I got the job…terrified. Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Hey everyone, I just got a job offer, and I thought I’d feel excited or proud but honestly I feel so scared. Like, really scared.

This is something I’ve worked so hard for a whole year. Now that it’s here, I can’t stop overthinking. What if I’m not good enough? What if I mess up? What if I end up in another situation that drains me, like before?

The thing is, I had to leave my last job due to management abuse. It genuinely left me anxious, burnt out, and honestly a little broken. And even though this new role seems better, I can’t seem to shake the fear that I’m walking into the same thing all over again and I’m missing all the signs.

I don’t think I’ll survive another abusive/toxic workplace.

Idk. I want to be excited, but I just feel heavy and nervous. Has anyone else ever felt this way after getting a job offer? How did you deal with it? Did the fear ever go away? Is there something I can do to protect myself?

Jobadvisor:

Oh, absolutely not! You are definitely not the only one who's felt this way. In fact, it's a pretty common cocktail of emotions when you finally land that job you've been striving for, especially after a tough experience like the one you described. It makes perfect sense that alongside the potential excitement, there's a big dose of apprehension and even fear.

Think of it this way: you've put in the hard work, you've overcome a challenging past experience, and now you're standing on the edge of something new and unknown. It's natural for your mind to jump to the "what ifs," especially when you've been through something that shook your confidence. Your past experience with management abuse has understandably left you feeling vulnerable and hyper-aware of potential red flags. That's a protective mechanism kicking in.

Many people experience this mix of emotions. The anticipation of the unknown, the pressure to perform, and the fear of repeating past negative experiences can all contribute to feeling overwhelmed rather than purely joyful.

Here are a few thoughts on how to navigate this and hopefully ease some of that fear:

Acknowledging and Validating Your Feelings: The first and most important step is to recognize that what you're feeling is valid. Don't try to force yourself to be purely happy if that's not how you genuinely feel right now. Allow yourself to feel the nervousness and the weight of your past experience.

Focusing on What You Know: You mentioned this new role seems better. What are the specific things that give you that impression? Did you have positive interactions during the interview process? Did anything in the job description or company culture resonate with you? Try to anchor yourself in those positive aspects.

Gathering More Information (If Possible): If you haven't already, is there an opportunity to connect with someone who already works at the company? Perhaps someone you interviewed with or a future colleague? Casual conversations can sometimes offer valuable insights into the workplace culture.

Setting Realistic Expectations: Remember that no workplace is perfect, and there will always be challenges. However, the key difference is a respectful and healthy environment versus an abusive one. Focus on identifying the core elements of a healthy workplace: clear communication, mutual respect, fair treatment, and opportunities for growth.

Developing Coping Strategies: Think about what helped you get through the previous difficult situation. What are your go-to strategies for managing anxiety and stress? Make sure you have those tools ready to use if needed. This could include mindfulness exercises, physical activity, talking to a trusted friend or therapist, or engaging in hobbies that help you relax.

Establishing Boundaries Early On: As you start the new job, be mindful of setting healthy boundaries. This includes managing your workload, communicating your needs respectfully, and not being afraid to speak up if something feels off. Your past experience has likely made you more attuned to your boundaries, so trust that instinct.

Building a Support System: Lean on your friends, family, or a therapist for support during this transition. Talking about your fears and anxieties can be incredibly helpful.

Remembering Your Resilience: You left a difficult situation and are now moving forward. That takes strength and resilience. Remind yourself of that. You have the inner resources to navigate this new chapter.

Giving It Time: It's okay if the fear doesn't vanish overnight. Allow yourself time to adjust to the new environment and build trust. As you have positive experiences and see evidence of a healthier workplace, that anxiety will likely begin to subside.

You are absolutely not alone in feeling this way. It's a testament to your strength that you're moving forward despite your past experience. Be kind to yourself, take things one step at a time, and trust your instincts. You've got this.

Sticky situation in my job search, made a big mistake at my last job

The training at this company wasn't clear, I tried to cover up a mistake by throwing away a sensitive document, then realized I had made a mistake, tried to do the honest thing by getting the document out of the container, but it was locked, told my manager, who told her manager, and then they said we couldn't access documents that were placed in this container (which I had no idea about). Was asked to resign.

I was only there for five months, which looks bad on a resume.

Question 1: Do I leave the job on my resume? Because I know companies sometimes call former employers about the dates a worker worked there. If on my resume I act like my second-to-last job was my last job, they can find out. If I put a five-month gap on there, that looks bad. If I act like I never resigned from the last job but that I'm still there, they can find out.

Question 2: In interviews, they are asking me why I'm leaving or left the last job. What should I say? Do I mention the resignation, or act like I'm still there? Do I say something vague like the company culture wasn't a good fit for me? Do I say the training wasn't good and pin the blame on them? Do I mention that my eyes were bothering me from looking at the computer screen and I'm looking for a job that isn't on the computer so much? Do I say I switched to that last job because of my wife’s work schedule, but her schedule has since changed and I’m looking to get back into the previous field I was in (chemicals)? Are they likely to call my last job and find out the truth of what happened?

Jobadvisor:

This does sound like a tough spot, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling stressed about your job search right now. Let's break down these questions and figure out the best way forward.

Question 1: Do I leave the job on my resume?

Yes, you should include the job on your resume. Here's why:

• Accuracy is key: As you pointed out, companies often verify employment dates. Discrepancies can raise red flags about your honesty.
• A five-month gap is noticeable: While a short stint isn't ideal, a noticeable gap on your resume can lead to more questions than including the job itself.
• Trying to appear still employed is risky: This is definitely not advisable. If they contact the company, the truth will come out, and it will look like you were intentionally misleading.

Here's how you can present it on your resume:

• Be factual and concise: List the company name, your job title, and the accurate start and end dates (e.g., "Company X, Role Y, January 2025 - May 2025").
• Focus on accomplishments (if any): Even in a short role, you might have contributed to a project or learned a valuable skill. If there's anything positive you can highlight, include it in a bullet point or two under that job. If not, it's okay to have just the basic information.

Question 2: In interviews, they are asking me why I'm leaving or left the last job. What should I say?

This is the more delicate part. You need to be honest without going into excessive detail or sounding negative. Here's a breakdown of your options and what I recommend:

• Don't act like you're still there: This will be easily disproven and damage your credibility.
• Avoid blaming the company or making excuses (like your eyes bothering you or your wife's schedule): These can sound unprofessional or deflect responsibility. While the training might have been unclear, focusing on that can come across as negative.
• Saying the "company culture wasn't a good fit" is vague and can be acceptable, but it doesn't address the short tenure. Interviewers might still press for more details.
• Mentioning the resignation directly is risky, as it could lead to further probing about the reason.

Here's a suggested approach for answering the "why did you leave?" question:

Focus on what you learned and what you're looking for in your next role. You can frame it in a way that acknowledges the short tenure without dwelling on the negative circumstances. Here are a couple of options, and you can adapt them to what feels most comfortable and authentic for you:

Option 1 (Focus on learning and a better fit):

"While my time at [Company Name] was shorter than anticipated, I gained valuable experience in [mention a specific skill or two]. However, I realized that the role and the overall environment weren't the best long-term fit for my career goals and how I like to work. I'm now seeking a position where [mention positive aspects you're looking for, e.g., there's more opportunity for collaboration, a clearer structure, aligns more closely with my background in chemicals]."

Option 2 (Briefly acknowledge and pivot):

"My time at [Company Name] was a learning experience. Ultimately, it became clear that it wasn't the right long-term opportunity for me, and we parted ways. I'm now very focused on finding a role where I can contribute my skills in [mention relevant skills] within a company like yours that [mention something positive you know about the company or the role]."

Regarding whether they are likely to call your last job:

Yes, it's possible they will contact your previous employer, especially if you progress further in the interview process. Many companies conduct background checks that include verifying employment dates and sometimes seeking feedback from previous managers.

Key takeaways and advice:

• Be honest but strategic: You don't need to divulge every detail of the situation, but avoid outright lies.
• Focus on the future: Frame your answers around what you've learned and what you're looking for in your next role. Emphasize your enthusiasm for the position you're interviewing for.
• Practice your answer: Rehearse how you'll respond to the "why did you leave?" question so you feel confident and prepared.
• If pressed for more details: If an interviewer probes further, you can offer a brief, neutral explanation without assigning blame. For example: "There were some unforeseen circumstances that led to my departure. However, I'm really focused on this opportunity at [New Company] and believe my skills in [relevant skills] would be a great asset."
• Learn from the experience: Reflect on what happened and how you can handle similar situations differently in the future. This shows self-awareness and growth.

This situation is definitely a challenge, but by being honest and strategic in your resume and interviews, you can navigate it effectively and focus on finding a better fit for your next role. Good luck with your job search! You've got this.

It's a sticky situation, so any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated!