Why are we expected to “find our passion” at 18, but punished if we want to change paths at 28?

At 18, you're asked to pick a career path when you barely know yourself. You choose a major, invest years, maybe even go into debt. But when you realize at 28 that it's not for you and want to start over, the world looks at you like you're irresponsible.

Why do we normalize career pivots for billionaires and celebrities but shame everyday people for wanting the same?

I’m curious—have any of you switched careers later and felt judged or discouraged? And for those who stuck to one path—do you ever wonder what else you could’ve done if “stability” wasn’t the goal?

Jobadvisor

You've hit on a really common and frustrating societal paradox! It's true that there's a strong expectation for young adults to make definitive career choices early on, while later career changes can be met with skepticism or even judgment. Let's break down some of the reasons behind this, and then address your personal questions.

Why the Discrepancy?

1. Historical and Industrial Legacy:

   • Industrial Revolution Mindset: Historically, many career paths were tied to the industrial model, where people entered a trade or profession and stayed there for life. This created a societal expectation of linearity and specialization.
   • Education System Alignment: Education systems are often structured to funnel students into specific disciplines that lead to particular careers, reinforcing the idea of a direct, one-way path.

2. Economic and Risk Aversion:

   • Investment in Education: As you mentioned, higher education involves significant time and financial investment. From a societal and individual perspective, there's a desire to see a "return" on that investment, making a pivot seem like a waste or a financial misstep.
   • Employer Expectations: Many employers traditionally value consistent career progression and specialized experience. A history of job hopping or significant career changes can sometimes be viewed as a lack of commitment or focus, though this is slowly evolving.
   • Economic Stability: Society often values stability and predictability. A mid-career change can be perceived as inherently less stable, potentially leading to a period of lower income or uncertainty.

3. Psychological and Social Factors:

   • Fear of the Unknown: For individuals, changing careers can be daunting. For those observing, it might trigger anxieties about their own choices or the perceived "correctness" of their paths.
   • "Sunk Cost Fallacy": People, both individuals and society, often struggle to let go of something they've invested heavily in, even if it's no longer serving them. The idea of starting over can feel like admitting failure.
   • Defining Identity Through Work: For many, their career becomes a significant part of their identity. Changing that can feel like losing a part of oneself, and others might project their own anxieties about identity onto someone who makes a big shift.
   • Perceived "Maturity" and "Responsibility": At 18, it's expected that you're still figuring things out. By 28 (or later), there's a societal expectation of having "settled down" and made "responsible" adult decisions. A career change might be seen as a sign of immaturity or irresponsibility, even if it's a deeply considered and positive step.

4. The "Billionaire/Celebrity" Exception:

   • Narrative Appeal: When a celebrity or billionaire makes a career pivot, it's often framed as a testament to their genius, creativity, or ability to "follow their dreams" because they have the financial safety net and public platform to do so. It becomes an aspirational narrative.
   • Financial Freedom: They often have the financial resources to absorb the risks and costs associated with a career change, which mitigates many of the concerns that apply to everyday individuals.
   • "Rules Don't Apply": There's a subtle belief that the "rules" of traditional career progression don't apply to those who are exceptionally wealthy or famous.

Personal Experiences with Career Pivots

Yes, many people have switched careers later and felt judged or discouraged. Common experiences include:

• Family and Friends' Skepticism: Well-meaning loved ones might express concerns about financial stability, "wasting" previous education, or the perceived risk.
• Difficulty in Job Searching: Translating skills and experience from one field to another can be challenging, and some employers may be hesitant to hire someone without direct experience in the new field.
• Internal Doubt: Even with a strong desire to change, the societal pressure can lead to self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and questioning whether the pivot is truly the right choice.
• Financial Strain: Often, a career change might involve a temporary pay cut, going back to school, or unpaid internships, which can be a significant hurdle.

For Those Who Stuck to One Path

It's also common for those who have followed a more traditional, linear career path to wonder "what if."

• Curiosity About Untaken Paths: They might reflect on earlier interests or talents that were set aside for a "stable" career.
• Mid-Career Crises: Even stable careers can lead to burnout, disillusionment, or a feeling of stagnation, prompting a re-evaluation of priorities.
• Regret for Missed Opportunities: Some might quietly regret not exploring different passions or taking more risks when they were younger or had fewer responsibilities.
• Envy of Those Who Pivoted: They might admire friends or acquaintances who successfully changed careers, even if they wouldn't choose to do it themselves due to perceived risks.

Conclusion

Your observation highlights a fundamental tension in modern society: the desire for individuals to find fulfilling work versus the deeply ingrained systems that reward linearity and stability. The good news is that the world is slowly changing. The concept of a "portfolio career" or "squiggly career" is gaining more acceptance, and skills are increasingly seen as transferable across industries. While the judgment hasn't disappeared entirely, there's a growing recognition that career paths are rarely linear, and personal fulfillment often outweighs the traditional notion of "stability."

Second day here, Brian melted, what do I do?

27M I graduated from school a little over a year ago with a comp sci degree. I applied to hundreds of jobs and had interviews that went nowhere, finally landed a job and my second day here im just very stressed out and feeling immensely hopeless.

It’s a 4 day in office 1 day home work policy. Large insurance company so the work itself is incredibly tedious and boring, my training is not at all structured, I’m basically told here’s a handbook and a guide some videos read through it it might be useful, my entire time is spent currently just watching and doing these things and meetings where I don’t understand a word of what’s being said, responding to a few emails. I commute 1 and a half hours each way. The last two days I’ve basically gotten up at 5 am showered gotten ready and headed straight to work, come back home and I basically passed out. I’m sat in a cubicle watching and listening to mind numbingly tedious things that don’t connect in my head at all it literally feels like I’m just staring at my screen and that’s it.

My issues with this place are basically my long commute, the incredibly tedious nature of the work and just the droll of being in a cubicle in a corporate building the entire day, I feel incredibly robotic, I get in my car to go home and I literally feel like I’ve lost my voice but I don’t even talk much. My coworkers and even my boss are extremely nice and laid back but I feel just trapped in the setting. I was told that eventually after a few months I could be put on a 3 day remote 2 day in office work schedule which sounds much much better but after 2 days I literally can’t even think about getting through the rest of this week.

No clue what to do, the career seems like a dead end, tons of horror stories of people in it working for 15 years 20 years and never making close to what they should be making (my coworkers as an example) the work itself and the environment are just dead inside, but the people are nice which is a plus, the few 1-5 minute conversations about sports get me through the next hour of work. My fear is that even if I just stick it out and don’t quit I’ll be fired because my head is just nowhere near where it needs to be when I’m in there. My brain literally feels melted when someone talks to me.

I want to get through a few months there just to have the experience but I can’t even stomach finishing this week out. Even if I got a position that pays more I don’t think I could genuinly do it between the commute, the office setting and the mind numbingly tedious work I just don’t see a positive other than it’s a job and It pays money.

Jobadvisor

It sounds like you're in a really tough spot right now, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling this way. What you're describing – the long commute, the tedious work, the unstructured training, and the feeling of being trapped – would be incredibly draining for anyone, especially in a new job after a long search. It's only your second day, and it's normal to feel overwhelmed and discouraged when facing such a drastic change and challenging environment.

Let's break down some things you can consider and do:

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings: It's crucial to understand that your feelings are valid. You've put in a lot of effort to land this job, and the reality of it is far from what you might have hoped for. The "melted brain" feeling is a sign of intense stress and mental fatigue. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way.

2. Give Yourself a Bit More Time (If You Can): While you're feeling absolutely miserable, it's worth considering if you can push through for a little longer. Here's why: * New Job Adjustment Period: The first few weeks of any job are often overwhelming. There's a steep learning curve, new processes, new people, and often a feeling of not knowing what you're doing. This is magnified when the training is unstructured. * The 3-Day Remote Promise: This is a significant factor. If you can get to that point, it could drastically improve your quality of life. The commute alone is a huge drain. Try to get more clarity on when this might be an option and what the requirements are to qualify. * Experience on Your Resume: Even a few months of experience is better than nothing, especially after a year of job searching. It shows you landed a job, and it gives you something to talk about in future interviews besides just your degree.

3. Address the Immediate Challenges:

• The Training:

  • Ask Specific Questions: Instead of just staring at the screen, try to formulate specific questions, even if they seem basic. "Can you explain X concept in the handbook in simpler terms?" or "When would I use Y process that's described in the video?"
  • Ask for a "Buddy" or Mentor: If possible, see if there's someone more senior who could be a go-to person for quick questions.
  • Take Notes: Even if you don't understand, write down terms, names, and processes. You can look them up later or ask about them.
  • Break It Down: Don't try to absorb everything at once. Focus on understanding one small piece at a time.

• The Commute:

  • Optimize Your Time: Can you listen to podcasts, audiobooks, or educational content related to your field? Can you use the time to decompress with music?
  • Explore Alternatives (Long-Term): Could you potentially relocate closer if you decide to stay long-term? This is a big decision, but worth considering for your mental health.

• The Tedious Work:

  • Look for the "Why": Even in tedious work, there's usually a purpose. Try to understand how your small, boring task fits into the larger company goals. This can sometimes make it feel less meaningless.
  • Find Small Victories: Celebrate completing a section of training, understanding a new concept, or successfully sending an email.

4. Protect Your Energy and Well-being:

• Prioritize Sleep: You mentioned passing out when you get home. Ensure you're getting enough restorative sleep. This is crucial for managing stress and cognitive function.
• Nutrition and Hydration: Make sure you're eating well and staying hydrated.
• Breaks: Take your allotted breaks. Step away from your desk, even if it's just to walk around the office or get some fresh air outside.
• Lunch: Don't eat at your desk every day. Try to connect with your nice coworkers during lunch. Even small conversations can break up the monotony.
• Set Boundaries: When you're home, try to disconnect from work. Avoid checking emails or thinking about work constantly.
• Physical Activity: Even a short walk when you get home can help clear your head and reduce stress.

5. Long-Term Strategy and Career Path:

• Research Other Roles/Industries: While you're in this job, use some of your "downtime" (if you have any) or commute time to research other areas of computer science that genuinely interest you. What kind of problems do you want to solve? What kind of environments do you thrive in?
• Networking (Discreetly): Connect with people on LinkedIn who are in roles you find interesting. See if you can set up informational interviews (after you've been in your current role for a bit).
• Upskill: If you find a specific area of CS you're passionate about (e.g., web development, data science, cybersecurity), start learning more about it in your free time. This can give you a sense of purpose and direction.
• Re-evaluate Your Goals: What did you envision when you got your comp sci degree? Is this job aligned with those goals at all? If not, what steps can you take to get closer?

6. What if I can't even make it a few months?

This is a real possibility, and it's okay to acknowledge that.

• Your Health Comes First: If the stress and unhappiness are severely impacting your mental and physical health, then staying might not be the right choice, regardless of the resume gap.
• Consult with Loved Ones: Talk to family or close friends about what you're going through. They can offer support and a different perspective.
• Financial Situation: How long can you afford to be unemployed if you quit? This is a crucial practical consideration.
• Plan B: Before you quit, try to have a plan. Even if it's just to intensely job hunt for a different type of role.

In summary:

It's only day two. The initial shock and overwhelming nature of a new, challenging, and unfulfilling job are hitting you hard. Try to hang in there for a little longer, focusing on the potential for the 3-day remote schedule and gaining some experience. In parallel, prioritize your well-being, try to make the current situation more manageable, and start exploring alternative career paths that might be a better fit for your skills and interests.

You're a computer science graduate, which means you have valuable skills. Don't let this one bad experience define your entire career outlook. This is a bump in the road, and you'll find a path that works for you.