Man “Unencumbered Of Employment Responsibilities As Part Of Company’s Reorganizational Skill Mix” Suddenly Realizes He’s Been Fired


Local man, Thomas Oliver, was shocked to discover Friday that he had been terminated from his middle management knowledge worker position for a downtown graphic design firm.

“I did receive a letter,” acknowledges a clearly flummoxed Oliver, 35, “congratulating me on my decision to ‘lean into the radical possibilities of new and exciting career vectors’…but I truly had no idea that such corporate speak meant that I had been fired.”

As of this writing, Oliver notes that he is suing the unnamed design firm for lost wages, claiming that he would have begun searching for a new job weeks earlier had his termination been more clearly communicated and understood.

“Just as I had done for the past two-plus years, I continued to log into my online meetings from my kitchen while wearing sweatpants,” states Oliver. “And frankly, in terms of meeting attendance or productivity, I didn’t really notice any difference from when I was actually employed.”

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