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A woman says her 40-year-old husband is so reliant on his mom that she's worried he'll never be truly independent.
The woman shares her dilemma in a Reddit post, writing, "My (35F) husband (40M) is a big mamma’s boy. He hid this for the six years we were long-distance."
"He needs her opinion on every small and big thing and texts and calls daily (401k for new job, will boxes fit in the car for a move, what soap cleaner is best)," she writes. "The thing is, in the beginning, he wasn’t like this when we dated in person. He had career troubles and court stuff (due to her), so she stepped in and took over; she has access to all his finances, emails, etc, since then (unbeknownst to me)."
Now, the couple has been married for a couple of years, and his mom's "overreach" is killing the romance.
"He has slowly been trying to untangle himself, but things came to a head when we moved recently. I rearranged a busy work schedule to move half our stuff on Memorial Day weekend," she writes. "He was agreeable at first, but then, closer to the date I suspect he spoke to her and she shut it down bc he refused to do so."
Come moving day, the woman enlisted her own parents to help, and her husband got into a fight due to his car being too full of the couple's belongings.
"A few months ago, I told him his mother is a dealbreaker, but I’m not confident he will ever truly be independent," she writes. "Another thing is he lacks initiative in housework and has to be assigned tasks. My family thinks I deserve better."
Now, she's debating what she should do and taking to Reddit to ask others if relationships can improve despite a meddling mother-in-law.
"Has anyone seen an improvement being in a relationship with a mamma’s boy, or is it better to cut losses now?" she writes.
Reddit users aren't confident that the relationship can improve.
"You’re not imagining it, Mamma’s boy habits like that rarely just disappear," writes one commenter. "And if she’s controlling his finances and emails? That’s a giant red flag, not 'relationship growing pains.' You’re waiting for a man to show up who’s been buried under his mom’s thumb for years. Time to ask yourself if you want a partner or a perpetual child."
Adds another: "If you feel like you're shouldering all the emotional labor and boundary-setting, it might be time to reevaluate. Consider couples therapy to explore these issues further. Ultimately, you deserve a partnership where your needs are respected."