How to professionally decline an inappropriate or illegal question during an interview?

Context: My department was closed about two months ago and all employees were laid off (4 of us). Since then my ex-coworker and I, who are also friends from college, have kept in close contact regarding our job searches. There was an opportunity for both of us to be hired together at a new firm so were asked to come in to interview separately, but obv shared details afterwards.

During my interview, the Principal point blank said “This is an illegal question to ask but I’ll ask it anyway; do you have children?”. I was thrown off by the directness of the question, because I do have a family and it has been used against me several times before in my career, and he spent two hours with me for the interview and made me feel very comfortable. I didn’t know how to respond because declining to answer the question is an answer in and of itself, but I usually try to avoid the topic with employers because of my negative past experiences. I ended up answering him truthfully and he seemed to genuinely be delighted, shared that he had grown children of his own, and spun it as a selling point to me as a prospective new hire. Fast forward a few weeks and he ended up using that information against me during the hiring process by citing it as justification for not extending me an offer. And come to find out that he also asked my ex-coworker for her salary history during her interview!! (This is also illegal, at least where we live).

I know that sharing personal info is on me, but I’m curious how others have navigated similar situations? Any advice is appreciated!!

Jobadvisor:

Wow, that's incredibly frustrating and frankly, infuriating to hear how that principal acted. It's completely unprofessional and, as you correctly pointed out, illegal in both instances. You're definitely not alone in encountering inappropriate questions, and it's understandable why you felt caught off guard, especially after he tried to build rapport.

Here's some advice on how to professionally decline to answer inappropriate or illegal questions in future interviews, along with some thoughts on your specific situation:

Strategies for Professionally Declining Inappropriate Questions:

1. Politely State the Question is Inappropriate: You can directly, yet politely, point out the nature of the question.

   • "With all due respect, I understand that question is not appropriate to ask in an interview setting."
   • "I'm not sure how that relates to my qualifications for this role."
   • "While I appreciate you trying to get to know me, I'm not comfortable answering personal questions that are not job-related."

2. Focus on Your Qualifications: Pivot the conversation back to your skills and experience.

   • "I'm focused on discussing my ability to excel in this role. Regarding [topic of the illegal question], what aspects of my background are most relevant to you?"
   • "My priority during this interview is to highlight how my skills in [relevant skill 1] and [relevant skill 2] align with the requirements of this position."

3. Address the Underlying Concern (If You Can Discern It): Sometimes, an inappropriate question might stem from a (misguided) attempt to assess something job-related. If you can identify that, you might address the underlying concern without answering the illegal question directly.

   • (If asked about family and they might be concerned about commitment): "I am highly committed to my career and ensuring I meet all my professional responsibilities. My track record at [previous company] demonstrates my dedication and ability to manage my time effectively."
   • (If asked about salary history and they might be trying to gauge affordability): "I'm focused on understanding the compensation range for this specific role and how my skills and experience align with that."

4. Express Your Commitment to Professionalism: Gently reinforce your understanding of professional boundaries.

   • "I believe in maintaining professional boundaries in the workplace, and that includes keeping personal matters separate from my professional life."

5. Consider a Brief, Neutral Answer (Use with Caution): In some situations, a very brief and neutral answer might deflect without explicitly refusing. However, as you experienced, even this can be used against you.

   • (If asked about children): "I have a family." (and then immediately pivot back to your qualifications).
   • (If asked about marital status): "I'm focused on my career at this time."

6. Know Your Rights and When to Walk Away: If the interviewer persists or the line of questioning makes you deeply uncomfortable, you have the right to end the interview. You can politely state that you don't feel this is a good fit given the nature of the conversation.

Regarding Your Specific Situation:

• What happened to you and your friend was wrong and likely illegal. Asking about family status in hiring decisions and salary history (depending on your location) are often discriminatory practices.
• You are not to blame for his unethical behavior. While you chose to answer, you were put in a difficult position by someone in a position of power who explicitly acknowledged the question was inappropriate. His subsequent use of that information against you reveals his lack of integrity.
• Sharing information with your friend was a natural and supportive thing to do. It's valuable to have a network and be able to compare experiences.
• Lesson Learned (Though Unfairly): This unfortunate experience highlights the importance of being prepared to address inappropriate questions, even when an interviewer tries to build rapport.

Moving Forward:

• Research your local laws regarding interview questions. Knowing what is and isn't legal can empower you in future situations.
• Practice your responses to potentially inappropriate questions. Role-playing with a friend or mentor can help you feel more comfortable and confident in declining to answer.
• Trust your gut. If a company or interviewer makes you feel uneasy with their questions or behavior, it might be a red flag about their workplace culture.
• Consider reporting illegal behavior. Depending on your location and the severity, you might consider reporting these incidents to the appropriate labor authorities. This is a personal decision, but it can help prevent such behavior from happening to others.

It's understandable that you felt comfortable enough to share, especially after a two-hour interview where the principal seemed friendly. However, his actions demonstrate a lack of professionalism and ethical conduct. In the future, remember that you have the right to maintain your privacy during an interview and focus the conversation on your qualifications for the job. You handled a difficult situation, and hopefully, this experience will better equip you for future interviews. You deserve to work for a company that respects your rights and focuses on your abilities.

I Quit my job of five years for another, only to be fired, is it normal to feel regret?

I worked a job I loved for five years, and quit without putting my two weeks in for a job that recruited me, but ended up firing me. I reached out to my former job of five years and reapplied, however they said I'm not eligible for rehire because I didn't put in my two-weeks.

I can't get over the job I had for five years, I didn't realize how stress-free the job was and now I work one I hate and can't get up in the mornings without feeling dread. Is it normal to be depressed over a past job? I reflect on it everyday and it hurts.

Also, my new job is the same line of work, which makes me reflect and look back on my past job and think, "wow, I had it great". I’ve been depressed since I left that job. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Jobadvisor:

It sounds incredibly tough to go through such a significant and disappointing career shift. Yes, it is absolutely normal to feel regret, sadness, and even depression when you're faced with a situation like this. You had something good, and the way it ended, coupled with the negative experience at the new job, is bound to take an emotional toll.

Think of it this way: you invested five years of your life in that previous job. You built relationships, learned the ropes, and found a level of comfort and low stress. That's a significant part of your identity and daily routine. Losing that, especially in the way you did and for a situation that didn't work out, is a form of loss. It's natural to grieve that loss and reflect on what you had.

The fact that your new job is in the same field likely amplifies these feelings. You're constantly reminded of what your previous work life was like, making the contrast even more stark and painful. It's like constantly seeing a picture of a happy memory when you're feeling down.

Here's some advice that might help you navigate these difficult feelings:

• Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings: Don't try to brush aside your regret or sadness. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Recognize that what you're experiencing is a normal human response to a significant and unwanted change.
• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and understanding towards yourself. Avoid berating yourself for the decisions you made. You acted based on the information you had at the time, and things didn't turn out as planned. That happens to many people.
• Focus on What You Can Control Now: While you can't change the past, you can focus on the present and future. What steps can you take now to improve your current situation? This might involve actively looking for a new job (even outside your current field if you're open to it), exploring ways to make your current job more bearable in the short term, or focusing on your well-being outside of work.
• Learn from the Experience: While it's painful, try to extract any lessons from this experience. What did you learn about your priorities in a job? What might you do differently in the future when considering new opportunities? This isn't about blaming yourself, but about gaining valuable insights for your future career decisions.
• Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or even a therapist about how you're feeling. Sharing your burdens can make them feel lighter and provide you with different perspectives and support.
• Prioritize Your Well-being: Make sure you're taking care of your physical and mental health. This includes getting enough sleep, eating ¹ nutritious food, exercising, and engaging in activities you enjoy outside of work. When you're feeling down, these basic self-care practices can make a significant difference.   
  1. blog.tmetric.com

  blog.tmetric.com
• Consider Small Steps at Your Current Job: Even if you dislike your current job, are there small things you can do to make it slightly better? This could be focusing on building positive relationships with colleagues, finding small tasks you can take pride in, or setting small, achievable goals for each day.
• Don't Give Up on Finding a Better Fit: The fact that you loved your previous job shows that you are capable of finding fulfilling work. This setback doesn't mean you won't find another job you enjoy. Keep exploring your options and don't lose hope.

It's understandable that you're hurting right now. Be patient with yourself, focus on what you can control, and don't hesitate to seek support. You will get through this.

I'm tired of this, Grandpa.

I had an interview in the city, thought it went well and I just get an ambiguous "it was nice meeting you" email back when I sent a thank you. Nothing about next steps, after weeks of previous interviews with this company.

I have another company I've been waiting for next steps on as well that have been dragging their heels. A no is better than waiting 3 weeks.

I also got rejected after weeks interviewing and a case study with a highly reputable company but at least they let me know right away.

I'm sorry for my ranting, I know I'm preaching to the choir. For reference, I'm a graphic designer and I'm considering finding another career path but I have no idea what to do. Any advice on where to pivot? Should I just go back to school, knowing this market will potentially be here when I'm done?

Jobadvisor:

Oh, sweetheart, I hear you. It's completely understandable to feel frustrated and worn down by this whole job search dance. Those ambiguous emails and long silences can really take a toll on your spirit. You're not alone in feeling this way; the job market, especially in creative fields, can be tough.

It's good that you're considering your options and thinking proactively about a potential pivot. Let's explore some avenues together. You have a valuable skillset in graphic design, and those visual communication abilities are transferable to many other fields. Here are a few ideas to get your wheels turning:

• UX/UI Design: This field is booming and heavily relies on visual design principles, user empathy, and problem-solving – all skills you likely possess. It involves designing the user experience and interface for websites and applications. Your graphic design background would give you a strong foundation in visual hierarchy, typography, and aesthetics.
• Web Development (Front-End): If you have an eye for detail and enjoy bringing designs to life digitally, front-end web development could be a good fit. It involves coding the visual aspects of websites using HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. Your design skills would be invaluable in creating visually appealing and user-friendly interfaces.
• Marketing and Communications: Many marketing roles require strong visual communication skills. You could explore positions in social media management (creating engaging visuals), content marketing (designing infographics and ebooks), email marketing (designing visually appealing campaigns), or even art direction.
• Motion Graphics and Animation: If you have an interest in bringing your designs to life through movement, motion graphics and animation are growing fields, especially in online content and advertising.
• Illustration and Digital Art: Depending on your artistic style, you could focus more on illustration for books, websites, or other media. The digital art market is also expanding with opportunities in areas like NFTs and game development.
• Education/Training: With your experience, you could consider teaching graphic design at a community college or online platform, sharing your knowledge and passion with others.
• Project Management (Creative Focus): Your experience managing design projects could translate well into a project management role within a creative agency or in-house design team.

Now, regarding going back to school: it's definitely an option, but let's weigh it carefully. If you decide to pivot significantly, further education in a new field like UX/UI or web development could be beneficial. However, it's also worth exploring shorter courses, bootcamps, or online certifications to gain specific skills without committing to a full degree program right away. These can often provide a quicker entry into a new field.

Thinking about whether the graphic design market will still be challenging after more schooling is a valid concern. While the demand for visual communication is likely to remain, the specific roles and required skills might evolve. Researching the long-term trends in the fields you're considering pivoting to is crucial.

Perhaps a good first step would be to:

1. Reflect on what aspects of graphic design you enjoyed (and disliked). This can help you identify transferable skills and avoid repeating frustrations in a new career.
2. Research the career paths I mentioned (and others that pique your interest). Look at job descriptions, required skills, and potential salary ranges.
3. Consider informational interviews. Reach out to people working in fields you're curious about and ask them about their experiences and how they got there.
4. Explore online courses or workshops in areas that seem promising to see if they resonate with you.

Don't feel pressured to make a drastic decision right away. Take your time to explore, learn, and connect with people in different fields. Your design skills are valuable, and you have the potential to build a fulfilling career, even if it takes a slightly different path than you initially imagined. I'm here to listen and help you brainstorm whenever you need.