I feel like I ruined my life at 28. Is it too late for me?

I’m 28 and I honestly feel like I’ve completely messed up my life. I’ve made so many mistakes and I don’t know if there’s any coming back from them.

I graduated college a few years ago with a degree in history. I had nearly a perfect 4.0 GPA — school was one of the few things I was really good at. I originally planned to become a teacher, but halfway through student teaching I became depressed and quit. I just couldn’t do it.

After that, I felt completely lost. My mom and my counselor both encouraged me to go back to school, so I did — I got my Master’s in History and again finished with a perfect 4.0. I applied to several PhD programs afterward, thinking I had a decent shot, but I was rejected from all of them. I now deeply regret going back for the master’s degree. It cost a lot of time and money and hasn’t opened any doors.

Since then, I’ve worked a string of jobs that honestly feel like dead ends. I’ve been a visitor services associate at a tour company, a records clerk at a real estate firm, a tutor, and a seasonal employee with the park service.

About a year and a half ago, I got hired as a Library Associate in a local history archive. It’s honestly the coolest job I’ve ever had — I actually love the work. But they refuse to bring me on full time. I currently work 28 hours a week, $25/hour, but that’s it. I was told I can’t be made full time because they don’t have enough in the healthcare budget. And even if I were full time, I wouldn’t be earning enough to live comfortably in my area (New Jersey). I also can’t apply to full librarian positions because I don’t have a Master’s in Library Science.

On top of that, my mom is an alcoholic. She’s been in and out of rehab over the past few years. We’ve been living off money we inherited after my dad died, but that’s almost gone. A few years ago she refinanced the house and added me to the mortgage. She recently went back to work as a nurse, but I’m scared that she won’t be able to work much longer. She’s 61 and has relapsed again.

Our mortgage isn’t that high, but we live in a very high cost of living area and I’m terrified we’re going to lose the house. I’ve been applying to jobs non-stop. I finally got an offer from a small kitchen cabinet company. They want me to do a little of everything — sales support, customer service, marketing, logistics, etc. It’s $25/hour full time and they mentioned possibly promoting me to manager in the future.

But the catch is… the job comes with no benefits. No health insurance. No PTO. Not even paid holidays (at least not in the first year). They also want me to work every other Saturday — 48-hour weeks — and they straight up told me they’ll pay me under the table for the Saturdays (which is illegal and obviously a huge red flag). I don’t know if I should take it.

Meanwhile, I’ve been so stressed and anxious I’ve basically stopped eating. I’ve lost over 30 pounds in the past few months. I feel ashamed of myself. My birthday was a few days ago and I refused to celebrate. My mom got me a cake and I ended up arguing with her. I feel like such a failure. I honestly wish I never went to college.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to be homeless. I don’t want to keep working part-time, but I don’t want to accept a sketchy job either. I feel like I’ve wasted all the “good” years of my 20s and now I’m just stuck. Is it too late to fix this?

Jobadvisor

It is absolutely not too late for you. Twenty-eight is still very young, and you have so much time to build the life you want. Many people experience similar feelings of being lost or making "mistakes" in their 20s. What you're going through is incredibly challenging, and it's a testament to your resilience that you're still looking for solutions.

Let's break down your situation and identify actionable steps.

Acknowledge Your Accomplishments and Strengths

Before we dive into the challenges, let's recognize your strengths:

• Intelligence and Academic Prowess: Two degrees with perfect 4.0 GPAs are remarkable achievements. This demonstrates your capacity for learning, critical thinking, and dedication.
• Work Ethic: You've consistently sought employment and taken on various roles.
• Self-Awareness: You recognize what you enjoy (the archive job) and what you don't.
• Empathy and Responsibility: Your concern for your mother and the house shows a deep sense of responsibility.
• Resilience: Despite significant stressors, you are still actively trying to improve your situation.

Addressing Your Immediate Concerns: The Job Offer and Financial Situation

The kitchen cabinet company job offer is a major red flag, primarily due to the "under the table" pay and lack of benefits. While the prospect of full-time work and potential management sounds appealing, the risks are too high.

Do not take the kitchen cabinet company job.

Here's why:

• Illegal Activity: Being paid under the table for any portion of your work exposes you to legal risks and means you won't be paying into Social Security or Medicare for those hours.¹
• No Benefits: No health insurance is a massive liability, especially with your current stress-induced health issues. No PTO and paid holidays mean you'll be working constantly without a break and no safety net for illness or emergencies.
• Exploitation: This company is looking to take advantage of you. A legitimate company would not propose such terms.
• Added Stress: This job, despite being full-time, would likely add significantly to your stress due to the demanding hours, lack of support, and ethical compromises.

Your Financial Situation and the House:

This is the most pressing immediate concern.

1. Understand Your Current Financials:

   • What is the exact amount of the monthly mortgage payment?
   • What are the other monthly household expenses (utilities, insurance, food, transportation, etc.)?
   • What is your mother's current income?
   • What is the remaining balance of the inherited money?
   • Create a detailed budget. This will give you clarity and help you make informed decisions.

2. Explore Options for Your Current Archive Job:

   • Can you have a frank discussion with your supervisor about the healthcare budget issue? Are there grants or alternative funding sources they could apply for to bring you on full-time?
   • Is there any possibility of increasing your hours, even if not full-time, to 30 or 32 hours?
   • Could they offer a higher hourly wage if benefits aren't an option?
   • Even if they can't make you full-time, the experience you're gaining is valuable.

3. Short-Term Income Solutions (While You Search for a Better Job):

   • Tutoring: Since you excelled academically, tutoring (especially history, but also writing or study skills) can be a good source of supplemental income. Look at online platforms, local high schools, or community colleges.
   • Freelancing: Your research and writing skills from your history degrees could be applied to freelance writing, editing, or research for businesses or individuals. Check platforms like Upwork or Fiverr, or network with your academic contacts.
   • Other Part-Time Work: Look for any additional legitimate part-time work that doesn't put you in a bad situation, even if it's not related to your long-term goals. Retail, food service, administrative assistant roles, etc., can provide a stopgap.

4. Long-Term Financial Strategy (for the House):

   • Consult a Housing Counselor: Many non-profit organizations offer free or low-cost housing counseling. They can help you understand your mortgage, explore options like loan modifications, or connect you with resources for homeowners in distress. This is crucial given your mother's situation and the high cost of living.
   • Consider Downsizing (Long-Term): While emotional, if the financial strain on the house becomes unbearable, explore what it would mean to sell and move to a more affordable area or a smaller dwelling. This is a last resort, but it's important to know your options.
   • Your Mother's Income and Health: This is a major variable. Encourage your mother to be as transparent as possible about her finances and health plan. If her nursing job is unstable, what are her backup plans? Are there any disability benefits she might be eligible for if her health deteriorates?

Charting a New Path: Career and Education

You have a history degree, and while academia didn't pan out, the skills you gained are highly transferable.

1. Leverage Your Archive Experience and Consider Library Science:

   • You love your current job. This is huge!
   • An MLS is often required for full librarian positions. Have you looked into online MLS programs? Some are more affordable than others.
   • Can your current employer offer any tuition assistance or flexible scheduling if you were to pursue an MLS part-time?
   • Even without a full MLS, your practical experience in an archive is valuable. Look for archive technician roles, collections management, or other related positions that might not strictly require an MLS but value experience.

2. Identify Transferable Skills from Your History Degrees and Jobs:

   • Research and Analysis: Highly valued in many fields (market research, data analysis, intelligence, policy).
   • Writing and Communication: Essential for almost every professional role (marketing, PR, content creation, technical writing).²
   • Critical Thinking and Problem Solving: You're demonstrating this now by trying to navigate your complex situation.
   • Organization and Attention to Detail: Evident in your archive work and academic record.
   • Customer Service/Client Relations: From your visitor services and records clerk roles.
   • Teaching/Tutoring: Public speaking, explaining complex information, patience, adapting to different learning styles.

3. Explore Career Paths That Value Your Skills (Beyond Academia):

   • Non-Profits: Many non-profits need people with research, writing, grant-writing, and administrative skills.³ History graduates often thrive in advocacy, fundraising, or program coordination roles.
   • Government: Federal, state, and local government jobs often require strong research, analytical, and administrative skills. Look at roles in archives, museums, historical societies, policy analysis, or even general administrative positions.
   • Museums and Cultural Institutions: Beyond archives, look at curation, education, collections management, or administrative roles in museums.
   • Publishing/Editing: Your strong writing and research background is a natural fit.
   • Information Management/Data Curation: With the rise of digital information, skills in organizing, preserving, and making data accessible are increasingly valuable. This often intersects with library science but can also be found in corporate or government settings.
   • Project Coordination/Management: Many fields need people who can organize, track, and execute projects. Your ability to manage your academic workload and various jobs shows this aptitude.
   • Market Research/Competitive Intelligence: Utilizing your research skills to analyze markets or competitors for businesses.

4. Networking:

   • Connect with people in your current archive job and other past roles. Let them know you're looking for full-time opportunities.
   • Attend local professional events related to libraries, archives, museums, or even general business networking groups.
   • Reach out to alumni from your universities, especially those who pursued non-academic careers. LinkedIn is a powerful tool for this. Informational interviews can provide insights into different industries and roles.

Addressing Your Mental and Physical Health

This is paramount. Your physical and mental well-being directly impact your ability to tackle these challenges.

1. Prioritize Your Health:
   • See a Doctor: The weight loss and lack of appetite are serious. You need a medical check-up to ensure there are no underlying physical issues and to get advice on healthy eating and stress management.
   • Seek Mental Health Support: You mentioned depression earlier, and the current stress is clearly taking a toll.
     • Counseling/Therapy: A therapist can help you process your feelings, develop coping mechanisms, and navigate your complex family situation.⁴ Many therapists offer sliding scale fees or work with insurance.
     • Support Groups: For children of alcoholics (e.g., Al-Anon), these groups can provide invaluable support and understanding from people who share similar experiences.
     • Stress Management Techniques: Even simple things like deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, short walks, or listening to calming music can make a difference.
2. Set Boundaries with Your Mother: This is incredibly difficult, but essential for your well-being.
   • While you care for her, her alcoholism is not your fault or responsibility to cure.
   • You need to protect your own financial and emotional stability.
   • Explore resources for adult children of alcoholics to help you navigate this relationship.
3. Reclaim Your Social Life and Hobbies:
   • Stress can make you isolate yourself. Even small efforts to connect with friends, family (non-toxic ones), or engage in activities you once enjoyed can boost your mood.
   • Celebrate your birthday! You deserve it. Be kind to yourself.

Key Takeaways and Mindset Shift

• You are not a failure. You are a highly intelligent, capable, and resilient person facing incredibly difficult circumstances.
• Your 20s are not "wasted." They are a period of learning, exploration, and growth. Many successful people only find their true calling later in life.
• Regret is natural, but don't let it paralyze you. The past is done. Focus on what you can control now and in the future. Your history degrees gave you valuable skills, even if the direct career path didn't materialize as planned.
• Small steps matter. You don't have to fix everything overnight. Focus on one or two actionable items at a time.
• Seek professional help. For your health (physical and mental) and for financial advice. You don't have to carry this burden alone.

You have a lot going for you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Take care of yourself, make informed decisions, and keep moving forward. You absolutely can build a fulfilling and stable life.