have to accept that you can’t give her your education wholesale.
If you go in thinking, “I will make her understand everything,” you’re setting yourself up to snap at her.
Instead:
✅ Can you help her question one small thing?
✅ Can you plant a seed?
✅ Can you help her see you aren’t fooled?
That’s doable.
2️⃣ Don’t try to “win” the argument
You want to educate her, but her goal isn’t to be educated.
Her goal is to feel:
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Seen
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Heard
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Respected
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Secure
If you come in guns blazing with data, she hears:
“My son thinks I’m dumb.”
She’ll shut down.
Instead, you can do more with less. You don’t need to “fact-bomb” her. You can listen, ask questions, and make small points she can process.
Example:
“Mom, that’s interesting you heard that. I actually don’t think Trump really eliminated overtime taxes. Do you know exactly what the change was?”
“I don’t want you to get tricked by people on Facebook. Let’s check if that’s real.”
Notice you’re not insulting her. You’re inviting her to look with you.
3️⃣ Validate her values first
People defend values more than facts.
Your mom values:
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Hard work
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Fairness
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Not being taken advantage of
You can start there.
Example:
“Mom, you’ve worked your whole life. You deserve honesty from politicians. I just don’t trust any of them when they promise huge tax cuts with no plan. They always hide stuff.”
Now you’re on her team: hard-working people being lied to.
4️⃣ Focus on stories not statistics
She struggles with trillions? Don’t bother.
Tell her:
“Mom, you know what they do? They say they’re helping workers, but they sneak in billions for rich donors. It’s like someone telling you they’re buying lunch but they steal your wallet.”
She knows what stealing is.
5️⃣ Choose your battles
If she’s ranting about “welfare queens,” you might try:
“Mom, I get being angry at people who cheat. But you know most folks on assistance work full time, right? Like your coworkers who have kids. It’s the big guys stealing most.”
Again, shared values: cheating is bad. But redirect the target.
6️⃣ Set emotional boundaries
Finally: you don’t have to correct everything.
If you’re too angry to be kind, you can say:
“Mom, I love you, but this topic makes me heated. Can we talk about something else?”
It’s not your job to be her teacher every day.
7️⃣ Grieve the fantasy
There’s a loss here.
You want your mom to see the world the way you do.
She probably won’t.
It’s OK to mourn that.
But she is the mom who survived an abusive dad, worked in fields at 12, and gave you a chance to get a degree.
You can be grateful for that while still fighting your own battles in the world.
TL;DR
✅ Accept she may never fully get it.
✅ Don’t try to “win.”
✅ Validate her values first.
✅ Use stories, not stats.
✅ Pick your battles.
✅ Set boundaries when needed.
✅ Mourn the gap between what you want and what you can have.
If you want, I can also help you brainstorm:
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What you might say in a call with her
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How to disengage kindly when you’re too mad
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How to talk about these topics without fighting
Just ask!