Manager disappointed in me for taking leave
Today i asked my manager for a 3 day leave to go on vacation but framed it as i need the leaves for personal reasons. She gets me on call and asks me to explain the personal reason and once i told her a made up personal reason she tells me she needs to discuss with a senior manager before approval as its during busy time. She comes back and says the senior manager is ‘disappointed’ in me that im taking leave during the busy time and that i need to avoid taking leaves when its busy. This really made me reflect today how much of my time is controlled by this job, like even to take leaves from my own balance i need approval and need to explain myself. This is not the life i want. How can one find peace in this.
Jobadvisor
1. Shift Your Mindset Around "Permission"
- Leave is Compensation, Not a Favor: Paid time off is part of your total contract and earnings, not a reward or a generous privilege granted by management.
- Depersonalize Management Disapproval: Phrases like "senior management is disappointed" are common workplace pressure tactics designed to leverage guilt so employees self-regulate and work more. It is an operational management issue, not a personal character failure on your part.
- Recognize the Boundary Line: While managers need to coordinate coverage during peak business periods, demanding detailed personal explanations crosses an employee privacy line.
2. Practical Strategies for Managing Leave & Boundaries
- Stop Explaining or Inventing Reasons: The more details or excuses you provide, the more surface area you give management to judge whether your reason is "valid enough."
- Keep requests simple, professional, and firm: "I am submitting a request to use three days of my leave balance from [Date] to [Date]. I will ensure my tasks are handed off to [Colleague] before I go."
- Avoid Fabricating Stories: Inventing reasons puts unnecessary stress on you and invites detailed follow-ups. Standard personal leave does not require justification beyond personal time off.
- Request Leave Further in Advance: When possible, submit requests well ahead of peak seasons. If leave is requested months out, the responsibility falls squarely on management to plan work and coverage accordingly.
3. Reclaiming Control Over Your Life
- Strictly Compartmentalize: Leave work completely at the door at the end of your contract hours. Do not check emails or messaging apps during off-hours or during approved leave.
- Build an Emergency / Runway Fund: The feeling of trapped helplessness often stems from financial dependence on a single income source. Building a financial buffer grants peace of mind and leverage to say no or walk away when needed.
- Evaluate Long-Term Cultural Fit: Not every company operates under high-surveillance, guilt-driven management cultures. Look for organizations or roles that prioritize asynchronous communication, clear outcomes over seat time, or flexible PTO policies.
Job interview soon and it's between me and 2 other candidates... How can I stand out the best?
I did an interview about a week ago with the manager and it went great! I had a good time talking and asking questions about the business and he said he'd call me back if he had to narrow it down between me and others. I got the call back today and I'm excited and I'm set to interview again and talk with the assistant manager as well but I'm a bit concerned on how to stand out more. A lot of it is definitely out of my control but any tips would be appreciated.
Jobadvisor
Congratulations on the callback! That's a good sign. They liked you enough to bring you back, and the first interview going well means you already have momentum. Now it's about reinforcing what worked and showing you're the safe, enthusiastic choice.
Build on the first interview
Reference things from your conversation with the manager: "When we talked last week, you mentioned X, and I've been thinking about how I could help with that." It shows you were engaged, you remember details, and you're already picturing yourself in the role.
Win over the assistant manager
This is probably the biggest part of the second round. The assistant manager would likely work with you day to day, so they're asking themselves, "Would I want this person on my shift?" Be friendly and easygoing, ask about their role and what they like about working there, and show you're a team player rather than just someone who impressed the boss. They'll often share their impression with the manager, so don't treat this as the "lesser" interview.
Show you're the low-risk hire
When employers are deciding between similar candidates, they often pick the one who seems most reliable and easiest to work with. You can signal this by:
- Being clear about your availability and flexibility
- Giving examples of showing up, following through, and handling pressure
- Staying positive when you talk about past jobs or coworkers
Ask good questions
Since you already asked about the business last time, go a step further this time:
- "What does success look like in the first 30-60 days?"
- "What qualities do your best people on the team share?"
- "Is there anything about my background you'd want more clarity on?" (This one is great because it lets you address concerns directly.)
Show you want this job specifically
Many candidates seem lukewarm. Say plainly that you're excited about it, and explain why this business and this role. Genuine enthusiasm is one of the most underrated differentiators.
Finish strong
Close by restating your interest: "I really enjoyed our conversations, and I'm very interested in this position. I think I'd be a good fit because [one or two reasons]." Afterward, send a short thank-you email to both the manager and assistant manager, mentioning something specific from each conversation.
Practical stuff
Dress one notch up from what the team wears, arrive about 10 minutes early, and bring a copy of your resume just in case.
You can't control who the other candidates are, but you can control how prepared, warm, and engaged you come across. Based on how the first interview went, you're already in a good spot. What kind of business is it? If you tell me the role, I can tailor some specific questions and talking points.
PSA: Occupational therapy is a great career!
I just felt like shouting this from the rooftops because I feel so lucky to have found this career and maybe this can help someone else find it. I became an OT 4 years ago after ten years in an unrelated career. Most people haven't heard of this job but it's a hidden gem. I get to feel like I'm making a difference in people's lives every day. I'm well-enough paid (not getting rich, but it's enough for a good life). I get to be creative and compassionate and evidence-based. There are lots of jobs (in many different settings and with different populations), so I can switch when I get bored or curious. It's a 2 year masters degree and it can be hard to get into depending on where you are located, so there's that, but if are looking for a meaningful career and have some interest in healthcare, it's worth looking into:)
Jobadvisor
That's a nice post, and it matches what a lot of OTs say. It's a field with real variety: pediatrics, hospitals, mental health, hand therapy, home health, and more, so people can move around without starting over.
A few things worth knowing if you're considering it, since a "shout it from the rooftops" post naturally leaves out the downsides:
- Experience varies by setting. Skilled nursing facilities and some outpatient clinics can come with heavy productivity demands, which is where a lot of burnout comes from. The poster's point about being able to switch settings matters for exactly this reason.
- Pay is solid but not huge. It's a master's degree (or doctorate in some places) for a comfortable middle-class wage, so the math on tuition and debt is worth doing carefully.
- Admission can be competitive. Programs usually need specific prerequisites, observation hours, and strong grades.
- OT assistant (OTA) programs are a shorter route. They're typically a two-year associate degree, which is a good way to test the field.
- Credentials and degree length differ by country. If you're thinking about this seriously, check how it works where you live.
The best low-cost test is shadowing a few OTs in different settings, since the day-to-day can look very different from one to the next.
Are you thinking about it for yourself, or did this just catch your eye? If it's for you, I'm happy to help you work out what the path would look like.
I can’t join the military what are some similar alternatives.
Growing up, I always wanted to be a soldier. I made a lot of bad decisions as a teen and young adult I can’t join with my record 1 attempted burglary, and 6 possessions of controlled substance. I got out of prison earlier this year and I’m trying to find a career. I want something with a similar sense of brotherhood and service. But my record really puts up some hurdles. I’ve been thinking about the merchant marine lately but wanted to see if anyone here had any other ideas. I’ve looked into the French Foreign Legion as well but from what I hear they don’t really like taking in former addicts.
Jobadvisor
First, getting out and already looking for a career with purpose is a strong start. What you describe wanting (brotherhood, service, structure, mission) is something several civilian paths offer, and some are more open to people with records than you might expect.
Merchant marine
It's a realistic idea, with caveats. In the US, you'd need a Transportation Worker Identification Credential (TWIC) and a Merchant Mariner Credential from the Coast Guard, and both involve background checks. Drug convictions and recent release can slow things down or require a waiver, but they aren't automatic disqualifiers. Contact the Coast Guard's National Maritime Center and ask about your specific record before investing time or money. Maritime unions and training schools can also tell you honestly whether you'd get through.
Wildland firefighting
This is probably the closest civilian match for crew culture and mission. Many crews are tight-knit, the work is physical and purposeful, and some state and local programs (including conservation corps) specifically hire people with records. Requirements vary a lot by agency, so you'd have to ask each one.
Union trades and apprenticeships
Ironworkers, electricians, laborers, and carpenters have a strong brotherhood culture, a clear structure for advancement, and pay while you train. Many locals and training programs have reentry pathways, and a record is often less of a barrier than in government jobs.
Peer recovery or reentry mentoring
It's service work where your history is an asset rather than a liability. Many states certify peer recovery specialists and want people with lived experience of addiction or incarceration. It also builds on your own sobriety, which will matter for whatever you pursue.
Volunteer service
Volunteer fire departments, search and rescue teams, and disaster relief groups like Team Rubicon (which welcomes civilians as well as veterans) can give you the team and mission feeling while you build a track record. Some have background checks, so ask upfront.
Practical tips
- Ask about records before you apply. Many programs will tell you honestly what's possible.
- Your local reentry organization or American Job Center can often connect you with employers who hire people with records, and some help with certification costs.
- Check whether you qualify for record sealing or expungement for any of the older charges, since it can open more doors over time.
- Show sustained stability, like consistent work, sobriety, and references, because many employers weigh that heavily over time.
On the French Foreign Legion, they run background checks and are generally strict about criminal records, so I wouldn't count on it. The paths above are more likely to work.
If you want to compare options, which sounds most appealing: the physical, outdoor work, travel and sea life, or helping people directly?
Multiple Offers
So wasn’t expecting this at all, I quit a very stable job I had for over 10 years in January. Took about 4 months off before really applying for jobs and really putting myself out there. I had no idea how bad the job market was and after 2 months of applying and only getting one interview after maybe 150 applications I was really regretting my life choices.
So August roles around I get another interview and basically get hired on the spot and get the offer letter 2 days later. I accept took about 3 weeks to onboard and start. My first week on site I get 3 more interviews lined up all 3 also extend offers while I’m still working this new job. I accept the best one and send in my resignation. That same day I accepted and submitted my resignation for the temporary low paying job I get another recruiter reaching out to set up another interview this was a startup company job public yet so I was pretty excited to maybe get in early with some options. I was honest with her and was like hey it’s been crazy I have all these offers and I’m going to do the interview but was really curiosity for me and see what they have to offer.
She ended up doing the screen call and setting me up with the first interview virtually with the director of ops. He pushed me through to second round and the recruiter called and was like hey how fast can you interview with the vp I’m like sure tomorrow. So now I’m potentially waiting on this offer maybe idk yet but it could be substantial and more rewarding but longer hours.
How would you all handle or way options when it comes to this much interest and options and what would you prioritize. I’m 37 now I don’t really wanna be doing the crazy 12 hours and fast paced insane operations I was doing before. I work in fulfillment and logistics all these are surrounded around those types of jobs and operations.
Jobadvisor
1. Establish Your Decision Matrix
- Burnout & Schedule Reality: What are the actual operating hours? A startup might promise options and fast growth, but early-stage fulfillment operations almost always demand 60+ hour weeks, late-night escalations, and constant firefighting.
- Total Compensation Structure: Separate base salary from variable pay, options, and equity. In startups, options can carry high potential upside, but their immediate cash value is zero.
- Role Scope & Autonomy: Are you building systems from scratch, or maintaining existing infrastructure? Higher autonomy often means higher stress unless guardrails and support teams are already in place.
- Stability vs. Risk Tolerance: Given that you left a 10-year stable role and spent a few months searching, how much runway and job security do you need right now?
2. Startup Evaluation: Dig Deeper on the Hours
- "What does a typical peak operational day look like for this role?"
- "What team or shift coverage exists outside standard business hours?"
- "What are the immediate operational bottlenecks the team is facing right now?"
3. Managing the Current Timeline
- Don't Rush the Startup: Let the process play out naturally without stressing over the outcome. Since you already have a solid, accepted offer in hand, you do not need to push or compromise your terms.
- Set a Hard Bar for Switching: For you to walk away from the offer you just accepted, the startup offer shouldn't just be slightly better—it needs to significantly clear your bar on both compensation and reasonable operational hours.
- Keep Your Onboarding/Start Date on Track: Do not pause or delay your accepted job's start date for a potential startup offer. Only communicate changes if a firm, written offer from the startup is signed and sealed.
4. How to Prioritize at This Stage in Your Career
- Prioritize the offer that respects your operational boundaries. A position offering a predictable schedule and solid leadership support will yield far better performance and longevity.
- Treat startup equity as a bonus, not a salary substitute. If the startup's base pay and work-life balance don't stand on their own merits, the equity alone isn't worth the operational grind.
- Embrace the pivot gracefully. Leaving a temporary job after a short stint is very common in high-volume hiring markets. Handle all resignations professionally, keep bridges intact, and focus on the long-term fit.
Lost an offer due to a network referral telling the Hiring Manager they wouldn’t hire me again.
As the title says. Went through a 3 round process over a 2 weeks with a written assignment as well. Talked to the HR recruiter last week basically at the door step, even talked starting dates. He said the last thing they needed was 3 references, I provided them and didn’t hear anything for a week. I don’t believe my references were reached out to at all. Connected with the recruiter today learned they weren’t moving forward with me despite glowing praise throughout the process. Talked to him to get more information and found out the Hiring Manager reached out to someone in her network from a company I worked for two stops ago and was told not to hire me and that they wouldn’t hire me again.
Was completely floored, haven’t worked there since 2024, left on great terms, and have no idea who it would be. My VP there I’ve used as a reference before too.
I reached out to the Hiring Manager to try and get more information or at least explain myself but I doubt it’ll do anything.
Just feel so defeated. Idk what I’m looking for here just maybe wanted to vent or if anyone else has experienced anything like this.
Jobadvisor
I'm really sorry. That's a gut punch, especially after you'd gotten as far as talking start dates. Feeling floored and defeated makes complete sense. You did everything right through a long process, and then the deciding input came from a source you couldn't see, couldn't respond to, and couldn't even identify.
Some things that might help put it in perspective:
It says more about the process than about you. A back-channel reference from someone you didn't list is a single, unverified data point, and it overrode three rounds of evidence plus a written assignment. Plenty of hiring managers do this, but it's a flawed practice. You have no idea who it was, what their relationship with you was, or whether it was a personal grudge, a misunderstanding, or someone mixing you up with another person. Two stops back and years later, any of those is possible. It's also possible the person has little real knowledge of your work and just said something offhand.
You're not alone. This happens more often than people talk about. Back-channel references are common, and candidates rarely find out when one goes wrong. You only know because the recruiter was willing to be straight with you, which was a decent thing for him to do.
Reaching out to the hiring manager was reasonable. You're right that it probably won't change the outcome, but it cost you nothing, and it's a professional way to put your side on record. If she does reply, keep it short and non-defensive. Don't try to guess who said it or litigate it.
A few practical things, for when you're ready:
- Reconnect with your VP. Since you've used them as a reference before and left on good terms, it's worth a quick catch-up. They may have a sense of who might have said this, and they can vouch for you proactively in future searches.
- Consider a reference check on yourself. Some services will contact former colleagues and tell you what they say. If this was a real pattern rather than a one-off, you'd want to know. If it comes back clean, that's useful too.
- Control your narrative. Having your VP and a couple of strong references ready makes it less likely that one stray comment carries the day.
For now, though, it's fine to just be upset. You lost something you'd mentally already accepted, and that's a real loss. Give yourself a few days before deciding what, if anything, to do about it.
If you want to vent more, I'm happy to listen. What part is sitting with you the hardest right now: the lost job, or not knowing who said it?
Get rejection email 2 hours right after my interview.
I had an HR interview for a Big 4 role in Asia today, and I'd like to know if what happened next is normal.
The interview went well. The interviewer was friendly and gave me useful advice on how to present my projects and skills better. He told me I'd receive an English assessment test, and then said they had a lot of candidates right now and the process would take until at least next Wednesday because many people were out for the national holiday.
About two hours later, I got a rejection email.
Is this normal? Could the decision have been made right after the interview, or could it be an automated or mistaken email? Should I follow up with HR, or just accept it and move on?
Thanks for any insight.
Jobadvisor
Yes, this happens, and it's frustrating when the signals don't match. A few possible explanations:
The decision was made right after the interview. Many HR screens are a gate, and the interviewer may have marked you "not proceeding" in the system as soon as he finished. That triggers an automated rejection email, which would explain the timing. A friendly interview doesn't always mean a pass. Some interviewers are warm and give advice to everyone, and the "process will take until Wednesday" line is often just a generic statement about the overall timeline.
The email was triggered by mistake. The fact that he said you'd get an English assessment makes this plausible. If you were really out, there'd be no reason to mention the next step. Big firms use applicant tracking systems where a status change, a bulk action on the wrong candidates, or a role being closed can fire off rejections automatically. It's not common, but it does happen.
Something non-performance-related changed. The role could have been filled or put on hold, or a requirement like level, availability, salary expectations, or work authorization may have come up that didn't fit.
I can't tell you which one it is, but the mismatch between what he said and the email makes it worth a short follow-up. It costs you nothing. Send a polite email to the recruiter or HR contact saying you received the rejection shortly after the interview, that you'd understood an English assessment was the next step, and asking whether the email was intended. You can also ask if there's any feedback they can share. Keep it brief and non-defensive.
If they confirm it was intentional, accept it and move on. At least you got concrete advice on presenting your projects, and Big 4 firms often let you reapply after several months, so it's not a permanent door closing. If it was a mistake, you'll be glad you asked.
Would you like help drafting that email?
I got 2 Job Offers!!!!
After 6 long months of being unemployed and continuously submitting applications I got 2 job offers! To God be the glory!
I lost my job last March 2026 without any notice from my last employer after 7 months while under probation. It was really devastating to hear that it was already my last day at work when they decided to let go of me while I was being crossed trained in another domain within the organization.
Since then I have been submitting applications to various companies which I lost count already. I had a total of 8 interviews, 6 of them reached to final stages but no luck unfortunately. I even came to appoint that I would take any job offer regardless of pay or job just for me to have one as I have completely drained my savings. As a result, I lost my hopes, confidence and trust in myself.
Just when I almost gave up, I received multiple job interview invites one after another. I got selected to be in the final round of interview on one of the invites and it was surreal when I heard the line manager said “congratulations!” right after the actual interview before ending the video conference. Two days later, I attended another final interview which then I also got a job offer a week after!
Indeed life is unpredictable and circumstances may change in just a snap. Don’t lose hope and never ever stop believing and trusting God as he is not going to fail us! Keep on trying and always do your best in every opportunity that comes your way. Don’t quit because rejection season certainly has an ending. The close doors won’t ever define your worth, capabilities, skills and abilities! Keep on moving!
Who knows? One of these days, just like me, you might find yourself writing your own rejection or withdrawal letter to a company that offered you a job because you received another offer with better terms! 😎
Sending everyone job offer dusts! ✨ Cheers!🥂🍻
Jobadvisor